End of a friendship - heartbreaking but something that has to be done

@maezee (29562)
United States
August 5, 2011 4:34pm CST
A couple days ago I had a HUGE falling out with one of my BEST friends and I thought I would start a discussion about it as it's something I have been slightly depressed (and at least pensive about) since it happened. We have had a very rocky friendship. We didn't talk for two years (about 1 1/2 years ago we started talking again) and from there things got really weird. I thought I had feelings for him in a way beyond what we should feel for friends, but it turned out I do not - at all - and it hurt HIS feelings to know that I didn't reciprocate those feelings that he had for me (which I didn't know until a few days ago he had). At any rate, we got into a huge argument and I just hit my boiling point. His immaturity, selfishness, arrogance, and disrespect for me. It's always bothered me but just reached a boiling point, like I said. He was my best friend for a while but looking back he just didn't treat me well. Didn't care what I had to say. Everything was about him and he brought so so so much drama into my life and just brought me down. I didn't flat out say "I never want to see you again!" but I pretty much gave him 3 weeks and I told him I need TIME away from him - I don't want to see him or hear from him. I want to see if time changes anything. I'm not sure that it will. It's heartbreaking to say that I have to do this - for me - but I really can't take anymore. He was a friend I considered to be good - I've known him since he was probably 6 years old - but there just comes a point, I suppose, where people have to grow up or get left behind. Have you ever been in a situation like this? How to ease the pain?!
1 person likes this
9 responses
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
9 Aug 11
I guess a push has become a shove. I think what your friendship needed is just what happened. A boiling point to be reached, so that you can move on with the relationship. Be it to a next level, or not anymore. I hope that this time apart would also help both of you realize where you stand. So that you both wouldn't be stuck in the uncertainty of the 'friend-zone'.
• Philippines
6 Aug 11
It takes time to ease the pain. Just let it go and walk away from it. Keep yourself busy. Before you knew it, the pain has gone and you are not anymore thinking about it. And maybe, 5 years from now, your friendship will be back.
@pahak627 (4198)
• Philippines
6 Aug 11
Well, i haven't got into this situation. I had a best friend during my school days also but we didn't have any arguments. He had been my best friend for awhile but when he started courting me i kept distant because I don't want to lose our friendship. About your pain, well i guess it will just ease as time passes.
@carolscash (9502)
• United States
6 Aug 11
I just had a huge falling out with a good friend that I have been very close to for close to 30 years. It is actually over a situation between my husband and him, but he keeps dragging me into it and I just can't do anything to fix the situation between the two of them. I had to tell him that I want nothing to do with the situation and he said that he thought we were friends but he guessed he was wrong. This guy has been a special part of my family for a long time, but now is being a complete jerk! UGH!! It really irritates me, but I think that we need to do what is best for us. I think you are doing the right thing especially if you know he disrespects you. Keep your chin up! Maybe he will realize that he is wrong and do what is right!
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
6 Aug 11
When a friend is turning out to be 'more than a friend' then it is better convey the correct message and know about the other person's feeling too. Give some space and time to yourself and try to be just friends.
@pretiNAS (66)
• Philippines
6 Aug 11
Hello girl, i have a similar experience what you had. but my experience ended good. maybe because we do understand that we are better as friends. i think what happened was a sign that he's not meant for you. that your real destiny is somewhere out there and same to him. You have to give each other a time for you to understand and clear your minds or thoughts regarding with your situation and slowly diminished the pain. then if both of you have come to this point already then better to talk to each other in a calm way so that the friendship you had wont end as "strangers".
@kharlav (1673)
• Philippines
6 Aug 11
Well, if he wasnt caring to you as a friend he wouldn't be caring to you when he is your boyfriend. What he is to you now, he will be like that to you when you're together. It may change for a little while but it will come back soon. Yes, I had a bestfriend like me once, we also broke up as friends. Because I dumped him after courting me, he said bad things about me to other people that made me mad, so we weren't friends for quite a while, I hated him for sometime, but after about 3-4 years we are back to being friends. Not as close as before though, but we learned to forgive each other. Im sure you and your friend will just become friends back again. when the wounds are being healed you would be able to forgive each other.
5 Aug 11
Umm, one question. How can he be one of your best friends if "His immaturity, selfishness, arrogance, and disrespect" for you have always bothered you? It sounds like he's just someone you've known a really long time and don't actually appreciate at all (with good reason). The pain will pass real quick, at a guess. Don't let the loss you're feeling as a result of removing a long-term bad influence from your life convert itself into feelings of guilt. If he was worth it, he wouldn't be immature, selfish, arrogant and disrespectful.
@dyeni23 (128)
5 Aug 11
Hi! Well you see I haven't been in this kind of situation. But you know what, I think what you did was brave. Yes he may be hurting now but everything heals with time. You just have to provide him space to figure things out. Yes you know in your heart that what he offers is something that you can't reciprocate, it was best that you've been honest with him. A relationship built on lies and pretensions wouldn't go any further. And you were a friend to him by letting him know this truth and by being true to yourself and him as well. You deserve better and he does too. Staying in an relationship would just hinder you both from finding your true destiny ;) besides some people are just better of as friends. ;)