Can you leave your children for one year for a job?

@jsae29 (1122)
Philippines
August 7, 2011 8:40pm CST
I received a job offer overseas. The offer is really tempting. The salary is four times the salary I'm currently earning plus there are a number of non-monetary benefits. I want to accept the offer but then I'm thinking of my kids. I need to leave them behind for 1 year. I have 3 kids, they are aged 13, 8 and 10 months old. My husband also works abroad. If ever I accept the job, I'll be leaving my kids to the care of my mother and aunt. Do you think it is right? Should I leave them for job?
3 people like this
23 responses
@rikell (25)
• Philippines
11 Aug 11
I can, but only for specific frame of time. A year or two is sufficient but should not retire abroad. Family is the source of all efforts and struggle working abroad. Sacrifices are made with purpose in life, that is for the better cause but not permanent, it is always temporary. After all, a job for a year or two will have a greater change of benefits that may last a lifetime.
@williamjisir (22909)
• China
9 Aug 11
Since the overseas salary is four times the amount you can get now, it is really so tempting and attractive, not only for you, but also for anyone else. The major difficulty or problem you encounter is that your husband is already working abroad. If you also work abroad, then your kids won't be with either of their parents. I am afraid that your kids will surely miss you a lot once you are working abroad. And so will you, jsae. But what is good is that you are lucky to have your mother and aunt who are happy to take care of your kids. Still I think that it is different with their mother accompanying her own kids. For the money's sake, you could run the risk of giving it a try to see how you feel. It might not be a bad idea. Good luck, jsae.
1 person likes this
@xuyxuy (435)
• Philippines
9 Aug 11
I understand you jsae29, since I am also a mom. I know that we, as a woman also want to have a career and at the same time we want to give more to our kids. But sometimes we have to consider also the welfare of our children, they need to be guided as they grow up. The younger years of the kids are the tender years that needs guidance. If I am to ask, I would not leave a 10 months old to anybody else even my mom. The care of the mother is different from the care of relatives.
1 person likes this
@mensab (4208)
• Philippines
8 Aug 11
there are questions that need to be answered before making any decision? does your family need financially this extra income from working abroad? if your family is in tight financial situation, i will consider working abroad for a year or two to be able to get out of this dire situation. however, if your family is in OK situation financially, then i will not take this job offer since your husband is away. your children depend on your parental guidance and care.
• Bulgaria
8 Aug 11
Just for the record , there are no unnecessary money. More is better , because you don't know when you'll need them. Cheers
• Philippines
8 Aug 11
Hi. For me, no because your kids are still way too young. It's okay if your kids are older but leaving a 10 month old baby...
• India
8 Aug 11
Its a tricky situation, I feel for you. Choices on these matter are so subjective and relative. It depends a lot on many things. Your values, importance assigned to different things in your life etc. Give yourself some time, and ponder over it, dont strain yourself. Ask yourself is the money so much that you can take all the inconviniences. If you have got such a wonderful offer, you are likely to get it again, dont you think so. Give your 10 month old some time and upgrade your skills so that in future you would still get such offers if you desire to have them. Last but not the least. Having decided to give birth to three kids, you have made a choice. Change in your priorities may impact them adversely. finally, sometimes solutions are not easy to lifes questions. Take a decision which your heart feels right.
• Philippines
27 Aug 11
that would really depend on who's going to take care of your kids when you are away. but if you got somebody/relative that you could trust, then go. but explain to your kids why you are doing that so that they will be more responsible while you are away.
@Hatley (151986)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Aug 11
Ohmy jase no no no. how can you leave a 8 month old baby h ave you completely got so into getting money you will give up your kids,it it pays that well take themn with you and hire a nanny. I just do not understand sure money has to be there to live but to leave part of you with your mom, now they are orphans in a sense as parents away are no parents.take them with you or stay where you are,No I could never do that as when you would return a year later there would emotional scars that will last the rest of their lives., how could you leave an 8 month old baby or is it that you want to get away from them,if so stay there and let mom and aunt babysit occasionally. no dont leave them.
@Shankerj (241)
• India
8 Aug 11
I don't think you should leave your children behind (youngest is only 10 months old), it would be difficult for your mother and aunt too, to take care of 3 children. I have gone through the responses above and found that most of the mylotters have similar opinion. Unless you have a financial crisis, leaving your children behind is not suggested
@sacmom (14338)
• United States
8 Aug 11
No, I couldn't leave them for a year. Shoot, I couldn't even leave them for a month! I had an opportunity to take a job like that once. However, it wouldn't have taken me abroad. It would have only taken me to the next state. Had it, it would have meant I would have been gone for a month. And even though it was only a month I just couldn't bare the thought of being away from my kids (or my husband) for that long. So I turned the job down... I can certainly see how it would be tempting in your case. But even so I don't think I could do it. Not even for all the money in the world. My family means too much to me...even when they drive me up the wall! LOL Good luck, whatever you decide. Happy mylotting!
@Rosa26 (2620)
• United States
8 Aug 11
I woudn't leave then the 13 years old is on an age very difficult, he needs you more than the money you can give him , and the 10 months baby need you a lot too, on that age they depend on the mother for everything, the one 8 of course will miss you too there is nobody like the mom, your mother maybe could do it but I don't think she has the same energy she had when you were a child, maybe she will say yes I can help you, because she love you and want yo help you, but I don't think is gonna work, Bledses for you and yours kids.
@umabharti (3976)
• India
8 Aug 11
your husband is already doing a job in abroad and ur kids are not that old enough that you should leave them on others.A year is not a big time for going out on job leaving kids however we can not predict future.
@sjvg1976 (12672)
• Delhi, India
8 Aug 11
Hello jsae29, It depends on the situation as if you really need money then you should go abroad for job but if your hubby is doing well then i would suggest not to leave your kids for more money. I am father of 2 kids but when i get offers to go out of country for work for more salary i always deny because at present also i am making that much money to feed me & my family then why should i leave my family.And your case is much more serious as your hubby is already gone abroad.Therefore if i were in your shoes i would have declined the offer.
• Philippines
8 Aug 11
Well it depends. I mean, sure, you and your family will feel more financially stable, but will it be worth it? Considering that some of your kids are very young, if you leave them to your parents' or relatives' care, somehow the comfort and need for parents' touch by the kids will be affected. A few years ago, my cousin had to work abroad to support her son (she's a single mom), and when she returned earlier this year and decided to finally live with her son, there was an adjustment phase when the kid had a bit of a hard time separated with us, since he lived with us for years. But eventually he adapted to the situation, and now living happily with his mom, my cousin. So I'm not entirely saying that you shouldn't go, I mean if it's for your kids' future, right? You just have to be careful and make sure that your kids wouldn't feel the distance that will be.
@thetis74 (1525)
8 Aug 11
It is really all up to you. And if you would ask me I just won't be able to do that. When I had borne my daughter i also have opportunities to sing abroad since I am a singer and thought that maybe I could when she is bigger. But I believe you have a little one. I just can't do so because I will truly miss her and won't be at peace when she is not under my care. Although I admire those who can leave their children for work I still did not want to wish that I could because I am happy with her and nothing can compare that. But if you think you really need to and that your kids will be cared for well then you can go. It will only be for a year anyway and if your husband will allow you too.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
8 Aug 11
For me no be content your money right now because the health of your children can't buy your time spending them they have good ambiance of emotion the way they live if you gone them they are scattered.
@Neriz69 (1037)
• Philippines
8 Aug 11
I don't think that you can leave your kids for just a year with that kind of offer, before you know it it's already 5 years and you're still working abroad. Think about it and consult your mom, aunt, your husband and even your kids. For me it's not just a personal decision, it's a family decision.
@Neriz69 (1037)
• Philippines
8 Aug 11
I don't think that you can leave your kids for just a year with that kind of offer, before you know it it's already 5 years and you're still working abroad. Think about it and consult your mom, aunt, your husband and even your kids. For me it's not just a personal decision, it's a family decision.
@AKRao24 (4248)
• India
8 Aug 11
Hello Dear Jsae! I can understand your situation and the problem! Getting a nice job where by you can increase you income by four times and you are again getting other non monetary benefits along with your the job, sounds very good and lucrative! But at the same time you have got children who are at such a stage where they are desperately need you! If your financial position is not too bad then I would suggest you to stick to present job and take care of your children, as think you would be going for one year on contract and you are going to make three years extra earning in one year! (taking present salary into consideration). But then during this one year your children may miss you terribly! Child of 13 years is entering a stage of adolescence, whee they have lot of problems which only mother can understand and take care of , similarly 8 years kid is also in need of mother's care, I need not talk any thing about 10 months old baby, as anybody would say not to leave the poor thing for one year for the sake of money! though it may not sound very nice to you the fact is if you are comfortably placed monetarily at the present time, then please try to postpone this plan of yours for few more years and later once your kids grown ups you can take up the job!Well I really don't know your family details and status and nature of job you are having presently at your hand, But I would have postponed the plan if I would have been in your shoes! Please don't get dejected, think again and again and come to some concrete decision and impliment it and never think and repent about the decision what ever you have taken which may just do no good to you except for adding some pains in your life! I sincerely wish you all the best! Take Care! Thanks !
@smotanMC (68)
• Bulgaria
8 Aug 11
You must accept this jobs , because of your kind . I'm shure that you want to give them better life , than you has. The fact you have 3 kids is either more motivating than anything else. Even better is the fact that you have a family which will look after them . But this is only my oppinio, a person behind a pc over the internet , life is yours and u decide waht to do. Cheers
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
8 Aug 11
Hello, Jsae.:-) I can very much relate to your dilemma. I am also a mother of four kids age 13,9, 4 and 1. I am so bored being a homemaker and I am longing to go back to work for a change and perhaps to make myself a lot better and independent. Waiting for my husband to give me some allowances for stuff like this and that doesn't make me happy and doesn't make me feel accomplished. I am not planning of going abroad but wanting to work locally so that I can still be with my kids at the end of the day. In your case, the question that you must answer is, do you really have to go abroad to work? Is your husband not supporting you enough? Just think of your 10 -month old baby. Dear, pardon me but for the life of me, if she/he is mine, I couldn't leave her/him that soon. That baby needs you. Never mind the older siblings but the youngest still needs your nurturing. You are the only one who can give that baby the love and confidence it needs. Even your mum or aunt can't replace what you can give to your children. A year of material gratification over your kids welfare? I don't think so, dear... Sorry but this is my opinion. If husband can provide well for your family, there is no need to leave your children. I think your husband is making the sacrifice of going abroad so that you'll have a comfortable life and that even if he can't be with you, at least his children have their mother to take care and love them, which he, your husband, can not give even if he wanted to...