i need help!!!!!!

United States
August 9, 2011 8:40am CST
To try to make a long story short.... I have two children, one is by the man that I have been in love with since I was 16(Greg) and my baby boy is by the gentlemen I'm with now(Steven) . Me and Greg were young when we met and we both were not really ready for a child so it ended with us just separating and me taking my son. Through out the 4 yrs me and him have only spoken on and off. Steven and me met and it was not really romance love but more of I feel sorry for him, but one thing lead to another and we had a child. I've been with Steven for going on 4years. We are not married but we live together with my 2 boys. I work while he stays home with the kids and takes care of the house because he is disable. His past life is so sad that it does hurt my heart, but I want to live and be happy. The only person I have ever really loved (relationship wise) unconditional Is Greg. What do I do stay unhappy just for the kids or be happy and let my boys see me happy? I'm so confused and I don't want to just up and leave because Steven has mention if I left he would take my youngest son to New Orleans where he is from and he will raise him. Last detail I am 24 Steven is 39, and Greg is 29. Please help your advice is much needed!
4 responses
@Lord56 (7)
• Indonesia
9 Aug 11
I think, you should be married to one of the men. Ask your heart who is a man who could make you happy and two children. i'm sure you can decide by looking at the experience of living with two men.
• United States
9 Aug 11
The decision is obvious to me I want to be with Greg but I just can't see myself hurting Stevens feelings or risk the fact of him running off with my son. That is what leaves me confused :(
• United States
9 Aug 11
The important question is: what is in the best interest of the children? Who do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with? I think the first thing to do is move out with the children and LIVE BY YOURSELF! Part of the problem you're facing might be that you are afraid to be alone, perhaps because of not knowing if you can make it on your own with the children. Let the respective fathers be a part of their lives, but you can tell both of them that you need time by yourself to figure things out. You have not only the right, but the obligation to sort through your life and decide which of these men will be part of it other than being your children's fathers. And as for Steven saying he'll take your son by him with him back home, that is unacceptable manipulation on his part to keep you afraid to leave him. As long as your children are loved and cared for by you, he has no grounds to simply run off with your baby. You need to find out what your legal rights are in your state regarding custody, and what steps you need to take so that he cannot take the child out of the state. Your decision as to which man you want to be with should not be hampered by threats of taking your children away, unless they are truly in harm's way!
• United States
10 Aug 11
Steven has been a father to both of my kids. He is a great father and my kids are happy. On the other my heart and his heart is in two different places. I want to get married, I feel like we been together 4 years his response Your not ready( meaning me) I feel like all I get is excuses with him. As for Greg he has asked to come around but he feels like Steven is doing what he should have been doing and feels he would be out of place. I guess I'm just realize I don't want to struggle all my life and I see it flashing before me, but I don't want to be a cold heart person. I think your right I do need to just move out and be on my own. The the other part your right about is I'm scared of the unknown.
@emily75 (89)
• China
9 Aug 11
hey Maryr. I understand you . On the one hand is your kids and on the another hand is your true love. You can imagine what will your life like . You are young now . I think you can make a wise decision . Just ask your heart , what kind of life do you want to live? Good like for you !
• United States
9 Aug 11
I agree, I look at it like I was blessed with 2 boys for a reason they do give me the love I need and they are the reason I haven't had a nervous break down..lol I also said if I do leave Steven I wouldn't just rush in a relationship, I would fist get my kids on a different routine and give them most of my time. I just don't want the guilt on my heart if something was to happen Steven.
• China
15 Aug 11
yes , if you make a choice , you 'd better make sure the double sides will have good results. GOOD Luck!
• China
10 Aug 11
Does Gred get married now? Does he still accpet you? You should forget him if he got married, besides you should live with Steven together because you have chosen him, you should concentrate on the it, it is serious thing, or you will not happy
• United States
10 Aug 11
Greg is not married and still say's he is in love with me and always will be. Me and Steven became in a relationship base more on helping one another. Then I we had a son which is the main reason I stuck around. I feel like a child does need both parents and I just don't feel right taking a child from his father.
@marguicha (68616)
• Chile
9 Aug 11
I don´t know how are the laws in yor country, but if you are the bread winner in your house, a good mother and your partner is disabled, I don´t know what reason would a court have to give his child to him to be raised by relatives instead of his own mother. I also take it that you will be still be living in the same place wher your son has lived all his life. Pity is not an enough reson to stay with someone and at the end it will only hurt your children too.
@Ghajini (776)
• Philippines
10 Aug 11
I agree that pity is not an enough reason to stay in a relationship well rather it's not a reason at all. The only reason one should stay in a relationship is because of unconditional and genuine love. Life is short, it's hard to live in a lie, you can't fool your heart. I suggest as well that you think of things deeply, ask GOD JESUS CHRIST's help and guidance.