To Tell or Not To Tell

United States
August 17, 2011 1:34am CST
My brother and his wife have a very turbulent relationship, and always have. They've been married for a little over 3 years. Last summer, she was pregnant. She came over one night while my brother was at work, and told me that she had been to the doctor that day. He informed her that she had an STD, and gave her some antibiotics to take care of it, and gave her more for her husband (my brother) to take as well. She was in tears because she didn't know if (1) She had gotten it from him, and he had caught it by cheating on her, OR (2) If he had caught it from her, and she had gotten it from sleeping with someone else. At THAT point, I was like WHOA hold up ! Are you cheating on him? She said no. She said that one night she had gone to get a sack after work, and her dealer raped her. She said she really didn't know if the baby was his or her husband's (my brother). I asked her if she reported it, and she said no, that she had been drinking and smoking pot that night, and she also had told no one else. She said she was afraid that my brother would try to kill him, and she didn't want him to go to jail. She was also afraid no one would believe her, and she'd would be homeless if he put her out. She begged me not to say anything, and said she just needed a sympathetic ear. I told her that the whole situation was not something that I felt needed to be kept from him. Although their marriage isn't really my business, this IS MY BROTHER. And I , for one, don't believe her crap. It wouldn't be the first time she's made up a whopper to cover her own tail. But then again, it *could* be true. Either way, I feel like he deserves to know. The baby is almost a year old now, and I know she still hasn't told him. I try not to think about it, but every once in a while, it pops back up in my head. I truly wish she'd never have told me. I know that if he finds out in the future, and finds out that I've known all this time--there will be hell to pay.
2 people like this
11 responses
@freyja03 (24)
• Philippines
17 Aug 11
If you are close to your brother, I would tell. But seeing that it's been nearly a year, I'm confused too... However, do you know if your brother did take those antibiotics as well? What does the baby look like? Is there any family resemblance? It's a sticky situation though. Hope everything will work out
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Aug 11
We aren't like buddy buddy, share secrets, close. But we do live about 50 feet from each other and hang out a lot. He DID take the antibiotics, so he knows about the std situation. Which to me, begs the question, How in the world did he/she rationalize where that came from? IS he cheating on her too? I try not to get in their business, but that just adds to the confusion. The baby looks just like her mom.
1 person likes this
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
18 Aug 11
Well if he did take the meds...maybe they cheat on each other?...just a thought... after all who knows what's going on behind close doors?
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Aug 11
Exactly. I know if my husband came home and said I needed to dose myself down with antibiotics, we'd have a serious problem.
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
17 Aug 11
I really don't know what I would do in such situation...but I think now is too late to do any thing! that's the baby looks like your family? or may be a DNA test could be done to see if your brother is the real dad...but then what good would that be? some times things are better left alone and see what the future brings...one day your brother may know the truth or may be not...but if you say any thing now you will destroy their marriage and the baby's future! just think carefully before you do any thing!
• United States
17 Aug 11
Exactly. They seem to be in a good place right now, and I'd hate to ruin that. The baby looks just like her mom. I keep running over and over what good would come from telling. The only thing I can come up with is that *I* would want to know. He may not.
1 person likes this
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
18 Aug 11
May be he knows and prefer not to face the truth! but think about it as you say "I" would want to know, so this is about you not your brother...so I would suggest just let it be!
1 person likes this
@koperty3 (1877)
17 Aug 11
I also have a brother and I love him so much and I would feel that I need to be loyal to my brother and of course I would tell him the truth. He deserve to know about it. Maybe the child is not his and maybe his wife cheating on him many times and will be in the future.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Aug 11
Thanks for that perspective. I feel as well that he has a right to know. I'm just not so sure that I should be the one to tell him. I WISH she would come clean and leave me out of it, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
17 Aug 11
Wow this is a really really tough one. I have had things kept from me, though not this serious. I was very hurt and upset when I finally found out others kept things from me for years. I want to know the truth no matter what. If you are close to your brother and if he is a really good guy, I'd say tell him. I would listen to several opinions, pray about it and then make up your own mind w/o undue influence from anyone. You know your brother best. I wish you all the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Aug 11
See, you hit the nail on the head. I'm not overly fond of her to start with, I just didn't want to be the cause of her being put out on the street pregnant. And that IS what would have happened had I told at the time. But at the same time, I would be furious if anyone in my family had kept something like this from me.
1 person likes this
@nurseclare (2210)
• Philippines
20 Aug 11
That's incompressible decision to make. in my case if that happens i choose to close my mouth and say nothing about it for the issue to be closed. i don't want to be the cause of their trouble. You're right, she's maybe lying but the worst is if it's true that she was been raped. That is very traumatic for her and I know until now she still remember what happen and will never forget that nightmare. Just let it die in your mind and pray for it. Put God in the center of your life, he will guide you.god bless
1 person likes this
• China
20 Aug 11
I wanna ask one thing, do u think the situation right now in ur brother's family is harmoneous or not? Do ur brother feel happy with that woman? Is that woman really a good one for ur brother in ur estimation? If all ur answers are YES, I have to say "DON'T TELL UR BROTHER ABOUT THAT!", bacause if all the answers are yeses that shows that raping is really an accident unwillingly! Don't let anyone else's fault to break down a happiness family! That's my opinion!
1 person likes this
@heenim (3)
• China
18 Aug 11
I think at the begin of this the truth should be told to your brother and then how to deal with it was decide to him,but now the troubles pass to you .It's really what you wanted to be .however ,the truth should be revealed one day .
1 person likes this
@agapakia (22)
• Canada
17 Aug 11
of course to tell
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@maximax8 (28570)
• United Kingdom
17 Aug 11
The baby is almost one year now and looks like her mother. They are having a descent time at the moment so if I was you I wouldn't rock the boat. If you told your brother it might upset him, his wife and the baby. Her dealer had attacked her so perhaps there is where she caught the STD from. A lady that is attacked can feel fear and not want to tell anyone straight away. I hope that all will be well in this family and that the baby is your brother's.
1 person likes this
• India
17 Aug 11
i feel u shouldnt tell your brother anything.... It will just make things worse not only for the wife but also the baby... Currently he dosent know anything and is quite happy... May it be the way it is...
1 person likes this
@dfollin (12777)
• United States
25 Aug 11
But,what about the antibiotics for the STD? He never got to take them? He may be infected and not know it? He needs to know that part.
@dfollin (12777)
• United States
25 Aug 11
If it were just the case of the paternity of the baby,I would just keep my mouth shut and stay out of their business.But,he might have a disease that he should know about.
• United States
25 Aug 11
Therein lies part of my confusion. He TOOK the meds. So he knows there was a problem. I don't know, maybe he thinks he gave it to her. Or maybe she spun it like she'd had it the whole time and they just caught it. I just don't know.