It's none of your business! What??? I'm just helping....

Philippines
August 25, 2011 3:08am CST
Have you ever encountered someone whom you cared so much and wanted to help? But he/she just said, "It's none of your business!". Ouch! It hurts. Really hurts. I don't know why but probably because the person doesn't like my idea or I have said something that is wrong. Whatever it is, can't he/she be nice?? Like putting it this way, " I understand and I know you care about me but let me just solve my problem. I dislike bothering you for this." It should be like that. Anyway, we sometimes become mean at times that we are in trouble or in a state of personal calamity. We complain a lot. We blame others. We even hurt others unintentionally. Well, it is not really my business to intrude other people's lives. But if you need help, I am just one call away!! Good day mylotters!!
2 people like this
13 responses
@brew2x (3096)
• Philippines
25 Aug 11
No, I haven't been in a situation like that. People really tend to say mean things when there are lots of things going around their minds. I don't really give advise unless someone ask me to. If a friend is in trouble I just listen and give my opinion when asked.
• China
25 Aug 11
I agree that. I give out my advise unless someone ask me to because I don't want to be misunderstanding.
• Philippines
25 Aug 11
We have to help our friends, relatives and family in need. But sometimes, when they ask for advice and never follow it and still do the same mistake, i think it's annoying the second time they would ask for help or advice again. :(
@brew2x (3096)
• Philippines
26 Aug 11
I know what you mean tess_quinain. I have a cousin like that. She always seek advise, but it felt more that she wants me to say the things that she wanted to hear and not what I think is right to do. I can go forever telling her what's would be beneficial to her but of course she will still do what she wants. That's the very reason why I just listen, because at the end of the day she will just do what she pleases no matter what the outcome would be. Just listen and be there for them whenever they need a shoulder to cry on.
@Airen214 (50)
• Philippines
25 Aug 11
You're right my friend.It sometimes gets into our nerves. We're not robots. We have emotions. We might pretend sometimes that we're fine but deep inside it truly hurts. It hurts to know that we care and that somebody answers this way. If he/she doesn't want to be given a piece of advice then better not to talk about anything. Or he/she could tell us to listen the story without any response or comment.Just being passive... (
• Philippines
26 Aug 11
that's right airen.. never gives advice to those kind of people. But sometimes, it's hard to ignore and be passive since you treat him/her as your truly friend. Anyway, i don't care about how her/his life would be like. It is her/his choice.
@dpk262006 (52256)
• Delhi, India
25 Aug 11
You see those who don't want to take our advice should be left alone. It is no use of giving unsolicited advice, even if we are thinking about their benefit. Some people are not flexible and do not accept others view and this could prove costly for them.
• Philippines
26 Aug 11
People who are highly opinionated is the most difficult person to deal with. In spite of showing how you cared and how you wanted to be heard, their opinions still much appreciated.
@yentongs (29)
26 Aug 11
Yes, I think everyone who has a normal life has experienced this. It hurts, but you shouldn't take it to heart, because the people who say this, when they say this, are usually experiencing emotional turmoil. And when someone says something about it, they don't really think about it much except that they feel that everything's on overload and it's too much already that he doesn't want to hear anymore. That's why they say it. They don't really mean it, they're just hurting and thinking many things at one time. So just understand and offer your opinion at a time when things have calmed down:)
@oXAquaXo (607)
• United States
26 Aug 11
Yes, I've been in that situation quite a few times. I have a few really good friends that I'm super-close with, and they're often in times of peril. Whenever they are, my heart just goes out for them. I hate being in that situation, when you know you're friend is in pain and you aren't, and you want to switch positions with them, but you can't. I want to help them, and they usually refuse my help, and not always entirely kindly. But I understand what kind of situation they're going through, because I've gone through similar. People sometimes need to fight their own battles, and we have to step back to let them. They're going through much turmoil, so I understand if they are a little rude when it comes to refusing my help. So, I usually let them go. Happy mylotting!
• United Arab Emirates
25 Aug 11
There are times when someone doesn't really need a helping hand but just need someone to listen too. There are times also when goodness is not being reciprocated or recognized.
@ladym33 (11009)
• United States
25 Aug 11
Usually when someone says, "It's none of your business." Like that it is because they know they are not doing something right and they don't want to be reminded of it because they don't necessarily want to stop doing it at that particular time, so they think the best way to end the discussion is to get nasty about it. I am sure your friend will come around and realize you were just trying to help.
@polaris77 (2021)
• Bacau, Romania
25 Aug 11
I haven't been in such a situation so far,but if I were it would certainly bother me because,even if we're in a bad mood we must refuse help from others politely if we don't need it,we have to be able to appreciate those willing to give us a helping hand and at least behave nicely with them,it isn't too much to ask,so I guess that if I offered my help and were refused in such a rude person I would never offer my help again to that person.
• United States
25 Aug 11
Yes it could have gone your way. I should be something you hear in a better way than that. I would never help them again because I would e afraid of what would come next.
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
25 Aug 11
Then let them solve by themselves~ I did the job by giving our hands to help them and if the refused to accept then let them be that way. I know that feeling when someone said that to us. We just want to help them right? I think they the way they answer and say no to us should be changed. They should reject the helping hand in a more polite way.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
25 Aug 11
For me if you love to help then it is the way they know it is a good attitude if not then you love to not good in attitude.
@gidz0518 (194)
• Philippines
25 Aug 11
Yes, I have experienced that kind of situation. Actually its really annoying and make me feels that doing right things is so irritating. But of course, its not my fault. Its the fault of the person whom I intended to help. Well, I think even though its so irritating to help that kind of person, It is still our responsibility to help any one. But if they dont like, so what.
• United States
25 Aug 11
The old adage suggests that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. At other times, we find a suggestion that people will only learn things when they discover the truth on their own. It can be frustrating. Think about it from this perspective, if you will permit. People are creatures of habit. Before a decision is made, there is stress and unease. After a decision is made, that uneasy feeling diminishes. This is, in some way, productive. It is better, in many instances, to make a decision and go with it than to veer back and forth endlessly. Consider the squirrel who gets most of the way across a road and then, scared by an approaching car, runs all the way back to the side he came from even though he would have more quickly gotten out of harm's way by continuing on his existing path. Certainly, we wouldn't want to be like the squirrel going back and forth over our decisions endlessly. Ergo, there seems to be something about the mind that dumbs down our thoughts or suppresses continued reflection on a topic. In some ways this might be seen as a mechanism to avoid mental duress and stress. Having made a decision, we feel less stress but if we go back to re-think our choice, we must re-inter the stressful "I don't know what to do" period. Now continue this process ... people can be a little sloppy in their thinking. People will remember (with all attempt at honesty) experiences differently than they actually happened and will believe and act on suppositions with inadequate information. In an effort to make a decisions, people sometimes connect the dots where the dots don't line up. As an example, when I was a child my father held up a weedlike plant with blue-purple berries and asked me if I knew what the plant was. I checked my memory and spat out the name of a similar plant who's name my father had told me previously. However, although similar this particular berried plant clustered the berries differently.. revealing it to be a different species. Because my mind wanted to know the answer instead of admission of not knowing, I ignored the clustering vs. vine like berry aspect. I overlooked a significant difference in order to be "able" to claim knowledge instead of ignorance. People do such sloppy connecting the dots all the time. They do not want this brought to their attention because then they must wonder and doubt how many other errant conclusions they've made. If we progress to emotionally charged matters, the process further compounds. A person who is in a relationship, let's say, has an emotionally attachment to the object of their affections. The relationship may cause then stress, duress, or be otherwise unhealthy. But it can be difficult for a person involved in the situation to see this. In order to see the problems with the relationship, they must open themselves up to questioning the relationship. This is a stressful state of being. The simpler way to avoid stress, then, would be to ignore the individual incident and maintain the relationship. This can seem superior to being "alone" which many people dread with a force akin to an aversion to say.. being waterboarded at Guantanamo Bay. Now you, not in the circumstance at hand are not subject to the same stresses. You can look back on the past pattern of behavior and see how all these little things which have been ignored.. when added together.. become significant. However, in doing so you are handing your friend a choice to leave an uncomfortable situation for one full of stress, doubt, and uncertainty. It is an unfortunate state of affairs that people can seem quite cowardly even when it seems 'clear' that a relationship is unhealthy. Consider any time you might have argued with someone and they persist in their 'erroneous' belief despite your weight of evidence. For example, I once spoke with a rich Christian who had this idea about the part of the bible where Jesus says it is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. He had interpreted this as the 'needle' being some gateway into Jerusalem where one had to unpack their camel and take their good through. He said, unpacking the camel before entering was a sign of proper respect for God. I countered this by explaining, "if your bible is perfect and inerrant then you should be able to understand the bible by reading the bible. You've added something to the interpretation of this passage that is not obvious, apparent, or even hinted at by the words that appear in this bible." The choices from this point should be 1) The bible is a guide but not infallible and more details from life are necessary to understand the meaning. or 2) that riches are a burden and deterrent to doing God's will. Instead, this man chose choice 3) which consisted of an illogical binding together of elements that gave him the message he wished to hear. Because there is stress in making a decision which goes away after having made the decision, evidence alone is often not enough to change someone's beliefs. It should be the case that we are willing to change our theories to fit the evidence, but people invariably wind up twisting their evidence to conform to their theory. If you notice some unhealthy pattern in your friend's life and tell them this, they have a choice of confronting the unpleasant stress of change or... getting angry at you so they can ignore what you've said and avoid change. Unfortunately, I must relate to you that the latter choice is often the one selected. Therefore, it is unavoidably necessary to admit that people will only learn even the most important life lessons when they are ready to do so. People must live their own life. Unless they ask for your advice, they are unlikely to wish it. You might do better by taking an approach like Socrates where you ask questions instead of providing 'solutions' which can be rejected. Once your friend has heard and emotionally rejected the solution to their problem, they cannot again easily re-consider that solution without the added stress of admitting they treated you poorly when you first proposed it. Therefore, instead of directing people to solutions they are not ready to receive, you may do better by asking then questions that serve to guide them in that particular direction. There will come times and situations for what amounts to an "Intervention" in someone's life. But try to only tackle things directly head-on when there can be found no other way to guide the person to the truth more gently. As a closing example, a woman I once knew was dating a person who was a cad. The jerk wasn't working. The jerk was getting an allowance of cash from her. The jerk had access to a debit card with which el-jerko could take money out of her account when said jerk wished to do so. The aforementioned jerk was using money given by her or taken from her account in order to take out to coffee another lover. The woman felt she had no choice because ceasing to give the jerk money would terminate the relationship. I expressed to her that in any relationship where you can say, "I love you" to another person that relationship must be a healthy one. This particular relationship was tearing the woman apart and breaking down all her pride and self-respect to the level that she was not only tolerating being cheated on by directly contributing money so that her jerk face could date another woman. Instead of admitting the inadequacy of the relationship, the woman in question began pummeling me as I was driving. That is the force with which people will reject a message they are emotionally unprepared to accept. It would be prudent just to realize people can be fundamentally broken in such a way and only confront when confrontation truly cannot be avoided.
@oXAquaXo (607)
• United States
26 Aug 11
Wow...you really thought this through! That is a pretty impressive looking paragraph...it took me a while to finish the whole thing. And I agree with what you said. I loved your example...it explained your point well and is well thought out. Happy mylotting!