SIL is telling anyone who'll listen that we're freeloaders!

United States
August 25, 2011 9:34am CST
Some of you may remember the discussion I posted awhile back about my sister in law calling my husband a freeloader. We haven't spoken to her since then, needless to say. As if that wasn't bad enough, I found out a couple days ago that she's spreading her opinion through out the rest of hubby's family. Both my husband's father and aunt are in the hospital right now. Hubby's aunt just had surgery on a heart valve. She's recovering well though. Hubby went to visit both his father and his aunt over the weekend. And the aunt told him how she'd just gotten into a huge argument with her other brother over my husband. Apparently SIL told the uncle what a freeloader my husband is, and the uncle mentioned it to the aunt. The aunt defended us and told her brother never to speak ill of hubby in front of her again. Anyways, I don't really care what this uncle thinks of us. We have very little to do with that side of the family. The uncle was a doctor and his wife was born wealthy and never worked a day in her life, she probably doesn't even know how to wash clothes or dishes. All 3 of their kids are well to do, one even owns a villa in Italy. They're all pretty snobby and look down on everyone who doesn't have money. So we haven't had anything to do with them in years. What ticks me off here is SIL. Where does she get off telling everyone else in the family that we are freeloaders? She doesn't know the first thing about us, honestly. She has no idea how hard we both work. She also has no idea how hard it is to raise kids, because she refuses to have any.. which is probably a good thing. The world doesn't need anymore people like her! Have you ever had to deal with a family member spreading their bad opinions about you, and people believing them? Did you do anything about it, or just let it be?
2 people like this
17 responses
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
26 Aug 11
When it happened to me, I just left it alone. With people like that, any action you take seems to prove their point. She obviously hasn't spent 5 minutes in your shoes. If she had, she'd need a nap.She must need some excitement in her life to try and spread this kind of baseless garbage.Sounds like she is only worth ignoring.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 11
( http://aesopfables.com/kidnap.html ) "And there are others who resent your making children happy and who sneer at you and call you a foolish old rattlepate! You are quite right to hate such base slanderers, and you ought to be revenged upon them for their evil words." "But I don't hate 'em!" exclaimed Santa Claus positively. "Such people do me no real harm, but merely render themselves and their children unhappy. Poor things! I'd much rather help them any day than injure them."
• United States
27 Aug 11
Mylot deleted my response, darnit.. Thus far I've kept my mouth shut and done nothing, and I've told hubby to ignore her as well, even though he really wanted to let her have it. I'm just hoping that someday I will have an opportunity. Hopefully she'll be dumb enough to say the wrong thing to me, and I will tell her off big time!
• United States
26 Aug 11
Generally, I try not to waste my time worrying about what gossip people might be spreading about me. As I see it, I have friends and family close to me who obviously care for me. They are important to me and they are probably important to me because they wouldn't really listen to someone spreading rumors or trash-talking me. Whatever your issue with sister in law might be, I don't think letting her know she's gotten to you is really worth your effort and heartache. I vaguely remember someone in my family mentioning that this person or that person in the family says this or that bad thing about me when I'm not around. But really, to me, it hardly matters so long as the cowards know not to say it to my face. Honestly, I suspect the 'informer' of the 'gossiper' might have been simply trying to stick a knife in my back and twist it to see if I cringe. Best then, I think, not to give them the satisfaction. ( http://aesopfables.com/kidnap.html ) [i]"And there are others who resent your making children happy and who sneer at you and call you a foolish old rattlepate! You are quite right to hate such base slanderers, and you ought to be revenged upon them for their evil words." "But I don't hate 'em!" exclaimed Santa Claus positively. "Such people do me no real harm, but merely render themselves and their children unhappy. Poor things! I'd much rather help them any day than injure them." [/i]
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Aug 11
How crappy of her!! What is wrong with her and her lazy bum with her gums flapp'n in the wind like that. I think she needs to get to FIL's house and put some gloves on and get to work instead to talking so high and mighty. Sorry she has nothing better to do with her time... like help FIL out as any responsible caring child would do for their own Father!
• United States
26 Aug 11
FIL is coming home from the hospital today, and will need some help getting settled into his house and get some food since there's nothing there. Who do you think is doing all that? Well hubby is taking time out of work to go pick him up and get him into the house, and I'm picking up some food and juice for FIL when I go grocery shopping. We're the ones who've been feeding his cats while he's been in the hospital and cleaning his house, and this weekend on his vacation, hubby will be painting the dining room, taking out more furniture, and putting in a new set of furniture. I don't think SIL has done anything since that day she offered to put in an a/c FIL didn't want!
• United States
26 Aug 11
Oh I'm sure she'll run the other direction as usual and complain about you guys. For someone who has it all she certainly runs her mouth. I'm sure she'll take the time to be bothered in taking care of him and checking up on him as she's a saint or something. Will the hospital be sending a visiting nurse or is it all on you guys? Though I'm sure a visiting nurse wouldn't be the best idea seeing the condition of things around there. I bet the a/c is all she's offered to do for him this year too.
• United States
26 Aug 11
No, she's pushed him to bury MIL and pay for it.. but he doesn't want to do that. She also pushed him to get rid of a few extra cats, and fix the ones he's keeping.. which he did but wasn't too happy about getting rid of the cats. So she thinks she's done a lot! He probably will get a visiting nurse. He had one before. Hubby actually had to talk to a social worker because apparently one of his previous visiting nurses told the hospital about the condition of the house and the social worker was gonna put him in a home instead of letting him go back to his place. Hubby had to tell the social worker that we've cleaned all the clutter out and are working on making it more clean and livable, and are also planning on moving in ourselves. That was about the only way they'd let him go home.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
27 Aug 11
Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with family like that! Thankfully, I don't think I have family like that! Even if I did, I wouldn't be talking to her anyway. Let alone have anything to do with her. She is blood, but her actions make her not deserve it anyway. I hope you don't let it affect you and your family.
• United States
27 Aug 11
Actually she's not a blood relative.. she was adopted by her parents, as was hubby.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
27 Aug 11
All the more reason not to feel guilty if you don't associate with her.
@margeryann (1853)
• United States
26 Aug 11
This is awful! I went through something like it myself last month. My husbands daughter made up lies under a status that I put where a lot of the family commented it. She though it was a good opportunity to make up lots of lies under it which was real upsetting. She pretended that she was wanting to socialize with us just so she could be our friend so she could do this then she copy and pasted everything she posted on facebook in a document and sent it to everyone! That was very maddening and upsetting!
• United States
26 Aug 11
Knowing a backstabber is really sad and hurtful.. but being related to one is that much worse.
• United States
27 Aug 11
Yes, it is and it is more mind boggling on why they would be so hateful! Some people just have a job of making people miserable I don't know how they can be happy being like that.
@Rosa26 (2620)
• United States
26 Aug 11
I am sorry for that situation that you are dealing, aia think you took the best decision, ignore it. Yes, I think I am dealing with a situation like that, I am not sure but I will make some investigation about that. My some told me some comments about my mother in law I mean the mother of my hubby,I don't know why but I feel very stree out when she is around. My son told that she wrote in the church in the petitions we ask to God, that allowed my hubby to understand that I don't love him,I really want to think that my son didn't see correctly,but sometimes I say hello to her and she doesn't answer, and she live with two sisters and are always when they see me they mutter and I think is about me. I am not sure but if I realized that she is talking bad about I won't give her any importance, because is like the bible say "they can talk about you, but without reason" I am know I haven't give any reason to her, to be talking about me, I love my hubby and take care of him. I don't work because I haven't find a job. And God first I will get a job soon!. Happy lotter day my friend Katsmeow.
• United States
27 Aug 11
Good luck!
26 Aug 11
I do understand how difficult it must be for you because my brother in law, well is girlfriend has caused so many problems with my husbands side of the family and although I won't go into it, lets simply say I cannot stand her! So I can understand how annoying and frustraing it is to have her say you are free loaders when you clearly don't come across that way - I hve noticed in many posts on here you have mentioned how much you both work and do for your FIL so I guess it shows that you are good people! Don't let it get to you! : )
• United States
26 Aug 11
That's sad. When my sister in law was first married we were more a part of her life than we are now. We were invited to holidays there and stuff. Her first husband was a great guy and I honestly liked him a lot better than I liked her. But she divorced him and stopped speaking to us, then she married again and we found out through Facebook and her parents found out through the newspaper. Now she's nothing but mean to everyone.
@AmbiePam (49884)
• United States
26 Aug 11
I've had the experience that the more the relative talks badly about another relative, the less credibility they have. People start to get suspicious about why they would even bother to gossip, and they begin to doubt their story.
• United States
26 Aug 11
The only one who'll listen to her is this uncle, and he doesn't know the first thing about us because he hasn't spoken to us in years. So sad that family ends up like this.
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
25 Aug 11
I don't know why people want to act so ugly especially family members but know they do. Good for the aunt for taking up for your husband. I imagine most of them know your sil is just a hateful person & sounds like she is miserable & wants to make everyone else the same as her. I have had family members be mean & i just leave them alone & let them wallow in their misery.
@bunnybon7 (37173)
• Holiday, Florida
25 Aug 11
what really hurts is that the person like that with me was my own mother and luckily most of the family knew me as a child and knew both of us therefore knew how she was. so most didnt believe her and you are right, people like that dont need to have kids. my mom never should have been anyones mother. thats why im different though. i dont look down on people. i know most try their best. especially my family...lol
• United States
26 Aug 11
I've dealt with my own fair share of childhood issues.. and am surprised I turned out as good as I have!
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
25 Aug 11
How awful for you to have to live with this additional stress from your SIL. There is nothing worse than being accused of something that is totally false. To add insult to injury, to have others hear the gossip is terribly frustrating. It is difficult to go to each person and explain your side. I don't know what makes people do what they do, but when I am treated unfairly I take a little comfort in the fact that I believe in karma. I try to 'give over' anyone who has hurt me to karma (and God) That’s easier said than done, but sometimes it helps. All the best to you.
• United States
26 Aug 11
If Karma does exist.. which I do sort of believe.. then I just want to be there to see it happen to her. I thought it might happen a few years ago when she was going through a divorce. While she was going through the divorce she was also pushing her family aside as well. She got into a big fight with her parents, which upset my husband and made him mad at her. I kept waiting for her to come crawling to us when she finally went through with the divorce and had nobody to lean on.. but she never did. Then not too long after that she remarried and still has no one except her husband.
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
25 Aug 11
That's just horrible. I've had issues with my mother in law doing that to me. She was over heard telling her sister in law that I don't let my husband come around the family any more. It couldn't be farther from the truth. I'm actually closer with most of his family then I am with mine. It's just the half the time she'd ask my husband if we wanted to come to something and he'd decide not to and not ever bother to mention it to me. Or we'd have something else already planned and she'd get upset that we won't cancel our plans for her.
• United States
26 Aug 11
Sounds a bit childish!
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
25 Aug 11
katsmeow1213, I don't think there's any other way except to confront your SIL and sort things out with her. The fact that she is speaking so much against your family shows just how much she knows and actually understand. So, try and have her sit through a session to let her realize where she has erred. I know it can be difficult when the relationship between the both of you is not good to begin with. However, that does not mean that either party cannot take the initiative to settle the differences. So, I suggest that you try to take some time off and have a word or two with her.
• United States
26 Aug 11
Nothing will change her views of us.. she's just a very spiteful, mean person. I'd much rather just not have anything to do with her. Although if I ever get the opportunity, I'd love to tell her off!
• United States
25 Aug 11
What your SIL is doing is absolutely horrible. She has no right to judge until she's walked a mile in your shoes, and even then, she should still keep her trap shut. I don't know the particulars of your situation, but she's taking what is probably already a pretty stressful scenario and making it worse with her gossip-mongering. As far as family goes, the only people I've ever had a problem with are my ex's parents. They've hated me since he and I started dating in high school, and accused me of cheating on multiple occasions. They even had him believing it at one point! I was furious. When I got pregnant, his father looked me in the eye (with my ex standing right there) and asked if the baby was his son's. My ex just stood there. I was outraged, especially since I'd never slept with any one else. It wasn't the last time they spread outrageous lies and tried to turn him against me. I'm grateful to not be a part of that nest of vipers anymore. Outside my family, I had this happen recently with a friend of mine. I don't know many people where I live yet, but I have one good friend (who happen's to be my ex's new girlfriend, weird, I know). She started to be kinda distant over the summer, and I didn't know why. Finally she confronted me, because people were telling her I was going around saying what a b*&%# she was, and how she stole my husband, etc. A: I never said any such thing. Our marriage was over long before we even met her. B: I don't know anyone to say these things too, much less know anyone who knows her. We got it sorted out in the end, but man, I couldn't believe that people would be trying to start drama where there wasn't any. What's the point of that, really? Some people just aren't happy unless they're making other people miserable. I hope your sister in law straightens up soon!
• United States
25 Aug 11
Thanks for sharing your stories. When I got pregnant with my youngest, my husband had already been fixed. I am certainly not a cheater, and have never cheated on my husband.. but people picked on him anyways when they knew I was pregnant, saying things like it probably wasn't his and he should be looking at who I'm talking to, etc. Mostly it was just people joking with him. His parents never once questioned that it was his, and my husband never once questioned me about whether or not I'd been unfaithful. His first thought was that the vasectomy didn't work.. which obviously was what happened. So one day we saw his sister in the mall (same one as from the discussion.. she's his only sister). We didn't talk to her a whole lot.. never really have, obviously. I was like 5 months pregnant and this was the first she was finding out about it. She had heard about hubby having a vasectomy.. and her first response when she saw that I was pregnant was "So, did you beat up the mailman?". This is his sister and even she has to accuse me of cheating? I was pissed.. but hubby just laughed it off.. he was used to hearing comments like that from all his coworkers and stuff. Obviously she's done a lot of things that I will never forget.
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
12 Feb 12
I think it is better for her to talk to you straight than to spread something bad about you. Maybe she is just envy in your husband and you. Also talk to her about this matter so you can tell her your side and make her embarrass in what she said about your husband. Maybe she the real freeloader that's why she makes rumor about your husband because she want to get the sympathy of others.. I hate the people who makes gossips like her..
• United States
29 Aug 11
For whatever reason, your sister-in-law is unhappy with your husband and doesn't seem to be a fan of you either. However, it doesn't sound as though you and your husband have done much to reach out to her and to disprove her view of your family. Instead, you have made a point of cutting out every person in the family who has more money than your family does, and you are criticizing your sister-in-law for making the decision to remain childless. Either reach out to that portion of family and mend ties, or stop being worried about what certain relatives have to say.
@GreenMoo (11842)
25 Aug 11
What a horrid woman! It's not something I've ever had to deal with within my family thankfully, but I know how unpleasant it can feel to have people spread untruths about you.