My 16 yr old Niece has Left home

@jennybianca (12915)
Australia
August 30, 2011 9:51pm CST
We are realy quite concerned. My 16 yr old neice has been a problem for a few years, drinking and smoking. I believe she is almost an alcoholic. She got sucked into this 19 year od boyfriend. He is a control freak, but she cant see it. Over one month ago, she came home to my brothersplace at 1.00amm, with the boyfriend. She was extremely drunk, and shouting out foul language. My brother told her off, very strongly, then the boyfriend started an argument which ended in pushing and shoving. My neice left with her boyfriend and didn't come home. It has been at least 4 weeks. We know where she is, and she appears to be safe. She wont contact her Father, and he has tried numerous times. She doesn't go to school, but is supposed to be going to TAFE. She has a part time job. The boyfriend got hold off her mobile and sent a very bad text to my brother. We think he is stopping my niece from seeing her Father. My brother is devastated by the whole situation.
4 people like this
15 responses
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
31 Aug 11
I think that it would be best to report this to the authorities and probably send your niece to counseling. I think that it should go with great family support and display of concern. She is still too young to start ruining her life, and I hope and pray she starts seeing life at a different angle and realizes how much love is surrounding her and how she must put her life back on track.
2 people like this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
1 Sep 11
Unfortunately there is little that can be reported to the authorities, as she has not done anything illegal. Perhaps reported her boyfriend for stat rape may work. But then she would get agro at my brother if he did that, and never come home.
@RawBill1 (8542)
• Gold Coast, Australia
31 Aug 11
That is indeed a worrying situation. However, it is not the end of the world. I have seen similar situations that have ended up fine after a while and the parties have been closer because of it. My wife was kicked out of home by her dad at 15 and sent off interstate to live with relatives. She lasted 6 months there and was back in Melbourne staying with friends after that. Now she gets along really well with her dad after not speaking for over ten years. Similarly my cousin was pregnant to a guy in his 30's when she was only 16! She told lies about the pregnancy to everyone and even got the police involved. When the truth came out it was a very hard time, but it is all sorted out now and she gets along fine with her family. Also some of the most caring and nice people I know were absolute trouble makers and into everything when they were teenagers. I was certainly no angel either and a big drinker and partier. I now am a health nut! Hopefully her story will have a happy ending too. Try to stay positive and supportive for her and your brother through all this. I hope it works out.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
1 Sep 11
This is a good summary you have written. Although we can't condone what she has, nor will we ever support her boyfriend, our main aim is to pave the way for her to come home voluntarily. Forcing her will do no good at all. After all, when she runs out of money, cant drive any where, has no one to teach her to drive, cant afford ac ar, no money for special treats.. maybe she will come to her senses.
@RawBill1 (8542)
• Gold Coast, Australia
1 Sep 11
Yes, forcing people to do something only serves to drive them away further. You do not want to support her either at the moment, so it is a tough situation to be in. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@RawBill1 (8542)
• Gold Coast, Australia
13 Sep 11
Thanks for the BR! Any new developments in the situation?
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Sep 11
that is awful and i believe you have to ask for police assistance to resolve this problem. this thing also happens here but there are some parents who are not so concerned or just let their children when they getting to be brats.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
5 Sep 11
Unfortunately we have no legal reason for asking for police asistance. Other than perhpas my brother allegding stat rape. Even if he did that, I don't think it would bring his daughter back as she would be too angry.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
2 Sep 11
That's terrible. I am so sorry to hear that. Teens can be crazy and their immaturity keeps them from seeing things. Sometimes they have to be broken to realize. I hate the thought of that but when she comes home...maybe things can be different. Maybe the authorities could be involved since she is only 16. I know I would have mine cuffed and led wherever I thought appropriate. It might make her worse but I think that it would prove a point too. It is a hard situation with no easy answer. I have had to go to lengths with my daughter that I have not wanted to go but in the long run...it was for her benefit. He can force her into a rehab right now but in a couple of years..it will be out of his hands. At least that's the age thing here.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
5 Sep 11
Unfortunately my brother can't force her in rehab, or anything else. Rehab and all similar services are completely voluntary here, unless the person commits a crime, which she hasn't done yet. My brother could alledge stat rape, but he knows that wouldn't bring his daughter home. I happen to know that tomorrow, she is going to centrelink to claim the youth allowance. She will have to lie to get that, as leaving home to live with your boyfriend isn't grounds for youth allowance.
@maximax8 (28490)
• United Kingdom
1 Sep 11
I feel very sorry for your brother and hopes he managed to see his 16 year old daughter. This could be outside the TAFE college or at her part time job. Her 19 year old boyfriend sounds horrible and he seems to leading your niece into trouble like bad language. I hope that she will split up with her horrible boyfriend and come back home. Good luck with this awful situation.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
2 Sep 11
My brother saw her outside her part time work place about a week after she left home. Since then, he has had no contact, despite sending her text messages and emails. He is very upset, as it is fathers day this coming sunday. I think it is going to take her along time to realise that her boyfriend is no good for her.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
1 Sep 11
I know what you mean and I sure feel sorry for your whole family. My daughter would not listen either and she married that fool. He is now getting ready to be sentenced to prison and she is pregnant and still wants him and nothing to do with any of her own family that loves her so much. We won't even be seeing the grandbaby and it will be born this month. It is hard but I had to just let her make her own decisions. She is 19 years old.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
2 Sep 11
Gee, that's terrible. Why she your daughter so obessed with this guy? Can she not see that if he is going to prison, that he has big issues and will never proved for her, let alone offer a happy relationship? But then who am I to ask this, as my neice is obsessed with her boyfriend, she truly thinks it is a real relationship they are having.
@Chevee (5915)
• United States
1 Sep 11
I am so sorry to hear this. I pray that your neice will come to her senses before something happens to her. She is young and have her whole life ahead of her. That boyfriend of hers probably won't be there for her in the future nor stick by her through hard time. My heart goes out to you and the family. My prayrers are with you guys.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
1 Sep 11
I agree that the boyfriend won't stick by her in hte long run, but we hope she doesn't wait a long time to find this out herself.
@Absinto (2398)
• Portugal
31 Aug 11
These are the kind of boyfriends that every parent is afraid their daughter will find. I am sorry that happened to your niece. It must not have been fun seeing your 16 year old niece drinking and smoking, plus having a controller as a boyfriend. I dont know what is wrong with people now a days. Cant say that it is the parents fault that the boy is this way but sometimes people have to take action or soemthing really bad could happen. I am happy that you niece is safe and hope she gets back in contact with her dad and doesnt see this boy again. She has so much to live for, she doesnt need to be controlled at this age by someone that isnt even family.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
1 Sep 11
My neice has not contacted her father at this stage, but as it is Fathers day on sunday, we hope she will make the efoort. I don't think she will though. My daughter and I have tried contacting her via facebook, to see if we can cacth up with her, but she hasn't replied yet. No one knows her mobile number.
@tigeraunt (6331)
• Philippines
31 Aug 11
hi jenny, the parents should sue the girl for disobedience and for the boy for statutory rape for luring a 16 year old into his bed. maybe harsh, but i think it is the right way to make them see their mistake. ann
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
1 Sep 11
Unfortunately there is no such law as suing a 16 year old daughter for disobedience. My brother could lay charges of stat rape, but this would only make my nice angrier. She has to learn the hard way, by running out of money!
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 11
I am not sure of the law in Australia but here at 16 years of age she is still a child and you can get help from the law and/or Family and Children Services. I sounds as if this young lady is really heading for serious trouble if nothing is done.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
1 Sep 11
At age 16 here she can do anything, except break the law, and she hasn't done that, yet! She certainly does need family services, but we can not force a 16 year od to attend. Legally, she cant be forced to do anyhting, unless she breaks the law. My brothers only option would be to lay charges of stat rape by the boyfriend, and that would probably only make his daughter much angrier at him. I agree completely that she is heading for seriousd trouble. Maybe when she runs out of money, and can't drive, she will have a re-think of her situation.
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
31 Aug 11
Ohhh she left home only in 16 years age but this age is only for going the school age. Really now new generation is very intelligent they not want to know what will happen in future. But friend ask the boys family if you know the boyfriend of your neice. She is also take drinking and smoking it means she was feeling depressing.
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
1 Sep 11
I agree that she should be at school full time, but she dropped out last year. My brother couldn't make her go. But he did get her to go to tafe, where she started learnibg hair dressing. We dont know if she is going now. She could be depressed, but we can't find that out, until she comes home voluntarily.
@voracious (624)
• Philippines
31 Aug 11
Aw she got a bad boyfriend. I think you should inform her father about her so that he can make a move how he can save her daughter from her suckage life.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
1 Sep 11
Her father, my brother does know. But i agree it is a suckage life.
• United States
31 Aug 11
At her age, I'm surprised legal matters haven't been brought into it, as I don't see how a minor should be with someone who is over 18, and just running off with him. I'm sure your brother would not be interested in calling the police, though he might. I think what the daughter needs at this point is understanding, and she should feel as though she is welcome back home. Chances are, she and her boyfriend will not work out, and she needs someone to fall back on. Hopefully, she will be back home soon, and if not, hopefully she will not lose contact with her family.
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@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
1 Sep 11
You have the spot! Yes, although my brother could go to the police with a stat rape claim, it would be unlikely that this would encourage my niece to come home. Better that she learns the hard way, very little money, no one driving her around, no car, etc. I think it may take years for her to realise that this boyfriend is controling her.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
31 Aug 11
What a worrying situation for this girl’s parents! What a shame she is not seeing her boyfriend for who he is, she’s in for a lifetime of unhappiness if she stays with a control freak, and I know that from personal experience! The one positive is that you all at least know she is ok for the time being. I am wondering if the parents have any rights if she is under 18...Although forcing her to return home may only result with her running away again. My heart goes out to your brother and his wife; I hope this young girl will soon see the light. Sometimes by letting them go and make mistakes is the only way they will come back to us; tough to do though...
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
31 Aug 11
Yes, this is a very good summary of the situation. I also know about living with a DV offender, but I was strong, eventually, and kicked him out neARLY 2 YEARS. My niece is not strong, she is very easily influenced. She is incredibly sucked in by this teenage boy. Although she is under 18, the parents would have very few rights. My brother is just hoping she comes to her senses, but realises it may take a few years. the trouble is, a lot can happen in a few years.
@ElicBxn (60884)
• United States
31 Aug 11
I don't know what it is where you are, but that's statutory rape here...
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
31 Aug 11
It is here too. In practise, I think a person is only charged if someone else makes a complaint, usually the parents. I don't know if my brother will go down that apth, as it wouldn't bring his daughter back voluntarily.
1 person likes this