I am so pissed right now.

United States
September 9, 2011 1:16pm CST
Because I had to tell job corp my daughter was missing. they gave her spot to someone else. She can't leave till they put her back on the list. I told that child not to leave this house last night. She left after I went to sleep and she is still gone. I took her tv out of her room and when adrian gets back the cable box is going bck to the office. I am so tired of living with this child I could scream. If they say she can't go at all she is out of my freaking house and into a group home.
10 people like this
24 responses
• United States
9 Sep 11
You did what you felt best to do. Sadly she pushed you to the limit with this last disappearance. Hopefully they will have an available spot soon and hopefully she will take advantage of this opportunity to make changes for herself.
• United States
9 Sep 11
Gosh if she only knew how lucky she is to have a spot in the first place, and to just throw it away. It is throwing her future away. Hope she wakes up.
• United States
9 Sep 11
So true because not many get this great opportunity. Sadly they will at some point give up as they know there are other Teens willing to abide by the rules. So hopefully she does buckle up and take this really serious.
• United States
10 Sep 11
I hope so too. Actually, I wonder if Gifts let her read all these myLot discussions what her reaction would be about it. Seeing all of our responses and her mother's pain. Maybe then she'll wake up. Maybe...
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
9 Sep 11
You know, I usually am one to follow rules, but was there anyway to not tell them she was missing? Or because you had to contact the police, they would have found out? That stinks, because now she has more time to do what she wants and not what she needs to do.. I am so sorry Gifts, I don't know how you do it, because by now my kid would have driven me absolutely crazy...
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
9 Sep 11
carmelanirel I completely agree with you on this one and I too am a rule follower... to a fault. I just hope it's not too late..maybe she can still go since they leave on Monday...we can hope.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Sep 11
Hi stary, yes I hope something opens soon..
• United States
9 Sep 11
I am sure the decision was a tough one for Gifts. Not knowing where she was and that the plane tickets were on the way, Gifts could have then been held responsible for the cost and or loose out the full opportunity if she turned up after the date. Poor Gifts it is like no matter what nothing at the moment comes out right with KK. I too am hoping they have an availability soon. My sincerest prayers for Gifts as she really has gone through so much and not knowing what might be next.
3 people like this
• United States
9 Sep 11
One I'm beyond furious for you! She's screwing up her future right infront of her own eyes. I know as teenagers we "THINK" we know it all. But dang one day she'll be on her own 100% and then what? Whom ever she's running with will get sick of her and then where will she go? jail? homeless shelter? I would of told job corp she needs to be placed there immediatly if not the top of the list so as soon as she's located they can take custody of her. Or like you said if you have a social worker or whomever see about putting her back into the group home or fostercare if that's what it takes. How long til this girl is 18? Did you call the police again?
2 people like this
• United States
9 Sep 11
Oh and if she's still in your house when the next opportunity arises could there be a way you not mention that she's going til the day you drop her off at the airport? Or do they speak with her on the phone and send notifications via snail mail?
@BLTLife (337)
• United States
9 Sep 11
tricking a child is never a good thing to instill in them :/
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
9 Sep 11
Honestly, at 17 that is the edge of responsibility. Yes, legally you are still responsible for them because they are minors, but if all they do is fight you and disappear and do whatever the heck they want, I would TELL anybody who tried to hold me responsible that I was DONE. I'm not sure I agree with trying to trick her either because it may harm the relationship more than it has been harmed already but it's hard to know the right choice when you're not experiencing it. Teenagers who think they know it all are VERY frustrating to deal with. When mine did that, I let go. I told them it was up to them - if they made a bad decision or got into a bind, it was their job to get out of it or fix it. I only offer to help people who are helping themselves already. If they are working hard to ruin their lives, I step back.
@BLTLife (337)
• United States
9 Sep 11
i'm really sorry you're going through all of this, let me get that out of the way. i don't mean to sound ignorant or assume anything, because i don't know your daughter. i mean, from my perspective, this WAS just like me & my mom. she couldn't wait to ship me out. but you know what? the reason i was acting out so much was because i was in terrible, gut wrenching emotional pain, and i just wanted to feel something, so i'd piss her off, she'd piss me off. i was secretly cutting the whole time, and my mom had no idea. she thought i was just being obstinate. but i was hurting really bad when i'd lash out. is there a chance your daughter might be going through something really hard? i mean, i know there's a tough exterior to kids like this, but i think if you show her love & kindness, she might soften up to you. she might feel like she can't relate to you, or you just don't understand cuz everything leads to an argument. the thing that really makes me laugh is my dad & mom always took tv out of my room, cable box, blah blah. this happened to me all the time. and the funny thing is, it never helped me. i didn't stop acting out. i found another way to spite them, i would find out what they did and watch tv in secret, or go to a friends house, etcetc. it was a lot of shadiness, and taught me a lot of negative coping skills. im sure she really likes tv, and its nothing about that, but it sounds like punishment isn't working out for you. my mother and i had a relationship like this for a long time, until she finally softened up. i'm 23 years old now, and it took her a long time before she opened up to me, and i feel like the healing process has begun for me. so please, if i'm wrong or too assuming, tell me how it is and i can give you other advice to my best knowledge. but this is my experience, and it totally messed up my life, and i didn't even believe my mom loved me until i was ... well, 23. and it hurt. if i can guess, your daughter is hurting very badly and just needs her mom. that's all i needed/wanted and i acted out just to get her attention, her time, her love. again, i'm sorry you're very angry, i know you probably don't deserve it and kids are so stressful (have one of my own now) so i can sympathize as a mother, but as a daughter, i feel like this breaks my heart.
2 people like this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
My daughter did the same things to me and I showed her love and kindness. she never showed it back to me though. All she ever wanted to do and still does to this day, is hurt me, and there is no excuse for it! I have asked and she says there is no excuse, yet she chooses not to change her ways either!
@BLTLife (337)
• United States
18 Sep 11
have you ever thought about not thinking about yourself in this whole situation? did you even think about how she's feeling?
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
9 Sep 11
Hi, giftsandbagscom. I am so sorry gifts, I really am. My main concern is wondering where your daughter is at and if she is okay!!! The streets can be a dangerous and unsafe place for anyone that is wandering or running around in it. I know that with Kay Kay going to Job Corp would mean so much to you. I know how badly that you wanted her to go so that she can succeed and have a better life. Job Corp is a positive thing for her to get into and you could not have thought of any other better solution right now for Kay Kay. I truly hope that where ever your daughter is at, she is only safe. I am going to send a special prayer to God to ask him to protect your daughter. I am so sorry that she has broken your heart.
2 people like this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
If KK is exactly like my daughter, she does not care about the dangers of running the streets. My daughter would not listen or care about anything.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
9 Sep 11
You HAD to tell them she was missing? I probably would have avoided saying ANYTHING unless it was imminent that she was LEAVING and I didn't know where she was. I won't touch on the issue of her just disappearing after you went to sleep because obviously that WASN'T okay and I'm sure she realized that and left anyway. I know that you love her but she is really pushing the boundaries, it might be very tough love but I agree that both of you might be better off if she was living somewhere else. Maybe in the experience, she will figure out that she had it good living with you and be sorry for the trouble she caused you.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Yeah. Parents get tired of covering for their kids. You get to the point that you just go ahead and say they are missing because you are tired of making excuses or paiting a pretty picture for them when they keep screwing up. I just went through this and still going through this with my daughter.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
painting*
• United States
9 Sep 11
Gosh, who knew she would even do that just to hang with her boyfriend! I bet that is the reason.. I remember she didn't want to leave her abusive boyfriend. I don't blame you one bit... if she goes to a group home, she will have to abide by the rules. You can only do so much! She just told you she would go to placate you, i bet.. and she probably planned all along that she would ditch it.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Yep!!!!!!!!!! Sounds just like my daughter. My daughter lied to me so much. She did not do one thing I asked her to do. she would do just the opposite or nothing at all. She has totally messed her life up now. KK is headed there too. It kills me that our young daughters are putting good mothers like us through the mill like this.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Sep 11
I know! I know your situation Steph... It's just awful that kids or grown kids will put their parents through so much.
@Amanda81587 (3046)
• United States
9 Sep 11
I am sorry to hear that you are having much difficulties with your child. How old is she? I have three little kids and I am dreading the teen years. I am sure one day she is going to look back and realize that she messed up big time.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
I think gifts said KK was 17. My daughter did the same thing to me in the last year and she moved out when she was 18 and things are worse now than ever. I had to wash my hands of her. I cannot make her change. She has totally messed her life up now though.
• United States
11 Sep 11
Yeah I think right after this post she posted another discussion stating the age. I know this must be difficult. My children are still under seven so I have yet to experience this. I just hope it does not get this bad.but teenagers will be teenagers.
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
9 Sep 11
Gifts, so sorry to hear this. I know that Job Corp would be good for her. I would immediately call the police and I would tell them that when they pick her up then to take her to juvy. I would leave her there for awhile and I would make sure that she stays there awhile. She needs to learn that she can't do these things. There is no way that my child would have pushed me to these limits as she knew that her dad would bust her butt and she knew that I would have her in juvy. No child is going to disrespect me! If I had thought she was going to leave during the night, I would have an alarm on the doors and bars on the windows. I made my daughter go to work with me overnight and sleep in the breakroom once because she was sneaking around with a boy we told her she was not allowed to see. She was 17 but she learned quickly that I meant business!
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
I would to. I think she needs to go to juvenile. If I had it to do all over again, I would have sent my daughter whether it straightened her up or not. I highly doubt it. Nothing bothers her. she always wanted to be anywhere but in her loving home anyway.
• United States
9 Sep 11
I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has disappointed you. I was a very rebellious little girl. Thankfully someone was able to figure me out and help guide to make better decisions! Don't give up on your daughter! You are the most important thing in her life... whether she thinks so or not!
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Glad to hear things changed around for you. My daughter acts just like gifts daughter does. She moved out and she no longer has anything to do with me or her dad. she will have our grandbaby this month also and we will never see it. She is still horrible and rebellious.
@celticeagle (119854)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Sep 11
I really don't blame you. You made it so easy for her and she really had it good. She really messed royally. Does job corp put her back at the bottom of the list? Her waiting until you go to sleep and then leaving reminds me of what my granddaughter used to do to me. Ugh!
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
I madeeverything easy for my daughter too but also tried to teach her responsibility. she did the same things to me as gifts daughter done to her though. Nothing but total disrespect.
@celticeagle (119854)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Sep 11
Maybe we shouldn't make it so easy for them. Make them tougher. I don't know.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
10 Sep 11
Good greif, that girl just doesn't learn, does she? Does she even really want to go to Job Corp? They are pretty strict there. She'll just get kicked out if she doesn't smarten up pretty quick. I would definitly cut her allowance back to next to nothing.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
I feel so sorry for gifts. I am going through this with my daughter. she has now moved out though but she still has not changed her ways and her "husband" is going to prison soon and she will have our only grandbaby this month that we will never see because she is so hateful and doesn't come around!
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Hi Steph, Me too. I went through this with my daughter at that age too. It was a horrible time for the whole family and she nearly got us all kicked out from our place with her antics. Reading these stories puts me right back there. Hang in there! My daughter came around at last. Of course her past will haunt her for a while but she has done a lot to turn her life around and I'm real proud of her. She just turned 25 and we are closer now than I could have imagined possible. I hope your daughter will do the same. Sometimes having a baby has a way of making one grow up real quick.
• Canada
10 Sep 11
I had a relative take her daughter to family and children services and demand she be placed somewhere, because the family just could not handle her. It often gets to that case with teenager and young adults, and when they can no longer live at home without turning the household upside down, that is what must be done.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Amen. My daughter kept this whole house upside down for 20 years. Now that she moved out, I never see her again. She is a horrible, knieving person!
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
To clarify that. I love her to no end. She is my daughter, but she has done so many hateful things to me, that it is better that we are not around each other until she changes her ways, if ever.
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 11
hi gifts oh my gosh I hate that and I really want to blame job corp but reall its Kaykays fault and now she has flew the coop again. Job corp would have straightened out her attitude. Now God only knows . Is she still on that modeling kick as that's the most asinine thing. the ones who look for new w.h.o.r.e.s use that to trick and trap naive girls.You know maybe a stint in juvy might just shock the bejabbers out of her or that other one I think they have that in your state where these kids like Kaykay are sent to a tough love place where they are taught to obey or else,it seems to work wonders on some kids as they had never before felt they had to obey a parent at all ever. I cannot think of what they call it but its worth looking into I doubt she would last in a group home as she seems to take off whenever she feels like it with no respect to you or Adrian.Did you ever get her to talk about why she just took off? You do need some help with her for sure.doesn't she see you love her and that's why you wont let her do things that would hurt her? I feel for you really as this is not what you wanted and I really thought she wanted it too?
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 11
I found it on the i nternet its c alled Tough Love boot camps for teens and they wo rk with themn to turn their lives around and respect their families. they have them for teen age girls and it might be an option as she needs more help and yuo need more help right now than you can give and its not your fault. you have tried and tried and she just does not respect you or she would feel bad for what she done to you. hope sonething good happens here.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
I tried to get my daughter to go to college. she wanted no part of it. I asked her what she would like to do and she said, nursing or something like that. She lied!!!!!!!!!! She does not want to do anything with her life. We got her a job twice and she quit both times. She now has lost everything she ever owned that we bought for her because she let the guy she is with, pawn every bit of it and blow the car up. Now she lives pillar to post after moving out of here, is due with a baby this month, her husband is going to prison and she don't care. She si still cold as steel and hates our guts! How could these kids do this to good parents that love their kids so much? It is so hateful and disrespectful too.
@yoyo1198 (3643)
• United States
11 Sep 11
I was thinking all along during this crisis that KK was trying to sabotage her job corps admission. Looks like she achieved that. She figures that in the long run, you will do nothing and it will all be worth it for her. She won't have to go to job corps and you will just keep on taking care of her with no consequences on her part.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Yep. My daughter did the same things to me. They just do not listen!
• United States
10 Sep 11
I'm sorry to hear that giftsandbagscom, I can only imagine how upset you must be. She is really missing out on a great opportunity right now. I do hope she comes home though, the street are no joke! especially for a female teenager. If she is 17, you are still legally responsible if anything happens to her but when she is 18, you can wash your hands with her. Some people have to learn the hard way. I hope everything works out!
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Alot of kids these days do not care about the opportunities. They just want to do what they want, when they want, be it good or be it bad! Very disrespectful and keeps their parents nerves torn up!
• United States
10 Sep 11
I wish I could hug you for real. I really, really, really hope she gets her act together. And I really really really hopes she gets a spot back in the Job Corps where she can have a decent future! Keep us posted!
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
I wish I could be there for her too. I am going through or have been through alot of the same things gifts is going through. These kids have no respect.
• United States
10 Sep 11
That is terrible your daughter lost this opportunity. My prayers are with you and I hope everything works out for you.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
I think it is terrible also that KK doesn't even give her mom any respect. I never got any from my daughter either.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
10 Sep 11
I'm sorry that she left again! Hopefully she'll be safe and when she gets back, maybe you can look into a group home or something. Just not tell her, act normal and then when it comes time to go however that might happen tell her you're sorry but it's best for her if she gets into a group home for awhile.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
KK will probably love that. I feel so sorry for gifts. My daughter always wanted to be anywhere but here. She would gladly live with a stranger than to live here where she is loved the most. I do not know what has gone wrong with teen daughters these days!!!!! They have gone totally WILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
10 Sep 11
ohhhhh what is wrong with her??
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
11 Sep 11
It sounds to me that she has no respect for herself or her mother. She could care less that her mother wants better for her.