A bad tasting sandwich!
By Humbug25
@Humbug25 (12540)
September 11, 2011 3:32am CST
So I have these two friends who I have known for a couple of years or so, one friend slightly longer than the other. Now they have only gone and fallen out big time and I feel like the filling in a sandwich! One is just telling me all about the arguements every time I see her and she is so repetative and the other hasn't really said too much about it at all.
They have their different versions of events and I am not sure who to believe.
I have told the both of them that I will not pick sides and it would be unfair of them to expect me to. I have also told them both that whatever they say to me I will not repeat to anyone. I understand they want to get things off their chest about each other but I will just listen, not necessarily agree and make no comments. I don't think they will ever be friends again!
Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do? What was the outcome?
2 people like this
17 responses
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
15 Sep 11
These situations usually get solved if you put each together and talk to them. I've been in this type of situation and the true event usually emerges upon discussion with both person involved.
1 person likes this
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
If you think that's what's gonna happen then I'll just have to agree with you. I don't know both of them for one thing.
1 person likes this
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
11 Sep 11
There isn't much a person can do in a situation like the kind you described accept remain neutral, and tell your friends that you do not want to get caught in the middle of their issues and you care for them both as friends as you stated in your post
Also you could let these friends know how difficult it is for you to constantly hear about their issues though your are a good listener sometimes it's tough for you, maybe if you are more open, and honest with both of them about your feelings regarding their on going disagreement you'll feel better and these two friends will begin to let it go and stop putting you in the middle, and maybe even drop the subject.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
12 Sep 11
Hi ya apples
Yes maybe I should tell the vocal one that I don't need to hear it anymore as this has being going on for some time now. Just when they had just about started speaking again something blew up again but the story of events of who started it is different. I will deffo let them get on with it for sure and just wait in the wings!
Thanks
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Oh my goodness yes, I have been in this position...more than once. I did the same as you, tried to stay nutural. I did tell them both that they needed to talk, that communication is the key to any relationship or friendship. That talking to me was not resolving anything. I'd listen but not make comments about what happened or about one another. It's hard being caught in the middle. I don't wish to be there again.
Good luck with this.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
12 Sep 11
Hopefully they will work it out because a good friend is hard to find. Hang in there!
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
11 Sep 11
It must be really hard for you. I am in the same situation right now, and all I tell them is I am a friend to the both of them and will remain that way unless one or both of them choose not to, and whatever their argument is about I'll leave it to them to settle because I know they are mature enough to fix it. They are now in a "mind-your-own-business" world, and they live under the same roof, a house I rented and allowed them to stay in. I don't know where it will lead or all go to but I hope they both come to their senses and just act their age, because honestly, the reason for their fight is so immature, and I tell them that.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
12 Sep 11
Hi ya choybel
Well thankfully my situation isn't as serious as yours so I totally sympathise with you. You try not to get involved with it don't you but they are the one's that involve you whether you like it or not. Hopefully it will all blow over soon. Living with a friend is a sure way to break a friendship and borrowing money is another, neither of which I would do! I have learnt that from the past myself haha
Cheers
Cheers @choybel (5042)
• Philippines
12 Sep 11
Well, thanks. I guess I could learn a lot from them. They are still in not good terms and I just leave them be. I just hope it doesn't get any worse because I have a feeling that I might really lose friends and I would hate for that to happen, especially over a very immature fight.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Yes indeed. There are always 2 sides to every story. Sometimes people only repeat what they want others to know. I have friends and family that do this. They leave out the parts where they may be at fault. So I just sit back and listen and try not to voice my opinion, as we know that if we do give our opinion, that it will only go back to the other person in the argument, and before you know it you are in the middle of the argument. You are doing the right thing by not taking sides. Just remember the saying Thou does protest to much. Sounds like that is what one of your friends is doing. And usually the one that protests too much, is the one who is guilty or had a big part in the argument. By not taking sides you force them to solve the situation themselves. If they are meant to be friends again, they will be. If not that is ok too.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
12 Sep 11
Hi there MaryLynn321
Never a wiser word spoken haha. You are indeed right in what you say, I most certainly want to add fuel to their fire which is indeed already and infurno! What could possible be worse than me being a cause of further erruptions!
Thanks Mary
1 person likes this
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
12 Sep 11
I think you meant you don't want to add fuel to the fire. I am sure this argument is over something silly or minor. It is a shame that they can't sit down and discuss the problem and solve it one way or the other.
Adding fuel to the fire would only be worse and then you would also be stuck in the situation.
I would just let the one know you don't want to discuss the situation, that is between the two of them to resolve. If she or he gets mad, oh well.
Good luck.
Hugs
@allknowing (130067)
• India
7 Oct 11
In a relationship no third party can play any significant role for the simple reason not everything is transparent. So your stand is the best one. I too do the same. Sometimes the third party gets into trouble!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Sep 11
hi humbug oh yes when I was in my teens manyyears ago my parents quarreled all the time and guess who had to listen to each ones complaints about the other, me of course. now what was I supposed
to do, pick a favorite, they were my parents, my dad really was to blame but until I went on my own I had to live with them. finally I did tell him if he did not quit picking on my mom the quarreling would never stop.so then for years he rarely talked to me sad b ut he was not the greatest person in the world either. father or not.
to do, pick a favorite, they were my parents, my dad really was to blame but until I went on my own I had to live with them. finally I did tell him if he did not quit picking on my mom the quarreling would never stop.so then for years he rarely talked to me sad b ut he was not the greatest person in the world either. father or not.1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
12 Sep 11
Hi Hatley
Aww that really is a sad story. My dad too has been a pain in the backside in the past to the point that I didn't speak to him for 15 odd years, I just couldn't be dealing with him and he hurt my mum so much in the past, I felt that I was better off without him in my life. We are in contact now but it is not a very strong relationship and actually it is me that is always the one to call or make the contact as he believes it should be us kids to call him not the other way around. Dad's eh?
Thanks
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Oh yes I have had a similar situation and to be honest it does not end well no matter which way you try to unravel the situation. I was honest with the both of them, and specifically told them both, that I cared for them equally and if they valued my friendship they would not put me in the middle.
Anytime one started yacking about the other I would stop her in her tracks. At any rate my two friends were way too stubborn and it caused distance between us all.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
12 Sep 11
Hi there hardworkinggurl
Aww that is a shame but at least your concience is clear in knowing that you weren't the cause of the wedge but it doesn't make things any easier does it? You can't do things together as you used to. Luckily we never had that relationship as a threesome (so to speak) so it is not hard for me to keep them apart and it doesn't spoil any outings!
Cheers
@globaldoc (858)
• Philippines
12 Sep 11
I think by being quiet you are doing the right thing. You might just end up as the blaming sponge or punching bag for them.
1 person likes this
@flowerfest08 (1677)
•
12 Sep 11
hi:)
My God that's hard!
I've been into that kind of situation many times, but just like you I don't take sides I listen to both of then and told them that maybe it's better if they let it rest for awhile then maybe after a day or two they can talk with each other and iron things out. goodluck!
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
12 Sep 11
Hi ElicBxn
Hmm I like that saying and I am sure that is the case. I feel that the one that is more vocal wants to get her case across first so I am likely to believe her first but I am not daft, I am sure the friend I have known longer is the one that is telling the truth!
Thanks
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Bless your heart , u are in a pickle. U are being smart to listen & not comment because they could turn on u & one of them are likely to if u aren't careful. I have 2 neighbors that got into it a few years ago & one of them was very vocal & still it is if i'd listen to it but i don't. She was the one that was wrong but since she tried to apologize to him & he wouldn't accept it she blames him now.
.
.@Humbug25 (12540)
•
12 Sep 11
Hi ANTIQUELADY
Yes I do feel like I am in a pickle and the one that is being more vocal has said that the other one told her that I may have said something but at least I know my concience is clear and I know I wasn't the one that said a thing. I am just going to keep my distance until they at least cool down a bit!
Thanks
@Judy890 (1644)
• United States
11 Sep 11
This occurs a lot especially for people who have 2 friends you find yourself in the middle of everything and since you're not the one arguing with them they talk to you about everything and want you to take sides. I've been in this situation before what I did was I talked to the both of them and said "If you two dont stop arguing and trying to make me pick sides I ill stop talking to the both of you" They then started talking about why they both were mad and I told them to make up.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
12 Sep 11
Hi ya Judy890
It's funny because it is rare that all 3 of us were together at any given time anyway so its not hard to keep them apart or the worry of going for coffee for one and not the other is not there, so I am lucky there. I just hate having this pressure of them off loading on me but I guess they will do it because they know I know them and I can relate to them but like you said I am sure the more vocal one is just trying to get me on her side I am sure.
Cheers
Cheers