Love marriage

@ravisivan (14055)
India
September 11, 2011 8:04pm CST
In India even today love marriages are not that common as it is in western countries. Boys and girls depend on their parents to identify the life partner. this is helping matrimonial agencies to have roaring business. Newspapers get a lot of ads. Televisions have a lot of programs on this. Somehow it is felt in India that percentage of love marriages success is less than the percentage of successes in arranged marriages. What is your view regarding this taking into account the practice prevalent in your country/community/district?
7 people like this
15 responses
• United States
12 Sep 11
As you may know in my country we do not practice arranged marriages. Most are based on love marriages with the exception of perhaps those that do so out of convenience and or perhaps pregnancy issues. But all are pretty much out of choice and most do obtain their own life partners. I can't compare ours to arranged marriages because I have not directly encountered anyone offline who is in an arranged marriage, but from what I understand being a member here, it is usually successful in India to have the arranged marriages. I have read one member here who although it was an arranged marriage, the marriage is suffering and the husband wants out. I can't remember if this is allowed in her culture but she is very sadden by the situation.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
12 Sep 11
HWG: thanks for responding. I know in western countries it is only love marriages thar are done. In a few discussions girls have told that it their responsibility to find a partner. In India majority is arranged marriages - and out of that a small percentage fails and results in divorce. Mine was an arranged marriage and my children also had arranged marriage and are doing fine. Of course God's grace also should be there. good day.
3 people like this
13 Sep 11
I am certain that arranged marriages do have an element of love in them from the start but it is the love of the parents for their children. If parents love and want their offspring to be happy then they will surely choose a wonderful spouse for them. Someone they feel in their heart will be a good match for them in building a loving and supportive home. I am sure this is also done here in The West but very quietly. Mothers usually know what sort of mate their sons or daughters should marry and try to search them out and bring them together in some way! I know from having lived in India that some arranged marriages are a disaster from day one. Others couldn't be improved upon. As you say, Ravi, God is the best Matchmaker!
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
29 Sep 11
You have lived in India. You have seen different experiences. I go with your phrase"God is the best matchmaker" (not cricket matches !!)
@Hatley (163755)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Sep 11
hi ravisivan here in the US we mostly have what you call love marriages. oh some say there is too much divorce but there are still a lot of love marriages that last for long years. So our practices are altogether different from yours. I know a lot of love marriages fail as people will not accept each other the way they are they marry expecting to change the other person to suit their ideas and love does not work that way,so unconditional love is the only real love where you accept each other the way you really are blemishes and good spots both. doing that you accept each other and no hard feelings because she does not lose fifteen pounds and he forgets to put the toilet seat down.To me going into a picked out marriage would have scared me sick as what if the girl really disliked the boy the parents picked out then what happened? do they grow to love each other or what,. I have an Indian couple whom their parents arranged their marriage but they had eyes on each other before their parents chose the man so they were really in love anyway although their parents arranged it. they are really good friends of mine we met in a diabetes seminar and me and Nelda And Shiv and his wife formed a small support group along with Alice and her daughter. we all learned a lot from shiv about alternative herbal remedies and we really enjoyed our meetings. now we are all parted and I feel sad not being able to see my friends any more.so I do not really know enough about arranged marriages to really talk about it as I know several couples who seem really happy and have been married for years and they were arranged marriages.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
12 Sep 11
Hatley aunty: thanks for your response. Yes. You may not be aware of the concept of arranged marriages since such a system is not practiced in USA. After having a child one or two each starts not vibing well with the other and that results in separation--that results in more single parents. Yes. we have in Indian system imbibed a culture to accept the married partner as it is and carry on.
@babes295 (107)
• Philippines
12 Sep 11
in many cases, arranged marriage is not suggested because in the long run you may end up separating. doing marriages with love is the most successful and ideal in our country. of course if you love your husband/wife, you will have a peaceful and happy marriage. and everything will follow.
2 people like this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
12 Sep 11
babes - welcome to mylot. Yes. In phil love marriages are not practiced as in India. May be it is in India, srilanka and pakistan arranged marriages are there nowadays. In other countries it may not be there. In India it works well.
2 people like this
@isloooboy (1741)
• United Arab Emirates
12 Sep 11
The biggest hurdle in love marriages in India are our parents, relatives and socitey who never cooperate with those love birds with open mind and by heart. The just impose that they are with us but in reality they always try to break us aprt. So till the change of mentality of our society happen, no real effect will be seen. I wish they accept love birds with pure heart. Cheers
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
12 Sep 11
islooboy: I initially posted a lengthy response. But it did not get through. Yes. I see that you are in favour of love marriage and I can see that you will go for one such. True parents are the hurdle against love marriages. Thinking has to change.
1 person likes this
@isloooboy (1741)
• United Arab Emirates
13 Sep 11
Well.....Some times our parents seems to be victim of society, when they say to you, "What will the World say about it? or Don't you know what will be the family response?. You never thought about our respect in the family?. So they never think about us or about them but they always think about the others, so some times I feel pain for them as well because for me they are also victims of the society.
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
29 Sep 11
good point. We are not living in isolation. We are with others in society. We do give regard for others views. Of course youngsters may hold different view. You are young. However I agree with you.
@williamjisir (22909)
• China
29 Sep 11
Now in our country, it is love marriage. Young people fall in love with each other and develop their relationship till the day when it is time for them to get married. Arranged marriage could happen in some rural areas. Mine is love marriage and so will my son's.
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
29 Sep 11
You are from China. Nice. What was the situation say about 60 years back. It would have been more of arranged marriages. Nice to hear that you marriage was love marriage and you are telling that your son's marriage also will be love marriage only and are confident of its success. Great.
@nadooa247 (1097)
• United States
24 Sep 11
Both types of marriage will have their happy endings and their disasters. What people are failing to point out is that there is a MAJOR difference between ARRANGED marriage and FORCED marriage. Arranged marriage the parents look for a potential spouse for their son or daughter. Their son or daughter has specific do(s) and don't(s). Such as no smoking what level of education, religion, age etc. Then both sides either give a yes or no. There IS a freedom of choice in the matter. In these types of marriages the divorce rates are not insanely high. Forced marriage is what those that don't know the difference cringe about when they hear the word "arranged". This is the type of marriage where one or both sides are pushed together into a marriage despite objections and such. The guy might be forced to marry for some reason and the same with the girl. YES guys can be forced as well. The girl can be forced to marry the guy and her "husband" could be totally clueless and the other way around as well. Love marriages can also end in divorce as we all know. Either type can carry on to be happy long marriage in the long run or a miserable one where one or both sides want out. Same applies to love marriage, because people might go into a marriage too early without really knowing the person which becomes clear when both live under the same roof.
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
29 Sep 11
nadooa _ You are from USA wherein it is mostly love marriages only. But you seem to be having excellent ideas about arranged marriage, forced marriage and also love marriage. I go with your views. Tolerance is the key to success of marriage or relationships.
@allknowing (58050)
• India
13 Sep 11
In India it is not just the couple but two families get married. The parents look for situations that could make life easy for both families interacting with each other but more importance is given to how compatible a couple is. These factors are important as here in India it is a family affair.
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
29 Sep 11
allknowing; You brought the right point. Families get together in marriages and it is the success of interaction between these two families that decides the success of marriage. Nice way of explaining it. Further compatibility, tolerance are other factors to be taken note of.
@eseulhan (199)
• Philippines
13 Sep 11
Wow! That hits me! Did you just said arranged marriages are far more successful than love marriages? I am from the Philippines and what i know is that love marriages are successful. I thought China only has that tradition, so as well as India has that too. Knowing someone longer and better is one important factor in marriages, love takes time to grow so it is proper for both persons to enjoy dating with each other first. Marriage is a union of love so how can you be called married couple if you dont love each other. Arranged marriages doesn't work mostly, people choose to marry the ones whom they truly love. when i will get married soon, ill choose the one person whom I cant live without rather the one who is arranged for me.
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
13 Sep 11
eseulhan: welcome to mylot. I know in Philipines arranged marriages are not there. People marry or live together after knowing the other person. You are right in having your view. I was telling in reference to Indian situation - arranged marriages are successful more percentage than love marriages. have a good day.
• Mexico
12 Sep 11
Hi ravisivan: I have read the experiences of some persons that it has worked for them but it may be my culture, but I don't feel comfortable with the idea of someone choosing my partner for the rest of my life. The worst part is that, there might be the possibility that they choose someone I find ugly or that when I meet with my wife I don't like it. So it be really depressive that you are living with someone you don't love and you don't even choose. But as I said I'm giving my opinion that is influenced by my own culture. ALVARO
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
12 Sep 11
starsailover: Thanks for your response. I understand in Mexico arranged marriage system is not in vogue. This tells one good thing - that boys and girls are matured enough to select their partner. It is good if there are no separations. In India in arranged marriages normally consent of boy and girl is obtained.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
12 Sep 11
I have always found arranged marriages fascinating. If neither of the couple have not already fallen for someone else, I can see advantages. Parents tend to pick a partner from a family with many things in comman and hopefully they take into consideration their child's personality and what they need to compliment their character. I don't know what the statistics are on happiness in arranged marriges but the divorce rates in 'love' marriages are so high maybe some input from parents is a good thing. Parents have a wisdom and maturity their children do not yet have.
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
29 Sep 11
You must be from India. Nice you support arranged marriages. In USA where you are living it is only love marriages that are done and they either succeed or ... I agree with you that parents have more maturity in deciding on the partner for their children. A different thinking from among usa members.
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
12 Sep 11
I dont agree with arrange marriage coz here we raise in our choices. Its hard to have a husband that you do not love. Anyway someday soon you will know to love him and then you have the happy ending marriage couple. And to some other areas like muslim countries ans india as well they practice such kind of marriage. And we do nothing with that. They need to follow their old ways and that is their culture. But here where i am living now we are free. Only thing is we do not allow divorce. But even there is no divorce here many and lots of my friends are single mother. I really dont know why they isnt agree in this kind of law. But still good no divorce,,, or bad its depend on the situation we are.
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
29 Sep 11
You are from philipines. You say that marriages are love marriages only and that your people do not allow divorces. that is good. But you also state that there are single mothers. Yes. I have not heard of single father. It is always the mother who takes care of the child after separation. good day.
@mmespino (77)
• Philippines
12 Sep 11
In my country, arranged marriages are in lesser percentage. Marriage is a contract of lifetime commitment. How can you commit if you are not devoted to your partner? How can you become devoted if you don't love your partner? maybe others would say that in the process they will develop the "love". Maybe YES for a few but majority will be NO. Common reasons for an arranged marriage is that, fame/popularity, money/wealth, power/authority - based on the stories i've heard :) thus, a couple will live together for the sake of this material/temporary things but not in the name of love.
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
12 Sep 11
mmespino: You are from Philipines and the culture prevalent therein is different from that of India. Your views are correct. But why many people who marry opt for separation after a lapse of time. Such incidents are comparatively less in India possibly due to tolerance level taught right from childhood. opinion differs. good day.
• Philippines
12 Sep 11
This is not being practiced in my country. Couples end up marrying one another out of a love developed through the years. It makes more passionate having this.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
29 Sep 11
You are from philipines and where I understand marriages are done by boy and girl of their own choice and it succeeds largely. fine. have a nice day.
• India
12 Sep 11
ya you have said that is very much true that love marriage are not so common in india yet because parents thinks that they chooses guy is perfect so they they believe in arrange marriage and so matrimonial agencies have increased and many fraud have been also increased And as the % of love marriage and arrange marriage is there no matter which marriage it is love whether arrange it matter how much understanding, trust is there in you and your partner because on this basis only marriage works
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
14 Sep 11
sheetal -- To some extent what you say is right. It is only the understanding between the two that counts. Tolerance is the keyword for making a marriage success.
@sswallace21 (1824)
• United States
12 Sep 11
I think a person should be able to pick their partner. I'm sure in arranged marriages there are a lot of people who are unhappy and can not get out of the situation. Knowing your mate first seems to be a better option for me. Best Wishes!
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
14 Sep 11
sswallace: Yes. I agree in Phil arranged marriages are not there. Love marriages only are done and they seem to be working. ok fine.