Is wife beating common in your society?

India
September 12, 2011 8:33am CST
This topic i had to raise because of an incident that happened two days before in my city.A famous film actor beat his wife badly.She lodged a complaint with the police under various sections-attempting murder,assault etc etc.Misunderstanding between the spouses was brewing since the past few years.Wife alleged that her hubby was having extra marital relations with another actress.She later withdrew her complaint under persuasion from her wellwishers . Tell me have you ever been in a situation like this? What would you do if it happened and how is it in your society?
6 people like this
23 responses
• United States
12 Sep 11
Wife beating goes on everywhere, I think. I mean, spousal abuse is common among some families in varying degrees. Sometimes even the wife is the abuser. I've been hit from time to time by a former husband, and I finally got sick of it and left him and divorced him. There is no sense staying in a marriage like that. Now, if I were married again, I would not tolerate it one time. He hits me once and he is history.
1 person likes this
• India
12 Sep 11
Wish you could teach all the women and girls not to tolerate any kind of violence.I like your bold statement once your man hits you and you gonna make him history.
• India
13 Sep 11
May be you have your own source of income. Its perhaps that reason why you could act so assertively with your first hubby..Not every women have this freedom of financial security. So they endure silently for the sake of her family. You are lucky in that respect
@huilichan8 (1379)
• Singapore
12 Sep 11
I have not been in a similar situation and I won't be (becos I have no intention to get married). If it happens to me, I would lodge a complaint with the Family Court and I would get a protection order against my spouse; however, I won't lodge a complaint with the police becos they are useless. (It's true based on my personal experiences with them.) I may file for divorce if it happens more than once. I will stay away from my spouse. Thankfully, it's not common in my country. I guess it's because of Women's Charter and probably also because there are quite a number of women's activist groups here. And maybe because Singaporean men are generally not violent? (It's my guess.)
• India
13 Sep 11
wonder why you have decided to stay single. Is it because you have assumed that men are wife beaters and hence you dont want to take a risk?.Not all men are bad. Also before you get married be prepared for such an eventuality,if that should happen. Then you wont be caught in situation of making tough decisions, because you are prepared for it already
• Singapore
13 Sep 11
I don't have faith in men. That's the main reason. Another reason is becos there are many things I want to do in life and so I won't have time for a serious relationship.
• Singapore
13 Sep 11
I just checked out your profile and realised you're a guy...so sorry...
@anil02 (2886)
• India
13 Sep 11
No have right is any case to beat his wife. What ever may be the fault of wife but no one can beat his wife. After all wife is also a human being. He is nor property of her husband. In my society it is not common one. Indeed it is common in lower class to beat their wives. Indeed they illitrate persons.
• India
14 Sep 11
Its common at every level of the society. Its just that its not reported.its wong to beat women for whatever reason.Men mostly beat women knowingly fully well that 90% of them cant beat back
@anil02 (2886)
• India
14 Sep 11
I don't see this thing in my family. But I listen that some men beats their wives. It is not good thing. Women must be oppose it. In need she must beat back.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
13 Sep 11
I believe this kind of thing happens in all societies. It happens here in the USA as well. It is against the law. But some people put up with such things.
• India
14 Sep 11
When the women who is the victim doesn't have any other source of income she obviosly keeps silent and endures it. But those who can lead an independent life do take a positive step to lead a single life
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
14 Sep 11
That is not always the truth. Many who can support themsleves stay in abusive shituations. Also many who can not support themselves leave. Many just keep hoping that their mate will change. Some are scared by the husband into staying because he will threatened to do her more harm and even kill her if she leaves him.
• India
13 Sep 11
some of mans,and boys are in depression,they are cruel in nature ,so lot of time they just want to smack them,and the boys who not respected for ladies,they do this,in my society ,there are a lot of cases,a lot woman comes in the hospital for their medical treatment because their husband beat them,my mother is a nurse,and i see a lot of cases like that,some men think that whatever they want to do that ,and if the wife is not saticfied and if they quarrel with her husband then they beat her,because they don't like that his wife say anything to him,because of thier self restect and men society has power in our india,
• India
13 Sep 11
its wrong to beat a women, whether she is a wife,sister or mother. Women are physically weak by nature. So by beating them men are not proving their manlyness. On the other hand they are looked down as weak and immature
• India
13 Sep 11
i know its wrong,and i understand this very well,but some of cruel type of men does not understand,they are so rude,so they beay beat a woman,if they do this,this is just by their nature,,
• India
12 Sep 11
I would not say it is common but yes it there for sure. There are womens who go through all this but never complain but at the same time few have come out and could speak out. I totally disagree with this process of torturing women for any reason and hope that we will not see this happening in future.
• India
13 Sep 11
YEs women are not tools or toys for men to play around with.They must be respected. If they do something serious then obviously they are more saner ways to get out of it and not beating her
1 person likes this
• India
13 Sep 11
Yes, they should be treated equelly like men, they are not behind in any fiend.. b eit technology or house... they are ahead everywhere.
@youless (87499)
• Guangzhou, China
12 Sep 11
I think that this situation is not very common in my society. Most couples don't solve problems like that. At least I haven't heard any of my friends who will beat or being beaten by their spouses. Of course there will be arguments sometimes, but not the violent fights. I love China
• Netherlands
12 Sep 11
you truly believe your friend would talk with you about it? Don't you think that they would feel ashamed and hide instead?
• India
13 Sep 11
I think wakeupkitty has answered well to your comments. People dont come out in the open to discuss these matters.
• Malaysia
15 Sep 11
i am a product of that .... my mother was beaten by my dad all the time ... it was confusing, but we did not hate our father ... now at this age and in a committed relationship with a wonderful husband... i see where it went wrong .. sorry to say this but i blame my mother ... she is a kind woman, loving and caring but she was lost .... i believe she was romantic and living in her own dreamworld and not looking at the reality of the world. She wants to live 'LIFE' while my dad was the opposite, he wants to save and keep money, he gets angry very fast (that was his weakness) and he listens to his mother (the provoking agent). Even today when my mother is advising us, she has that 'i am right' attitute which could have confused my dad. My dad never spent money unnecessary, and he never even spend any on himself, he saved them, recently he told someone he has kept money for our mothers future, so that she will never have to depend on any of the children when he is gone .... They still fight and fight .... my mother with her own thoughts and dad with his own thoughts .... The Fight now is only arguments .... but that is what is burning the fire in their life .... Recently, last year my mother was robbed in our house, young man really hit her hard, really hard she broke her jaws and tooth but she regained well ..... and all this we believe was because of being punched by my dad ..... if others they can never survive the robbery believe me .....
• Saudi Arabia
19 Sep 11
Hi sanjana aslam. I feel bad after reading all this. I don't want to say this but please don't wash your linens in public. You want people to know whats happening in your house? Just because a question is posted on mylot doesn't mean you should blurt your family problems. I know it really hurts but you should portray that everything is alright. Some senior person should advice daddy to not hit your mother, cause he will be answerable to God Almighty. A woman is of a weaker being and she is the queen of the house. Daddy is doing the right thing by saving for future, but he should make her understand as well that whatever I'm doing , it's just for you. He should provide her money as it's her right. Life becomes hell when the in-laws interfere. I hope your granny stops provoking your daddy. I have seen many husbands who have a robotic attitude with their mothers. "Whatever happens, my mother is right and you are wrong" type of attitude is engraved in them. Please get some senior to talk to your parents.
@sharra1 (6344)
• Australia
14 Sep 11
It happens in all societies, especially cultures patriarchal cultures and that is most of the world these days. It is a crime in Australia if you can prove it, which is the hard part, and if you can hold your nerve long enough to get to court. I am sorry that she was 'persauded' to drop the charges. Maybe she was threatened. Men like this give all men a bad name that many do not deserve. It is not enough just to make it illegal, the real problem is to support the victim so she can bring charges. Too often the victim is talked out of pressing charges in order to protect the male's reputation. Many people still believe that she must have done something to provoke him and so like a rape victim she is accused of causing the crime. This lets the male off the hook and he goes out and does it again. Patriarchal societies protect and bolster the male ego and treat women as second class citizens who should do as they are told. The law appears to treat them equally but in practice that does not happen because the cultural delusion that men are somehow better than women and should be allowed to do as they wish is still too strong. I have no idea if this will ever get better. If the women were allowed to bring their charges instead of being 'persauded' to drop them, then maybe their would be more of these sort of men in prison for their violence and the culture might change. As a woman I doubt it. Our culture seems to honor the bad men and denigrate the good ones. In my youth is a boy was gentle or nice to women he was called a girl as an insult. That still happens. Culture like this breeds violence.
• India
14 Sep 11
Yes she was persuaded to drop the charges to save the actors reputation.And more surprising was the decision by the Film Association to ban the other women for 3 years while this actor was let off.The court has rejected the bail application on the ground that the original statement of the complainant was more real and it was hard for the court to believe her retracted story.
1 person likes this
@Natho111 (19)
• Kuwait
13 Sep 11
It happened a lot in my place and I don't think it is a good idea.Wives are not children that you can beat like that because two of you are equal in marriage,though it happen attimes when we see wife beating the husband too but that of man beating wife is more common.I think it should be stop because they are not punching bag.
• India
14 Sep 11
Leave alone wifes beating children is also wrong.But this attitude of men to beat their spouse is most condemn able .This is no sign of manliness
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
13 Sep 11
Hi Preethaanju, Yes, it is fairly common but not at all acceptable. I was in an abusive marriage and I got out of it. I have not actually been in the situation you describe that that actress was in. I had no desire to make my husband look bad to anyone...just wanted to end the battle and did as peacefully as is possible with such a person. I did not have him charged with anything and did not use the things that happened within our marriage and between us to make his life miserabe.
• India
14 Sep 11
You took the safe route. This women has been enduring it for a long time. Since it was too much the last time she perhaps thought enough is enough.
@sylvia13 (1851)
• Nelson Bay, Australia
13 Sep 11
No, wife beating is not common where I now live or places where I have lived in the past. What I have seen that is common though is verbal abuse, although most time it is of the psychological type, which does not lead to any violence, but the wife is still put down and made to feel less.
• India
13 Sep 11
Its not a good thing to beat some one who has taken a vow to stay with you in good and bad times. Disagreements will happen. But physical assault is a big no no
• United States
13 Sep 11
Well it probably is common everywhere, we just don't see it. I have only been hit one time by a man and I did some very bad things to him afterwards. I cant stand for a woman or a child to be hit by a man and every time I see it, I literally change into a person that can not be controlled. I would hate to know what I could do if it happened to me, I would probably end up on snapped or something.
• India
13 Sep 11
I cant say its common in other countries because no women from the Western wprld will suffer silently. The have a more pro active attitude when it comes to such issues. its in a conservative society like India that women get bashed and yet remain with her hubby
@chiyosan (29388)
• Philippines
13 Sep 11
Oh yes, this is a common scenario here.. a man would beat up his wife and guess what? these men are drunkards, no work, and relies on the women to bring food to the table most of the time. But really.. this does not happen to the lower class alone... sometimes it does happen to all but not many would be aware, there are still some women who would rather be silent about this than accept and put their abusive husbands in jail for doing this.
• India
13 Sep 11
How can one call such people Men when they dont take care of their wife's and kids?If a man starts to live out of his wifes earnings then there is nothing more insulting than that.
@judelen (428)
• Philippines
13 Sep 11
Hello! If this happened to me, I'm not martyr enough to hold the relationship. But I thank God that I have a good husband. In think in relationship there should be an open communication. If you have a problem fells that one of you betray or have some affairs to another person, don't react immediately before you do something. Gather an evidence first before you act on it. Sometimes beating each other comes from a severe argument to your spouse. For me if this happened, of course if it is still for the first time, maybe we can talk about it an agree if this will happened for the second time. Maybe separation will follow if this will happened again. You know, wife is not deserving for that kind of relationship. They should talk whatever problems arises before it will become worst.
• India
13 Sep 11
Yes sorting out our differences through peaceful ways is the best option.Very often i have seen this. When a women who gets beaten the first time remains silent then almost surely she will be assaulted in future too. So to remain silent is not the answer.
@sunli123 (540)
• China
13 Sep 11
I am not sure if it is very common in my country in modern society. But it does exsit. Many wives(especially in the undevelopment area) are suffering from the family volience. And I guess there're several reasons for those husbands to beat their wives: 1. They grew up in such a family, or it is normal in their living environment. 2. The husbands have a bad temper or not confident, beating wives could make them feel better. 3. Some suffer from psychological problems and may feel terrible when beating their wives but couldn't control themselves. However, there're only a few wives choose to report to the police, most of them just bear this unfair and terrible thing. As how could the police do? Maybe they'll suffer more after the policemen go. Another way seems to divorce. But many wives are fulltime homemakers, they don't have jobs and don't even have living places after devorcing, that means they don't have the ability to raise their childern. Unfortunately the law in our country haven't considered all these so far and it is really not easy for women living. For me, I really wish I could have better luck and I will not quit my job even after marriage.
• India
13 Sep 11
Of course in modern society these types of incidents are becoming fewer and fewer.But in a conservative society like India it is very common even though it is not revealed and is brushed under the carpet
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
12 Sep 11
I would not go to the extent of saying that wife beating is common in our society, but it is something that happens here from time to time. The thing is, I think that abuse of any manner is unacceptable. However, physical beating is the abuse that is the most evident because it leaves marks. I think that there are far more women that are abused than we know of, but it is hidden because the majority of abuse takes part as verbal or psychological abuse.
• India
13 Sep 11
Its inhuman to beat a person who the world knows is physically weaker than men.If there are differences then it should be sorted through peaceful means. Getting the close relatives and friends involved is one way to tackle it.
@GemmaR (8527)
12 Sep 11
I live in the UK and domestic violence is a problem in many households in the modern day. Unfortunately, not many people will report incidents as they might be scared about looking weak, so this means that many people are suffering in silence every day without anyone knowing about what they're going through. It can have a terrible impact upon the mental health of sufferers and also on their families, as children are often victims of domestic violence as well as adults. We should keep an eye on our friends and family to make sure that they show no signs. The sooner it is spotted in them, the sooner everything can be sorted out.
• India
13 Sep 11
Yes bearing it in silence is more dangerous and will lead to more abuse. It must be brought to the knowledge of close relatives and friends and if possible get their help in sorting out the matter
• India
12 Sep 11
Its touching topic. sad but true its common here in india.We have strong law of domestic violence now but still the girl child grows up with this belief that the husband is permeshwar(God).Which was ok in ancient era but nowadays it is like a partiality in society.According to me whoever believes that he is a real man,shall never beat his wife..if he does,he is a coward. I know that domestic violence (specially beating wives by men)is common in west countries too but rights of women in west just not on papers..and women aware of their rights,so its not easy for a man to abuse any women in west. We have strong laws but either women are not aware of that or they dont tell about abuse or violence that they have to bear.
• India
13 Sep 11
Nobody is unequal in marriage. Both the male and the female have equal rights. To treat her hubby as 'God' is not the right attitude. It is this upper hand to the male in our society that makes man egoistic
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
12 Sep 11
No friend wife beating is not in our society but yes some little bit fighting by mouth is never mind...but really lots of people exist in the world they beat their wife but I think they should punished why they do this...
• India
13 Sep 11
Yes there are laws to punish them. But what will you do when the wife herself takes back her complaint? this happened in this case. The wife was forced by friends and relatives to take back her complaint