Sparkless

@Theresaaiza (10466)
Australia
September 17, 2011 8:11pm CST
- 6 years into a relationship - my father is still against it so we don't go public. Reason: Dad hates poor guys. Dad isn't rich. Dad wants daughter to go abroad first to be rich. - BF is 6 years older. - he wants to sette down. - I can't. I have no job. - His salary is enough for his mother. - We love each other - but we've become too familiar - how do you ignite a sparkless relationship?
2 people like this
11 responses
• Philippines
25 Sep 11
I do believe in destiny. If he is really the person you ought to have for the rest of your life, then be it. But if he's not the one? well, be it, too. Whatever relationship you are in, if you feel that that person is really for you then do everything for him in the name of love. Then sparks will just arise if that would happen. I have never been in relationships since birth, but I knew all these things because I have observed it from lovers these days. I hope you could really decide what to do on your love life. Work it out! :)
1 person likes this
@zearah (5289)
• Philippines
25 Sep 11
Destiny will come and go depends on how you will act on it.If you stay and just wait for your destiny it might not work, hehhe, some people traveled to different far places to find out destiny but unknowingly it is already beside him/her or so closer that he/she only not see.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
21 Sep 11
Most parents want better for their children than they have. I cant blame your dad for that. But he should just accept whoever you love. Everybody allt he way around would be happy then. If it sparkless then you can just let it go too. Another thing is the grass always looks greener on the other side. For example: Many forgein people come to the USA thinking that they are going to have a dream life. They are often surprized to find just as many poor and homeless people here as there are the world over.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
26 Sep 11
Also if you really want to get married it doesnt have to be a big fancy wedding. But if you have lost interest in getting married then dont do it becuase you can be sorry later. Iam also earning less than i was years ago. Its like a resession.
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
Is this from you're experience or some one elses? I thought you're BF works in abroad now? I can't tell you because i am single and have no clue what so ever on how to spark a relationship. am not even good with courting or impressing women, how much more if it's sparking a relationship. i have dull and boring moments most of the time. well, there's a lot of resources in youtube or you can imitate those who do it online. I've heard P.S. makes a good thrill, when you're alone
@Theresaaiza (10466)
• Australia
18 Sep 11
Hahaha, you naughty you! My BF is still here. He had been away a while because he had to do some paperworks in Manila. But now, he's home waiting for his plane tickets. Why is that I will end up giving you advice instead of the other way around! As for you LK, when you finally meet a girl you really like, everything comes naturally. You will feel that you need to do this to make her happy and win her heart. My advice to you is, be natural and come as you are. Sometimes, it doesn't hurt to put your best foot forward for a time as long as you know deep inside that you are sincere with your intentions.
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
I am not ready for it, this isn't the part where I have prepared for. financially? not good emotionally? maybe, Maturely? don't think it will last. I do understand and know when the time comes I might do what you have advised me to do..but i hate risk as well, guess isn't the right time..but thanks anyways, you have face this problems before i know there's a light to the end of the tunnel. godbless
@savypat (20246)
• United States
18 Sep 11
Maybe this BF has become an old friend instead of a great passion. If this is so that may be a great reason why you have not fought to complete it with marriage. It may be time to reconsider. Blessings
@Theresaaiza (10466)
• Australia
30 Sep 11
I am starting to think that I can't blame it all on his lack of creativity and his occasional male insensitivity because sometimes, I take him for granted when I am preoccupied with my own concerns. He isn't the expressive type so he keeps it all in and when conflicts arise, all those things bottled up just explode at me.
• United States
18 Sep 11
Dad needs to understand that all the money in the world can't buy happiness. It can only rent artificial pleasure. As for being sparkless, I would think going public would be be your first step. When people have to hide, it may be exciting at first, but then you start to feel trapped, both in life, and in the relationship. From there you can do more together, and and find a place in your circle of friends and family where you both belong. Dad might not like it, but if he loves you, he will want you to be happy.
@Theresaaiza (10466)
• Australia
30 Sep 11
He probably doesn't love me that much. My dad, I mean. Or it's just his twisted idea of loving me. It's so great for him to be concerned about my future but grounding me like this is just irrational. It hurts that he doesn't trust me enough.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
18 Sep 11
Somehow I have the idea that it is not only the dad who notices this relationship is not leading to anything. It all just sounds like a lot of (financial) problems. I wonder why it is not possible to settle down and live together. How much money do you need for that. That a father (parent) wants the best for his daughter I find normal. Even without having no penny you will find enough problems on your way (and this is not the age difference). I think it would be a smart plan that if you two really love each other and want to settle down together you both are starting to make money and save money. No matter how much you save but both you have to save! So.. make a living-together-plan. What to do to make that possible. And agree about a time limit you both will need for that. If you really want there is a way. If you don't do this you are only wasting your life waiting, hoping for something that will never happen. If you want something you (both) have to bring sacrafices for that and have to work hard. If you are settled down their is enough time to complain.
@Theresaaiza (10466)
• Australia
18 Sep 11
We are finding ways but as of now, getting married is not yet an option.
• United States
18 Sep 11
This is difficult because it sounds like Dad will not be easy to convince. So if indeed in love, both of you have to prove to Dad that in your love, it can conquer all. Sparking up the relationship? Hmm, spend more time together discussing a probable future. Some of the time needs to go to just enjoying each others company and not allowing the circumstances to be too stressful. Only hammering away at how we can make things better leads to a lot of frustration, especially if things are not changing. Though you both do need to plan and discuss there has to be some fun in it also.
@Theresaaiza (10466)
• Australia
18 Sep 11
I think I sounded like a robot up there! Thanks for that response HWG. It was very helpful. Actually our time is very limited because he's going to go abroad in about 2 weeks to a month from now. Then there's detachment syndrome getting in the way.
@KrauseHome (35034)
• United States
20 Sep 11
Personally in todays day and age you often see a lot of this and hear about this. People that are letting true feelings stand in the way because of Finances or because of family, and it in turns makes everything Sparkless and they loose hope and meaning and often their life and relationship suffers because of it. What I would truly suggest is to sort out your feelings and what you feel is Best for you. Also talk with your boyfriend and see where he is wanting this relationship to go. It could be that he is wanting more but afraid to pursue it, or Happy with where it is at, and maybe time to decide if it is time to move on. Sounds like this is not going to be an easy decision but sounds like one that you are needing to decide on if it is going to effect your happiness and life in the end.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
20 Sep 11
i would be going with your dad's suggestion if that is not a commanded. i say that getting into marriage life is something that is unpredictable. so you must be perfectly prepared before getting into.
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
18 Sep 11
First off, if you have been in this relationship for 6 years now, it is well past time for your father to accept it. As long as you are of legal age of consent, the boyfriend's age really should not be a factor. Do you want to get married? In your post you mentioned what everyone else wants you to do....What is it that you want to do? As far as putting some sparkle back into this relationship, what have you tried? You don't have to be extravegant or get all out crazy to put some spark back into the relationship. Think about things that you are interested in doing that you have not tried. Ask the boyfriend if there are new things that he would like to do.
@huilichan8 (1379)
• Singapore
18 Sep 11
It's impt to have sparks in one's relationship to keep it going. Maybe both of you could do sth out of the ordinary for each other?