I want to get married but my boyfriend don't like the idea of it

Philippines
September 18, 2011 2:55am CST
Me and my boyfriend were together for 9 years and 6 months to be exact and I want to settled down and to start a family but every time we will talk about it he would just say that he is not ready yet and he wants to enjoy being single. I don't get the point. Is he not happy with me? Boys and men out there, can you help me and explain what is his point? We were both in the right age anyways...
2 people like this
14 responses
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
18 Sep 11
Gosh almost 10 years and he still is not ready..I understand that many men have a problem with a marriage commitment. If it were me I would set a deadline. I know that's harsh but that is what I would have to do. In fact many of my friends have done that and they worked out. I wish you all the best we all deserve happiness
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
Why would you want to set a deadline to something that is already going great. I mean I know that some may think of it as a waste of time but being in a similar relationship, I think it would be better this way than getting on to the next step not really prepared. Everything might go wrong and all those years go to waste, right?
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
Some girls want to be secured. What if the man is cheating on them, right?
@Galena (9123)
18 Sep 11
if they were being cheated on, getting married won't put an end to that. marriage doesn't make you MORE committed to each other. you either are or you're not, and marriage doesn't change that.
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
Funny thing, me and my girlfriend, guess what, 9 years and 6 months. Do I want to marry her? Yes. Do I want to marry her anytime soon? No. We talked about it last night and here I see this topic. I am now really really bothered. So anyway, here's what I told her last night. I told her I don't want to get married yet because there are so many things I want to achieve still. I might have said that I wanted to enjoy being unmarried, but not specifically single. Anyway, I just thought that it's not the right time yet and the conditions are not ready.
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
Thanks but we were both in 30's and I'm old enough to be single... I have dream of being a mother and at this age it would be difficult...
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
18 Sep 11
choybel You are lucky your girlfriend is not pressuring you..many women would give you a deadline..so don't wait too long..
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
18 Sep 11
someone27 You are still young enough to be a mother and that is something your boyfriend needs to take into consideration. I wish you all the best..
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
18 Sep 11
Ask him the reasons for not wanting a serious commitment in marriage. As a woman, your biological clock is ticking away fast so you have all the rights to ask him before you reach the age of 30. I think your boyfriend needed more time to stabilize his financial position before entering into marriage. Men can always wait for the right time to get married but women has no option but to get married once they reach their marrying age.
@Galena (9123)
18 Sep 11
of course women have other options than marrying just because they reach a certain age. if you don't meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with before you hit menopause, then you shouldn't marry second best just in case. and not all women want to have children.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
18 Sep 11
@Galena, I understand what you mean. I think woman shouldn't waste their time waiting for her bf who aren't ready for serious commitments. He might not be fated to be hers. If he is, he would not have any second thoughts especially when his GF rings the bell. Most women think that having children makes them complete women. I don't know about women in western countries but in the Asian countries 90% of the woman want to have children and invest half their life raising children. Probably that explain the over population in some Asian countries.
@chiwasaki (4661)
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
I'm not really sure what's the reason why your boyfriend is not ready yet. Probably financial issue or probably he just wants everything to be perfect once you get married. About your question on being happy, it you and him who can only answer that. Try to ask him the reasons why he don't want to get married yet aside from he's not ready.
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
Financial is the problem...
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
ooopsss.... financial is not the problem...
@Galena (9123)
18 Sep 11
well we had been together about nine years when we got married. it's our second anniversary today, actually. some people, marriage isn't high on their agenda. some people don't actually want to get married. it's not essential to having a happy life. have you asked him why he doesn't feel ready yet? what he thinks would make him feel ready. if he ever wants to get married at all? we've found that having a wedding doesn't change the relationship at all. what do you think will change after marriage? what does he think would change after marriage? in all honesty, I would be MORE concerned about the fact that he considers himself "single" when he is in a relationship than about the fact that he's not keen on getting married.
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
I got your point and it gives me another thought...
@ifa225 (11098)
• Indonesia
4 Oct 12
It means he is not serious with you or he is not assure that you are the one for him or..he still wants to have some great adventure without being commit with any girl
@Hazelme (649)
• United States
25 Sep 11
One thing i learned from my parents it's that when it gets to marriage men usually try running away from it. I think 9 years it's A really long time and i don't know how strong your relationship with him, but i think you should find out if he is really taking you serious. Maybe he is just frighten that getting marry it would change everything between you guys. There a millions of reasons why he won't wanna marry, you should find out why. His poing doesn't convince me " what does he mean he wants to enjoy being single? isn't he dating you. ?
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
19 Sep 11
let's not rush into judging the boyfriend. i am sure he has his reasons. as galena said, you should be talking to him about some issues. maybe he doesn't really want to get married but wants to be in a relationship. there are men who are afraid of being 'married'. they feel choked about the whole idea. if you are not comfortable with the whole thing, you can consider asking him for you to be free after much deliberation. you deserve to be happy according to what you want your relationship with someone be.
@labli09 (70)
• Philippines
19 Sep 11
wow 9 years and 6 months and he's not yet ready?think about it..my boyfriend and i are together for only 1 year and 3 months and he said he already wants to marry me..how come your boyfriend isn't ready yet for that long time you've been together?maybe you should ask him if he really has plans to marry you..and when?if he doesn't have plans, then dump him..
• United States
19 Sep 11
Hello. I hate to be blunt, but I think you need to dump him. I mean, if he is still not ready to marry you after 9 years and 6 months, and he has told you that he enjoys being single, what more of a clue do you need? He's never going to marry you--he's happy with the ways things are now. If you are ready to settle down with someone, you need to cut your losses now and look for a man who wants what you want.There is some truth to an old saying, "why marry the cow when you can have its milk?"
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
if that will always be his response every time you open the topic then you must open your eyes...did he really love you? try to talk to him if he still want to continue your relationships or not so that you can decide for your self...maybe he was just afraid of the commitment that he will going to enter in a marriage life!!!try to ask yourself also do you think your relationships is still working or not?!!!whatever decisions you make you must be ready for the consequences...be strong don't let trials control the situation you must be the one to control it...god bless and good luck!!!stay happy...
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
18 Sep 11
If your bf is still not ready after 9 years and 6 months being together and enjoyes his being single (single? How can you be single if you have a girlfriend?) than it's time to leave. He might be satisfied, or used to you or happy but as long as he is single. In his eyes he is single. So he doesn't see you like his girlfriend. Start your own life especially if you like to have a family. If he can't make up his mind after all these time he will never do so. You are wasting your time and the best years of your life with him. Let him be single since that is what he loves the most.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
You did not clarify if both of you are financial stable. One reason is,maybe he is not financially stable that is why he still not ready for settling down. Why not asks him the reason..maybe he still wants to enjoy being single without any responsibility. Maybe he still wants to help his family before getting married. Try to ask the reason why then you will know and understand why he is still hesitant about marriage.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
18 Sep 11
First and foremost, I am wanting to ask how old you are. You see, if you're somewhere in your 20's or mid 20's then perhaps it's right for him to enjoy his being single first because there's no rush. However, if you two are already in the early 30's then you must take heed because there's always truth to what they say about long engagement and stuff. A friend of mine got married when he was 35 and before that had a lot of women in his life. Most of those girls where the 'right one' but he was just not ready. Nobody was successful at convincing him to get married. Then out-of-the-blue he announces that he is getting married. After the event (about several months after) I asked him personally why. He told me that he just felt he was ready. Nobody should force someone in a decision. Neither should you wait for someone who is just not going to be ready for now. You have the choice of deciding. I know that our age is one of the factors why we (as women) would like to get married, but I know that no man would want to be annoyed with the questions of marriage. If you should decide to wait for the guy, then stop asking. Enjoy the moment, live your life with him and try to see a life without him (if that's possible). You see, if you are going to be attached too much to someone who's not yet ready to be married, then perhaps you'd end up hurting in the end. It's better to have no regrets by doing everything you can to show him that you are a potential mate, but if he doesn't see it, then it's his loss. You take care. Take it easy and don't rush just because of age. Most people regretted because they forced their partners to settle down. You wouldn't want to hear "You forced me into this marriage! I didn't want it in the first place!" Have a great MyLot experience!