Does this mean she's not really my friend or what?

@Humbug25 (12551)
September 18, 2011 10:26am CST
Earlier this year was my 40th birthday and one of my friends generously paid for a photographer to come to my house and take some pictures of me with my kids. My other friend got a picture of me with my kids blown up onto a canvass and gave that to me for my birthday so I told both friends that I would like to have the picture done with them instead. One of the friends wasn't keen on the idea but agreed to do it all the same. The week leading up to the booking I text her to double check she was still up for it and giving her the chance to pull out but she insisted she would be there - guess what? She told me a couple of days before the sitting that she had another appointment but should make it - she didn't show (neither did the photographer but thats another discussion haha). I later found out that she lied to me and didn't have another appointment at all. I was quite hurt by this! Now, I am not a huge fan of having my picture taken either but if it meant alot to my friend to have my picture taken with her then I would be very flattered that she had asked and put my own feelings aside. Would a 'real' friend do such a thing?
3 people like this
11 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
18 Sep 11
A real friend would have told u up front she didn't want to. A real friend would not have lied to u.
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Sep 11
Hi ya ANTIQUELADY This will come as no shock to you that this friend is the fair weather friend!! haha I honestly don't think she really know's it has bothered me, though anyone else would figure it out, d'ya know what I mean? Cheers
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
18 Sep 11
I know exactly what u mean. My neighbor who i thought was one of my best friends dropped me a few months ago. I haven't had anything bother me in a long time like that has. Her husband was buried yesterday & I REALLY FEEL FOR HER & HER FAMILY BUT COULD DO NOTHING TO LET THEM KNOW THAT.People never cease to amaze me. I'm soory she lied to u, i hate being lied to about anything.
3 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
20 Sep 11
If she had told me the truth that she didn't want to do it and she had a valid reason then I would have been really disappointed but would have accepted it and wouldn't have given her a hhard time about it either and she knows that. I think she is just a shoulder shrugger and an 'oh well' kinda person!!
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
18 Sep 11
Hi, Humbug25. No, A real friend would not back out with having her picture taken with you, without at least calling you to tell you that she would not make it. She should have been honest with you, because apparently she hasn't. No real friend would not stand you up and then lie to you at the same time!
3 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Sep 11
Hi ya cream97 Well I most certainly wouldn't dream of doing it to any of my friends no matter uncomfortable posing for a photo made me feel as I am prepared to put my own feelings aside for a short time to make my friend happy! Cheers
@p1kef1sh (45640)
18 Sep 11
I think that a real friend would have discussed her reasons for not wanting her photo taken. Maybe she didn't have the guts to tell you to your face in which case just how well do you know her?
3 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Sep 11
Hi ya p1kef1sh Well I would have to say that she isn't the same person I first met 4 years ago and she has changed a lot since she has had this new man in her life since last October. I am not an unapproachable person at all and most people don't have a problem telling me anything as I don't tend to explode. I would have told her I was disappointed if she had been honest with me but thanked her for telling me. Like I said I don't really like having my picture taken but if that is what a friend really wanted then I would deal with it and do it, but then, that's me! Cheers p1key
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
18 Sep 11
Hello my friend, and yes I'd be hurt too! No, a true 'real' friend would never do such a thing and would be honest with you and say they wouldn't be happy to have their photo done, to actually say yes, then make up a lie to get out of it, is sly and underhand. If they are afraid to hurt your feelings then they don't know you very well do they? They should be honest and upfront, why do they need to lie in the first place? Maybe I think it was a blessing in disguise that the photographer didn't turn up! Funny how things work out! At least you've found out what your so called friend is like, sadly you learn the hard way about people. Even harder when they are supposed to be friends.
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Sep 11
Hi ya wolfie Yes I think you are right, it takes things like this to happen for us to realise that people don't think as much of us as we do of them. I am supposed to be going on my sun holiday with her in October too but I think after that there will be some distance. Seems like she would rather be doing other things than spend time with her friends. It would have been nice for me and my other friend to have had our pic taken but now I just want the money and we can someone else to take a picture of us. It was just that it was quite a significant picture for me, two of turning 40 this year and I just thought, yeah all friends together but you're right, I think fate has played a part in it all somehow haha Cheers hun X
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
18 Sep 11
Hi Humbug, Have read other comments here first and agree a friend should be honest and say at the time but my question is was it the other friend who had bought the canvas and maybe this friend is hurt herself that her offer of a photographer to come was turned around as a I don't want that but what about this instead? Just wondering, even so no excuse for lack of communication and false reasons for not turning up. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Sep 11
Hi ya ellie Well actually the friend who bought the canvass was annoyed with the other friend because she told her what she had got for me before the other friend went off and got the photoshoot bought, does that make sense? I also think that if she knew me well that she wouldn't have bought the photo session in the first place. I get embarrassed having my picture taken but if someone wants to include me in their picture and it means alot to them I will oblidge! Cheers hun X
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
18 Sep 11
In that case if other friend had already told her what she had bought she was obviously determined to try and upstage her in some why and it backfired especially knowing that you are not one for having photos taken, no consideration for your canvas friends or your feelings at all. xx
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Sep 11
She sure is a strange one and there times when I have quesitoned our friendship. She is good company but I do feel like I am a friend of convenience sometimes. We are supposed to be going on holiday in October and I know she will be fine then, I guess because it suits her if you know what I mean.
@Timeout (419)
18 Sep 11
Your friend didn't want to do that, but she told you she wanted because she didn't find the courage to tell you that she didn't want to do it. There are some persons that is very hard for them to say "no", they think they are gonna hurt people saying "no", but the truth it, that it hurts more in the long run, to do what she did. I would have done an effort for a friend, sometimes if I think someone worth it, I do things I don't want to do for them, and then if I see they don't do it back for me I will just stop aswell. Have a word with your friend and tell her how are you feeling about it, I think you deserve a HUGE apology for this!
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Sep 11
Hi ya Timeout I think if she really didn't want to do then she really would have said no. I think that maybe at the time she thought she would like to do it and then thought about it and decided actually she wouldn't and just didn't want to deal with telling me. yes she does owe me an appology but I don't think I will get one. Cheers
• Philippines
19 Sep 11
hi humbug..i think timeout is right.why don't you talk with her about it.real friends understand each other and i guess she has her reasons so talk with her.maybe you'll get that apology that you deserve.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
20 Sep 11
Hi labli09, I spoke to her yesterday and I asked how her appointment went and she said that it got moved. In my mind I was thinking that well then you could have made the photo session but I knew she would say that she forgot about it, in the end I couldn't be dealing with it! I don't think it would bother her if she knew how I felt, she would be quite cold about it and I would be left feeling worse. This is where I know her better than she knows me! Cheers
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
19 Sep 11
Why in the world would a person give you such a gift and agree to participate when they had no intentions of participating at all. How rude. These are expensive gifts to be giving someone, you would think they would want to do there part so that you get the best picture. I guess it is that's person's loss. I would think that they could have been honest and upfront about the fact that they did not want to participate in the shoot.
@Humbug25 (12551)
20 Sep 11
Hi ya MaryLynn321 What annoys me is that I gave her several opportunities to back out and she didn't take them, then felt she had to lie to me. I saw her yesterday and she said that the appointment had been moved but didn't mention the photo shoot so I know she didn't care about it. She is in her own little bubble of selfishness at the moment that is for sure! Cheers
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Sep 11
You would think if you gave her several opportunities to back out, that she would have. Is there some reason she might not have wanted to have the pictures taken with the other person, just a thought. Did she give you the photo shoot for a specific purpose? If so, maybe she was hurt that it wasn't used the way she would have liked it to be. Just a thought. Hugs
@JOAOPA (2)
• Portugal
19 Sep 11
No, of course not! If she is a real friend never would that!
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
20 Sep 11
Hi JOAOPA and welcome to mylot Yes I think I know this deep in my heart but sometimes she shows moments of having a heart of gold, it is just the rest of the time!! Cheers
@BeetleBam (171)
• United States
19 Sep 11
There are many levels of friends. A best friend wouldn't do it, but a lesser friend might.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
20 Sep 11
Hi ya BeetleBam Well I did consider her to one of my best friends but after this, no she is now a lesser friend for sure! Cheers
• United States
18 Sep 11
Oh yuck it does appear that something is going on behind the scenes. Firstly as the others mentioned if she were a friend she would have immediately declined and given you reasons. Perhaps being afraid of hurting you should thought to lie, but here is where I would have an issue with it. I would not have waited a few days prior to the photo shoot. I would have as early as possible given the excuse, but in reality if I had to make up a lie, then I would have to question the friendship. Friends do not have to agree and or say everything we want to hear, but one thing a true friend does not do is lie.
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Sep 11
Hi ya hardworkinggurl If I was some sort of ogre that would have freaked out if she declined I might have understood but I think she just simply couldn't be bothered which says alot for the friendship. She doesn't know that I know she lied yet. I text her just to mention that the balance of our trip is due and she just text back to say she would sort it and that is all she has said since. Trouble is that I do actually enjoy her company and our last holiday was a great success, thouroughly enjoyed by all. She has been there for me in the past when I have needed her and I her but recently she has become quite selfish and only seems to think of herself and what she wants, you can't rely on her at all. I do agree with what you say that true friends do not lie!! Cheers
@bagarad (13032)
• Paso Robles, California
18 Sep 11
After reading all the other comments, which I do agree with, it appears your friendships are very complicated. Some people just find it hard to say no, so they say yes and then just don't follow through. Maybe your friend who didn't show is like that. I hope she shows up for the trip you still plan to take with her.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
18 Sep 11
Hi ya bagarad She has never had a problem saying no to things in the past and I felt sure this time would have been no exception if she felt strongly enough about it. Oh she won't back out of our trip in October as we went together last year and even if she does cancel I can take my other friend hahaha Cheers