I don't know why she can't just be happy for her.
By Humbug25
@Humbug25 (12540)
September 24, 2011 3:45pm CST
Ok, so I have this friend who has just found out she is pregnant though it hasn't been for not trying haha. She already has two daughters from a previous marriage and has been with her new fella for almost a year now. I am happy for her because it is something they want and I feel that in life we don't always get what we want. I have another friend who couldn't disagree with me more! She thinks she is being very selfish and isn't taking anyone else into consideration. She also thinks she is crazy to be having a baby at the age of 39. At the end of the day it is not anyone's business, though I am happy to see her so happy that she and her fella are expecting a baby together, they are so in love. I think that maybe my other friend might be a bit jealous because although she is in a relationship with someone, it is not secure.
What do you guys reckon?
4 people like this
16 responses
@HellsButcher27 (473)
• United States
24 Sep 11
If they have been wanting a baby together for some time and they are now expecting then your other friend should be happy for her. It sounds like a bit of jealousy is it the air with you other friend. If she wants a baby but is in an relationship that isn't secure then she could be feeling a bit down and jealous. Maybe you could talk with her and tell her that she should just be happy for the expecting couple. If she just doesn't want to be happy for them then there isn't much you can do except just let her have her own opinion about it.
4 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Sep 11
hi the one who is jealous is the one who is selfish, not the
lady who at 39 is going to have a much wanted baby.
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
24 Sep 11
Hi ya HellsButcher27 and welcome to mylot
Oh the non-pregnant friend is very opinionated and I don't think there is much I could say that would make her feel any different and I wouldn't try and change her opinion because that is her right. Even if I disagreed with my 39 year old friends descission I would not air my opinion and would still be happy for her because it has made her and her fella so happy!
Cheers and happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@HellsButcher27 (473)
• United States
24 Sep 11
Thanks Humbug! I guess everybody is entitled to have their own opinion and if they don't want to change it then we have to accept that. We just have to respect everyone's opinion and decision.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
24 Sep 11
Hi ya p1kef1sh
Oh you are totally right, as usual haha yes it has nothing to do with her and like I have already said in one comment that even if I didn't agree with it all myself then that is just opinion but I would still be happy for her because it makes her happy. I would have a problem with it if she was distraught and would then step up but I don't have any issues with it all.
Cheers
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63235)
• United States
25 Sep 11
You are right, the other gal is an IDIOT!
If this friend WANTS a baby then she is being blessed to have one.
I, personally, NEVER wanted a child - EVER that I can remember. I have been very active in AVOIDING having a child and IF I had, by some mischance, become pregnant, I would've been extremely UN-happy. BUT, I have NEVER been less than pleased when someone is in a secure and happy relationship and wants a child then has one.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Sep 11
Hi ya ElicBxn hi ya apples
Having kids is not for everyone and certainly not everyone wants to have kids and I wouldn't critisize anyone for that at all, it is their right and their choice and no one elses. The jealouse friend talks of the pregnant friend being inconsiderate yet she is often the one that is not their for her youngest son, but thats another discussion haha
Cheers
Cheers 1 person likes this
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
25 Sep 11
Yes I agree I've never been the sort to jump for joy at the thought of having a baby espcully not at this point in my life, but if my friend was in a stable relationship and was secure with her life and happy and expecting I'd congratulate her, and be happy for her not criticize her for her choices.
3 people like this
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
25 Sep 11
I don't know your friends of course, but based on what I've read in your post why else wouldn't the other friend be happy for your friend that's expecting? unless that friend is jealous
A true friend would just be happy for one another and mind there own business it makes no sense for friends to criticize each other for no reason there must be some form of jealousy involved if my friend told me she was happy and expecting I'd congratulate her, and not call her selfish just saying.
A true friend would just be happy for one another and mind there own business it makes no sense for friends to criticize each other for no reason there must be some form of jealousy involved if my friend told me she was happy and expecting I'd congratulate her, and not call her selfish just saying.
3 people like this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Sep 11
Hi ya apples
The thing is that the jealous friend hasn't said anything to the pregnant friend and just tells me which is fine because I don't my pregnant friends feelings to be hurt but the jealous friends opinion is so strong and I don't want to hear it!!
Thanks
1 person likes this
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
26 Sep 11
I'd just tell the jealous friend that I'm happy for the pregnant friend and tell her that all I want is for both my friends to be happy lets be happy for her if shes happy.
Maybe if the jealous friend realized that you felt nothing wrong with the pregnant friends choice she would stop talking about it so much and let the subject go.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
26 Sep 11
I had my last child at 39. Totally unexpected but very welcomed.I did g
take longer to recover and would not really agree with older women having babies but something can happen to the mother at any age. Best of luck to your friend. I prayed daily that I would live to see this last child through school and married and I did. My daughter got married last July.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Sep 11
Hi ya cynth
I do think it is each to their own and if that is what she wants and she is happy then it's all good. I personally wouldn't do it and didn't want to have any more kids after I reached 40, so the fact I haven't been with my kids father for 5 years and I am now 40 I know it isn't gonna happen haha. I am more jealous of the fact that my friend is still in her 30's hahahha
Cheers
Cheers @cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
28 Sep 11
Thank you - I hope too. I often wondered why I had this last child as due to toxaemia and 5 miscarriages I was not a good risk at carrying this baby. We lived several hours from the hospital and I was urged by Doctor, friends and relatives to have an abortion as already I was spotting. Even my husband was worried. I refused an abortion for my personal religious reasons and prayed constantly. She was a preemie at under 4lbs but obviously survived.
I knew the reason why God had given her to us when I saw my 3 sons carrying their father's coffin exiting the Church. I had her to cling to as we walked behind the coffin holding on to each other. She has been and is a blessing in my life.Blessings
1 person likes this
@bagarad (14283)
• Paso Robles, California
28 Sep 11
cynthiann, i'm so happy for you that your prayers were answered and that you were able to see that last daughter finish school and get married. Now we will hope you will maybe live long enough to see some grandchildren from this daughter.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
25 Sep 11
That can be a sticky answer for some. I guess it is to each his own. She sounds like a person who loves having children. It use to be unheard of to have children later in life. But, with all the new things they have discovered and tests that can be taken to make sure the baby will be born healthy, more and more are having children later in life. I don't think she is being selfish, this might be something her and her boyfriend discussed together and a decision they made together. Maybe her children are older and she would like to have another child to be a mother to. Only she knows. Good luck to her.
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Sep 11
Hi ya MaryLynn321
Yes they did make the decision together, she didn't trap her fella or anything like that and this baby is going to be so loved. I am happy for and it is great to see her so happy, we all deserve to be happy if we have done nothing wrong to others!
Cheers
2 people like this
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
26 Sep 11
So very true. Since this is a decision they made together. This child will be loved as much as they love each other. Wishing them well. Hugs
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
25 Sep 11
well if she already have 2 kids from previous marriage and now she is again pregnant, your friend could just be thinking about your friend for practical reasons. i am sure she does really mean her bad things, and is also concerned about the risk she is taking. you said she is already 39, right?
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Sep 11
Hi ya chiyosan
Yes she does talk about how it is going effect the other children but they are now 10 and 18 so are mature enough to understand what is going on and should also be happy for their mother as she wants to add to their family.
Yes she will be 39 next month.
Thanks
1 person likes this
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
26 Sep 11
I would not worrie about how it will effect her children because it's not my place to juge my friends choices as a mother besides you said shes happy
It's your friends decision and no one elses I understand that the other friend has her own opinion and thats fine and normal but it seems like her opinion is bordering on jealousy at least thats what it seems like based on your post
You said her children are almost fully grown so her kids wouldn't be effected too bad maybe they dont mind having a new sibling.
1 person likes this
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
25 Sep 11
I think we need to know more about the 39 year old and her situation. Are her and her boyfriend able to support themselves and their kids fine? Why is the friend upset by this?
Without knowing that, it's hard to answer :) See I know some 30 somethings that pop out kids even though they have no means to support them - those people I feel are very selfish b/c they don't think about the poor kid who is going to end up living a crappy life because they have no money.
But if your 39 year old friend is happy, healthy, and able to support her family, then I don't see why anyone would be MAD about it.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Sep 11
Hi ya vivasuzi
Yes they are able to support the baby and the baby will be loved and have everything it needs. The other friend just thinks she is mad having a baby at her age, getting up all hours to feed and all the diaper changing but it is not like anyone is asking her to do it. She goes on about her being 49 when the child is 10 etc and I understand it's not for her but it is not her that is pregnant so if the other friend is happy and the baby is going to be well looked after, I don't see the issue!
Cheers
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
24 Sep 11
Children are a blessing. I'm so glad your friends are wanting this child. So many don't , they just want the fun of getting them.Your other friend is probably jealous of their good relationship.
@Keola12 (799)
• United States
25 Sep 11
I agree with you. The negative friend shouldn't be catty. As long as your pregnant friend and her own fella are happy and secure in their relationship, and have love in their hearts for children, then that's all that really counts. I also commend you for standing by your pregant friend and her fella, and that you are happy for them. They are definitely blessed to have a good friend such as you. As for the friend who is catty and negative, she should mind her own business and let the happy couple live their lives the way they see fit.
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Sep 11
Hi ya Keola12
Thank you for you kind comments, I like to think I am a good friend and if my non-pregnant was upset and jealous by my other friends pregnancy then I would be there for her to help her through it too but she is just coming across to me as being nasty about it. My pregnant friend doesn't know the true feelings of the other friend!
Thanks
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
24 Sep 11
Sad when someone has to behave like this, it is not her business what the other wants and or should do. If you friend and her partner are very happy no one should be sending any types of negative vibes.
At the age of 39, she is not too old to have a child. She is old enough to know that she will take precautions and this is something she wants. So for the jealous friend to be negative like this is wrong. I could see having a friend give some advice that perhaps this would not be a good time to have a child, blah, blah but she is pregnant, no going back so as friend she should say I am happy for you and always be there for her no matter what. That's what friends do.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Sep 11
Hi ya HWG
That is what I have done as her friend and I am genuinely happy for her and I will be there for her should she need me. Even if I didn't agree with anything my friends do and I didn't want to be a part of it, I would still be there for them if things didn't go right and if they did, I would still be there for them but just wouldn't discuss whatever it was I disapproved of.
Cheers
1 person likes this
@thatgirl13 (7294)
• South Korea
25 Sep 11
It might just be like you said that she's jealous. When people's lives are moving on smooth and one's life isn't, they tend to get jealous and try to throw in nasty comments. I would suggest to not listen to her and hope she never goes and says all this to your friend who is pregnant. And I also believe 39 is not old to have babies
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Sep 11
Hey there thatgirl13
Hey I think we all get jealous at some point and when my pregnant first got together with her fella I told her I was so happy for her and then went home and cried!! I felt like I had been left on the shelf, I am still single but am not bothered by it at all, I am too busy to have any kind of relationship at the moment but my time will come! I do try not to listen to what she has to say about my pregnant friend but I am her friend too and so I just listen.
Cheers
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
25 Sep 11
It's too bad when people can't share in someone's joy. In this day and age 39 is not too old...many are delaying pregnancies and since this is her 3rd, age shouldn't be an issue. I am afraid I have to agree with the others who think your other friend is jealous..that's sad really...
2 people like this
@silpatenneti (72)
• India
25 Sep 11
I can't say about your friend that she is jealous or not,because i don't know her.i pray for your another friend who is pregnant.she should have a healthy baby,and good health to her also.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
28 Oct 11
Well personally it is up to each their own, and if this is something that they can afford and will make them happy, then there is nothing wrong with it. Personally I was a little taken back when my sister who is 38, and her son is 19 is expecting in January, but she and her boyfriend have been together now for 14 yrs so I guess if this makes them Happy I can enjoy another niece.
Would be nice if more people could get married first before considering having more kids, but if they are in a Solid relationship and are Happy then there is really nothing anyone can do as it really is there choice.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
3 Nov 11
Hi ya KrauseHome
Oh I totally agree with you. I am not going to force my opinion on anyone if it is contrary to their's. At the end of the day it is none of my business but I am happy, in this instance, to be happy for them and join in with their happiness.
Thanks
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Sep 11
humbug hi oh indeed it is jealousy and so really mean too. I reckon she is so jealous shes almost green so maybe her own relationship is going sour. I think its wonderful when someone get what they really want after a long time of disappointment so I am also happy for the couple even though I have not met them. having
a bab y is a wondrous thing I think. Jealousy is so pathetic as it does not hurt the person she is jealous of but only hurts your other friend.Parents to be in love and expecting their baby that's just awesome any way you look at it.not selfish just wonderful.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
24 Sep 11
Hi ya Hatley
Like I said that really at the end of the day it is really no one's business especially if they have that attitude towards it all. Her daughters don't seem bothered about the prospect of having a new sibling and if anything they too seem excited so I don't see who she is being selfish to. Anyway, sometimes we have to be a bit selfish in life now and again to get or have what we want and in a lot of cases, deserve. That baby is going to be loved by lots of people including me and I can't wait to babysit hahaha
Cheers Hatters
Cheers Hatters1 person likes this
