Do you tolerate infidelity?

@laydee (12815)
Philippines
September 28, 2011 6:27am CST
I know that infidelity is something that is common these days, but I don't think that it should be tolerated. At one time, my partner told me that his housemate was infidel to his wife. They're in another country working and the wife is in my country pregnant with their third child. I couldn't believe the nerve of that guy because he could say I love you's and does some kisses with his wife (using Skype)(I could see him and hear him because my partner and I also talked using Skype), then after they say goodbyes the mistress comes and they go inside the room. Sometimes, the mistress is already there while he's still talking with his wife! The nerve of that girl! I have constantly asked my partner why they tolerate such. He keeps on telling me that it's their problem and not ours, but still I can't help but wonder why nobody would step in. I'm just glad that last month he left that house and right now I'm hoping that nobody thought it was cool to do that. But still, why do people tolerate it? I had been in that situation and I never tolerated it, I confronted the person involved and the mistress, yes relationships has been tarnished but at least they know that I'm not just about to let them get away with hurting someone in a very unfair way. What do you guys think? Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
2 people like this
13 responses
@stringer321 (2753)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
28 Sep 11
There are many problems when partners are cheating : They can pass deseases to their spouse , They can hurt the spouse's feelings so bad that the more they stay together , the spouse can get worse. If I ever get married , the thing that will be important to me will be the kids and the good relationship between me and my wife. I won't let cheatings make us enemies. If I feel that I can't deal with her cheating , we will break up and stay friends for the better of the kids. Cheating is very common and the only thing one can do is to better himself , providing the spouse's needs. Maybe then , the spouse won't feel like cheating. I think cheating is immoral and it can bring up many problems so it better not be at all. If I see people cheat , I will stay out of it. I don't know the type of their relationship...
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
The worst part of all, is the fact that these cheaters couldn't really explain why they cheated. Most are just selfish and users their uhh.. to think rather than their brains.
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
29 Sep 11
Hmmm...I don't know , it can be also a psychological reason for the cheater : maybe he gets something that is really missing in his original relationship. Maybe the cheater gets some attention , maybe some real love or a good friend. Some cheaters follow their heart and still want to keep their spouse , telling that they use only their primitive instincts is a generalization and not true to say... Spouse is not necesarily the perfect partner for life. Some people are depend on their spouse's money but the spouse is a bad spouse in every other aspect. I think a healthy communication with the spouse can prevent such problems or at least put them on the desk , trying to deal with them together.
• Australia
30 Sep 11
You have every right not to tolerate infidelity in your own relationship, but what business is it of yours if someone else is willing to tolerate it? What is right for you is not relevant to anyone else, and nobody has the right to "step in". If the wife is a close friend of yours and knows nothing, you could always spoil her happiness by telling her, I suppose; but if she knows and tolerates it, then it's her business, not yours. Lash
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
I didn't think of telling the wife. I was thinking of telling the husband or reminding him that what he's doing is unfair to the wife. I know it's not my place to say things to the wife because it's really sad to be a bearer of bad news and all. But still, if you were in the shoes of the wife, and you didn't know, would you rather that the people your wife is living with is also friends with her boyfriend? If I were in her shoes, I would have wished someone advised my husband or reminded my husband how a loving wife I am and that what he's doing is not fair to me. I would wish at least someone would have pointed that out to him rather than acting that there's nothing wrong because there sure is.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
30 Sep 11
I think not being loyal shows a lot about a person so if I ever encountered people like that I didn't remain friends, now in love life like many girls I had a terrible first boyfriend so I think he also cheated on me, but he thought me how to choose man better and after that it was so different that I'm sure it didn't happen again. Being loyal it's about the heart as well so I wouldn't tolerate because people who cheat are not good people as well, they are too weak and coward. I think it's very coward to stab someone behind their back.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
I certainly would like to hear the side of those people who did cheat. I just don't get it, not that I'm bragging that I'm perfect, it's just that sort of thing just don't come up my alley. Whew.. Indeed being loyal is just difficult for some people.
@jasmeena (850)
• Indonesia
29 Sep 11
NO, I don't.Once you decide to have relationship with someone,you must commit. If there is a problem or misunderstanding,just keep calm and after that communicate,have respect,understand and listen.Once your partner cheats on you, there will never be tolerance.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
I know it's easier to say that it's not moral and such, but if avoiding was so easy, then how come a lot fall to the temptation? It's sad really, most especially if the person being cheated on has no idea and is only thinking about all the good about the relationship.
• Philippines
28 Sep 11
Hello Laydee, This is something that most open-minded men and woman can tolerate indeed these days. if you're one of the persons who aren't open minded or accepted others infidelity because they have a different mentality. but we have to respect each other's lives though, there are times that i can be suspecious too, but i wonder if it's going to affect me if i intervene. I think this is beyond your control though, i feel sad about this situation. but this is the reality of life as well. am glad to know you got a partner now
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
Hahahaha.. I think the only thing that stuck in your mind in this discussion is because I have a partner now. hahahaha
@Graceekwenx (3163)
• Philippines
28 Sep 11
I dont tolerate infidelity as well. I wish i could be zealous enough to stand between the "legal" couple but then I thought, it is actually the couple's problem not mine. No matter how much i feel for the one being fooled, i just couldnt have the guts to confront the adulterous person. Come to think of it, I dont see parents of the couple intervening in this personal problem as well. Infidelity is such a common problem; in fact, it can even be the thought that has always been at the back of the minds of the couple. I dont know if it is paranoia though.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
Yeah, trend or no trend what can we do? I think if we hold on to our values and not tolerate these actions, perhaps they would try to avoid us, thus avoiding war in the end hehehe..
@nezavisima (7419)
• Bulgaria
28 Sep 11
stand whether infidelity is not not stand it. a man who truly oobicha never cheated or if decent will tell you in person that he no longer loves you and wants to be with you. simple and it should be considered before making any final decisions. nice day!
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
28 Sep 11
That's exactly what I think! If the person no longer likes or loves the other, then say so! Why the need to hide and have a lot when it's just a pain in the neck managing different people!? Whew! Such a waste of emotion! Thanks for the response!
@Ag1220 (12)
• United States
30 Sep 11
You should never ever under no circumstances tolerate infidelity. If someone was unfaithful to me I would leave that relationship immediately. If that person that was supposed to love you and only you was with someone else it just feels like they betrayed you physically and emotionally. If they love you then you should be all they need.
@Triple0 (1907)
• Australia
29 Sep 11
When there's somebody you really care for and you see their partner hurting them and you're the only one who knows, how can you resist to step in and save your friend? I can't tolerate infidelity either, especially when the person who is being cheated on has no idea what's going on. Relationships are about faith, love and trust and I can't believe the husband would do such a thing. Isn't his wife and his three kids enough for him? I guess getting yourself involved may disrupt your life as well, causing conflict and it may not even help but you got to do something! Like you said, it's unfair to allow the wife to think that her relationship is a happy one but the question is, is it better for her to find out herself or you tell her? Maybe the sooner the better.
@salonga (27969)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
i understand you husband. His attitude is common to many people especially to men who are mostly unwilling to get involved in other people's affairs. I don't think he is tolerating, he just don't wanna meddle with their problem. But as a woman i know what you feel. Of course our sympathy is always with the wife because we also would not want to be cheated by our husband. I think if I were in the shoes of your husband I'd do some secret ways to inform the wife about the infidelity of her husband. Whether she believe or not then it is up for her but at least I've informed her.
• Mexico
29 Sep 11
good topic, i will say 0% tolerance no way, nobody should tolerate infidelity, al of us do mistakes but infidelity is one that most be keep it far from our minds, whoever did it once, will do it again so there is no reason to forgive this person either is boy or girl, i thnk this must be consider a type of crime so nobody gets hurt, in my case if my girl commit infelity i will never firgive her and our relationshio will end right there with no explanations, loving some one is to be devoted to and never cheat on them.
@advokatku (4039)
• Indonesia
29 Sep 11
whatever any form of infidelity keep can not be tolerated but we also sometimes a bit reluctant to stop the activities of infidelity that may be done by friends, relatives or our acquaintances. I do not know exactly why, but my personal answer would probably like as answer your husband, "that it's their problem, we must not and can not interfere them".
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
Me, I won't tolerate infidelity.I hate someone who is abusing her wife or husband's trust. Besides, how can you love two person at the same time. it's not possible for me,it is not love, it is selfishness. How can there be love, when all I see is betrayal?