Pre-teen getting out of control!

United States
September 29, 2011 11:07pm CST
Does anyone have a pre-teen that is getting out of line? My daughter is 11 and for the past year she has really been testing me. She does a lot of back-talking and seems to have an attitude over even the simplest things. She also has been rolling her eyes, sucking her teeth and stomping out of the room mumbling under her breath. I feel like I am at my wit's end sometimes! I usually make her write an apology after she calms down. Sometimes I make her write "I will learn self-control" or "I will respect my parents" 50 times but it does not seem to help. Any suggestions?
3 people like this
4 responses
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
30 Sep 11
It's normal for teens to start drifting away from parents as they prepare for their own adulthood. Testing their wings, so to speak. When my son started that, I would take away privileges and explain why. I also made him assume more responsibility for himself, like doing his own laundry and solving more of his day to day problems. That was hard because while I really wanted to jump in and solve whatever the issue was, instead I would ask him how he was going to solve it. And then let him do it. Maybe that would work for you, too?
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Oct 11
That is a good idea. I am going to have to try that! My daughter does not realize how lucky she is. I do so much for her even though she is 11 now. When I was her age I was cooking and cleaning after my sibling as I was the oldest. I do not give her any responsibility because I know how hard it can be. But she is oing to have to learn to do some things for herself.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
2 Oct 11
Good luck! Half the battle is trying to stay 'one step ahead'. The teen years can be trying, but that's what we're all hear for! Let us know how it goes, ok?
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Oct 11
I sure will! Thank you for the support and suggestions. If it wasn't for good friends to talk to sometimes I feel like I would pull out my hair in frustration!
• Canada
3 Oct 11
Rewards do help. I always took things away when bad behavior was displayed. The eye rolling, sucking in the teeth and the stomping is how they behave at that age. Trust me is does get better. I've learned to ignore those things so they don't get the negative attention. I found the best thing that worked for our family was to take away what they loved the most. That really worked and helped with the negative reactions. Also, I would take a time out myself before I reacted. That way both of us weren't angry and frustrated. Chip up it gets better :)
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Oct 11
Thank you for the encouragement. It just seems like this is a very long phase she is going through. I hope it doesn't get better before it gets worse. If that is the case she will have to go to boot camp! I do take her computer time away sometimes. Maybe I just need to be more consistent.
• Canada
4 Oct 11
You will get through it and so will she. I threatened boot camp as well. I sued to take all of their toys and put them in the garage. They finally knew I was serious. You are right in saying you need to be consistent. They need to know you are serious. I take away games, cell phones, computer and anything else they just have to have. You have to find out what their currency is. If it's the computer then take it away until it is earned back. It could be their cell phone. Anything..Once they have to do without it until they behave they tend to behave faster.
@JosephP (1118)
• Jamaica
30 Sep 11
I have seen this happen with many of my family members and friends. The nice and innocent six year old girls seem to become a totally different person when in the pre-teen stage. I really want to have children but this situation is a big fear of mine as I do not know I would handle it without going overboard. I wish you the wisdom to know what the right thing to do is and the strength to do it. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Sep 11
I have such a hard time ignoring them as I know there's something deeper underlying it,the trick is to get her to talk. But in the mean time even if I try to ignore I feel very upset almost tearful of the tantrum over whatever it wears on me alot.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Oct 11
My daughter sometimes seems to have 2 personalities. When she is at school everyone tells me she is so helpful and polite. When she is home she is the opposite. I guess I'd rather deal with her temper at home then have her act that way at school. But it is very strange how resentful she is. She is spoiled is what my mother says because I give her many privileges and expensive clothes/toys. I am going to try to ignore her as you guys are saying to do. Maybe if I do not react she will stop the behavior.
@GemmaR (8526)
30 Sep 11
I think that things like this are just something that we have to live with as parents, because they are at the age where they are starting to really think about who they are as people, and it can get a little bit frustrating when they feel as though they are still under parental control but at the same time they are convinced that they can cope with everything on their own. You should try not to get too angry with her, but don't give her the attention that she is looking for because this will make her think that the behaviour is what she needs to do in order to get attention from you.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Oct 11
I try to stay calm and not react but she does not know how to stop. She will continue pressing my buttons until I snap or until she gets privileges taken away. I don't like to yell at her but she does not respond to me if I try to talk to her.