1 week cool off period.
By dream_ozn
@dream_ozn (1754)
Singapore
September 30, 2011 11:29am CST
Recently I have been very emotional in in my relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years. We have been quarreling non-stop for the past at least 3-4 months i should say. Non-stop as in we make up now and then a few hours later, we start throwing temper again.
Also, it might be because of this, i started having very little patience towards him. All his bad habits suddenly surfaced and i couldn't stand them. Things which i find it cute, now seem to irritating. I sometimes don't even feel like talking to him.
Just yesterday, we went to the beach because we knew that somethings is really wrong with us and something needs to be done. We then decided on giving both a one week break to think about our relationship and our goals for the future.
I know that this is the right thing to do because it gives us the chance to really thing about our future, whether we can carry on or not.
However, i really don't like this feeling that i'm having now.
Any advice you guys have?
2 people like this
7 responses
@GemmaR (8517)
•
30 Sep 11
I think that it can hard when we get to that stage in a relationship when the initial romance wears off a little bit and we're just left looking at the person who we have said that we want to spend the rest of our lives with. It's like we've just been struck with the reality of the situation and it can be a little bit scary at times. I had a couple of months away from my boyfriend at the beginning of this year because we went through the same thing, and we realised that we wanted to be together and we have now managed to work things out so that they're the best for both of us again.
1 person likes this
@padu19 (1441)
• India
1 Oct 11
It's like we've just been struck with the reality of the situation and it can be a little bit scary at times. -- Very true! This is the ground reality and we must be matured enough to handle it now. Else, you will not have a happy married life either with that person!
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
1 Oct 11
@ Gemma. Yes, it's really quite hard. It really depress me to think that this is the guy that previously he was just the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I was so sure of that. But now, i'm really having second thoughts.
I'm really happy for you, that both of you have decided to stick together and I believe your relationship is good.
But I 'm really curious as to how did you and your bf came to the decision that you all should cool-off for a few months? Plus, how did you decide on the duration?
@padu. I do agree with it too. The reality of the situation is really scary. I really don't wish to think of it, but it's just the reality of life.
You are right as well, it is necessary that we think carefully and make sure we don't marry the wrong person.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
I believe what you did was the right thing, otherwise both of you would have end up hating each and completely ignoring the good moments that you two shared together. five years is definitely a very long time if you ask me. This is one of those moments where you two indeed can have time to cool off and see if you still want to pursue with the relationship
1 person likes this
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
1 Oct 11
Yes. Sometimes when we go back and think about all those happy and good moments that we shared together, it's really quite painful.
We have been arguing for so long that it is getting really tiring. I think because we have been together for 5 years, it make things even harder cause it's much more difficult to let go of the other person.
Once i think that should i break up with him, its the end of the both of us and we'll never see each other again. I know this is not the way to think of things, but it's like abit unthinkable for me.
@padu19 (1441)
• India
1 Oct 11
I would say, don't come into a conclusion. As you people have planned, meet him after a week. If you both have some love left in you, am sure you will become fine after this gap as you both would have missed each other for a week's time.
Sometimes, it is good to give a break. It is not advisable to keep meeting daily! Meeting once in a while with some difficulty will give you the actual thrill of love life. However, the gap should not be big enough as you may then learn to live without the person!
All the best!
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
1 Oct 11
Like you said, the gap should not be too big where we start learning to live without the other person. Frankly speaking, i think that a cooling off period of 1 week is really very short. Further more, this is our first time and therefore, we are not really abiding to the rules here. He still messages me and thus, it's not really the actual cool off period.
I have no idea why it turns out like that. It's true, absence makes the heart grows founder and therefore, by not meeting, we'll miss each other.
Give each other a break. Definitely. We'll see waht happens at the end of the week.
@starrose_ara (784)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
It seems that your relationship is undergoing its stormy period as with most relationships are. It takes seven years for some relationship to reach that point where you can adjust to your partner quirks and all.He is throwing a temper tantrum? Is he a mother's boy that is use to get his own way by using that method. If you both see that the relationship is worth saving then go ahead and save it but if you don't think that it is worth anything then moved on. It might take a little of getting use to not seeing him if ever you decide to permanently separate ways.
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
2 Oct 11
Yes, it's really a stormy period for us. I think i'm more of the one who is throwing a tantrum. Well, sometimes I think he's a mummy's boy, but then again, it doesn't seem like he is. So i'm not too sure about it.
That's why. I'm not really starting to wonder whether we are really suitable to carry on with our relationship. It just seems that our future together is getting bleaker by the day.
Sometimes when i think of breaking up with him, my mind becomes flooded with the happy images that we once used to share and how happy we were together and these images and thoughts greatly affects me. It always gives me the impression that we'll one day be so happy as well.
I really don't know what to do. Also, the thought of permanently not seeing him breaks my heart. :(
@dynzdolina (381)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
that is the next thing i would advise to you and you have to live with it. take this time as a moment to reassess what's the future holds for you both if you ended up together.
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
1 Oct 11
Hi dynzdolina, what do you mean the next thing that you will advise me to do? What is the thing?
Yes, i really need to reassess what the future holds for the two of us. However, i think there's a problem for me because it's really not easy to think of how we are going to be in the future. It's just so difficult to forecast. I really have no idea what to do.
Any advise?
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
let me describe the feeling...
it's like today you are missing him but you are still irritated thinking of the things he has done right? is it?
well, you did a good decision to pause for a while and have some space for both of you rather than just ending it. 5 years is too long to be wasted.
maybe this is the testing part of your relationship.
both of you should talk about your realization of the week and fix things up.
i hope both of you fix things together.
i wish you both the best in your relationship.
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
2 Oct 11
Thank you shanemae.
You are just right on target. I do miss him, but get irritated whenever i think of his things, his habits etc. Sometimes I don't even know which is the real me. What do I actually think.
It's good to pause for a while in our relationship and then see whether there's still road for us to continue walking. 5 years is indeed quite long and I really don't want to waste it.
My heart really breaks whenever i remember that this was the man that i so loved, loved his everything. But now, even his small little habits just seems to irritate me.
Thank you for your wishes!
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
3 Oct 11
Thank you so much shanemae for your advise.
It really made me think about the love that i still have for him. You said our partners may think we have changed our hearts, but we did not. I believe this is the same for both me and my boyfriend.
Yes, when i'm mad, i hurt not only my boyfriend, but myself as well. as the feeling is really terrible.
Thanks for your encouragement as well!
Hope you have a good day!
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
right, i got you.
we all go through that process dream,
we love then we get hurt.
sometimes maybe we have loved so much that we just lose our emotions.
bursting into really bad emotions when somethings would irritate us.
our partners may think we have changed our hearts but we did not.
we always struggle when we get mad at them cause we are not only hurting them but also ourselves.
communication is really important when things start to go wrong in relationships and if it is not possible because both are mad then it's time to pause for a break.
your welcome.
i feel for you. it happened to me too.
i know everything will be better.
i feel for you. it happened to me too.
i know everything will be better.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
I am sure you did the right move.
You need some space to breath and to think of.
I know it hurts and you will miss him,but you need to fight the feeling.
Be occupied with other things and try to avoid thinking of him.
You will soon realized what you really want and what is missing in your relationship.
@dream_ozn (1754)
• Singapore
1 Oct 11
Sure enough. Some space to think of our relationship.
But, if I force myself to be occupied with other things, how will I be able to think of what is missing in our relationship and whether we still should be together or not?
