How do you apologize?

@oindy54 (3445)
India
September 30, 2011 2:33pm CST
Just an hour ago I had a somewhat heated exchange with my boyfriend over the phone but later I realized that I had hurt his feelings by quarreling unnecessarily. I felt really bad and apologized through SMS,telling him that I am sorry for hurting him. Though he is talking to me normally,he neither accepted nor rejected my apology. If you have hurt your lover how do you apologize? How do you melt his heart again by showing that you are genuinely sorry?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@viney17 (688)
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
never i say NEVER apologize through phone, sms or chat. Apologize to him directly, face him seriously and sincerely and he'll accept your apology no matter what because he loves you. If you upset a guy he will not really say anything unlike girls (hey no offense!) because sharing these kinds of things and feeling so sad is unmanly. We tend to keep our own emotions with us. So please women out there understand our feelings too we too are humans like you, we can be hrt too even if the thing is small, we tend to lose arguments because we are afraid of losing our loveones even though it isnt our fault we take the blame. Just understand us please learn to accept yohr mistakes too... goodpuck with your relationship madam :)
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
8 Oct 11
Absolutely agree with you.I guess irrespective of race or religion some feelings and emotions are universal.Happy to read your response and many thanks.He does apologize when he realizes he is wrong.That's the way we have been continuing our relationship since the last 6 years.
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
1 Oct 11
Thanks dear for sharing such a candid view of the entire thing.I agree that as human beings there should be no differentiation in terms of emotions for guys and girls.Each feels the same hurt as the other.I could not meet him since it was night yesterday (yours and my time zones differ) but otherwise I would surely have met him and apologized.Thanks a lot for sharing!
@viney17 (688)
• Philippines
5 Oct 11
no matter what you did he will surely forgive you since he loves you (but not the cheating, i wonder if a guy will forgive a girl if she cheats), just tell him that you are sorry and well no matter what the circumstances, he too will ask for forgiveness :)
1 person likes this
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
well, looks like i had the same situation here but lucky cause we are okay now. i apologize to him through SMS but sometime this won't do. i would call him up and apologize. but one time the SMS and calls did not do. i have hurt him so much that he never picked u my calls, didn't answer my SMS. so what i did is i looked for him in places where he would probably be then i gave him a present that he would loved then i apologized sometimes i bring him food to make it up to him. sometimes my presence would be the thing he would want for him to accept my apology.
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
1 Oct 11
Wow!This has happened to me too at times but later we made up.Yesterday too he accepted my apology but not after a few attempts.Your idea of serving food to melt his heart sounds incredible!
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
2 Oct 11
But for me I do not know how to cook except for tea and noodles!Just imagine!I will be getting married within the next two years and I don't know myself what i would be giving my husband to eat!
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
wow that's good! at least you're both okay now. attempts were worth it! lol! thanks! i believe i captivated him with my cooking that's why i bring him food whenever we fight and that works for me.
@GemmaR (8517)
2 Oct 11
I think that you have to just remember that it is normal for you to fall out with your partner, and you wouldn't be normal if you didn't do this. However, you should always apologise for the actions that you have taken because it is important for them to know that you are sorry that you were in the wrong, that you regret your actions, and that you won't do it again. If he is talking to you normally again then it certainly seems as though he's forgiven you for the things that you said, so I doubt that you have anything to worry about.
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
3 Oct 11
Yes you are right dear!Thank you for the response.
• India
2 Oct 11
look when u consider someone ur better half then there shudnt be hesitation about saying sorry.he is just ur part of body,answer me a simple question would you not talk to ur parents after a quarrel .Diffrences happen in each others life and there are times when u feel lonely and down riddden and need a hand of support at that time u would see that it wud only be ur close ones who wud come to help u without any reason widout any benifit.And if he is ur boyfriend then u definatly must have seen sumthing in him so that you choose him over others? and that he is a probable canidate for ur husband so if he can be ur better half then wats stopping you to tak to him and tell him how he makes u feel so special and that you have done amistake and i am not afraid to tak to you or apologise to you.It would definatly cement the bond that you two have in between urslf to a stronger level just try it and see what warmth ,love ,respect you wuold get in return of that
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
2 Oct 11
Such an amazing response!Thank you from the heart!I absolutely believe in what you have said and will always try to think on these lines.
• United States
30 Sep 11
I would ask him to come see you so you could talk to him face to face. Then when he gets there I would sit down with him and just apologize and let him know that you really didn't mean to argue with him or hurt his feelings. After talking with him and explaining how sorry I was, I would then ask him to accept my apology. I would also let him know that the next time it happens that you will be more understanding to whatever the situation is. Being understanding is very important when you're in a relationship.
• Indonesia
30 Sep 11
agree... face to face..then huge him... show and telling him that we are deeply sorry....that the mistake hope will never happen again...
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
1 Oct 11
Hi, I loved reading your tips.Thank you so much.Actually it was night yesterday when this happened so there wasn't a way we could be together.I live with my parents and he in a mess since his hometown is far away and he works in my city.Now it's morning but he did accept the apology before I went to bed yesterday night and I was so glad he did.Thanks a lot for sharing.I will surely use this method to apologize the next time we have a problem and can arrange a meeting face to face.
• United States
2 Oct 11
You're welcome! I find this method of apologizing the best because when you call them they just hear what you say and if you send a text then they just read it, They can't really see how sorry you are. If you are able to show them how sorry you are face to face then they will understand more and be more likely to forgive you.
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
If we are not together I will call him to say sorry and text him after to apologize and and say I love him. And when we see each other I say sorry again so he sees I really meant it and then hug him tightly.
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
2 Oct 11
Beautiful answer!Thank you for the idea.I will give him a hug next time I see him.
@Netsbridge (3253)
• United States
30 Sep 11
By saying "I am sorry" and then avoid doing those things that you know would offend people.
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
1 Oct 11
I agree.I sometimes get very impatient.I am trying to change my habits.Thanks for the suggestion friend!
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
There is no better way to express apology than telling it to the person you hurt. I am not really contented if someone apologized to through text if he could very well do it in person. I find those apologize in person really sincere and courageous enough to admit their mistakes. So as for me whenever I commit mistake to anyone I'd go to him or her directly and say sorry for what I've done.
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
1 Oct 11
Actually I would not be able to meet him since it was midnight yesterday when this happened and he is leaving for his home town for a few days today by train.So I could only text him to apologize.But things are well now and he accepted my apology,not at the first attempt but later on.Thanks for sharing your valuable ideas.
@airasheila (5454)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
A pleasant day Oindy54, Generally whenever I hurt someone, I do usually say a little prayer. Asking for an apology to our Lord God Almighty, since He is the one who really saw and know that I committed a mistake. After that, I will try to speak to the person the next day as I will not talk on the issue on the same day, as I want to cool down first the situation. As there are times, we need to cool down the situation first in order for us to think the best thing to do to remedy what has been happened.
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
2 Oct 11
I liked your response a lot.Its unique.Even I am a believer and if I feel I have done something wrong like accidentally hurting a person,I ask God for forgiveness.Then I turn to the actual person and tell him or her how genuinely sorry I am.Thanks for sharing!
• United States
30 Sep 11
I usually send my boyfriend a text message apologizing..but only if the argument was my fault. If I send him a text he accepts my apology and tells me he loves me. Sometimes I'll even call him and tell him that I'm sorry for acting that way. But if it's his fault, I won't talk to him until he realizes he was rude or hurt my feelings. Usually, he catches on pretty quick and apologizes pretty quickly either by sending a text or calling. Sometimes he'll even apologize in person and give me a hug and a kiss.
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
1 Oct 11
Hi, I am the same kind of person as you.I realized yesterday that I had overdone things and so apologized through text messaging to him.Though he was not responding at first,later he did and the issue got settled.I am so glad all of you friends are so helpful and extending your ideas to me.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
1 Oct 11
ummm..hmmmm...thats hard to say. he's usually the one hurting me with hurtfull words and i hurt him by taking money out of his acc. sometimes. and other times i just leave or start paking my things. he doen't understand that sometimes i need space. but im married to him so that DIFFERENT! i always come back and he doesnt tell me he's sorry or anything. see..he's older.5 yrs younger than my mother....
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
2 Oct 11
Packing things?Is he really hard-hearted not to say sorry ever?I know that marriage is the binding factor.I realize that I will be in the same situation as you when I get married and something similar happens.I would also never be able to leave even if he weren't sorry.
@kry893 (222)
• Canada
30 Sep 11
Well, if I were in the wrong, usually, I just tell him that I love him. That I was sorry for what I had done and that I did not mean to have hurt his feelings. That, it was just in the heat of the moment and that I hope he understands that. Usually, he will be fine because there is the love between us both. Like, we would just talk over what could've prevented the argument from happening and we make it a point and try not to get there again.
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
1 Oct 11
Yes I think love is the thing that ultimately bridges all differences.The same happened with me later yesterday night.He did accept my apology and I had messaged quite a few times to tell him that I was genuinely sorry and had lost my temper but it was wrong and expressed how much I loved him.That solved the thing fortunately.Many thanks for helping out by sharing your perspective.Each response that I have received to this discussion is helping me to think in a better way.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
30 Sep 11
I don't apologize easily because I seldom think I am wrong. I am a straight person, I don't like to lie or cheat so I tell things straight ahead too. I tell what is bothering me, who says what about him or me and if he is wrong. I am not the kind of person that would crawl on the floor and do everything to melt his heart. I also do believe it's useless. He mostly forgets everything at once or a few min. later. If he is apologizig it's more show. He says sorry, I have to say: it's okay. And everything should be okay. It does not work like that for me. It takes time to get over feelings of hurt. I think sms is a good way of apologizing. You can re-read the sms and you can't make a long story out of your apologize. It's not important if your friend accepts or rejects your apologize. What is important is that you did apologize, that you realized you did hurt him (so you learned something out of that). Whay he will do with your apologize is up to him (and a lesson for him to learn). Might be he needs some time too to get over his feelings of hurt. I would send my guy a sms too since we don't live together. If we are together I would make him laugh and tell him to kiss me. That mostly works fine
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
1 Oct 11
Hi, Many thanks for sharing your perspective.He did accept the apology later on.I too never lie or cheat but sometimes it so happens that I lose my temper and that's why things go out of hand.But I am a nice person otherwise.
@tedkur (21)
• Indonesia
1 Oct 11
how i apologize? i will tell the person directly. that is the best way i think because you can say everything, anything to the person. if you say sorry from the deepest of your heart i believe he/she will forgive you. just admit you were wrong and promise not to do that again. don't forget bring something as your "apology bribe .
@oindy54 (3445)
• India
2 Oct 11
Wow!The apology bribe sounds cool!I am sure this will work very well with any one who is angry.I think chocolate would do very well,what say?