Are you honest & straight forward in friendship?

Be proactive and help clear your (mis)understandin - Being proactive helps sustain & nurture long term friendships...
India
October 1, 2011 8:50am CST
In an eagerness not to harm your friendship, do you avoid being frank & straight with your friend? I'm not saying you should act as a big brother. Being aware that each individual has an opinion, do you discuss your views with an open mind and still manage to keep the friendship healthy? Every one loves sweet words. But when you notice that some action, some thought your friend holds is extreme, can convince your friend about the right perspective? If you have agreed to disagree on certain matters but decided to nurture your friendship for other common interests [which may outweigh the differences]it is possible to remain friends for much longer. It may be truly difficult to find your mirror image in your friend. If you try everything you believe echoed by your friend, you may shed person after person and never make long term friends. Your fiends may also find the same to be true with you, if you are a persistent nag. Where do you draw the line and how have you been able to balance & nurture your long term friendship. Please share. I'm learning too.
2 people like this
22 responses
@besssia (94)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
Honesty, frankness, straightforwardness, or whatever you may call it as you please, will always be appreciated in every relationship, especially in friendship. Let's just be reminded that it's more important to be tactful while being those things above. Like Thumper (in the movie, Bambi) said, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. :)
2 Oct 11
I'm a bit of a 'Thumper'. If I can't think of anything nice to say, I shut up and don't belabour the point! I try and live by: My word is my bond. I avoid confrontations at all costs because it just puts bad energy into a relationship, and nobody wants or needs that! I must admit that if someone really hurts me or doesn't support me when I truly need it, then I bless them and say goodbye so I can move on. My philosophy in life is 'Do as you would be done by'. I try to be a decent Human Being and don't want to hurt any body or animal. I'm not a saint and I don't expect anyone else to be one either but I value loyalty and respect in all things.
• India
1 Oct 11
bessia, Being a person who generally avoids saying even straight facts to people so as not to offend, and observing other people who do not hesitate to say a thing if it helps the other person even if it may appear that the other person is not a sport, I have felt many a time that it is better to make it clear upfront that your mean no offense & what you say is completely in the interest of the other person, then it helps both. As long as you hold anything against your friend honestly, you try to help them appreciate constructive comments. Hope this is not contrary to your perception.
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
It's not actually. But there are those people who are not the confrontational type. What I qouted above is for them but personally, I always speak what's on my mind because in that way, there are no misleading assumptions or whatnot. :)
@r03249 (357)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Hi push. :) What a very nice question. :) I can say I am so lucky when it comes to friends because I can say whatever I want to them and nobody gets hurt. They can also tell me whatever they want. The good thing is that we know the exact words that will hurt each other or the words that will make us so happy. :) I can say that we are honest ans straight forward with each other. I used to tell them too that "friends tell". True friends tell instead of talking behind your back. I, myself, want my friends to tell me what's wrong. I have accepted to myself that truth hurts but only for a while. If we don't tell them and keep things to ourselves, there will always be a wall between us keeping us from each other. If you're really friends, you will be friends no matter what. Of course, there will always be misunderstandings but you'll survive. Friendship is much sweeter if we are honest to each other. :) Have a nice day!
@r03249 (357)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Thank you for the response. :) It makes me happy when someone compliments me even in the most simplest things because I have a low self esteem. :) I guess I just like discussions about friendship because I feel really blessed with friends. :D You're welcome push. :)
• India
2 Oct 11
Hiya, I think that you have responded very appropriately to the central theme of this discussion. This is the line on which I wanted to read comments from myLot members. You have also been explicit in your response to each dimension. It is good to know that you have friends all of whom are very clear in understanding and that keeps the friendship strong & clean. The concluding line shows the clarity with which you handle the issue. Thank you very much for contributing!
@webgirl01 (689)
• United States
2 Oct 11
I there, I think I still need to work on that with people. I just my mistakes with friends or people before. I feel that I need to practice more on communication skills. I have had friends that took advantage of me and i felt it was hard to stand up for myself. I had people drifted away from me for their own reasons. I'm more of people pleaser but it sucks. I'm not good at telling how it us or being blunt. I let them tell me what they think of me before I even tell them what i think of them.
• India
2 Oct 11
Hi, I used to be the kind of person you say you are: people pleaser. Then by constant observation I realized that those who did not actually helped people much more than I thought I would, for, being pleased, friends would never bother to introspect if there was anything requiring modification in their conduct, perception or behavior. But other people I knew of while making amply clear they mean no hurt would be quite forthright when it mattered. It may be a sign of modesty to people let us know what they think of us before we tell them what we think of them but it need not be the case forever. Say it when it needs to be said without prejudice or inhibition and emphasize that you are not the one to keep count of things nor allow them to sour the friendship. Thanks for commenting.
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
In my honest measurement of my dealing with my friends , I think I am cautious and very careful not ot offend them. I can't say no when one is in need and i can't totally disagree with my opinion against theirs. I know it's wrong but I don't want to hurt them nor offend.
• India
2 Oct 11
Hi ya, Thanks for coming in with your view. From what you say, you may appear you are good & you will also feel good but are you sure, it'll be for their good? If you can help them pointing out when needed with a clear statement of good intention, do you think it doesn't do them good? Or will they still be put off? Just asking. Thanks again.
@globaldoc (858)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
That is exactly the kind of a person I am. I do not sweet talk people. I do not say good things just to make my friends feel well. I always spill out the beans. Some people say I am inconsiderate. My reason is, friendship is beyond the level of companionship. Ties have to be strengthened with the outright truth, no matter how brutally frank and honest they may be. It is because friends will always be able and willing to find the truth, so eventually they will understand.
• India
2 Oct 11
doc, I love your response. Its clear & well articulated. Very easily comprehensible what your straight thoughts are, on the subject. I found the style & content of your response quite refreshing. Thanks for being in with your view!
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Only good friends tell you the real thing about you, on how you do things and how the way you react on such things. if you want a long term friendship, that friend wont always say what good to hear , but he/she will always or should always speak of the truth in GOOD TIMING. Dont just blurt things out about how he/she does things and react etc etc, say it with the right timing, find time to tell her. and if he/she despises you for telling him/her about a problem and didnt see the good about why you told him or her that ,then the person is not worth being a long term friend.
• India
2 Oct 11
Hi, Just echoes what I have been thinking aloud in this discussion. Thanks for joining in.
• Philippines
26 Dec 11
Hello Pushhyarag2000! I am always honest to my friends. Well, I have been in trouble because of that several times. That is because there are those who do not want to listen to what I have to say even if it is valid. My real friends know and accept how straightforward I am. They know and understand how transparent I am in all aspects. "A true friend is someone you can disagree with and still remain friends. For if not, they weren't true friends in the first place." ---Sandy Ratliff---
@GemmaR (8517)
2 Oct 11
I think that we all have to be honest in our friendships, because you just have to be able to feel as though you can trust the person who you're friends with. If you can't do that, then there isn't really all that much point in being in a relationship with them at all. I have had friends who have kept secrets from me in the past, and I just haven't been able to remain friends with them any longer after I have found out about that. It has been a shame, but I think that I deserve much better than being lied to all of the time, so I just simply won't stand for it anymore.
@ifa225 (14364)
• Indonesia
31 Oct 11
Hi Pushh, i am not really good in maintaining friendship i use to avoid those friends who have a different opinion with me. i used to let her/him in their own opinion and respect it. so if he have an extreme opinion, i just let him go
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
1 Oct 11
I know maintaining a good relationship with a friend is important. However, for some reason, I also do believe that misunderstandings strengthens the bond between friends as it does between two people with relationships. I can never say for certain if I am honest and straight forward since there is only a certain degree I can come up to on one friend depending on the current situation. There will be times when I'll lie but I will only lie to protect that friend. The main purpose why I am having a friend is not to find someone who is my mirror. No, I find my friends to be the total opposite of me but we share some common interests. Being friends does not have to be someone like "me" but someone who isn't "me" and can help "me" grow. I have been friends with this one person for more than a decade(I'm turning 2 decades old this December, it took me 8 years to find that friend). We started on a very bad ground since I was the bully and he is the victim. Oh I really nag him a lot at that time but it was because he really does look silly, and knowing myself at that time I found nagging him enjoyable. Anyways, years passed we just passed by each other, just saying hi or hello along the way until we entered college. Due to some circumstances I went away but went back right after the beginning of the second semester. We became classmates again and everything just went into place. We became good friends; Him listening to me and I asking him some certain things. I help him from his boredom and he helps me by giving me advises. It's because we know each other so well that we get along. By knowing the other person, one will know for certain how to approach that person. Whether you strengthen your friendship or break it depends solely on how you know your friend. And that is what I believe... Happy MyLotting!
• India
2 Oct 11
Hi, Thanks for sharing thoughts from your personal experience. I particularly like the point on a friend being someone who isn't us and can help us grow. Good to meet you & know how you nurture your friendship.
@omchesunche (1755)
• Indonesia
1 Oct 11
Hi sir ,welcome to mylot community..I think I am straight forward enough with my friends and also honest..Even I usually more open and straight forward with my best friend more than to my own relatives..I also usually very choosy when it comes looking at good friends. They must meet basic requirement such as honesty and not materialistic..I also like to go seeing my old friends in my neighbourhood more than in workplace.. I even still maintain relationship with my old frieds without forget about daily activities and also close relatives who live in the same city..
• India
1 Oct 11
Hello there, Wonderful knwoing you value your old friends & you also value honesty as well straight forward approach in keeping the friendship cherished.
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
1 Oct 11
Being honest and straight forward in friendship is good. Of course, I welcome this type of friendship. But, being blunt honest and straight forward might not be good for friendship too, u know. Reason is, some people having hard time handling honesty and truth. People like praises and good things said out from others. So, we got to be careful when comes to talking with friends. Good luck.
• India
2 Oct 11
Hi, I sense your point that it is important to be cautious if we have to keep friendship continuing. Your feelings are appreciated but in an anxiety to keep friendship we should not end up pushing every difference that may crop up under the wraps. I feel it is always better to be open & clear the air. One hopes that good intentions are not misunderstood by deeper friends & those that can not think objectively-well, there may not be use for being in turmoil yet saying sweet. Just my thoughts. Anyways, thanks for being part of this discussion.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
1 Oct 11
That's easy, I am always straight. That is why people like me. They know it can sound hard if I am straight but they also know I don't gossip and I don't stab them in the back! If my opinion is asked for I do so and I know with some people it is not possible to do it in an attentive way because that will not open their eyes at all. I respect and accept my friends the way they are so I expect the same from them. Otherwise they are not my friend. I never avoid being frank & straight. I can't stand hypocrytes.
• India
2 Oct 11
Hi, Its not only acknowledged by friends who understand your straightforwardness but it'll be good for you also in the long run. Instead of keeping it within you and adding to pressure due to unspoken words, when you tell all, it makes your mind light. Its better to be the way you are, I think. Thanks for joining the discussion & sharing your point.
• India
1 Oct 11
i love to be with friends and like to interact with them. ofcourse i'll be straight forward and want to know what they think about me. without that we can't be friendly and maintain the relationship for long
• India
1 Oct 11
Hi there, Good to know you love being with friends and enjpy interactions. Being open & forthright in friendships will keep friends cemented for life. Thanks for participating here.
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Yes I am very honest and straight forward to my friend because I treat them like members of my family. I think being a good friend is telling her/him what is really in your heart and mind. If your friend is wrong, you must tell her/him, or if he/she did something bad. I think being honest and straight forward to your friend is being a true friend.
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
2 Oct 11
Hi and welcome to MyLot I hope you enjoy your stay here. Now about your post I have friends that I actually call family they have been in my life that long...what is my secret to keep friends for that long? its respect we respect each others opinions...we listen to what any one has to say and some times agree to disagree...is just like family we do the same...to me we respect our own space and by doing that we can have a friendship that will last for a life time.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
For me yes I love such thing in my self I would straight forward and true to my friends.
@umabharti (3972)
• India
2 Oct 11
it depends on each friend and it depends on the friendship we have,we should manage good with each individual in our life time,we can not give the same principle to each and every friend,each human nature is different so we can not say that we should be frank by hurting or we can nnot say that we should hide the negative or weekness so that they will never be rectified.
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
I love to meet all kinds of people and I have come to a realization that even if I am a good friend not all people are like me. That is why we are individually different. I respect that about others even if I don't agree about their opinions or beliefs. I am blessed with people whom I consider as good people.
@bokkers (48)
2 Oct 11
First of all, being honest and straight forward can be irritating and not something nice to hear all the time. Yet truth is the truth. I would truly like such a friend, in fact I think I do have a few, they can be sarcastic, hard to bear, irritate and sometimes even make you angry. But that's just the kind of friends who doesn't lie to you. How good is that? Second of all, I too have several friends who are dishonest and less straight forward in someways because they are afraid to hurt the other party. That doesn't make them bad, that just make them a more sensitive and caring of the other friend's feeling. In my personal opinion, there is no good or bad to be in either honest and straight forward or dishonest and bid around the bush. For me both methods are nescessary in a relationship and to be used from time to time and at different time to time. I would say it is much easier to be honest and straight forward to those who you are close to but sometimes over direct might hurt the others feelings except for when you think is really nescessary. Hope that helps. :)