My dughter just asked me to bring her boyfriend to see her...

United States
October 7, 2011 8:23pm CST
I told her we are still upset with him and she got upset. she is too far from me for me to let her get all upset so I said yes. now because of that I don't ant to ride 8 hours to see her. she can come here when she can. She asked adrian and he told her if I say yes than he is fine with it. knowing he does not want us to feed him when he has no food. I think she has to be crazy to ask this of us. But,I said yes to not make her mad. she said she miss him like she miss us.
3 people like this
7 responses
• United States
8 Oct 11
I know where you were going with this as you want to make sure nothing upsets her while she is there. Hum, personally I would not take him as I would not want him to interrupt her while she is there. You will do what is best, just know that he cannot have control of you and or KK anymore. I am hoping though that he forgets her soon so that she finally can concentrate on doing well there. I don't think he will hang around much longer as guys like him will move on to the next one who will accept his actions.
• United States
8 Oct 11
I came home today and my neighbor said he was in our back yard. she called and I said lenny is in the back yard. she said he was looking for wifi.. what freaking joke.
• United States
8 Oct 11
Make sure to lock your doors well when you are home alone and or not at home. Have your neighbor be on alert as he may try and rob you. Sad to think this way but there is no telling what he is capable of. With so many free wifi spots why on earth come by you. Please let Adrian now that he was around so he too can be on alert.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Oct 11
told him and he told me to lock the windows and the door. I am on the first floor so we worry at times. My daughter would not agree but we are worried..
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
8 Oct 11
After all this jerk has put her through and then she wants you to bring him to see her. I would not do it. I would go to see her and then tell her that I wanted the first visit with her to just be us. If she doesn't like it, then she can just deal with it. She is going to have to learn that he wants nothing serious.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Oct 11
Carol you are right because if he was serious, hmm which thus far there has been nothing serious about him, he would have been prompting the visits himself. Maybe he will soon move on, which will be the best for KK, so she can concentrate on her schooling. I also agree that the first visit should just be Gifts and Adrian.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Oct 11
Oh how right this sounds to me but you know how she is and gets. It will be ugly on my end. I hate that she had the gall to ask this of me.
@Swaana (1208)
• India
8 Oct 11
If your daughter wants to see her boy friend, either she have to come to meet him, or he have to go to meet her. If he cannot afford to pay for the travel, your daughter can sponsor it. Driving 8 hours is not an easy joke. So next time, if any such request arises, it have to be you, who should be firm enough to tell them strongly this and take rest. Doing a favour, and getting upset will not help to have a good relationship in the long run.
• United States
8 Oct 11
I know this is going to be a mess. I don't want to ride 8 hours with this loser. NO way no how.
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
8 Oct 11
Wow, 8 hours is a long drive and a lot of gas money to be bringing her someone that you are hoping she'll distance herself from. Is that 8 hours one way? My daughter was 3 to 4 hours away when she was in Job Corp. I enjoyed the ride as the scenery was absolutely beautiful and it was kind of fun to get away for a bit. Still, it was draining and kind of expensive when I really didn't have the money. It was good to see her though, if only for a short while so in that aspect, I can't say that it wasn't worth it. Don't know what to say about you bringing the boyfriend up to see her. I brought my daughter's boyfriend up to see her once who was pretty sketchy but he hadn't beaten her either. I don't know, Gifts. I also understand why you don't want to upset KK because you want her to do good here. I don't envy you being stuck in a little car with this guy for 8 hours!!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Oct 11
Yes it is 8 hours one way. And now that she wants him to come I think I may not go visit her at all. sad as it may sound she is gone for two years.
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
9 Oct 11
Gifts, I know you will...but don't or at least try not to...feel bad about this. She said she misses him and YOU as well. Let her really really miss YOU. If she truly misses you and she probably does, then she will eventually cave and beg you to visit her even if you don't bring the loser. I guarantee you that. Just tell her that you love her and miss her but that you love her too much to bring the monster that beat her to visit her. Hold your ground and turn the tables on her. Right now, she is playing on the fact that she KNOWs that you miss her so much that you'd probably go along with this plan of hers. If she rebels and gets in trouble...let HER suffer the consequences of those choices. That is the only way she will learn. As hard as it is to watch this, it's how they learn. Sometimes we want so bad for them to succeed that we without meaning to go to extremes in the hopes of that happening. We do things that we don't want in hopes of avoiding trouble and thinking we are helping them. I know I was guilty of that when my daughter was doing all kinds of things. I remember buying all sorts of things to get the pot out of her system when she got called in unexpectedly early to Job Corp. I just so wanted that to be the answer. Looking back, she knew there was the possibility that she could get called in early. She KNEW how strict they were on this and yet last minute I was the one running around trying to make her look like the "good kid" just hoping. Did it work? NO!!! I spent money to get her home because I missed her so much and wanted to see her. What did she do when she was here? She called all her friends and I got invaded with a bunch of teens wanting to party and had to ward them off and then argue with her. I didn't get to spend time with her at all and it cost us a lot of money and arguing. I could go on and on but I think over time you've gotten the drift of what I went thru. In the end I had to just get tough and let her know I loved her, would be here for her but would not put up with her crap. In doing so that meant watching her go to jail, nights spent worrying about every phone call in the middle of the night and worst of all, feeling that my daughter hated me. It hurt like hell but I also can't tell you how awesome it felt when she thanked me for it and I could actually see and feel that she meant it and wasn't manipulating me. I could see it by how she conducted herself and her life. I know this is lengthy but it's important, Gifts. I know you care about your daughter. Brace yourself, get tough and just really really be tough on her. It's going to hurt but stick with it and you won't regret it. My daughter and I are now closer than I ever would of guessed we could be. It really got ugly. I have to tell you that I will NEVER forget the moment that she thanked me for being so firm in my convictions. Someone had told me all this and so I just went with it and stuck with it because nothing else had worked and I was just at my limit with this kid. I wouldn't of done it if I wasn't at the end of my rope and ready to try just about anything. It really works.
• United States
11 Oct 11
Last night she sent him to my house to ask me if next week I can go to see her. I was so pissed and adrian said let him in so he came is and I was so nice to him. I said I am not going anytime soon to see her. and I think when I do it will be on the bus. This way he would have to pay his own way to get there. He was very decent and I could see he was hungry and I called kay to talk to her and gave him the phone. he went in her room for like two hours and talked to her on the phone. I said nothing. A short while later adrian said he has to get off the phone now and just then he came to give me the phone. my daughter was yawning and so tired and freezing. so,I said to her I will talk to her in the morning. I will do my best not to go see her like you said. plus adrian said we are not missing each other talking on the phone all the time. I am so looking forward to the day when my child tells me she is sorry for all she hd done to me. oh you do understand..
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
8 Oct 11
Gifts, I am sorry, but I agree with many here; it is not your responsibility to take him anywhere, not after all the heartache he has put you through...And as for making her mad, SO WHAT???? My parents made me mad as I am sure I made my kids mad, but we survived..If you do this so she doesn't get mad, then she is in control of You, and that isn't right.
• United States
9 Oct 11
This is why I said I can just not go at all. Because she was wrong to ask me to go in the first place.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Oct 11
You are not going? I didn't mean that you shouldn't go, if you can go, then go. Your daughter may not say it, but she does need your support, but where her b/f is concerned, that is not something you have to consider, and I wouldn't because of his past abuse. You need to allow your daughter to be angry with you, but on't turn your back on her, that isn't what she needs right now..
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
11 Oct 11
I actually side with Gifts on this one. KK is still trying to manipulate her mom because she knows how much her mom loves her. Gifts isn't turning her back on her daughter by not going up to visit. KK needs time and space to get her priorities straight. They talk on the phone all the time. I think she is doing the right thing and sending a clear message to KK at the same time and also showing her that she loves her.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164357)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Oct 11
hi gifts maybe she needs to learn that you can say no occasionally does she not see you are less than happy with him,why does she love someone who tried to kill her and went to prison for it, this really gets me, where is her thinking?Sheis wrong in asking that of you and dear gifts you need to be tougher, I know you love her but she is wrong asking that of you next time let her get mad and say no we cannot do that. this man almost killed you.I can see her missing you and Adrian but the lose boyfriend? help.she wants to see him that bad let him pay for taking the bus.and having him there is this going to interfere with her studies?
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Oct 11
It will only be a day visit. No one can spend the night unless they go to a hotel and we will never let him come with us there.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
10 Oct 11
I know what you mean. My daughter puts us through stuff like this all of the time and she knows how we feel about her, now husband, who is locked up.