boyfriends and friends

@winterose (39932)
Canada
October 12, 2011 9:38pm CST
My man and I will be together 12 years at the end of the month. We don't live together for several reasons but we love each. In recent years both our health has deteriorated and it is getting harder to see each other. I haven't seen him in awhile. Though we talk on the phone just about everyday. I recently met one of my oldest friends whom I had not been in contact with for about 20 years, I was 9 years old and he was 6 when we met. He lived on the same street as me. We were friends all through school. He calls me his sister and we reconnected just like we never were apart He started picking me up and we would have supper at his place every Thursday night, if he couldn't make it on a Thursday it was postponed for a Friday. Well last week my boyfriend wanted to go out on a Friday night and I told him I would get back to him to tell him if Friday was good because I had to wait for my friend to tell me what day he was having me over. My boyfriend got irritated and said I was making my friend the priority. I wasn't it is only that my friend only has those two days available, he works nights. My boyfriend didn't understand, yet we could have gone out on any other night of the week or weekend. What do you think was my boyfriend right? Or was I right to hold my ground on this
3 people like this
13 responses
• New Zealand
13 Oct 11
Why not have dinner all together. So they get to know each other. What would u do if your bf was doing the same thing u are doing? put yourself in his shoes.. I thin he feels threatened that your friend might take u away from him. if it was me I would get them to be friends, and dont go overboard on your friend he might get the wrong idea and want u to be his girlfriend. so let him know your feelings are only friendship.
2 people like this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
we are not children, I am invited to my friend's house for dinner, I cannot make him have someone else there until he is ready. He says he will have my boyfriend over before Christmas. But remember he cooks and he buys the food extra and he even gives me the left overs. When he is ready he will have my boyfriend over.
@SIMPLYD (73165)
• Philippines
13 Oct 11
Your boyfriend has every right to feel annoyed. He feels that being your boyfriend, you could have given him the importance over any other, which is but a natural feeling.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
yes it is a natural feeling
• United States
13 Oct 11
The thing is that the boyfriend doesn't make much effort to spend time with her at all. The friend is not a boyfriend. He is just a very good friend. The boyfriend should not feel annoyed at all. He might have reason to be annoyed if she was romantically interested in her friend but that isn't the case. The boyfriend needs to step it up and quit taking her for granted. Since I know Winterose I have a little more insight into this than what is on the surface. The friend is just that,,,a friend.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
that is not fair pointless and not completely true, If I said to Matt we are going out we are going out. It has always been that way but the man is in excruciating pain and walking is harder on him than me, so I don't try to go out that often anymore.
• United States
13 Oct 11
You already know what I think, but I will state it here. I'm glad you held your ground. He could have stepped up and made plans with you fir any time. You are allowed to have friends. I think it is his ego that is speaking. His ego wants to be your everything, but he doesn't put foerth so much effort. Now that you are getting attention from another man his ego feels threatened I think. I think you need to assure him that you aren't replacing him with your friend. And maybe you could ask him to spend quality time with you sometimes. I realize your boyfriend has some serious challenges, but he needs get accustomed to the fact that you will spend time with your friend. If your boyfriend wants to spend time with you he needs to make time for it.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
We made plans matt and I to go out friday but I am sick and friday it is going to rain and I don't want to chance it. Matt understands that so we go out on Sunday. I am not seeing Terry this week, he is too busy.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Oct 11
Glad you will be going out. Hope you get to feeling better.
• United States
13 Oct 11
I would have told him that your friend only has those days off. I would just talk with him and explain it. I believe that you should spend as much time as you can with the ones you love, but I agree that spending time with friends is nice sometimes. If you and him can go out any other day then just let him know that you're not making your friend the priority and that you and him can do something the following day. Just make it clear to your boyfriend that you do want to spend time with him. I wish you the best.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
I did that. He still won't understand, and guess what I never went out with either one of them I got sick and still am sick lol
• United States
13 Oct 11
I'm sorry you're sick and I hope you feel better soon. I'm also sorry to hear that he didn't understand after you explained it. I would just go out with him one day and then make plans with your friend. That could make your boyfriend feel better about it because he could see it as you're putting him first and not your friend. You could go out with you boyfriend one day in the week and then on a Thursday or Friday you could go out with your friend.
@koneho12 (165)
• Philippines
13 Oct 11
Wow it nice to read that you have a long time relationship more than a decade It is amazing. The only thing I can say basing on what I am at this very moment, I would choose my friends not because I am biased for having no boyfriend since birth but It is just my opinion. As Long as you think that you are not doing any wrong thing towards your boyfriend, your friends and to yourself go for it... Just be open minded always..
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
thanks hon, I am always open minded
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
13 Oct 11
The green eyed monster is out . Your boyfriend is just being jealous of the attention your friend is giving you and the fact that you are actually entertaining this. I don't mean to pry but is there something that your boyfriend might feel threatened about with your friend? Anyway, I hope you and your boyfriend get to talk about this and it is up to you to reassure him that there is nothing that he should be angry or jealous about.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
there is absolutely no reason for my boyfriend to be jealous my friend is gay. He just doesn't like that I said to him I had to hold off and see if I was going to my friend's house this week or not. If it was a woman he would not have cared less
@chertsy (3817)
• United States
13 Oct 11
Sounds like Matt is just acting like a typical jealous male. I would hold my ground. You are allowed friends. Matt will see it, just give him time to adjust.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
Yes matt will, my friend is going to have him over for dinner sometime closer to christmas because he does all the cooking and buying the food etc.
@BarBaraPrz (16370)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
13 Oct 11
Could the three of you not have dinner together?
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
that would be ideal but my friend is inviting me to his house buying and doing the cooking, we have to wait until he extends the invitation to my boyfriend which he said he will do closer to christmas time.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (29389)
• Philippines
13 Oct 11
oh alright, i think i would be annoyed myself. if it was your bf's friend and you get the same message to be asked to wait before confirmation over a friend.. hmm i think i would not only be annoyed, i'd be angry. why would you or my bf choose to be with a friend over me.. i mean being in a relationship and you said you do not meet often too, you should be excited to see your bf... right? unless you have now preferred to meet your friend over the bf.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
sorry we have made plans before and my boyfriend had to confirm with others on occassion before telling me if it is okay to go out on that particular night. When his other engage can be no other day I am fine with it always have been. We are not children we are mature adults.
• United States
13 Oct 11
Boyfriend is right. To him you are picking your friend Over him . I know it isn't what you were doing but to him , it seems that way. It is hard to make time for each other. I hope you can explain it to your boyfriend. Good Luck.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
he knows I will do it because I only have two days to choose with my friend, so he will accept it in the end
• Philippines
13 Oct 11
Hi winterose. Perhaps your boyfriend is the jealous type. You mentioned that you are not seeing each other as much as before due to some health reasons. It might be that your boyfriend misses you a lot, and it appeared to him that you are more willing to put off your meeting over your friend. It's not really bad to meet with your friend, but your boyfriend seems to be very much affected by this. Try to compensate. As long as you two could work your schedule out, there is no reason for him to get angry.
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
thanks hon, we are going to see each other this weekend
@bunnybon7 (31069)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Oct 11
no, i think hes jealous even though hes not telling you because he dont want you mad at him. he loves you to much and cant help it. poor guy. hes wrong but dont be to upset with him. he cant help it.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
thanks sweetie,
• Philippines
13 Oct 11
I think what you did was not bad. Besides, he is just your friend and like what you've said, it was the only day he was available. Talk to your boyfriend and let him understand that you are just friends with the guy. Assure him that there is no one else and that he is the only one. I guess it was only due to your boyfriend's pride. He just wanted you to prioritize him. But then, as what I've said, assure him that he's the only one and if he really loves you, he'll understand.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39932)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
oh my boyfriend know that he is just my friend, my friend calls me his sister