If you are to choose between parents and your partner, who would you choose?

Philippines
October 16, 2011 11:56pm CST
Many youngster or young adults today are so engrossed with romantic relationship. Others actually choose to leave their parents home and lost contact with them because of their spouse or bf/gf. As a result, he/she became strange to their parents and families. My outlook in life is that a partner should become part of the family. He/she should not take you away and instead encourage you to sustain deep relationship with your family. How about you, would you choose between your parents and your spouse? If yes, why? If not, why not?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
25 Oct 11
I do not want to make a choice. I would rather not. I would try my best not to and would like me and my partner to be accepted both by our families as a couple. It is hard to choose between a loved one and a family. because both love is there. though a partner may be replaced especially if you are only bf/gf but family is eternal.
• Philippines
26 Oct 11
Hi chiyosan. I too would want that to happen. I'm lucky to have an open minded parents. I just hope I'll find a partner who would be good too. If he would not be kind towards my parents, then I will not accept him. lol
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
21 Oct 11
I wouldn't choose. I just wouldn't. If my parents didn't like the person I was with well that is their choice and visa versa. If the husband has a better paying job away from the parents then I would go wherever he goes. My parents would still be my family and we'd still be in contact but they raised me to be independent
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
Hi sid556. Thanks for commenting. Both are significant part of our lives. I agree that choosing is not an option. What we can do is find ways to make them see how much they meant to us and that by loving and accepting each other would be the best way to go. Have a nice day!
• United States
18 Oct 11
i dont have the best relationship with my father. we talk and hang out once and a while but not often, however im extremely close to my mother. i could never chose between my fiance and my family. and my fiance is very understanding about this. my mother has a ton of health problems so we both live with her, he would never try and take me away from my family. even when we were talking about moving over 500 miles away he was the one that suggested that if we go we bring my mother. as for my father he has his own life up here but i would always come back and see him, but my mother has been my life for a long time and i have been hers. there have been a lot of times that neither of us have had anyone but each other. when my mother or my fiance leave they tell each other they love each other and im like awww :) so no i could never chose between the two i often feel bad because in a way my fiance does. he moved 45 minutes away from his mothers side of the family to be with me. granted i have never stopped him from going to see his family and i go with him when he wants me too. but i cant stand his mother. she is cocky and rude to me. blames me for everything her son does wrong. she has tried to get him to leave me many times. if there is anything i have learned about his family is that they are always making rude comments to him and insulting him until they want something. the only time they really invite him up is when they want something, or have people over and want to look good. that drives me crazy. we live about 20 minutes from his dads side of the family and i love them. i am almost as close to them as i am with my own family. anyway i hate that he in a way does choose between me and his family. but i could never chose between him and my family. is that horrible?
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
It is not really terrible. Actually, I see it as some sort of a challenge for you. That way, you can prove to him how much you love him. And the good thing about your situation is that your fiance accepted you and your mom as one. I hope your situation with his mother would improve. She may just be feeling a little jealous of you because her son has another girl to care for. I was like that with my brother. I got jealous that my sister-in-law was the center of his attention when he met her. Before, I was very close to my brother. But I tried to accept that situation and tried harder to accept my sister in law. I don't want my brother to be torn between me and his wife. Good luck to you.
@zeciram (161)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
Hi! Based on experience, I would say I would choose to listen to my parents unless there is a compelling reason not to do so. I believe that parents can really feel what is and is not good for their children. Besides, your marriage will not be fully happy if your parents and spouse are not in good terms. You will be putting yourself in the middle of colliding rocks that is your parents and your spouse. Personally, I had a hard time dealing with issues between my parents and my husband. In avoiding conflicts between them, I kept telling them to just accept one another as persons who came from different cultures. Hoping for the best. =)
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
Hi zeciram. Thanks for sharing your very own experience. Just a thought... maybe you can tell them that if they love you... they will both try their best to be in good terms with one another because they have similarity and that is they love you. Best regards to you.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
18 Oct 11
Well there are many things that were taken and done to me in the past so that would help me to decide, I would choose the one who takes care of me and cares more and that is very clear to me.
• Philippines
1 Nov 11
Hi Katie0. That seems a sensible basis of arriving with a decision. Though you did not mention or pin-pointed who it would be, I sense that you know by heart that you've made a right decision. Thanks for commenting.
• China
18 Oct 11
Since i am not married yet, i don't know which is more important to me, my wife or my parents. However, i wish that i could live near my parents so that i can look after them when they need. As a traditional Chinese, it is my responsibility and obligation to support my parents. And i'd love to do it because i love them.
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
You are a good man. I hope you will find a girl that would be in good terms with your parents. I know that some Chinese family, it's their parents who finds them a match. My question now is... will you be choosing your partner or your parents would be the one to find you a partner?
@toniganzon (47945)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
I would never choose a partner over my family no matter what. I consider that one of the biggest mistake a member of my family would ever commit. Even when i was just in my teens, i would always tell my friends that my man should be someone that my family would love and be friends with. If he couldn't get along with them, i couldn't see myself marrying him. True to my words, my husband is someone my family cherishes more than me. There was a time in our relationship when I told him that i don't want to get in between him and his family. His family should be his priority coz i was just his girlfriend then. If his family wouldn't have liked me, i wouldn't have married him too.
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
Your husband is a lucky guy. You see, if you value your family much, it may mean that you would also be a good family wife. Because you would do your best to keep the relationship and keep the family intact. Good day to you.
@prasanta (1947)
• India
17 Oct 11
See, I feel: I have to see the situation. If there is a dispute, I have to see both sides. Depending on my judgement, I will act. If the partner likes to stay in serenity, if the partner does not like traditions of my family -- that is a person's choice. I cannot force anyone to bear with everything that my family does. Before marriage, these things need to be judged. Marriage happens after a person develops enough ego. He/ she cannot get changed overnight at that age. If my family members expect that, I won't support them.
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
Hi prasanta. Hearing both sides is actually what we need to do if there would be disputes. But if in case one side is more right than the other, we have to tell the one causing the dispute the problem and make them understand what is right. We can be a bridge between them so as not to make the relationship sour. I respect your opinion. As I have told others, people decides depending on the situation that they are in. Have a nice day!
@tessa9 (1086)
• Philippines
17 Oct 11
I think it really depends on the situation. Many people have a broken home and live miserable lives. Many also don't have great parents. I personally love my mother but despise my father with great reasons. I won't make the choice. My partner and mom should make a way for them to at least be civil with each other.
• Philippines
21 Oct 11
You are right. What we can do though is assess first our partners if they are the right one for us and our family. They would have to understand that to love us is to love our family as well. Our parents and siblings are part of us. Have a nice day.
@advokatku (4037)
• Indonesia
17 Oct 11
Whatever the choice it, I would still give priority to parents. People who become our lovers only have relation with us for a while. Our relationships with our loved one could break and our lovers can forget about it. Meanwhile, our relationship with the parents there will always be lifelong and will never be broken or disconnected by anyone
@katcarneo (1433)
• Philippines
17 Oct 11
That is a choice I won't make. A relationship with a partner shouldn't get in the way of one's relationship with family, especially parents. I guess we see this a lot in soap operas and movies wherein parents disapprove of their child's chosen partner and as a result the said child is disinherited or the lovers would elope or something like that. But in real life, for the relationship to work, all parties must trive for harmony. Parents must respect their children's decisions, a child should take into consideration the feelings of his or her parents when choosing a partner, and that partner must be respectful and must put effort into having a good relationship with the parents of his or her loved one.
• Philippines
20 Oct 11
Hi katcarneo. I can see that you still have an idealistic view on this kind of relationship. I am glad that there are still young adults who thinks matured enough. Usually, teens or young ones are impulsive in terms of their partners. Sometimes, they get to the extent of neglecting their parents because of love's passion. Keep it up.