I still like the man to pay on a date.

@stary1 (6622)
United States
October 18, 2011 10:27pm CST
I have never become used to the idea of 'dutch dating' where the guy and girl each pay for themselves. I also find it odd for the girl to pay unless it's a gift like a birthday, celebration etc. Ehen I dated the guy always paid..expecially on a first date... LOL I know this is quite common now and since I am married it doesn't mean as much to me personally but I am curious to know how widespread this is. I still like my husband to pay even though it's all community propery.
4 people like this
23 responses
@00fear (3203)
• United States
19 Oct 11
When I go out on a first date, I would also pay for both of us. I would also pay for the dates that we go out. Unless she wants to volunteer that she'll pay for that day then I would think its okay. I wouldn't stop her from paying when she volunteers hehe. Most of all I think I would be the one paying.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
00fear LOL so if someone offers to pay, even just beig nice, you go ahead and let them? Well I guess they should not have volunteered if they were not prepared to pay ???
@00fear (3203)
• United States
20 Oct 11
Of course, if they are not prepared to pay they wouldn't offer to pay, so I'll be the one paying hehe.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
00fear Yes but maybe they were hoping you would say no...and maybe they were just being polite?
• China
19 Oct 11
To be blunt,I am surprised that your boyfriend paid on first date,because I thought You surely go Dutch.Over here It seems that it is right and proper for men to foot the bill.No need for reticence,what we are doing bears a distinct impress of male chauvinism.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
changjiangzhibin89 Very interesting..are you saying you think everyone here (the US) pays for themselves on a first date? That wasn't the habit years ago but often it is done now. Of course years ago it mostly only the guys who asked the girls out.
1 person likes this
• China
20 Oct 11
It makse sense for guy to stand treat,if he asks the girl out.But then,The habit may change with the times.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
changjiangzhibin89 You are correct..and the womans lib movement had something to do with this in the US I think...lol then too some guys thought .."ok you want to be liberated?? Pay your own way"
1 person likes this
@thatgirl13 (7307)
• South Korea
19 Oct 11
I think i like the dutch dating better. Because I always feel really uncomfortable when the guy takes out his money and I am just there staring. I really don't know what to do so I jump in to for mine
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
thatgirl13 I think many feel the same as you just out of being polite. You could just offer to pay without taking out your money, and HOPE he says no...
1 person likes this
• South Korea
20 Oct 11
I really wish I could stop the habit of jumping to pay lol And thanks for the idea, will be doing it the next time lol
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
thatgirl13 Oh goodlet me know..just sit on your hands if you have too and drink water so you won't say anything...All the best...and let me know..I am rooting for you!!
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
hmm.. what should i say.. well yes, it's always nice that the guy would have to pay during dates. but i think this does not apply now. since money is hard to earn and it's quite unfair if the girl asks the guy to go on a date with her and have the guy pay for the expenses. (i'm pertaining to boyfriend girlfriend or even friends relationship) what we do with that now is whoever asks the date then he/she would be the one who would pay. i think that's quite fair. with my case my boyfriend pays when he asks me out and when there are times that i feel like going out i pay the bills. at least there is balance and no one is being spoiled.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
shanemae I forget women more often ask guys out than when I was dating. If she does then ok I agree she could pay..but still I think it would be nice if the guy paid for something on the date. Maybe I am just old fashioned
1 person likes this
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
20 Oct 11
hmm.. well that's true stary.. in my case i feel a little belittled if someone pays for my bills specially if it's a guy.lol! i feel like i'm just a load to him. kinda weird right?
19 Oct 11
I've had a few dates where I had to pay for my own movie ticket and my share of dinner. I'm not one to free load off people, and it's not that I cant afford to pay for myself, but it's like... if a guy wants to take me out on a date then he should atleast pay for things. This is kind of silly, but it makes me feel like a lady and kinda special when they guy pays for dinner and hold the door.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
couchPotato100 I don't think it is at all silly to enjoy feeling like a lady and having the guy pay I think it's nice. Years ago that was the normal thing to do and I started this discussion because I am not sure how widespread dutch dating is...
20 Oct 11
Dutch dating is pretty common now. The opposite gender are not like how they were years ago. Old fashioned type of guys are rare these days, and not only is dutch dating widespread it also seems like the whole dating things is set on backward.
@magic700 (100)
• Canada
19 Oct 11
Even though I'm a guy myself, I still agree. The man should have to pay. It's not very gentleman like to force, or even allow the girl to pay for yourself. It's just one of those things you should do even if the other person wants to do it themselves, like holding doors open for people. It's called people polite and civil. And I don't think it's okay to go cheap either. I say the guy should be willing to go all out, well, within reason.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
Oh good for you..the perfect gentleman I do think it depends if the guy can afford it without having to deny himself money he needs. As for cheap...I remember I always said I'd rather have a hamburger at a burger joint with a guy I really liked than be wined and dined by someone I didn't really have feelings for.
1 person likes this
@magic700 (100)
• Canada
20 Oct 11
Well, naturally if a guy really can't afford it, than it is an exception. If you break your arm for example, though you could still technically hold the door open for those going through, due to your condition, it's no longer considered rude to just walk through. As a side not, being cheap doesn't definitely mean eating at a burger joint. When I say guys should be willing to go all out, I don't mean they have to go to a fancy restaurant. I'm more so referring to what some people I know actually do. They pretty much force their date(s) to eat garbage they don't want to eat just because it's cheaper. If the girl is okay with hamburgers, there's nothing wrong with getting hamburgers. It just bothers me when guys bring girls to places they don't like, forcing them to go there just because it's cheap, never giving an actual care about the other person's feelings on the matter!
@billant8 (48)
• Greece
20 Oct 11
i believe that its up to the man and woman's mode....If you spend a nice time with him, whats the matter if he pays or not???? From the other hand, whats the matter if he gealously offer to pay and leave a good tip if all the previous night was rude or angry or miserable or told you sth that you didnt like.....I think it conts on the first 2-3 dates and ONLY if this person really suits you !!!
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
billant8 What you say makes sense..and, I think it is what one is accustom to…
• United States
19 Oct 11
I feel the same way you do about the man paying going out someplace, my husband always pays when we go out even if I say my treat he says give me the money now and I will pay when we get there unless the credit card is used but most of the time we take turns paying as we work 2 jobs each and we go out to eat a lot of the time
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
creationsbysusie I think it's what we are used to ...I agree when married it doesn;t matter so much..but I am still used to having my husband pay.
@jaiho2009 (39084)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
I also prefer the man to pay each time we go for a date. It doesn't mean that I will be turned off if the guy will asks for my share. But, if possible, I would choose a guy that pays for our date. Have a good day
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
jaiho2009 I might offer to pay and be prepared to do so, but I think if the guy asked me out and then asked me to pay I would not think well of him..again, I guess it's habit and what one is used to...
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
19 Oct 11
First of all I am dutch and I don't find it normal that man and woman are each paying their own bill. I am also surprised again about that expression: dutch dating. There is not such a thing as dutch dating. Same like the expression: dutch party. We don't know these kind of parties, we never had them. Perhaps now some teenagers give parties like that and we call it an: American party (interesting to know Canadians call it an American party too!). I find it normal a man will ask a girl out and if they date he will pay. If you go out more frequently I have no problem with paying the bill too but not always or my share. Also if I invite someone I pay for that person. Otherwise it's not an invitation. In the past I did met men who let me pay, not once but always it's a typical sign of being greedy and even worser: selfish. These were all men with plenty of money, more as I had but they just liked to spend it only on themselves. A man who is not able to pay for a date should not want a girlfriend/wife.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
WakeUpKitty Oh my goodness, I do apologize if this was offensive to you. I never thougt it could be but thanks for letting me know. I looked it up in Wiki and one source said it comes from the concept of a Dutch door..2 equal parts of one door..I don't qute understand that connection, but I suppose someone could interpret it as each being independent of the other? I can see an American influence from the feminist movement when some women were pushing to show they don't "need" a man. I was never a feminist in the extreme. I am not sure what the dutch or American party means. We do have parties where we have people bring food..and call it a pot luck dinner or bring their own alchohol and call it BYOB...'Bring your own booze' Interesting how we all have different customs.
1 person likes this
@qnzmae (43)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
This is so funny. I don't like 'dutch-dating' unless it's with a person who you have been with for quite a long time that you have come to terms where you agree that at times this can happen. If it's still the first date, in most cultures, the guy should pay. This gesture could tell the girl that the guy, when the relationship becomes really serious up to the point that wedding bells are heard, he can provide not just for the girl but also for the family. And it's sweet if the guy pays for the girl, the guy is manning up. Haha!
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
qnzmae I always felt that way too..but it seems many of the kids now have changed what the tradition used to be. It's hard when you are used to one thing to be comfortable with a total change. I guess every generation feels this way.
1 person likes this
@zhawee (875)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
me also i want my bf pay all expensive in our date.. i feel im a princess.. Im looking forward someday one man can pay all my needs.hopely its will come true.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
zhawee It's fun to feel like a Princess. I hope you meet your Prince and all your dreams come true. In the mean time I hope you also become prepared to take care of yourself as we never know what might happen in life..All the best to you
19 Oct 11
hi:) I'm also like you, when still on the dating stage I like the man pay for the date, but if were already together i think I can also help if I have extra or its especial occasion.
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
flowerfest08 Yes relationships, especially if you are planning a future, are different. Then you both are looking forward together
1 person likes this
@katrinapaz (2438)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
i agree on that too stary. it would be nice if the man still pays for the date. right now me and my boyfriend have the same job and in the same company so i understand how low the pay is. because of this i feel shy if i dont pay for myself when we go out on dates. most of the time we do it dutch. i am happy when sometimes as in once in a blue moon, he pays for everything
1 person likes this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
I think when you have a relationship it's perfectly ok to help pay especially if you make as much as he does. I had a boyfirend in college and my MOm would give me money and say it's not fair for him to pay all the time because he was a poor student too
1 person likes this
@huilichan8 (1379)
• Singapore
20 Oct 11
Me too.:) Even tho it's not a common pactice here, I think it wld b great if guys in my country r less sting and more willing to pay on dates.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
21 Oct 11
huilichan8 Maybe they need to be 'trained'
• Singapore
22 Oct 11
That's a gd one too. It wld b great if guys in my country r more generous, like Caucasian men.:)
• Singapore
22 Oct 11
That's a gd one too. It wld b great if guys in my country r more generous, like Caucasian men.:)
@huilichan8 (1379)
• Singapore
20 Oct 11
Me too.:) Even tho it's not a common pactice here, I think it wld b great if guys in my country r less sting and more willing to pay on dates.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
huilichan8 When the bill comes, just sit on your hands and don't say anything and see what he does.
• Singapore
22 Oct 11
Oh I juz noticed my typo errors. I like what u said. That's a gd one.
• Singapore
22 Oct 11
Oh I juz noticed my typo errors. I like what u said. That's a gd one.
@bagarad (7657)
• Paso Robles, California
19 Oct 11
I'm married, and this doesn't really matter to me much anymore. But when I was young and dating, it was assumed the guys paid, except on Sadie Hawkins day. Then the girls made a matching dress and shirt for the Sadie Hawkins Dance and usually took the guys somewhere nice for dinner, as well. I know things are changing now. What is important, I think, is that who pays for what is understood by both before the date so there is no awkwardness when the check comes. The new trend may be so that the women do not feel obligated to the man in case he thinks that if he spends his money he expects the woman to "perform." My personal preference, though, is if it's a dating relationship, the man should pay. If, on the other hand, I were going out with a male friend and it was not a romantic relationship -- just two people who wanted to attend the same event and didn't want to go alone, I would expect to go Dutch, just as if I were attending with a woman friend.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
bagarad I have never heard of making a dress and shirt for Sadie Hawkins Day..I have heard of the day and a dance associated with it but never knew these details..Gee what happens if, like me, someone can't sew?? I totally agree if it is not a date and the woman wants to make it a point to the guy that it is not a date she should just pay for herself..not him.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (7657)
• Paso Robles, California
19 Oct 11
Having a matching shirt and dress was a tradition for the event in our high school in Bellflower, California. I don't know if other schools had it. I went to school there is the 1950's I couldn't sew, either, but my mom was quite an accomplished seamstress who also make my prom and wedding dresses. If I weren't in such a hurry to process orders today, I would post a picture. Maybe I'll com back later and do it when I have more time.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
19 Oct 11
That is so interesting to hear...I learn so many little things on myLot!!..yes if you have time come back and post a picture.
@beingwell (3627)
• Thailand
20 Oct 11
Yes, indeed, stary! When we were dating, my husband and I always took care of our bill. Sometimes (rarely), I would offer to pay for it. Good thing we always says no!hahaha!! Now that we're married, he pays for everything all the more!hihihi...
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
beingwell See? You trained him well Just kidding..kind of... I also think when women offer to pay, the guy should figure she is just being polite. However, if she insists and practically wrestles him to the floor over the bill..then he knows she really wants to pay
@beingwell (3627)
• Thailand
21 Oct 11
Hahahah!! I think I kind'a did train him well!hahahaha!! Well, even if I pay stary.. he would still be the one paying coz' I'm a stay at home wifey.hihihi...
• United States
20 Oct 11
I live with my boyfriend for so long now that we really do not find it necessary to say who should pay. He just takes it upon himself to always pay and would not hear of me paying. When I was single and or a lot younger I too felt the same way, then later as I got older I felt it was fair that I at least offer to pay at times. I have not encountered too many expecting me and or accepting me to pay.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
Being with a long time boyfriend or husband is a little different...but even then I prefer the man to pay.
@jennybianca (12918)
• Australia
20 Oct 11
I am used to paying my share only. I am single at the moment, and amny of the men I meet have financial problems. I don't feel it is fair to have the man pay for everything. Sometimes they pay for the drinks, but I pay for my meal. When I was married, it didn't matter who paid, as it was all shared money anyway.. in theory.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
jennybianca You aren't alone, many feel the same as you do. There is a certain independence in paying for yourslef..a statement 'I can take care of myself, thank you very much' ..nothing wrong with that but I still like it when men pay for all of the date