Patience and our own children's homework

tutoring your own children - patience in tutoring your own children
@bounce58 (17524)
Canada
October 19, 2011 5:53pm CST
The other night I was going over through my son's homework making sure that he did it, and he did it right. It was math. After finding some errors, I asked him to do it again. He couldn't understand the analysis of it all, so it got to be frustrating. I don't know if I wasn't talking right, or if it was just my patience getting to me, that it became a crying episode (not me, of course!). I just find that my patience quickly runs out if I am tutoring my own son. Last night, I helped his cousin with his homework, but I didn't find the same level of frustration. I think I just expect too much from my own flesh-and-blood, that's why I get impatient with him sometimes. How about you? Do you do homework with your children? Don't you get frustrated when he is not understanding the work? Are you a patient teacher?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@katsmeow1213 (29016)
• United States
20 Oct 11
I hate doing homework with my kids, and my oldest is especially frustrating. When he was still in elementary school there were nights he would just continue to put the wrong answers down over and over, he'd get frustrated and get to a point where he was just guessing and obviously still wrong. The paper was erased so many times it ended up getting torn. Then I'd give up and tell him he's getting a zero on his assignment because he couldn't just focus and try to do it right. Once he got into middle school I forced him to stay the extra period at the end of the day and do his homework then so he could get help from the teachers. If he ever did have to do homework at home I would just let him do it on his own and not check it so as not to cause frustration. My younger ones rarely need help. Sometimes I will check over my daughter's work and point out the couple she got wrong, but rarely does she get many wrong and when she does she realizes her mistakes quickly and gets it right the second time.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
24 Oct 11
There's actually a homework club after school that my son has gone a few times. It just makes it easier for me at night when I go to check his work, if he has gone to the club. Unfortunately, scheduling of pick up factors in on whether he could go to the club or not. I think I just have to re-arrange a few things so that he could stay for that 'extra' period so he could also get help with his homework. Thanks.
• Philippines
20 Oct 11
I noticed that about most parents. They are more patient with other kids, than they are with their own flesh and blood. I will admit that my daughter is not yet in school. She has autism and is undergoing therapies. I have yet to get the go-signal from her developmental pediatrician to confirm if my daughter is ready for school, and whether or not it is a regular or special school. But I digress. Anyway, as I said, I noticed that most parents are harder on their own kids when it comes to their studies. I think it is because we want our kids to be the best that they can be and to apply themselves in their school work. We know they can do better if they will just try. But sometimes, this "pressure" can be too much for kids. Especially if they have learning disabilities that parents are unaware of; or have developmental delays like the one my daughter has. Unnecessary stress and pressure can only lead to frustration for both parent and child. I was also a strict sister and aunt when it came to tutoring my sister and nephews and nieces. But since having a child with ASD, I have become more patient and accepted the fact that people (and kids) are just wired differently, and will develop at their own style, pace and time. Haven't you noticed how there are now more progressive and multiple intelligence schools around? Just practice more patience. Now if you really cannot handle it, why not hire a tutor for your little boy? Or at the very least, have your significant other handle the homework duties.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
23 Oct 11
It's the fear that my kids might make the same mistakes I did when I was young. I think that's why there is an expectation on my part for them to be better. But I hear you. Some people are just wired differently. And I'm in no position to distinguish that. Thanks for a great response!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
20 Oct 11
I have one child that is very accepting of my help and then another that seemed to fight me every step of the way..lol..it can be frustrating. The thing with the fighter was when the teacher told her a way of doing something...she had it in her mind that it was the "only" way. When I tried to show her a different method or explain it in a different way, well, it wasn't "right" in her mind...she wanted to understand it the way the teacher explained it and even though the way I was telling her was correct and possibly easier for her to understand, she wasn't having it. It might be that you are expecting alot more from your son..we tend to do that sometimes as parents. Maybe you could try tutoring them at the same time and see how you respond. Homework can be frustrating anyway though..especially if they always seem to have a ton.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
22 Oct 11
This is exactly the cause of my frustration! I keep telling my son, 'I took engineering. Math comes a little bit easy to me. I have a way to make it easy'. But he would have none of it, because it's not the way his teacher taught it. I think I just need to make his mind a little bit open. Thanks Jen!
@GardenGerty (95681)
• Marion, Kansas
20 Oct 11
My two kids were very different from one another. Both of them did really well in math. It was writing that was an issue. My son took it personally when I tried to critique and improve his writing, my daughter was glad for the advice. She writes better than I do now. I think we almost expect them to read our minds when it is our children.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
22 Oct 11
I think we almost expect them to read our minds when it is our children. I think so too! They're here all the time, they hang out with us all the time, we expect them to have the same way of thinkin as us. And yet when we come to these situations, and realize that our own kids think differently, we get frustrated. Thanks GG!
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
20 Oct 11
No, Bounce - it should not have ended in tears. Talk to his teacher as in maths especially, it is taught differently and you may have confused him. I was a teacher but still found it frustrating to teach my own children with the exception of my son with learning disabilities. Homework is to show the teacher whether or not the child understands a particular concept. meet with his teacher before doing anything. We tend to expect more from out own children than from other people's children. This is natural so beat yourself up on this.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
20 Oct 11
Meant to have said DON'T beat yourself up over this. Apologies.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
20 Oct 11
I was alrady half-beating myself, before I read the correction! Actually, there's some truth to this. That even though I was the one who got frustrated, and he's the one crying, at the end of it all, I'm still the one feeling guilty and beat up. He's a smart kid, I know he gets it. Sometime's it's just my frustration that gets the best of me. Thanks cynthiann.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
21 Oct 11
One last piece of advice. Kids his age only have an attention span of 15-20 mins tops. Take mini breaks with him. But do talk to his teacher and get advice.
@Amanda81587 (3046)
• United States
20 Oct 11
When going about my child's homework seeing as how he is in first grade I help him with his work because some times it is difficult for him to read the instructions. This can be difficult because when the teacher grades the homework sometimes i realize that I misread the question. I feel like I need to take my time to help him. He is learning story problems and working with coins. So I had to show him how to draw out what is being asked of in the story problem to better understand himself. Sometimes this homework can get frustrating and when it comes to spelling words I find myself drilling him to make sure he gets 100% He does very good but when it comes to harder words that he did not learn in kindergarten how to read he gets discourages so sometimes i make a little game out of the questions when I know he has a test the next day. I will out of the blue tell him i need help because I forgot how to spell a word and he will tell me. This is how I know that he is actually absorbing it. He does get very frustrated with me I can see. Last year my mother in law had to teach him to read his words because he did not want to listen to me.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
24 Oct 11
I think that's a neat trick! To make a game out of the lessons your child is learning. I think that's an easier way for the kid to learn. Of course, as a parent, this also means you have to spend some time doing this. I just hope I find the time. Thanks.
• United States
24 Oct 11
Well since mine is spelling it is fairly easy to find time. I can do this as I am cooking dinner, giving bathes or just taking him to the bus stop. When you have to do things that are harder like math then smetime it is hard to incorporate into everyday life. But you can think of something I am sure if it. Or let me know and I can help you.
@curmont (343)
• United States
24 Oct 11
I get very impatient not only with my childrens homework but when trying to help anyone who learns differently then me. It is hard because the way I am explaining it makes perfect sense to me but no matter how I try they just dont seem to get it.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
25 Oct 11
Hello curmont. I think everybody thinks differently. Even between parents and kids. And the way we process things in our minds. That's where all the frustrations come from. Thanks for the response.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
23 Oct 11
Typically I will let Kathryn attempt her homework on her own first and then I will check over it and if she has made a lot of big mistakes then the two of us will do the problems that were done incorrectly together. I will also admit that there are some times that I get very frustrated with her because she knows how to do things but I can't convince her to do them right. Of course, I also realize that both the way I think and the way that she thinks are different and also that she is being taught in a way that is much different than the way that I was taught.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
25 Oct 11
I think that's a big thing: the way children are taught these days. Even though the way we were taught is different and harder, we always have the expectation from our children to see things like we do. And this is where all the frustrations come from. Thanks!
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
20 Oct 11
Ugh.. yes it seems easier to get frustrated with your own kids than with someone else's. I think some of the problem is that with your own kids, you KNOW their level of understanding, and you also know what level they are able to work at. For instance, my daughter is an excellent student. She works independently and I am not required to read her the questions as she is able to read them herself AND comprehend and answer them. There are other kids who are not at the same level, and therefore for them I WOULD read the questions and help them understand what is being asked. Now I won't do this for my daughter because I know she does not need it. When she gets whiny and asks me to, I want to even less. I have patience when it is required because someone actually does not understand, but when you have proven you have a good grasp of a concept or skill, I will not go backwards and do it for you or give you help you do not really require. This is where some people really do a disservice - giving extra help when someone asks but not making sure they really needed it first.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
24 Oct 11
It's the same as my son. I know what level he is, and I expect more from him. So, when he comes up with a mistake, and asks me for help, I get frustrated because I already know that he should have a good grasp for it already. It's part of my already high-expectation of him. Thanks for the response.
@khare_1005 (1311)
• India
20 Oct 11
impatience is something that you should always keep away from your little one to have them their complete childhood.we all learn by doing mistakes.nobody is born perfect,so there little mistakes that they make more regularly,is bound to test our patience.but we should never let it shown to them.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
24 Oct 11
Hello khare_1005. You are absolutely right that we shouldn't show our impatience to our children. No matter how difficult it is. Thanks.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
20 Oct 11
bounce58 Yes tutoring your own children can be very patience trying...I am so glad those days are over. I think maybe I did take it personally if they didn't catch on right away..as if you I somehow failed them when it really is just a learning process. Take deep breaths in between sessions. but don't let them see you doing it...:)
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
23 Oct 11
It still going to take a few more years before I get through this stage of my kids' phase of education. There would be many more nights like this. A lot more frustrations and crying. But, I will take your tip stary1. I will take a lot of deep breaths in between sessions. Thanks.
• United States
20 Oct 11
Oh my do I remember searching deep down for patience evening after evening. There were many times that no matter which angle I used it was of no use. Thankfully at some point late on it would then be understood. Yes I remember the tears and oh how one has to measure the level of whether it is out of frustration and or simply the child will not get it. I thought I was a patient teacher but there were times that my patience was overly tested. I went through two children two years apart so I had the double frustration and or patience testing. I am just glad that today, I no longer have to do it, but if I had too I would it just as I did. lol Sending some hugs as I know there were days I wanted to pull out my hair and walked away for a few minutes.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
21 Oct 11
Thanks HWG! I think I have save up on the patience as my kids have a 6 year age gap difference. I'm sure that just when I'm about to be breathing easy on one, I would have to go through the same process with the other. Hey! Maybe I could get the older one teach the younger! Then I'd be set!