More hurting for men?

@bingskee (5237)
Philippines
October 27, 2011 12:47am CST
I heard someone say that it is more painful or hurting for a man to learn that his partner is cheating, or has an illicit affair. That is downright wrong. There should not be a comparison. Any of the partners, the man or the woman, when cheated on, will feel immensely hurt. There is no point saying that it is more hurting for a man. Do you think that thought emerged because the world is generally patriarchal?
3 people like this
15 responses
27 Oct 11
Sounds more like a reaction to the egalitarian movement in my opinion. Feminism is great but a lot of the more militant types push for female superiority, which has resulted in a lot of reactionary stuff like that in an attempt to "prove" that men are equal, too. I agree with you, though - pain and suffering is not something that should (or can) be compared. It's individual.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
hello, spike! i am not even a feminist. but i just cannot deal with treatments that women are inferior or useless, or can be taken for granted.
1 person likes this
27 Oct 11
Then you're a feminist. So am I. A TRUE feminist is someone - anyone - who believes that women should have equal political, economic, and social rights and equal opportunities. Simple as that.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
not an extreme feminist, i think. i have some reservations.
1 person likes this
@Jlyn10 (10900)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 11
Is there really a difference? In today's world, we don't differ between men and women as both are equal now. Either way, whether who cheats who, both also ended up getting hurt and I don't believe that one gets hurt more than the other.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
29 Oct 11
sadly, there is still a lot (made of the male species) that believes that men get hurt more when cheated. the equality concept has not reached their ears yet.
@Jlyn10 (10900)
• Malaysia
1 Nov 11
Maybe that's only their believe, but how would they know that the women are not hurting as much as they are. They're not women. They're probably thinking about their ego.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
1 Nov 11
exactly.
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
I agree on you on that, there shouldn't be a comparison. Cheating causes so much pain - whether it's the man or the woman who did it. I guess the reason why some people sees it more hurting for a man was because, the man normally never forgives the cheating wife. While, the woman gives another chance to his cheating husband.
@Jlyn10 (10900)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 11
I guess that's always the case that the wife always gives in more than the husband.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
29 Oct 11
so, why do you think, enelym, that such situation exist where the men cannot forgive and the women easily forgives? do you think it has something in relationship to that someone saying that it is more hurting for men that they cannot forgive?
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
29 Oct 11
I do think so, from what I answered it really shows that it is more hurting for men. Because there were only few guys who would still be willing to accept their wife once they cheat. Girls can cry over it, get hurt and curse their husbands. But then they still would accept these cheating guys Just like what happened with my cousin
@bodhi_91 (193)
• India
27 Oct 11
I would cut through your point. It hurts the same initially after knowing about the point that the partner is cheating and affair is going on. But after that a girl can start crying horribly which drains away some pain. But in case of a man, he cannot readily cry even in a lonesome place and this simply eats him up bit by bit. This is what hurts much much more!
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
hello, bodhi. i know it is painful not to be able to let out the pain. because some men thinks it makes them look like weak when they shed a tear. but this is not even about it. that remark insinuates something else. it sounded like cheating is more wrong when it is the woman who did it, that it is more okay for men to cheat than women doing it.
@bodhi_91 (193)
• India
31 Oct 11
It's never true. Do we deal a woman murderer with more mercy than a male one? Cheating one someone is a damn crime and one has to pay for it. There cannot be any point like men doing it is more ok that a woman!
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
1 Nov 11
indeed it is not true but in my country, some men even have this notion. part ego, part male chauvinism.
@dpk262006 (56217)
• Delhi, India
27 Oct 11
Hi! I agree with you that irrespective of one's gender if a man or woman's partner cheats him/her, s/he will feel hurt. Cheating is something, which no one could appreciate. I believe men and women equally detest cheating or an illicit affair.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
men and women equally detest cheating but some men claim it is more hurting for them. crappy states of mind!
@dpk262006 (56217)
• Delhi, India
27 Oct 11
It can not be helped.
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
29 Oct 11
I never heard about this and it's hard to believe it's a fact. Also I don't believe in it. If it comes to men and women there is world of differences between them and between how the interpretate and feel everything around them including relationships. I don't think men are hurt that easily and if it's mostly just their feeling of proud since they still think they are the only one who are allowed to hunt, cheat (not seen like cheating by them they blame the mistress) and dump. It has nothing to do with being more hurt. I agree with you there is no reason to compare these different people and worlds together. I wonder what kind of "expert" came up with this test result.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
1 Nov 11
it is not a fact, it is the belief of some men here. on the other hand, i beg to disagree that men cannot be hurt easily, they can be in some circumstances.
@inertia4 (27688)
• United States
28 Oct 11
I have to agree with you here. It hurts the same for a man or a woman. I should know, I had that happen to me. It is not easy to deal with, but time does heal all wounds.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
29 Oct 11
i believe that time does heal all wounds, inertia. i am glad that you have gotten over your own sad experience.
• United States
27 Oct 11
Pain is pain and I see no reason to delineate who hurts when experiencing it. If one loves someone and they are being cheated on, I can't see how it can be compared outside of someone who perhaps did not really love a person. Also if one is cheated on more then one time the pain is not a lessor one either. It is pain and how can one measure it?
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
29 Oct 11
there are misconceptions actually with some individuals. probably the culture has something to do with it, too, or the community, or the environment.
• United States
27 Oct 11
I actually think it comes from the stereo-type that men are supposed to be "players", and it is not only acceptable for them to be promiscuous but also actually expected of them to act this. Therefore, women (at least in their minds) should not be too hurt when they are only following their "natural desires" and acting as "nature intended". On the other hand, women are expected to be demure and remain "pure" until marriage. They are supposed to be faithful always and love blindly, so when this does not happen it comes as a shock to some. I do not think that it is right to cheat, and I expect that there is always hurt when one partner learns the other one is cheating. How much hurt depends upon the relationship, the individuals within the relationship, and I believe to some extent past experience. I do not think you can compare hurt between to people let alone between genders, though.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
a clear picture of what i have in mind, purplealabaster. the degree of hurt one feels does not depend on the gender - exactly!
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
I think,many man is saying that because of there ego..When a girl cheated on them they think that girl is stepping on there ego..But its not fair on the girls side..Both girl and guys have feelings that must not hurt..
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
pathetic f**ls are those men who think that way.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
27 Oct 11
Dear Ms. Bingskee Whatever might be the reason, I think this statement is wrong! Women suffer more when it comes to finding that their partner (male) has an illicit affair. Men often go to work and have a hell lot of engagements to keep them occupied and psychologically, this does keep them away from the tensions of knowing that their partner has an illicit affair. But in traditional societies, women are forced to either continue their relation(going by the fact that many societies still dont see a divorce as a healthy option for women) or even they are jobless(many socities wont allow women to work). Again, if they work, and the people come to know that they are divorced or had an illegal affair, they are normally looked down upon in such societies and many take them as objects and assume that they are readily accessible - this further complicates their miseries. For men, I have seen that they can always rely on booze or any other thing or even any other girl or woman (and get away with the pains) and the society doesnt have any objections. If I cite some findings from newspapers - I mostly get to read that the ratio of Males having extra-marital affairs is higher than than women. This itself should make that statement "more hurting for men" wrong. Personally I feel that when it comes to love, family and illicit relationships, we all get the same hurt if the partner had one, but yes, How much we suffer or we dont depends on the person how s/he handles the whole thing. And I cannot agree with that statement or whatever.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
with the conditions and situations of women in some societies that you enumerated, i do not see how it could be more hurting for men. also, it is a known fact that men, without the intention of offending, have easier access to situations where they have illicit affairs, or do the cheating. it is not even right to say that a male or a female easily gets hurt, or is more hurt. they can be hurt, and the degree is not dependent on a person's capacity but on the weight of the act itself.
• India
27 Oct 11
I to don't agree with this friend. It depends on the person who loves more but not in the gender. It also depends on the attachment with each other...
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
you're saying that if a person loves someone more than the other, then cheating will be more hurting? hmmm... i wonder if that is enough reason.
• Romania
27 Oct 11
I've never heared about this but if it's true, it might be right. I don't personally know many women that cheated on their boyfriends. Men cheat on their girlfriends more often and women get some sort of paranoia when it comes to infidelity. I have a really bad oppinion about women who cheat on their boyfriends. Some of them are doing it even if they have a good relationship
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
and some men are doing it, too, even if they have good relationships with their partners. some men tend to be more paranoid because they are guilty. i have nothing against men particularly, but with men who gets suspicious or jealous when they are not even loyal to their partners.
@ksherrie (891)
• Singapore
27 Oct 11
Hi bingskee, i think that thought occurred because men has generally bigger ego than us women. And the "general" mindset of most people is that men tends to cheat, so some ladies tend to be more suspicious and thinks men cheat when they might or might not. So in a way, women do tend to expect men to cheat. While for men, they have bigger egos, then there are lesser cheating cases with married women, so they do not expect women might cheat, thus the hurt would be bigger for them. That's why there is this SAYING that it hurts more than men... But i beg to differ! It should be equally hurting for both sides! Cheating is wrong! When one enter a love relationship, they should not even think otherwise! If they think otherwise, they should not be in a relationship at all! Just my 2 cents worth, in a general term of arguement. Not directed at anyone at all.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
hello, ksherrie! what a wonderful response. i guess it is men's bloated ego, that is why. or maybe, these beliefs that men get hurt more when their partners cheat emanated from a part of a cultural belief that women must never cheat while men are okay to have affairs because they are powerful and strong than women plus they are the ones who provide for the family, or for the weaker ones.
• China
27 Oct 11
I agree with you