I'm kind of tired seeing my husband, is this normal?

@gicolet (1704)
United States
October 27, 2011 12:02pm CST
My husband gets up to go to work @ 6am and comes back home @ around 6pm. This is daily and it has always been like that for years. However, this year it got kind of slow @ his work (we have our own business) and he started coming home at around lunchtime, spends about 3 hrs in bed, watching tv, taking a nap, sometimes he does some exercise. I have no problem with that. He has to come home if he has no work to do at the office. What bothers me is he expects me to watch tv with him and take a nap with him while he's home eventhough I don't want to. He gets all sensitive if I refuse to. I am tired of watching People's Court and Law & Order repeat telecasts and I don't want to take a nap afterwards every single day!!!!! I've told him so and he won't listen. I'm a homemaker and i do my best to take care of the house, him, and my 2 daughters. I don't have a lot of friends but I try my best to be productive. Aside from regular house chores I read a lot and I'm always on Facebook daily to check out what's going on with my side of the family who are thousand of miles away from me. I usually go shopping alone. I know it gets really boring for me at times and my husband knows that.... but seeing him home like this does not help. I love him but i feel like I don't want to see him everyday like this. I've come to the point that I don't get to miss him anymore cuz he's been around the house a lot and I found myself not liking that! I want him to just come home at the end of the day or if he's going to come home every lunch time just do his thing and not bother me cause seriously I need some space!!!! I wish he could go do something else but I feel like I became part of his habit. I don't know what to do or what else to tell him about this and it has been stressing me out. I need some advice...help. :(
4 people like this
15 responses
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
28 Oct 11
I hope it is just a fase, that it will go away. After years together we might not miss the person anymore, try to find out your feelings not by that but when he's asleep, quiet and you look at him and feel something. If you are angry that's probably why you don't miss or don't feel anything good towards him because you are already feeling something and that's anger. Now being tired, I think it's quite normal. We can get tired of people we love even for a moment or a time. Love is also to tolerate someone, even if we love we might not get that excited seeing them all the time :D Happy day and happy MyLotting!
1 person likes this
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
Thank you. I like what you typed. It's very true. I do look at him sometimes while he's sound asleep and remind myself that this is the same guy I fell in love with. It is indeed anger cause of his being home too much. It's something I have to deal with in a daily basis now and it's stressing me out. I also don't want to bring it up with him always cause I don't like arguments. I do tolerate the situation between us. I'm a very patient person and sometimes i blame myself why I am, and it looks like he likes that about me. Well hopefully i won't explode one day. lol Thank you for your response :)
• United States
28 Oct 11
I know just how you feel because adrain wants me to lay right next too him and watch horror mess on tv. repeat after repeat. I don't mind him home with me but only after he has had a full days work and saw some friends. I have my lot and my games I want to play first. My cooking and chores are done early so,that never becomes an issue. I like my space too.
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
That's right. Everyone deserves some space. Thanks.
• India
28 Oct 11
You reminded me of one of my medical transcriptionist friend. This friend of mine used to do his work from home, never used to go out during work hours and hence no space left for his wife to do her own stuffs. To all men, when your wife says she needs space it doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to cheat on you, we all need our space and so does a woman. In your case I think it's your husband who has to understand that, this is overly selfish of him to watch the things that he likes to watch, go to bed with him even when you don't at all wish to, you're absolutely right with getting irritated and there's nothing wrong and this in no way shows you love your husband any less, but your husband needs to understand the period which you're going through. I'd suggest you to directly ask your man to not force you to get involved in activities that he likes, and tell him you do it and with that you don't have any problem at all, but for god's sake don't get me involved in this. I know this sucks. My medical transcriptionist friend's wife too got so infuriated with him always staying home, and serving him all the time, as I was his best friend she told me that I don't like your friend staying at home always, I understood her condition and instantly I conveyed this to my friend the situation which his wife is going through and fortunately he understood the situation she was in and my friend started going to do work at his friend's house who has a separate room for work, it gave him a feeling like going to office and his wife was happy too. Now, everything is perfectly fine with them. Your husband needs coaxing, I guess somebody should make him realize that his wife needs space and that somebody can no better a person than his close friend or even you yourself, your husband has to understand this, I'd say just make him realize what you're going through, make aware him of the situation, he'll certainly as he loves you understand the situation you are into, he's probably dumb and innocent enough to not to understand the situation you're into and you just have to let him know. Good luck..!
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
Thank you. I don't think he needs a 3rd person to let him realize how he's been driving me crazy. He's a grown up man. He just called me a few minutes ago to ask me to go to lunch with him later. I didn't need to tell him that I didn't want to go out to have lunch with him. He sensed it. It's cause he guessed first that I was bored but even if i was that doesn't mean that I want him to take care of my boredom. I have planned to run today and I don't eat a lot after I run so a big lunch is a no-no for me. He should know better cuz after he runs himself all he eats is a cup of jello. Now he gets all sensitive again by me turning down his lunch invitation. He hang up on me and I'm not calling him back. I'm getting really tired of him acting like a baby! :(
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
28 Oct 11
Hi gicolet, you should be happy about that. Your husband loves you and cares for you. And I see he treats you like you are his world. He deserve some love from you too. You are really lucky to have him. Maybe it will be okay for him if you won't be watching and napping with him everyday since you have chores to do at home. For sure he'll understand that you can't do that everyday but try to do it whenever possible. Don't choose facebook over your husband. Chill ^^
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
Why would I choose FB over my husband? That's ridiculous! All i need is a space to do my own thing first everyday and then after that he can have me for the rest of the day. Being all around me to try to get my attention like a baby does not help...it's a bit too much it's suffocating!
@SIMPLYD (79665)
• Philippines
28 Oct 11
That's normal my friend. You just feel that he's just possessive that way. But honestly, i would be proud if i were you, because it goes to show that he loves you and feel assured that you are with him in his free time. Though, if you don't like it, then very well tell him. Assure him that even if you don't do things together with him, you still love him and just wanted space for your own likes also. It's just a matter of lovingly telling him that. No need to have an impatient voice.
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
It's just that whenever I tell him about it, he gets all sensitive...no matter how nice I say it. I've tried telling him angrily too but it still didn't work. I love him and I know that some other wives would be glad to be with their husbands all the time but I don't have a lot of friends so my conversations with my husband are all the same every single day! It's so frustratingly boring. I want to do what I need to do at home without him being around. I'm all his during night time anyways so why want to be with me during daytime too? I need to miss him but he won't give me a chance :(
• Philippines
28 Oct 11
Hi gicolet! I am still single so I might not fully understand how it feels to become part of someone's habits. Your husband seemed to be a very sweet person and he enjoys your company very much. However, he may also seem to be very clingy to you. I understand that every person needs some space. I myself am a very introverted person and would not like it very much if someone would insist to do things with me all the time. Perhaps I would love to feel that during the first few years of marriage, but if it gets very often, that indeed would be very suffocating. Try to tell your husband about how you feel in a very nice way. Perhaps he just thought you love doing things with him all the time, and he thought that he's doing you a favor. Tell him that he doesn't need to invite you to do things with him all the time because you enjoy doing your own things. Set aside some alone time and let him respect that. After spending some time alone, then you could go back to your husband and do some activities that both of you enjoy.
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
Yes my husband is a very sweet person....sometimes too sweet and yes to the point of acting clingy. I do need space sometimes but I'm willing to spend time with him when I'm not busy trying to keep my sanity as a housewife who hasn't got a lot of friends around. I think he feels sorry for me that I usually just stay home alone so he tries to unbore me? I don't know but it usually does not work with how he does it. You're right, it does feel kind of suffocating. I mean I'm not that bored to be cheered up all the time. I guess he just doesn't know that I'm ok being alone at home most of the time. I just want him to come home at the end of the day...not during daytime where I'm trying to be productive cause my social life is so minimal. Thanks for your response.
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
28 Oct 11
hmm..i think sometimes you want to do something but you cannot do it because of him?..that is only my opinion cos sometimes i feel that way..Tell him that you have to do something that's why you cannot take a nap to watch television..
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
Exactly!!! And he asks me all the time what is it i'm doing. It's just that whenever I tell him so, he thought I needed to take a break ....that I've been tired....come and watch tv, let's cuddle, take a nap...blah blah blah...so he's happy, i'm not (sigh). Thank you for your response. I gotta take off for now.
@shrike (123)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
hi! maybe he love you so much that he want to stay with you all the time. everyday you have the same routine so it is normal that you get bored,you really need to do something new bu. instead of doing nap or watching tv, why not suggest another thing to your husband, something that you two would be having fun with. but you know, you must be thankful that your husband chooses to stay with you than to other things or to other people. in my case, we are exactly opposite. to the fact that he doesn't have enough time to be us, during his day off, he rather spend more time to his friends than to come home. that's why my daughter is not that close to him, i the one who she want to stay with. but as what they say, everything can be settle in a nice talk.
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
I know. I've thought about that too. I'd rather he stays home than be gone all the time. It's just too much sometimes and i personally believe that anything too much is not good. I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your husband. Thanks for responding. Take care.
@kodukodu84 (1576)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 11
Aw he must loves you so much that he prefer to spend those time with you instead of other people. In my opinion, getting bored is just normal. Maybe you should try and convince him to do something more fun than just watching tv and sleeping at the free time he has. Tell him what you would enjoy too doing. Don't worry it's not something bad at all, because when he gets busy again, sure you will miss that time again You are lucky to have husband who always wants to be with you. Have a nice day!
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
I know that when he gets busy again I will miss him. What's funny is I miss missing him! He does love me so much. He tells me that everyday....sometimes 3x a day. I don't know but for some reason he became more affectionate the last couple of mos but it sometimes feel suffocating. I am on mylot right now cause he's sleeping...and snoring. lol I will soon get the remote control from his hand to change the channel and hope he won't wake up. haha...It's almost my bedtime also. Thank you for your response.
@rameshchow (5284)
• India
27 Oct 11
You seems like a so much hard working and care taker of your family. Yes, many housewives are really doing so much for their family, their hopes are to make their family happy. hats of to you madam.
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
Thank you. I try to do my best to make my family happy :)
@GemmaR (8526)
27 Oct 11
I think that there are times during the course of our lives that things like this happen to us, because we get bored of doing the same things each and every day in our lives. If you feel as though you're getting bored of your life, then you need to start doing different things that what you're doing already. You could, for example, arrange to go out for a meal with your friends one night each week and your husband could arrange to go out with his friends as well. This might mean that you have a little bit more to talk about than you have had recently.
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
I know. I sometimes go out shopping and have lunch or movie with a friend and i feel so much better when I get back home. He's happy for me whenever that happens cause he said I look happy. However whenever he's the one who goes out to dinner with a friend I think i'm more happy for myself cause he's not around me in the house. Does that sound wrong? but I do get worried when he sometimes come home late :(
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
Sorry to hear that as you have said this stresses you out but why not confront your hubby about it and tell him you are serious about what you say so that he would not force you to do something that you don't like and he would understand that you will also tell him that you wanted to be productive so you want to do something else instead of taking a nap or watching television. I am sure husband and wife should be transparent when it comes to communication. Just don't hesitate to talk to your hubby in a nice way and smile while to tell him about what you wanted to do during the time that he was in the house. Remember that wife is to submit also to their husband but not in a way that you are already hurt, just be honest and be nice to your hubby.
@gicolet (1704)
• United States
28 Oct 11
Oh believe me I've tried talking to him. I've tried telling him nicely and nastily with all honesty and it didn't work. I've already told him that I was serious and he went "ok, ok..." but went back to bugging me again. He even started watching The Maury and The Jerry Springer shows to get my attention. At first it worked but after seeing so much "You are NOT the father" from Maury and those booby flashes on Jerry for months I just had to shake my head with pure boredom. He watches tv to get himself to fall asleep and I admit I do need a nap too sometimes but i want to take it on the time I need it. I mean I don't wake up at 4:30am like he does. Why can't he watch tv and take a nap without me? I know he's just being loving but I feel kind of forced to do something I don't want to do everytime. :(
@hot21nc (46)
• United States
5 Nov 11
you have alot of good ideas from the people who already commented on this. but you need to find out what are some of the things that he like to do outside of the house so he can go ther if he gets off early. make sure its not bars or nothing like that don't want it to lead to something else.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
29 Oct 11
I think the way your husband behaves is abnormal. Even forcing you to have a nap with him. Sounds to me he feels lost and that is why you have to babysit him day and night if he is not working. Any idea why he doesn't have a social life? He doesn't have a hobby either? Something (productive) he can do if he is not working? You could try to keep him busy by letting him do things as soon as he is bored at home (fixing things, doing garden, painting, car washing, shopping etc.). Make rules when it's your spare/free time and when it's his (alone!) and when you will do things together or not. Yes you are a part of his habit so you have to break that habit and go out, make a walk in the park, go to the cinema. Tell him you have no time to watch tv or take a nap with him because you made other plans and you can't help it he finished his work. Let him stay home alone! Don't drag him around with you. It will be hard at first but if you don't do it now you will leave one day and never come home again.
• Canada
29 Oct 11
It sounds like your husband doesn't quite understand your routine. If you have young kids, in school, the time that they are gone has become "yours," I would imagine. Then, your husband comes home and wants that time with you. Everyone needs to carve out some space in the day for themselves -- call it a sanity break or whatever you wish -- and now, he's infringing on yours. It's not that you don't love him and he needs to be told that often However, what he's not realizing is that you probably hit the floor running every morning, you have to do your "family things," get the kids to school, then you have to pick them up and get back with the routine again until they go to bed for the night. I am not sure that you want to "miss him" -- I think perhaps you want him to simply give you back the part of the day that was for you. It doesn't matter what you do -- whether it's go for a walk, garden, get online, etc. Those few hours were/are your time to organize your thoughts, plan your days, pursue things that interest you, etc. If he comes home every day and expects you to devote those hours to him, then you end up feeling like there is nothing "just for you" in the day. Perhaps you can compromise with him by having a nice lunch together when he gets home and then separating to do your own thing -- he could take his nap, you could get on FB and catch up with your family, etc. Makes those three hours about "me time" for BOTH of you. It's freeing to have some fun and relaxation when the kids are not needing you and you should each have that. I'm thinking, if you do that, there will be days when you want to spend all his free hours with him... wouldn't hurt your intimate life either to have uninterrupted time without the children