Saying a final goodbye to a friend
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
October 31, 2011 5:38am CST
Hello Mylotters, I will warn you that this is long... so if you don't have time to read it, just pass it by. I would like you to read this and then give me your thoughts. I'm not a vile person, and I wouldn't try to undermine my boss. I had merely followed through with something he had me doing anyway.
When trust is lost between a person and a friend there is nothing left to build on. I had a friend that I felt like I was almost married to... to me friendships are LIKE marriages... each one is different from the other... well I recently got "divorced" from a friend, and it hurt like a death.
His memory haunts me in my sleep, yet I know that he does not trust me and I don't trust him. I was working for him and he lost a client due to blackmailing them into paying us what they owed us. They didn't want to pay.. while I am glad that he got us our money, I didn't like that we lost the client. We would have settled for less if they would have offered less.
My former boss had worked a plan where I would write the company that 'fired' our company and try to get the gig myself.. my boss would have stepped aside, he said. Well, I didn't hear from the company in a long time, and then I did get an email telling me the person I had wrote to had lost his job due to this fiasco. On a whim, I gave this person the same pitch I had given the one that got fired... knowing full well that they probably wouldn't be interested... but if he HAD been interested I would have emailed my boss and told him. Well it all blew up in my face when I told my boss about it and he accused me of trying to cut his throat. That wasn't the case... I knew the guy wasn't interested when he said he didn't want any part of K or anyone connected to him. But then out of curiosity he asked how much I would charge him for spinning articles. I knew he wasn't serious, so I just gave him an off the wall price of $6 to $8 an article to spin. I knew he wouldn't go for it anyway and if he did, I wouldn't have taken it, because I hate spinning. But if he had said he was interested I would have then emailed K and told him... but it didn't turn out that way.
He said our friendship is just an "I'm sorry I cut your throat away"... and I'm not going to cop to something I didn't do. I did tell him I wish I could go back and resist that impulse to contact the other company.. but when I got that email from them, it just reminded me of our plan. If I could have landed it, it would have been good for the writers... but as I pretty much knew.. the company didn't want us due to that blackmail episode. See.. we had the info on all of the company's 50 some odd clients, and my boss threatened to contact each one of them and tell them they are posting content stolen from us. Of course the company paid in full within 12 hours but then severed the relationship.
In spite of my boss being a loose cannon, he was my friend and I loved him.. and I still love him very much. I want him to succeed in his business.. but I can't admit to what he wants me to because it's not true. I told him the trust is gone because he didn't believe me when I told him the truth, and he doesn't believe me now, so we have no place to go from here. There is no relationship without trust.
Working for him gave me purpose, and now that is all gone. I was so wrapped up in writing and managing for him that I had no other life at all.. he was my life.. his company was my life. Now I am trying to heal and make a NEW life for myself.
I'm only writing things that interest me now.. no brainer stuff for me, but still very much interesting.. like I have started a series on flight.. lift .. actually.. what keeps a plane in the air... this is an interest.. and also meteorology is another interest.. especially tornadoes and hurricanes.. so I will be writing on these things rather than medical stuff, which has been my forte for so long.
I've also signed up for Avon.. so maybe I will get started with that just to have something different to focus on.
I have truly lost my Mojo by losing my friend. I know he misses me, but since he wants me to agree with him that I did something against him, I can't go there. I would take responsibility if that was my intent.. but it wasn't. It was just an impulse to see what the other company would say.. if he had said yes.. it would have benefited the team, like K wanted it to... but he said NO.. more like HELL NO! and from there K got furious with me because I gave him that low ball price when K got us top dollar for the same work. I did that because I knew he wasn't serious ... It never occurred to me to ask for 3 cents a word because of his Hell NO attitude toward me and K.
So anyway, I finally wrote him only because he was haunting my sleep. I cleared my mind by telling him everything I feel about what transpired between us and that we have no place to go without trust.
I feel like he divorced me as a friend, and now I have to just accept it and go on.. there's no going back. I won't make it sound worse than it is just to make him feel vindicated. I wish i could go back in time and undo the impulse, but still my motives were not driven by what K thought. If that is what my friendship is based on, then we don't have a friendship. Your thoughts, Mylotters?
4 people like this
7 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
31 Oct 11
My thoughts about this:
You gave up your life, everything for the business of K. You did everything for him to help him out even as he/his company was in trouble.
Your friend took that for granted, found it normal you did not had a life of your own, you were always there and you were willing to give it a try to clean up the mess. Perhaps not in the same way he had in mind but you did.
Instead of a thanks. instead of knowing you after all this time he showed you he doesn't trust you, he thinks the worst about you (you want to break his neck) and he spits on you.
The only thing I can say is: move on! You wasted your time at that company, with that person who is surely not a friend at all. You worked like a maniac, did things you did not like. No go work like a maniac again but for yourself. You deserve it.
What happend to you has nothing to do with friendship, it was just a one way friendship. That is what K showed you after all these years. The friendship just existed in your head. K. is (business)man enough to know how to use you and manipulate you.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157545)
• United States
31 Oct 11
I think you loved the idea of what the friendship could have been. Many people let others use them, mistaking it for friendship or love.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Oct 11
You know I really do beige you are right about this. I believe he used my adoration of him to his advantage. He talked about me behind my back calling me and a few other writers grunts. He also said I was his 'yes man'. In other words he had me wrapped around his fingers and I was his puppet. I worked 18 hours a day sometimes while he was running around drumming up business and going to meetings and going to family reunions. I did it all and it really put a strain on me and my friendship with my other friends. I will start working for me from now on.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
31 Oct 11
in hindsight it would have been better if you discussed what you were going to do with K before you did it and then all misunderstandings would have been avoided. Sometimes you tend to do impulsive things renmember the k and T fiasco. So you need to work on controlling impulses
the grieving will take a long time k meant a lot to you and it hurts.
good that you want to change your focus and work on new things this is a step in the right direction,
but as a manager working for T will certainly bring back the purpose you felt you had with K
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
31 Oct 11
Many times change will bring out our hidden talents. Necessity is the mother of invention. Similarly one need not depend on one person or one institution. This change will bring happiness to our friend.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Oct 11
Yes Winterose. I do have an impulse control problem. I can't go back and unerring that bell. I do need to control my urges to do things on my own. If I had written K first he could have directed me on what to say. But it was just an impulse.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Oct 11
Yes Rav
I think change will be good for me. Thank you.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
7 Nov 11
Wow my friend. I knew the 2 of you were having issues, but maybe you should not have let it get to this. And contacting this other company could be dangerous if they want to work with you but not your company, as your boss could try and turn it against you. So personally I think even if this situation does not seem the Best right now, is for the Best. You are a go getter. Just take time for yourself, and relax and Great things will continue to come.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
7 Nov 11
Hi Tina, long story short.. he had already planned for me to contact the company and I did.. I never heard from them.. and then about a month later I got an email from the boss saying the guy we were dealing with lost his job. I went ahead and offered the pitch that my boss had me write to the company and they refused, but then asked me what I would charge... his attitude wasn't serious so mine really wasn't either when I said $6 to $8 per article. K was just angry that I had not BC'd him on it and let him guide me in any responses... but we worked it out after I posted this email so all is good. I'm back at work with him... he apologized for being such a jerk at the time, and I apologized for being impulsive so we are good now.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157545)
• United States
31 Oct 11
It sounds as if he did not value your friendship as much as you valued his. It may have been wrong to have gone to K about this, but it was not malicious, and he should know that. I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this. I hope you find things that will let you move on.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
1 Nov 11
Hi Gerty. Things are resolving now. It's been a month but we talked and he is over being mad. He asked me to forgive him for being such a creep. He said he still trusts me as ever. And that he has missed me too. I'm going to take it slow because I've decided to do other things. I'm not going to give him all my time. I want to sell Avon and just do something less stressful. I'll work for him part time as long as I know that there is a schedule for paying for my work.
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
31 Oct 11
Trust begets trust and distrust begets distrust. It is universally true of all times.
Your parting away from him is for good and do not regret it. It is good for you and for him. I have had such relationship for long time breaking in a minute over silly matters. that is life.
Expectations go up in friendship. One feels he is sacrificing more for the other. One has to give. Then only things can go on smoothly. Otherwise disruption like this will happen.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Oct 11
You have spoken very wise words. He insists that I tried to undermine him. In retaliation he tried to ruin a friendship with another boss. He asked to see what I was working on and he said it was worth $300 and that my other boss was robbing me blind. He didn't try to steal the article but he did try to get my other boss mad at me. Luckily she knew my character and didn't buy into his story to her. She does pay a lot less but her work has lots to do so you can make good with her over time. My former friend and boss is a loose cannon. He has impulse control problems too.
2 people like this
@telmesh (1793)
•
31 Oct 11
Unfortunately I'm afraid you are getting confused. Friendship is what it is, it is not a marriage but yes there is a lot of trust that you will be there for each other, and in your case that was within a business. There is no love in business and as one other said you should have consulted with your boss before making the cheap offer. You should have had a meeting with your boss so that you could have put your points and the offer you intended to make so that you both went forward together.
I tend to think that all things happen for the best and you two were drifting apart in your ideas and it is best you work for yourself. All best wishes for you and try to put the past behind you, look to the future.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
1 Nov 11
Things have worked out. Our falling out happened about a month ago. Today he apologized and assured me that hecwasnt mad at me anymore. He asked me to come back to work. He did mention that I should always keep him in the loop. He also assured me that hecstill loves me. He said he didn't like being 'divorced' from me either. For us friendships are much like marriages. We are very close. And it really hurts when we had a misunderstanding and hecwas furious with me. Hrs over it now.
1 person likes this
@henkiprananda (2729)
• Indonesia
31 Oct 11
hi friends, nice to read your discussion. but i'm affraid if that is happen to me.
we must know about this: friendship, and bussines, is a different way. you must respect him as your boss, even he is your friends. that's true. but about his trust to you, yes, he is do mistake. cause every boss give him trust to their employee, that make same company more better. but it must his trusted man, and better if he put him trusted to people that he has already know.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
1 Nov 11
Yes business and friendship are two different relationships. On the job I have been an extension of him. He called me his right hand v
