Could flirting with someone else help your marriage or relationship?

United States
November 1, 2011 9:37pm CST
Do you think that flirting will help your relationship? I read somewhere that there was a study on whether flirting was good or bad for the relationship. Studies show that it is good for the relationship. There was a vote on personal opinions and most people said no because it will make someone cheat or its adultery (its in the bible, or so many said). I've been married to to same woman for 12 years. I married her when I was 19 and have never had another wife. I flirt a lot, some people I flirt with are attractive people, but often times I will flirt with someone I have no interest in. I find it fun, and if it makes their day, helps their self esteem, or just make them feel good for a moment, it was worth it (for both the attractive and unattractive). My wife is fine with me flirting with other woman, as she knows its harmless and I would never cheat on her. She does get mad at me when the girl flirts with me. Not because someone is flirting with me. Its because I don't notice when someone is flirting with me because my self esteem is low and I don't think anyone would flirt with me so I don't notice. It would take a woman to literally throw herself at me before I have a clue. I don't believe that flirting is cheating, or will lead to cheating. Is the person wants to cheat or willing to cheat, it isn't because flirting made them do it. I don't believe that it is adultery. What does everyone think?
2 people like this
12 responses
@JenInTN (27548)
• United States
12 Nov 11
Now this is an interesting discussion. The scenarios are endless and it really depends on the person or couple as to what is "right or wrong." I personally don't think that flirting is adultery. I think that there are people that might take it too far with the willing..but I don't think that everyone is like that and it doesn't sound like you would be one of them. I also think that how well it is accepted by a partner might greatly depend on their self esteem and faith in the relationship. Someone that has had a bad experience in the past with a cheater might be a bit freaked out dating a flirt. I think it's nice that you look at it as a making someones day. It does make people feel attractive when someone shows them attention. I bet there are alot of people that need that too.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 11
I agree the scenarios are endless. I believe that if you are flirting and it winds up in bed then you were willing to do it before the flirting even started. Your partners self esteem definitely plays a role in the situation as well as their security in the relationship. I don't have much in the way of self esteem, but I feel very secure in our relationship. I have been cheated on, but I haven't punished those I dated later or my wife. I do understand that isn't as easy for some people. Cheating is one of the things that can hurt your partners the most. I believe that innocent flirting if your partner isn't threatened by it can be a good thing.
@JenInTN (27548)
• United States
20 Nov 11
Your right about that...it's a lot more than the flirting that one can blame for a roll in the hay. It's nice that you have been able to separate the past from the present...there are a lot of people that never get over that. I might have been accused of flirting before I like to call it being nice
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27548)
• United States
25 Nov 11
Thanks for the best response Gavin!
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
2 Nov 11
Flirting can be dangerous if you are in a relationship with someone else. Too many things can be said or happen that can't be taken back. flirting can destroy the trust in any relationship if it is taken too far.
• United States
4 Nov 11
Flirting can be dangerous, but that depends on the person flirting and his/her intentions. In my opinion it all comes down to trust. If you can't trust the person your with, then move on.
@chiyosan (30198)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
I am not comfortable if my partner will be flirting with other woman. i used to think that flirting is just nothing... and trust is important, until my trust is betrayed.
• United States
14 Dec 11
From your response, I am assuming that you were cheated on. If that is so, I am sorry to hear that. In my opinion though, the man would have already had those ideas and intentions. It doesn't have anything to do with flirting to change his mind. I have seen way too many people be cheated on, and leave their other half, but a lot of times I see them going back to them, staying with them, or worse yet to move on with their life and hold the ex-man/women's attentions and make the new man/women's partner pay for your ex's mistakes.
• Indonesia
4 Nov 11
I wanted to know what the percentage of the number of people who said not to flirting. I needed to underline that the flirt is only limited to flirting but not more than that. If flirting had let to serious. Seriously there is something tong behind it or flirting.
• United States
4 Nov 11
The survey was 50 percent believed that flirting can hurt a relationship, 30 percent said it was fine, 20% was undecided. The question was about flirting only, not the potential to cheat.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
2 Nov 11
I don't think that is loyal, I wouldn't kiss, flirt or of course cheat someone when I'm with him. It's just wrong. I wouldn't want or forgive any of these be done to me so I don't do to others.
• United States
4 Nov 11
Your right, Kissing and cheating isn't being loyal. I don't see how innocent flirting is cheating. If their intentions are bad, it won't matter if there is flirting or not because cheating would happen no matter what. I agree, if someone cheated on you, walk away. If done once, most likely will be done again. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. I wouldn't even wish that on someone I don't like.
@ybong007 (6657)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
I guess it all depends on the individual or should I say the intention of the individual. In your case you just do it for fun and forgets about it as soon as it passes so there's no harm done. I think the problem arises when you flirt and the girl bites and you both end up later in bed since that's already cheating.
• United States
4 Nov 11
There is a difference between harmless flirting and flirting to pick up another guy or girl. The person flirting usually knows which it is and is already willing to cheat. To say it was unintentional is to say that we have no ability to resist or that we were born to cheat. But yeah, it does depend on the individuals intention.
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
hmmm it depends, if your wife is ok with it then its fine. as long as ur wife knows. and you yourself know when to stop. if it gets really far already. if you think it helps other people then go. why not. just know when to stop if needed, HAPPY FLIRTING!
• United States
4 Nov 11
If the person that is doing the flirting goes beyond flirting then they weren't committed to the relationship.
@jjzone44 (917)
• United States
2 Nov 11
I think a little flirting can be a good thing, as long as everything is on the table, such as in your example. Every relationship is different; some people may see flirting as a sign of trouble, especially if they don't fully understand what is going on. Other people may see it as a challenge, and most people like a little challenge in their lives. It's like dangling the proverbial carrot; the other person in the relationship knows that the flirting will lead nowhere. The person who is being flirted with will never get the carrot.
• United States
3 Nov 11
I agree that it can be a good thing as long the couple is one the same page. I understand that some people would consider it as a sign of trouble, but in my opinion (which doesn't count for much), if someone is jealous it is it a trust issue. Some may say it could be insecurity, but to me that leads it back to trust. If I punished my wife for my ex-girlfriends actions, she'd be miserable. I do understand how someone could get upset with their other half if they have cheated in the past. I've always believed once a cheater, always a cheater. I've never been proved wrong,but hope to some day.
@Mashnn (4503)
2 Nov 11
To me, it depends on the extent of the flirting, some is ok but believe me, sometimes may be quite annoying.
• United States
2 Nov 11
If the person is flirting and touching I can see how it could be a little upsetting for the spouse. Also if you don't want to be subject to flirting I can understand that as well. I'm assuming anyway since I don't notice when I am being flirted with.
@SIMPLYD (88585)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
When i get married, i never ever flirted with anyone except my husband. When we were younger my husband would always get jealous, when i came home from work later than he expected it to be. And i myself i also a jealous woman. So that's why i never flirt, lest my husband would get mad at me. As to him flirting, yes i think he does that. But for me, it's not cheating . For me, it's part of having a macho image to do that.
• United States
2 Nov 11
To me its a trust issue. If I didn't trust my wife or she didn't trust me, I wouldn't be married to her because trust in a marriage is very important. I know that sounds harsh, but that is how I feel. I think if its ok for the guy to do it, it should be ok for the woman to do it as well. It doesn't mean you'll jump in anybodies bed.
• India
5 Jan 12
good to hear from you that you even do flirt just to raise someone's self esteem.for me ,if flirting is done in well balanced and proper manner can increase the bondage between the couples.and also as the saying goes the more you fight the more the love grows between the fighters.but if flirting is to be done with your very close friend circles than no need for measurement or balancing,just enjoy it. have a nice day.
@seemared (771)
5 Jan 12
Flirting is just fun and I do it some times and mostly with my friends and my husbands..as they are persons who know me it would be fine and my husband never minds..he might sometimes be a part of the group flirting to me.. it's fun and nothing else unless it's a wrong group that I am into..