Should I stop sending my daughter stuff

United States
November 2, 2011 9:32pm CST
Someone told me that kay could be having problems with the other kids because of all te stuff she has there. She has a new ipad 2,bedding for her bed,clothes and food to eat later after dinner is served. I know she shares her food because I hear her tell people I left this or that on your table. I don't want her to be singled out as thinking she is better than anyone. it's just that before she left we were strapped for cash. I caught up with my bills and now send her what she needs. I was thinking after she gets her coat and scarf to stop sending her packages. I am not sure if this is right to do or not. I know she needs a few more clothes and that should be it.
4 people like this
16 responses
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
3 Nov 11
Other than the Ipad, it sounds like they are things she needs. I used to send my daughter food and make sure she had plenty of soap, shampoo, laundry soap etc. I didn't want her to be hungry so I made sure she had plenty of snacks and things. I also knew she would share them so I never felt it was a problem. Actually, I know it wasn't. When I went to visit her, some of the others commented on how grateful they were for the snacks and things and assured me that they would share with her also when they had some. Unless KK says its a problem for her then I think I'd continue to do what your doing.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Nov 11
She shares her soups and other food with her roommates. I was hoping it would not come to me having to stop feeding her. Today,the food stamp card got there and tonight was her time to shop at walmart. I told her to make sure she bought what would last her a month. That would mean I should not have to send her a package with food this month.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
5 Nov 11
Thanks for BR, Gifts. Ya, I just wanted to make sure that my girl had enough of what she needed. I think that some of the parents didn't realize how little the school provides in the way of snacks and things especially on weekends and afterhours. These kids sit up in their dorms at night talking and watching tv and of course they are teens and have hefty appetites. My daughter said that some of the kids parents almost never sent anything. I was always sending care packages and would not have wanted to discourage her from sharing. The kids ALL loved them so no one gave her a hard time at all. Hope KK is happy and doing well there.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Nov 11
kay Is coming home and bringing her luggage bag. I am going food shopping so she can take back food for all her roomies. They moved her room and I have not heard any more problems.
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
3 Nov 11
I'm not sure where your daughter is but I don't think that you should stop sending her packages. You can ask her how the other kids are treating her and if she feels they are treating her a certain way because of the things she has. I wouldn't stop sending her things that she needs. But perhaps not send her things that aren't necessary unless she earns it.
• United States
5 Nov 11
She is in job corp and I send her food and stuff she needs. She has some girls who are picking on her and she does not know why. I thought it might be because se has all this new stuff and they have none. I was thinking about not sending her anything else for a while.
• United States
21 Nov 11
It is sad that there are things like that happening. Even at the ages of the girls that are there they should no better. I'm glad though that you are sending her things that she needs. I'm sure she appreciates it.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Nov 11
She called me today for more food money. LOL Yes,this was a shame they ended up moving my daughter's room thank goodness. Now I have not heard any more problems.
• Philippines
3 Nov 11
I think that there is nothing wrong if you continue sending your daughter packages with stuffs from a mom's heart. And since you didn't state that she changed so as you know her a lot she deserves it. Having problems with the other kids seems to be very natural especially if they came from families that could not give the stuffs that they ever wanted. Just put some limits ... but only depends on you...^_^
• United States
5 Nov 11
I think she should be good for a while after I buy her the coat. matter of fact she might just get the money and buy it herself. I got her a debit card to shop with.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
3 Nov 11
What exactly means: sending her stuff she needs? Does she really needs it? Does she need an Ipad 2 or could she have done without it as well or with something less. Is it about what she needs or about how you felt as you had too much bills to pay and you felt quilty about that at that time and want to make it up to her. It's a fact that some kids have a lot others have nothing, some have only new expensive stuff, others only second hand. We all have to live with that, no matter if we are the rich or poor one. I think it's very sweet of your daughter to share but if that will help I question. Those who envy her will envy her anyway. And if you have nothing to share you will feel uncomfortable if you always have to accept from others sooner or later. So I don't think there is a rule what to do. Does your daughter has the feeling she is not accepted because of all the expensive or new stuff she gets? Or is it more about her receiving post/parcels on a regular base (someone is thinking about her) and others don't? Is it really such a big problem or is there just one person (or two) complaining/giving her a hard time? If your daughter needs a coat or underware or whatever and you are able to send it to her I would not stop doing that because of what others say or think. I think you should talk this over with your daughter how she feels about it or if she thinks it's a problem or it makes her life more difficult.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Nov 11
She bought the computer because it was what she wanted. The clothes and stuff I sent she needed. There is no mall to shop at there. She will be fine after she gets her coat and scarf for a while.
@yoyo1198 (3644)
• United States
3 Nov 11
KK is a smart kid. Why don't you ask her if all the stuff she has is causing the others to treat her harshly? I know that kids can certainly be cruel to other kids if they think that one is showing that they're "special". Undoubtedly there are some there who don't have a lot of extras. Especially like an iPad 2. Why does she need the iPad there? She has a way to buy extra food for herself and even others if she wants, doesn't she? Perhaps it would be better to lighten up for a bit and see how things go.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Nov 11
That is the computer she really wanted and since it was her money I said nothing about it. But,I did say to her there was no need to buy it and take it there if they had no wifi.
@r3jcorp (1384)
• Philippines
3 Nov 11
I don't think there is wrong in sending your own child food, clothes and other needs even if it means sending an extra. I think your child is responsible enough and knows what to share. But for new gadgets, as long as she knows to properly take care of it and she is using it in good use, it is okay then.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Nov 11
I think your right and I would like to send her what she needs and enough to share with friends there.
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
3 Nov 11
I could see that some of the kids there could be jealous of KK because of the things that she had. I think it would be good for her if you stopped sending her so much stuff. For 2 reasons. ONE, it will teach her some responsibility. If she wants something then she needs to find a way to earn the money to get it. And TWO if there are some jealous kids there they might back off a little bit if she is not getting packages all the time.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Nov 11
She has bought stuff with her money she gets every two weeks. but,$25 can't go far. She has a few girls that just don't like her and she said there is nothing she knows of that caused this. They were bot crying last night because they were almost sent home. it is stupid really.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
3 Nov 11
It is human nature to get jealous..but that does not mean you have to stop pampering your daughter.. i wouldn't lol..i mean if she shares and isn't a snob then she would not have problems right? if she stays humble then it will be fine..its part of your way of showing you care..i would do that if that is my daughter there.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Nov 11
Oh,she shares a little too much if you ask me. I heard her give her friend six soups today. I told her she needs to stop because times are getting hard for us being we will slow down on shopping after my next campaign with avon. This winter will slow me down.
• United States
3 Nov 11
I don't think you need to stop sending her packages. I wouldn't worry so much about her being singled out due to having more, as opposed to getting taken advantage of for the things she has. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. You don't have your daughter physically with you, so you are doing everything you can to make sure she is comfortable. I think you're doing a great job with what you do for her.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Nov 11
Thanks very much for making me feel good. I was hoping i did not need to stop being called for socks and other needs. Thanks very much.
@celticeagle (118276)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Nov 11
You could very well be right. Maybe one last 'care package' and call it good. The others may be jealous because they may come from very poor homes or ones where the parents don't care as much as you do. Could cause her some real problems. Sounded like early on she was having some problems.
• United States
5 Nov 11
She called me last night cryibng because one girl went in the office and said she said some bad words to her. my daughter said,mommie I swear I did not say anything to her. she is just trying to get me sent home. I would tell you if I said something. I know she would as well. I sent her my food stamp card so,I will not be sending her any package of food this month. She is at walmart right now shopping for some stuff.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (118276)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Nov 11
It is her word against the other girls anyway. If KK keeps her nose clean and shows the authorities there that she is honest they will not send her home. Kids need good food to do well in school.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
5 Nov 11
just get her what she needs, she will be home and you can get her other stuff then.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Nov 11
I just sent her a package of food and she has that to last her as well. Thanks.
@shaggin (36846)
• United States
4 Nov 11
I think that it would be sad if you stopped sending your daughter things because of how the other girls where she is treat her. I really hope that isnt why. But girls can be jealous like that. I think that its so sweet that you send her things and show her you care even though she is far away. I would ask your daughter what she thinks. If she wants you to stop sending gifts then I would but if she likes it then to h3ll with what the other girls think.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Nov 11
I wouldn't stop unless she asked you to Gifts. My goodness, when a kid is away like they they depend on their parents to send them stuff. I would feel bad for the kids that don't get any stuff.. but since she is sharing some of her food with other kids, they probably aren't giving her a hard time about that. Ask her what she wants you to do. I wouldn't just stop. You might be her only lifeline.
@RitterSport (2452)
• Lippstadt, Germany
7 Nov 11
Just shaking my head in disbelief. What does this Someone who gave you this advice think. Should Kay use pillow and duvet without bedding, and run around in one shirt per week as she doesnt have enough clothes to change or only own two pairs of jeans? This person should really start thinking before throwing around seemingly advice like this. As far as goodies are concerned, when she shares with the others so where is the problem. It would be different if she had been brought up like I was to be told in such situations thats for you only and not to share.
@joni1215 (394)
• United States
5 Nov 11
Is she in a private school or college? Guess I missed that part of what is going on. And yes, it is possible that some are jealous. But,also if she is giving things away then some make think she is feeling sorry for them and some don't take well to that. I used to help my brother all the time and he only hated me for it because I could do it rather than appreciate the help. I say, if you want your daughter to have things then give them to her. And she should put out a vibe of being happy for what she has and gets and be proud and hold her head up instead of cowering to these bullies. They can pick up on the energy she puts out and if they smell fear they will continue to go after her.
• Canada
4 Nov 11
It's nobody's business who gets stuff, and who doesn't, as long as the receivers have people to send them stuff. It's not her problem if others don't have moms to sendr stuff. Just do what works for you.