So my friend told me she is going to cheat on her husband

@piya84 (2591)
India
November 4, 2011 8:59am CST
I have been always idealistic person till date and have always hated people cheating in relationships and doing nasty things on back. But looks like life is just not all black and white.I can understand why people take such a drastic steps after watching her married life closely. She seems badly struck in arrange marriage scenario where she cant break it too. How many of you know friends or someone in circle cheating and still have sympathy for them and have chosen to kept mum about it? I have chosen to not to open my mouth.
2 people like this
21 responses
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
6 Nov 11
It's tough...life...it really isn't black and white. Most of the women I have known that have cheated has wanted the change in their lives. I don't think they want to get caught but then again they kind of do because it would end the terrible relationship that they are in. I think things might be a little different where you are at though. What are the consequences if she gets caught there?
2 people like this
@piya84 (2591)
• India
7 Nov 11
She is in terrible relationship too.
1 person likes this
@_sketch_ (5711)
• United States
4 Nov 11
It is her life and she deserves to be happy. All people deserve the freedom to pursuit happiness. It is a shame that society is so ignorant and controlling. The idea of arranged marriages sicken me. The purpose of arranged marriage was so that the daughter would be taken care of since woman were/aren't given the ability to own land and work. Woman are equal to men and thus have the same rights, so there should never have been a need for this in the first place. Anyone who says otherwise is a fool and I don't care how they want to reason it. I have been in a situation where I knew that my best friend had cheated on my other best friend. I did feel sympathy because I understood her reasons, but I also told her I disapproved. I didn't tell the other person because I knew how he would react. They got in a fight and my friend did confess, I guess, and I got called up and brought into the middle of it. I am not friends with these people anymore. I think that it is a good idea to stay out of it. It sounds like she doesn't want to leave the marriage because there would be a lot of family and maybe social problems, which are totally unjust, and so this is what she decided was the way to have choice in her life and still keep things good with her family. It seems cruel to say anything. That's my opinion.
1 person likes this
@piya84 (2591)
• India
5 Nov 11
Here society is still controlling.People sort of look down on divorce people.They are not invited to social gathering,family function.Lot of prejudice still in some ultra conservative Indian societies.This must be change but its going to take possible another decade.She cant stop another decade.
@_sketch_ (5711)
• United States
5 Nov 11
What a shame.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
7 Nov 11
Its a matter of shame indeed that some communities are still lagging behind a lot in matter of liberation.
@Mashnn (4503)
6 Nov 11
I don't cheat myself. I wouldn't entertain a cheater also. I would tell the person involved indirectly and let her or him find it by self.
1 person likes this
@piya84 (2591)
• India
7 Nov 11
I wont cheat anyone too.
1 person likes this
@Jargoness (1193)
• Israel
5 Nov 11
I hate arranged marriages. I mean, marriage is already a pain, in my opinion, so arranged ones must be hell. I'm sorry for your friend and I hope she will be happy with the person she'll choose to be.
1 person likes this
@piya84 (2591)
• India
7 Nov 11
Jargoness if arrange marriage done with consent it can work too.Lots of people here go that way because they are socially shy. Its fine till they do it according to their own wish.It goes wrong when people marry person they do not like simply because age is increasing.
@Judy890 (1633)
• United States
4 Nov 11
Well she is wrong for planning to cheat, but I wouldn't stop her she may think you are after her husband. I think she should leave him instead of cheating, Do you know why shes going to cheat? maybe revenge for somethings he's done.
1 person likes this
@piya84 (2591)
• India
5 Nov 11
Leaving husband is not that easy here otherwise many woman in india would do that.
@phoenix35 (386)
• Philippines
14 Nov 11
I wouldn't shut my mouth when I know someone is cheating on her husband. Even if her marriage was arranged. I'll try to convince her not to do it for her own sake and if she has children, for the sake of her children.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
16 Nov 11
Thats what my point is.Its not all white and black.Ideally i would have done what you said in your post.But when i saw things from her side i dont think so she is bad person for doing that.She is stuck in unbelievable bad situation.
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
She is not a bad person but a victim of ill fate. But, doing the right thing is the best thing to do.
@inertia4 (26913)
• United States
5 Nov 11
This is something I would totally stay away from. I would tell my friend to place not tell me anything like this ever again, that I would not get involved or interfere. That is their problem not yours. Now, if it were family, then I would not see too much of a problem getting involved. But when it comes to friends, it is something that is very tricky. I understand how you feel, but do not get involved.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
7 Nov 11
You are absolutely right.I have learnt it hard way to stay away from these kinds of things.Its just no our business.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (26913)
• United States
7 Nov 11
Right. I am sure you do not need that drama in your life. And besides, if you say something then you automatically become involved.
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
5 Nov 11
hi! If your friend is going to cheat her hubby, she will always feel guilty. This guilt feeling would not allow her to be happy. Either way, I foresee your friend is going to be in trouble. She needs to learn how to make adjustments in life. All the best to her.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
7 Nov 11
She dont love her husband .I dont think so she is going to regret it.Infact she has anger and resentment towards him for neglecting her and treating her as she does not exist.
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
7 Nov 11
Your friend is not given importance and is ignored. Hearing this, I feel sorry for your friend. Please enlighten me - how cheating her husband will make her happier? Does she know beforehand that if she is going to start an extra marital affair with another man, he would be better than her hubby? Dpk PS - have you received my PM?
@safety69 (592)
• Taiwan
5 Nov 11
Its so difficult to ask for a divorse when the husband havent done anything wrong, he is a good man and also there are small children in between. I think We can not judge anybody, in this case a woman , every woman has her own reasons to cheat on, usually , is because husbands dont fill anymore her necesities or never did. You dont know how marriage life is going to be untill You are in it, and not all marriages are the same. I know the easy way is get away from this marriage but, woman has to start a new life and maybe they will take the kids away, mostly in these Asia countries. Of course piya You dont have the right to say anything just keep away from this situation but , try to understand your friend s reasons. In my opinion cheatting doesnt have to do anything with friendship, its time to open your mind.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
5 Nov 11
looks like you did not read my post properly.I myself agree that these issues are just too much complected.Just because someone cheat doesn't mean they are bad.
@safety69 (592)
• Taiwan
5 Nov 11
I am sorry if I took You wrong I got confused with your sentence you wrote ( do You still have sympathy for them? I absolubly agree with you that people who cheat are not bad. I hope your friend find love and happyness at last. Have a good day Piya.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
4 Nov 11
uuuummmm, sweetie, cheating can only hurt and cause problems. Why don't she just leave him?
@piya84 (2591)
• India
4 Nov 11
She belongs to highly conservative community.Her parents and relatives would disown her and she has no job either.There is no where to go.Also in those socially backward areas its not easy to survive as a alone women.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
4 Nov 11
You know, this whole damn society thing is starting to piss me of, sweetie. No offense, but i think all the women in your country should start putting your foot down. As she is married to him, everything he have, she gets half. No arguments.
1 person likes this
@koperty3 (1877)
12 Nov 11
I couldn't face my partner if I had cheated. I think we are all adults when marriage is not working or there is something bad going on we always can working out or divorce. I know that this sounds simple but this way its much simpler that living with guilt. I couldn't do it.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
16 Nov 11
In some pats of india divorce is still taboo also getting job is very difficult thing as economy is sluggish.So she is stuck.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
5 Nov 11
Hi piya, no I do not have this kind of experience before, a friend who cheats on his/her relationship. Maybe they do, and I really don't know about it. I am quite ignorant towards this kind of things. I believe, you as a friend can help her. Help her to get out of her situation. Help her to stand up against her marriage and leave. If you don't help her, no one can. If she is caught, she will suffer even more. So do whatever you can to help her stand up and leave her married life. I don't think you as a friend would standby and see her suffer if she is caught in the act of cheating?
@piya84 (2591)
• India
7 Nov 11
Its better to be ignorant looks like.
• Philippines
5 Nov 11
There are many reasons why people cheat. Some see this as a "wake up call" for the partner, an extreme way of showing dissatisfaction for the relationship. Some cheat because they see it "as a way out" of it, as a way of finding a better life. Others do it purely for sensual reasons. But for whatever reason an affair always indicates a problem in the relationship. I don't know your friend so I can't really give specific advice, but what may be more helpful at this time is for her to introspect on her reasons for engaging in an affair. What problems is this affair meant to solve? If times become too difficult, maybe she could go to a therapist to ask for professional help sorting this out.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
7 Nov 11
She is not asking me advise.My point is people are not good and bad even though they cheat on their partner.If everything was good in marriage she wont cheat on her husband.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
5 Nov 11
That is one turmoil i do not want myself to get into..marriage stuff of other people is complicated to dive into..stay away from it, its between her and her husband..and between her and herself.. that is one thing she can avoid and if she opted to do it, it is her choice and i believe she knows the consequences of it.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
5 Nov 11
She is aware of it.
@Hatley (157768)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Nov 11
hi piya an arranged marriage wow. and she is stuck in it. I feel for her as I understand her culture does not like divorce. but I think its time for changes, They clearly sound like they are not in love and never should have been forced into a loveless marriage. let hher get t a job, get a divorce, leave that culture if she has to, and find a man she can fall in love with who will cherish her. cheating in wrong and evil and will only bad things worse.How can anyone force a woman to marry just any man they damned well choose as a lot of times people do not even like each other.We do not do that here in my co untry the US its mean and cruel in my opinion,.[e
@piya84 (2591)
• India
5 Nov 11
Culture here in many parts of the country is changing fast but still there parts in country where its almost impossible to take divorce.
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
4 Nov 11
If your friend isn't asking your opinion whether what she is doing is bad or not... and if you feel she really wants to cheat with her husband... then let her do it. One good advise is enough for her to realize what she's doing is not good. This is sometimes the problem with arrange marriage, some couples tend to hate or cheat because there is no love between them.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
5 Nov 11
Thats what i used to think but you see sometime there is no other option left.One crave for happiness after living in misery for few years.
@maximax8 (27048)
4 Nov 11
Your friend is very unwise to cheat on her husband because doing such a thing could ruin her life. If she is considering having an affair then her marriage must have hit the rocks. This means she should be trying to re-light the candle in her marriage. One of my friends had another man on her hen night. I felt shocked but kept quiet about it. Three weeks later my friend got married at a castle. She and her husband had a honeymoon in Florida and the Bahamas. She got married at 22 years old and her husband is 6 years older than her. Amazingly she and her husband are still together even though she has had countless affairs. I don't think her husband knows about these affairs. When she was 30 years old their baby daughter was born. My friend started dating this man when she was 16 years old. My friend never had the chance to date like other teenagers do. Maybe if she had dated a few men and then found Mr Right she would have stayed faithful to her husband. I believe the just wants to be young and single when she is out partying.
@piya84 (2591)
• India
5 Nov 11
She married to this guy because of family and social pressure.She tried to make it work anyway but its not working.
@Jennlee3 (292)
• United Kingdom
2 Jan 13
You're certainly correct that life isn't black and white and although normally I wouldn't condone cheating, it does seem as though you've presented some interesting circumstances. Arranged marriages seem to imply her heart might not be in it, and if she isn't happy and doesn't want to be in the marriage and has no way out, that seems unfair. Life is about choices and if you've chosen to spend your life with someone, then you have a moral obligation to uphold that commitment but if you were forced into something and are not allowed out of it, I'd agree with you that the lines of morality become blurred and it's a difficult situation to judge.
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
2 Jan 13
She should just tell him that she don't want to be with him any more instead of just cheating on him. That is so sad, I guess I would never understand why there are arranged marriages I would never encourage my friend to cheat on her husband to maybe just talk out the problems with her husband is what I would say to her and just leave it at that.
@Shavkat (44872)
• Philippines
22 Jul 12
It is a matter of choice, if I am in that position, I rather keep in silence and listen to their sentiments. We can give some advise, but we need to be careful. In some instances, they can blame you for giving an advise.