Is having a natrual birth, your right into motherhood?

United States
November 5, 2011 10:09pm CST
My older sister who is 26 and I am 21, is due any day now with her second child. I just had my first last August. She posted on facebook that the baby is breech and she might need a c-section if the baby don't turn. Well I actually ended up having a c-section, not by choice cause my daughter was breech and her foot was caught and she was having a pretty rough time. My water broke and they had to do an emergency c-section at 36 weeks. She wasn't breathing when she came out. It was rough time. But overall i LOVED my c-section. So i posted back for encouragement- "I loved my c-section, it was a great experience and didn't hurt that bad. It will be ok." Well she didn't like that to much, and responded with "Well I'm glad you loved yours, but i loved my all natural child birth. I feel like a c-section is the EASY way out and you miss out on what god intended child bearing to be." Well a few minutes later, she keeps going on about it.. and says, "I think it is your passage into MOTHERHOOD going through labor and delivery. Anyone can surgery, but as a women it is GOD given gift to bare a child." That kinda struck me. So I wanted ever one else opinion on this. Should I take offense to this? What would you have said? That was the short version of the conversation.
2 people like this
9 responses
@zralte (4178)
• India
6 Nov 11
I agree with OpinionatedLady, that it probably was the fear of surgery and the hormones talking. I am sorry you had to go through that. It was not even your choice that you had to do a C-Section. Good for you that you are able to be happy about it. I know many people will not be, going on a complaining mode, etc. I am sorry that your sister took your encouragement the wrong way. She probably thinks you are trying to show her up or something. Just be an adult about it. Don't even bother explaining yourself to her except to say that you are sorry you caused her distress and that it was not your intention, you are just trying to let her know that giving birth by C-Section is not the end of the world, or something to that effect. My sister had two babies by C-Section, because of her health condition. Does that make her a bad mom? No Way. She is a better mom than I am. I had both my babies natural, does that make me a good mom? NO. I don't think so. I don't agree with your sister saying 'C-Section is the easy way out'. I think it is more difficult. Sure you miss out the labour and pushing pains, but what about afterwards? You missed out on the important bonding time with your new-born.In my opinion, women having to go through C-Section got it way worse than those who are giving birth naturally. Let's face it, natural way, two days later, you are back to normal, well, not quite normal, but pretty much getting back on your feet. With surgery, you need to wait at least 7 days for the stitch to heal, etc etc. Don't take offense to what your sister said, I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings either.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Nov 11
Yes, it is very tough having a c-section. My daughter wasn't breathing when they pulled her out. They had to do emergency CPR and put tubes down her throat and took her to the ICU. By the time i was recovered from the surgery and in my room was 3 hours later. The first time i got to hold her was 6 hours later, cause i couldn't move to be put in a wheelchair to go see her in the ICU. And NO driving for 3 weeks and the pain meds just knock you out. But overall, it was a good experience. Cause that was the only i had. My husband couldn't get off work either, so i just stay at my moms house for a week to get healed up, until i was off the pain meds.
• United States
7 Nov 11
Thanks Z. I agree how you give birth is no indication that the person is a good mother in any shape or form.
• United States
6 Nov 11
Your ticket to motherhood was when you held that baby in your arms. I'd have asked her to explain how someone adopting a child, truly loving the child, caring for the child, keeping the child safe, makes THAT mother any less of a mother. Being a mother isn't how you bring the child into the world, it's how you care for it once it's here. Don't feel bad or any less because you had a c-section. In my opinion, her comments made HER less of a mother because I can almost imagine the values this child will grow up with.
• United States
6 Nov 11
The thing is, she ISN'T a mother! Our MOM takes care of her 5 year old. This baby is with a new guy- So she thinks it is going to be different this time. That is why I am such in a funk about it. I REALLY wanted to say, "YES ANYONE CAN HAVE SURGERY, BUT NOT EVERYONE CAN TAKE CARE OF THERE CHILD." I agree with you 100%, What about all those wonderful families that can't have a child on there own and adopt. My Sister-in-law and her husband are in the middle of an adoption right now to become parents. It just makes me mad, that she can be so inconsiderate.
• United States
7 Nov 11
I don't even clutter my life with people like her. Just respond with, "How nice for you!" Your focus is on YOUR family. Everyone else second. The energy you waste on her is energy you're taking from your family.
@kaka135 (14921)
• Malaysia
4 Jun 12
All along, I prefer natural birth, as I think it's good for the baby and the mother. But, when it comes to complication, I think life is more important than everything else. I went through the labor when my son was born, but I failed to go through natural delivery, as my body frame is too small for my son to come out, hence the doctor advised me to have an emergency c-section. Definitely, I'd take doctor's advice, as I didn't want to take the risk, it's a life of my child. Though many people "commented" or advised me that I should try hard for the natural delivery, why should I take the risk? I think your sister didn't really mean to offend you, but just this is her preferences, though you are just being supportive.
@rajaiv0810 (1012)
• Philippines
7 Nov 11
I think your sister is just scared with the c-section procedure that is why she came ranting about it. Just continue to be supportive on her and try your best to be patient as well. You know best as well that natural birth is not your ticket to motherhood. Having a c-section or adopting a child doesn't make you less of a mother as long as you love your child. You have to take care of your baby from childbirth and continue to love your child unconditionally. That is being a mother.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
6 Nov 11
I wonder where she got that? It does not really matter what manner a child is born. C-section is even more dangerous a process at times. It sounds funny that she has to say it in your face (and in FB) as if you are competing. I do not see anything wrong with what you said to her. It was an innocent answer of assurance. But anyway, it must've been the hormones, stress and pressure.
• United States
6 Nov 11
You hit it right on the nail. She has ALWAYS try to compete with me in everything. Since we were kids. She always had to do something first and better. Now that i think, that i had the "first" c-section, she wants to stay in the "natural" part of birth. I will always have a c-section from now on, because the way she was laying was really low and they had to cut into the muscles. So my chances are super low to have my second natural.
• India
6 Nov 11
I also support natural birth.but nowbdays the natural birth is very rare.i think it is due to the change in life style of the persons.the persons are not healthy and they cant deliver a child without the help of an experienced doctor.the pre gestation caring also contribute to the same.they are not getting the proper exercise
@Absinto (2385)
• Portugal
6 Nov 11
Everybody has their opinion on to where starts motherhood but i dont think it is by having a natural child birth. Either way, batural or c-section, you are having a baby and you body is suffering to have them but in diferent ways. Honestly i think that a c-section is the best because it wont stress you out as much and many woman get stressed out that they dont want to pass through that experience. Not all of course but a small percentage. I would like to have a c-section if i ever had a child, not because it is the easy way but because i think it is safer fot the baby.
@franne32 (694)
• Philippines
7 Nov 11
It's not actually a passage into motherhood if you undergo a natural childbirth. I mean, carrying a child for nine months is already a passage in itself! It depends on the situation. Like you, other mothers experienced c-section due to complications such as the breech position of the baby. Nobody can tell you that you've just missed out on the passage of motherhood just because you had a c-section. Motherhood starts when you care for your child since the time of conception.
• Philippines
6 Nov 11
Pregnancy causes hormonal and emotional changes in women.Your sister must be probably anxious and afraid about her possible C-section.She may still be in the state of denial about it and tries to suppress thoughts of it.I think what she need is for someone to talk to about it and overcome her fears.Try to understand your sister and let her comments pass.Most women prefer natural birth over any delivery procedures but there are instances that we must do other procedures in order to save lives.