Why do people take kindness for a weakness

United States
November 9, 2011 6:26pm CST
Last week wednesday, I was in a fender bender accident. I was stopped at a red light when this lady hit me. She was very apologetic and said she'd only looked down for a second and was surprised there wasnt more damage to my vehicle since she hit me so hard (her words). The cop came out and said it was up to me rather I wanted a police report or not since I was the victim. If he did one he'd have to give her a $200.00 ticket. If not, we could exchange info and handle it amongst ourselves. If it were me, I'd want someone to give me a break so I decided to be nice and just exchange info which we did. That was favor one. Then she asks me to contact her with the info from the estimate so she could pay it instead of her insurance so her rate wouldnt go up and I said ok (favor two). I got the estimate which seemed a little high so I got a second estimate and gave her the info for both. She was concerned that it was too expensive and asked me to get a third estimate at a place she recommended. Although I had to take vacation time from work to get all of these estimates, I went ahead and got the third estimate (third favor). All of the estimates were about the same and she was willing to pay. She was going to make the payment out to the place where I was getting the work done. I told her to make it out to me but she said no because she'd have no proof I got the work done. At first, I thought she was concerned that I wouldnt get the work done and come after her for more money as if she didnt pay. This I can understand and I told her I was willing to sign a letter upon payment stating she paid and was no longer liable but no this wasnt her issue. She just wanted to make sure that the money went to fix the vehicle as if I was going to take the $400.00 and spend it on drugs or something. I told her I wanted the payment made to me because I was going to deposit the payment into my account and get the work done when it was convenient for me since I'd be without a vehicle for 2 days and I already had to take time from work to get the estimate. But by this point, I was upset and offended. I kept accomodating this woman who caused the accident and damaged my vehicle and here she was treating me like I was the one at fault. She never once said thankyou for all of the concessions I made. She acted like she was entitled. If I had gone through the insurance company immediately, I wouldve had a rental and possibly been compensated for the time from work. Anyway, the last I talked to her was Monday and I was going to take the payment but after dealing with her condescending attitude I decided against it. Yesterday, I called her insurance company and am going through them so now her insurance rate will go up but at least she'll know that the payment is definitely going towards fixing my car since she was soooo concerned about that. By the way, when I explained the situation to the representative she said it doesnt matter what I use the money for that their client is liable for the damage regardless and has to pay.
1 person likes this
3 responses
• United States
10 Nov 11
Unfortunately, it is true that kindness is nowadays a weakness. When people see you as a kind individual, they will prey on that to take advantage of you. They will make you feel pity for them, and they will connive you into doing something for them at your expense. When people say that you are "too nice," take it as a warning. These people are looking out for your best interests and don't want to see you get hurt. I learned my lessons when it came to being too nice because I was being taken advantage of too often for my naivety.
• United States
10 Nov 11
I think I've learned my lesson too. I try not to be selfish but it seems that the society we live in admires ruthlessness more than kindness.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
10 Nov 11
It's hard to strike a balance. I think it is worse to be taken advantage of than it is to be ruthless, because most of the time, even when we have chosen to be mean rather than allow ourselves to be hurt, the person deserved at least SOME of the meanness for what they were trying to get out of you lol. I am nice to those who are nice to me, OR I am nice to people who have given me no reason to be suspicious. If you've screwed me over once, I may never trust you again, or anybody related to you.... lol.
• United States
12 Nov 11
It really is hard to strike a balance. That is one of the things I struggle with. I'm really nice until someone crosses me and loses my trust. Once it is lost, it is almost impossible to get it back.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I think I would have called the ins co and not even tried to work out anything UNLESS she paid me immediately and gave me cash. If you are going to deal with things without bringing ins into it, the person to blame really doesn't have any business asking for OTHER favors or expecting you to get more than one estimate unless YOU choose to. On the other end, I can understand her concern that it was actually all going to the car repairs because SOME people will file an ins claim, take the money, and not fix the car lol. I guess if someone does that, it's their problem though, not yours.... and I do think you plan to fix your car so her suspicions are a little out there.
• United States
12 Nov 11
She ruined it for everyone else because next time no matter what, I'm calling the insurance co immediately. Her ins co is local so I actually got a check from them within 3 days of filing the claim. I will be using the money for repairs but I still dont understand where she's coming from because the insurance co made the check out to my name which is what she refused to do. Now her rate is going to go up and she could've prevented that.
@Rosa26 (2620)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I was thinking that because in another discussion asked if we like to help and I love to help the others,but this thought came to my mine"I like to helpbut don't like the people take advantages of me and treat me like if I am brainless"but most of the times that is what happen when we help the others use of,I am sorry about your problem with the car and the irresponsable woman.
• United States
12 Nov 11
Thanks Rosa. I think you're right that when we try to help others take advantage. I guess we just have to learn to set limits.