forgiving over and over again?..

@smikin (18)
November 11, 2011 8:53am CST
isnt it tiring? if you are in a relationship and everything seems like a routine, is it healthy? How would you deal if the person you are with is committing the same mistake over and over again and all he could do is ask for forgiveness. It is so tiring forging. I dont have the time to forget all the actions done when it keeps repeating. Do you think it is right to accept his apology and still do the things he was sorry for?..
3 people like this
17 responses
@janevi (889)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
there is no problem in forgiving a person repeatedly. The Bible says, that you forgive not seven times but seventy seven times.It means that we are encouraged to forgive and forget like the Lord who forgives us as often as we commit mistakes.:-) In your case, if the mistake is deliberately repeated, try to read the meaning of the act. A mature person need not be reminded of his wrong act several times. Once or twice is enough. In a relationship, I think it's a give and take always. Maybe he keeps on repeating it because you don't also mean what you said. If you mean what you said, do it. In other words, be firm to whatever you have said so that he will feel that you are able to do what you say. Words put into action is powerful. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. It is even better if you don't say but yo do it. Just accept his apology but be sure that he really mean it. Good luck to your relationship.
@smikin (18)
11 Nov 11
thanks janevi. i think this goes to all those who are in a relationship.
1 person likes this
@janevi (889)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
you are welcome. It is part of any relationship indeed but be sure that you don't feel oppressed by that repetitive acts of wrongdoings because it could be a precedence of another wrongdoings in the future. Wishing you a happy and harmonious relationship.
1 person likes this
@Mashnn (4503)
11 Nov 11
Twice will be enough in consideration of extent of his mistakes. The third time with the same mistake will send those red signal and I will be off before it is too late.
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@smikin (18)
11 Nov 11
But does this mean that we should only commit a mistake once?
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@Mashnn (4503)
11 Nov 11
That is why I said the extend of the mistake. There are those that once is enough others are just to minor not to forgive.
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@jalucia (1435)
• United States
11 Nov 11
seems logical to just accept the fact that this behavior is not going to stop. So you have to accept his behavior, and him, the way that it is or move on from it. Either way, it's you that has to make the change, because he is not going to.
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@smikin (18)
11 Nov 11
is it alright that i only change for him and he stays the same?..
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@phoevy21 (29)
11 Nov 11
I think that kind of relationship isnt healthy. If he keeps committing the same mistake then hes not learning, and if you keep on forgiving the person, he wouldnt definitely learn from his mistakes. You cant just forgive the person who has hurt you after he bats his lashes or flashes you a smile. It may also hurt you, but you have to be free from this person and its for the best for both parties.
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@chiyosan (29388)
• Philippines
12 Nov 11
I think it is alright to forgive your loved one, everyone deserves second chances, every one needs to feel that yes, they made a mistake but they should learn from it and not keep on doing it. If you are with a person who keeps on doing the same thing after you have forgiven him/her on the same thing that he did... i think that is quite unhealthy for you. I am sure you have or will have come to the end of your rope and will most probably not give in anymore. Life totally would be better for you to be with someone else who would not repeatedly, or purposely hurt you over and over again.
@JHEZ924 (119)
• Philippines
12 Nov 11
well, yes its tiring... but I guess it is still depends on the mistake made.. if it is tolerable, then forgive and forgive.. but if its really a serious one, I guess you have to do something with it.. even if it you have to give up something for it, you must do it to end that usual mistake.. its a very hard decision but you really have to choose.. : )
@boyuancy (1709)
• India
12 Nov 11
Is it a routine because you are constantly forgiving him? If it is so then you'll have to hang on if you love him very much. But on the other hand it seems the guy is disinterested and you should end it before it gets too serious and consuming. It is for you to decide. Good luck.
@kanchan10 (1061)
• India
12 Nov 11
it may not be fair or may be fair.it absolutely depends on you and your attitude towards the person concerned. if the mistakes are repetitive then you should talk to the person and speak your mind out
@EdnaReyes (2628)
• Philippines
12 Nov 11
I think if your really want to be with him, you can forgive him over and over again. I am forgiving my husband over and over again and this resulted to our 20 years of staying together. I think forgiving is not being measured nor the sin. It is how much we love the person we are forgiving.
• United States
12 Nov 11
Forgiveness can be tiring. Jesus told us that we to forgive 70 x 7 in the Bible, which is equivalent to a large amount. Jesus said that if we don't forgive others, he will not forgive us. There's a difference between apologizing for something and being repentant about something. Repentance means that there is a distinct choice to stop making the same choice. On the contrary, an apology means that they are sorry for what they did; however, it doesn't mean that they will discontinue their offensive action. Forgiving someone doesn't mean that they have to be given the same place that they were in your life before they messed up. Sometimes it means that you love them through their mistake, but it takes a while for them to rebuild their trust. It seems like this person isn't to be trusted if they are continuing to make the same initial mistake.
• United States
12 Nov 11
It depends on what the forgiving was for. if he cheated on me he could keep his sorry because I don't want that one. I would not take anyone back who cheated on me. If he comes home late from hanging out I don't care about that he can say sorry over and again for all I care. If he did not cook dinner I could excuse that again as well. so,again it really depends on what he was sorry for.
@ramonah (213)
• Romania
11 Nov 11
It really depends very much on the mistake. For example my man doesn't wash the dishes when he's supposed to very often, doesn't take the garbage out, doesn't clean around unless i remind him a hundred times, forgets to pay bills when i tell him too and we get penalties.. little things but big in some ways. He does them over and over again, I used to go raging and repeating myself a thousand times, sometimes he said "sorry" sometimes he didn't. I just realised that he is that way and he won't change very soon, only slowly and with my help. So I understand him and help him now by repeating: "do that", "don't do that". He gets it in time. But when he did big mistakes like lying to me, which I utterly hate, he said he was sorry but it didn't make a difference to me. It took some time for me to forgive him. And he didn't do it again for a long time now. What I'm saying is yes, you can forgive some mistakes even if he does it over and over again. You can even try and figure out why he is doing them and help him figure it out and change somehow, or in the end cope with it because he might not change soon, people change very hard and it takes very much time. But if it's a major mistake that shouldn't be done over and over again you should tell yourself if it's right to do that, right to yourself and to the relationship.. at some point the glass fills.. I don't know the mistakes you're talking about but it very much depends. What's important is to talk them out really.. and not necessarily forgive or forget but more try to figure out the reason for them and solve the problem. Even if he says he's sorry you might forgive and forget but your consciousness might not do that so in time you might build up frustrations and at some point even saying he's sorry won't work anymore.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
11 Nov 11
Routine can't be tiring. It can be comfortable because you know what is happening or it can be very boring (for the same reason) and kill your relationship because there is never happening something new. How I deal if my partner is making the same mistakes over and over again? Then I have to ask myself first if it is a mistake and if I can live with it or if I make a big problem out of nothing or if it is something I can't live with at all. If I would still like my partner if he is exactly the way I want him to be (I can tell you now already that I don't have the energy to raise an adult into a perfect partner I am not his mother so I would not start with it at all). I will try to tell my partner why I don't like what he is doing. I say try because my partner lives in a complete different culture as I am. His way of thinking is complete different from mine. I think over things and see the good and bad sides and results of my deeds. With him life is simple. It's yes or no, not thinking further, not seeing risks. He lives with the moment (not even with the day). A part of me wants that too. So I need time to think it over and to find out if it is worth a discussion or even a fight. I am not the kind of person that will accept everything anymore, especially not in the name of love. I find myself more important after all these years of being kicked, spit at and been beaten up. Fights etc tires me out just like bad behaviour. I think I am lucky, at least I consider it that way that we don't live together. I have time for me, it's easier not to notice everything I don't like and not to "complain" or make remarks about that and wasting good quality time. My partner does things I don't like, he does make promises he is not keeping at all. I don't know if that will ever change, if not then the result of that is his choice. No matter if we live together or not, I like or love him or not, he is simple or poor or not. Some things I just don't like, a reason for that is my health. If he is not able to make concessions I don't see the need to do that for him.
@webgirl01 (693)
• United States
11 Nov 11
I'm not sure if its tiring. I guess it is. But no one here is perfect. It sucks in this world, especially if someone says sorry and they purposely do the same thing over. I really don't know. I kinda have some anger of a past situations of grudges and forgiving over and over. I thought its should be forgive and let go and move on to something new. Well if the person is like that just doing his actions and keep purposely doing it, just move on and doing something else. Well for me, I just forgives cuz there's not much i can do.
@devi53 (348)
• India
11 Nov 11
HAI smikin, in certain circumstances we have to accept this type of peoples there is no other way. I had many experiences with my mother-in law her conversation is some what irritating to us then what can we do ignore them,we can change our attitude and not wasting time to correct them.It is better to change our character towards them otherwise we will lost our mental happiness.
• Serbia And Montenegro
11 Nov 11
If you love the person and afraid of loosing him than it is natural to forgive him. But does he love you as much as you love him? Do his actions tell you that he loves you? I personally would forgive the first 2 times but if the person keeps repeating the things for which he knows that are bad I`d question his love for sure.
@deliar (609)
• Indonesia
11 Nov 11
yes, i think it is tiring and boring, to hear someone alwayas ask forgivng but still doing the same mistake. sometime i will be get angry if someone do wrong thing more than three times. i will give a stern warning, i will forgive for the last. if do the same thing, i really will stay away from him or her. it is annoying to see someone just ask forgiving so easy and dont change anything. just sorry , not serious. really annoying.