When it rains, it certainly does pour around my camp

Depression - Depression, when it rains it pours.
United States
November 12, 2011 11:38am CST
Ever have so much just go wrong you feel so discombobulated? I have been on a massive job hunt to no avail yet, my car has not started in over a week, the new medication for my migraines is not working, where with massive pain and all today my little 13 year old niece was placed to rest. Believe me friends I do understand that there are far more people in worse situations then me, for which I am grateful to be living. As I stood beside my niece's casket I could not help but be THANKFUL that she is no longer in pain. Although very sad we no longer will have her beautiful smile upon us, she fought a long and hard battle with brain cancer and is now resting pain free. In her last few days, and remember she was only 13, she said to her grandmother who raised her; Grandma I am ready to go...
23 people like this
49 responses
@topffer (34089)
• France
12 Nov 11
Hello hardworkkinggurl, I am pleased to see you back, even if you come with a lot of bad news today... A brain cancer is a cancer where we can hardly win the battle, but it is so sad to die so young : there are days where God seems to be unfair. I hope she is in a better world now.
6 people like this
• United States
13 Nov 11
I could not help myself and went back to see "Howard". Thanks so much my friend as I surely am enjoying the chuckle.
• United States
12 Nov 11
Oh HWG! I didn't know what all you were going through. I had no idea that you had a young niece who was suffering from cancer. No wonder you have so much to deal with. Migraines and then your loss. I'm so sorry for your loss, dear HWG. You mean so much to me. I wish I had known. You can talk to me any time if you ever need to vent. You know that. I'm glad to hear that your niece was mentally ready to let go. I think we get to that point when we are suffering from a terminal illness. My mom was ready prior to slipping into a coma. I lost a young friend, but never as young as your niece. My heart just cries for you, but I feel that our loved ones stay with us in some way.. we just have to think of them and they live on in our hearts like angels watching over us. That's how I cope with loss. I'm here for you! Always! PQ
5 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Hello PQ! Oh thank you my friend, for the kind and loving words. Although after the first of the four surgeries we were told she was in remission, but sadly the tumors kept showing up after only several months. Grandma knew in her heart that this sweet girl would not make it. She made it five full years for which grandma relished immensely. About a month ago the doctors stated she would not live past 2 - 4 weeks and it was then that grandma sat with her and explained. My niece was scared at first and shortly before her last breath she did say grandma I am ready to go and will be up in heaven with my daddy. These are the words grandma always told her as she felt it would be comforting to her. This is doubly sad for grandma as she did loose her son when he was 19 years old. Although grandma is such a strong woman she does accept that Breana will no longer be in pain and suffering. Sorry for not being more communicative as I have literally been so discombobulated that my normal way of thinking has not surfaced to it's normalcy. Thanks for being such a great friend. *hugs*
3 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
You mean so much to me dear friend. I'll always be here for you.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Thank you PQ! I am glad to have you as a friend.
3 people like this
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
12 Nov 11
Ohhhhhhh my sweet friend miss you miss you miss you so much where are you and how are you. Daily wait where is my sweet friend but close my lappi with sadness feel still my friend is missing not seeing in anywhere. Sorry to heard this still you have lots of pain about migran. Please friend smile I send two PM not message then I was worry and daily wait.
• United States
12 Nov 11
Hello Surekha! I am sorry I have not been myself. I have tried daily to log in but could not bring myself to be cheerful enough to participate with anyone. It is a bad time for me offline and although I am trying each day to be optimistic, sometimes life just gets the best of me.
3 people like this
• India
13 Nov 11
My friend sorry to heard this a little child lost her life. I can understand how you are feeling and how your brother and bhabhi are feeling. Now you should take care of your brother and bhabhi because they will missing their daughter. Yes offline life is very important dont worry friend about me. I just missing because I know about your migrane problem and I was so worry and when I ask professor uncle he not tell me anything about you. So I was more worry.
@rollylolly (2707)
• India
12 Nov 11
Hi HWG I was thinking of you as I was not seeing you for some days . I lost my aunt on 9th of this months . She had heart problem but the immediate cause was that she fell down . She was also suffering a lot and so I can relate much to your situation . BUTmy aunt was in her 70's and your neice only 13 . I too feel greatly touched and upset to hear she said " Grandma I am reday to go..."
5 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your Aunt. My sincerest sympathy. My niece had a very bad battle with cancer and her grandmother prepared her well. It is a terrible loss but I truly believe there is a purpose with her life. Sad for her grandmother as my nieces father passed when she was 3. So this adds to the grief for grandma as she was fortunate to be able to raise my niece since the passing of her son. But now she lost her too.
4 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
I truly wish there were words that could remove all the pain your feeling. I really wish there were. I know your little angel is resting and will be out of pain and that is the best part. She was loved and will always be remembered in your hearts. I can't know that pain because I have not lived it. I do now about migraines and you can take naps with the lights off to help that. The car I have no clue about. I do know if you have a job agency out there they will help you find a job. We have some out here in NY. I do wish you the best on all this. I could not help but to be filled with joy when I saw your avatar and then I read your post. I wish I could do something for you. take care.
5 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Thanks for checking up on me the other day and sorry I have not been able to be my chatty self. Yes my niece will live on forever in all of our hearts. Although she had the cancer for 5 years she was such a happy child. As young as she was she accepted early on she would die some day. She was a special child and one that we will never forget. I have signed up with loads and loads of agencies and job hunting on my own. Sadly there are hundreds if not thousands unemployed that there are at least 200 applicants for each one position. Your wonderful words serve as a hug my dear friend and take care of you.
4 people like this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
12 Nov 11
That is heart breaking sweetie. Such a young age at that. I hope you will be fine. Just relax a bit and take some time off from all you need to do, okay. Get your breath back first and your feet on the ground.
4 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
This is what I had decided to do prior to all that has occurred. Sadly though life always comes in such a way for me where not one but several issues amount. I suppose it is suppose to make me stronger but sadly it does weaken me.
5 people like this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
12 Nov 11
Just hang in there sweetie. Before you know it you will have your strenght back again.
4 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
I am hanging in there but sadly just too much in life. There comes a point where one says something must give. I am hopeful, let's face it as long as one is living one must live with hope. Sometimes I get the feeling that I would like to start walking to no end and never look back.
5 people like this
@yoyo1198 (3644)
• United States
12 Nov 11
It is always so sad when a youngster that we love so much passes on from this life. I am sorry for your loss. Have been missing you and wondered what was going on. I think a lot of people are feeling down and depressed these days. The country is in a mess and our own personal lives seem to be spiraling out of control. We've just got to remember that we are not really in control anyway. God bless you. Prayers and best wishes are being sent your way.
4 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Thank you YoYo for your kind words. Yes although the stats "say" that the world is heading a good direction, I really do not see it that way. The job market for one is so bad that there are hundreds and hundreds applying for the one job posted. I foresee a tad improvements but sadly I don't think it will get better as they "say".
1 person likes this
@aeiou78 (3457)
• Malaysia
12 Nov 11
Very sad to hear everything from you. A 13 years old young girl who has just started her journey, has to leave now. The reality of life is very cruel. I just hope that she will have another chance to be here and to start all over again.
4 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
12 Nov 11
SO sorry for the lose of your neice but like you said she is at peace now . Its hard when someone so young gets cancer. My heart bleeds for you and your family. take care hugssssssssssssssss
3 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Oh thank you Lakota for the hugs and prayers. I am happy to have wonderful friends here. Sad as she was a very healthy child from birth until she was 8 years old, it came on suddenly and she fought a tough battle, one that she lost her life to. She is in peace and pain free now so we will cherish her memory always.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
12 Nov 11
your so welcome. You can close your eyes an picture her smile. Even after 7 years of my hubby ding of cancer I can still picture his little crooked smile and things he said and did as long as you have momeories you never forget hugsssssssssssssssss
2 people like this
@bagarad (12133)
• Paso Robles, California
12 Nov 11
Lakota, You are so right. Our memories can bring our loved ones back to us for a few seconds or minutes as we remember things they said and did. We always are remembering some of the happy things about Jason, and it's as though he's just moved away where we can't talk to him anymore, but we know he's probably more alive than he's ever been. He's been gone 20 years now, but he will never be forgotten by those who loved him. @HWG, I can say this after 20 years, but it wasn't quite so easy to feel that way right after he left us. The first three years are the hardest. That's when you wonder if the pain will ever go away. I have written a lot on line on grieving to try to help those whose grief is fresh. I just want to reassure you and anyone else who has just lost a loved one that it will get better someday. But in these first few days, months and years, it will still hurt a lot -- especially as the holidays are coming. It will be much easier to notice the one who is no longer at the holiday table than the ones who still are there. Feel free to grieve together with your family. There is no reason to pretend a holiday cheer you don't feel. It's more healing to go ahead and share the memories of the one you are all missing and let people shed a few tears. Maybe share the memories you are thankful you still have.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (36431)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Nov 11
so sad dear friend. yes i know what you mean. sometimes we just cant figure why things keep getting more and more hard for us while some others just seem to have things work out for them without even trying. poor child was probably ready to be without pain. i do hope you get a job soon also. and my daughters fiance to. i will pray for you a job and you pray for him one he can keep .lol.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
My niece grew sicker and sicker but despite all she was such a happy always smiling child. She is pain and suffering free now for which I am very greatful. I will miss her greatly and have several flash backs of the many of times we shared out times together. Thanks for the chuckle with your daugthers fiance, lol yes I know someone like this that somehow gets interviews after job offers and decides he does not like the type of work. I will continue my search as it will not come way otherwise and hope I can land something soon. Thank you so much for the prayers as I pray all day long. I do hope all is well with you post-operatively as I have not been able to participate so I am sort of out of the loop. You are and will always be in my prayers. I do want to add that I have chuckled several times with your emails.
3 people like this
@bunnybon7 (36431)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Nov 11
thanks sweetie. yes i havent been here for a while very often like i was. mostly because im to sensitive and as you know i was made to feel like a dummy a while back by a good friend here and then, for 2 weeks now ive had some kind of weird eye infection that just now seems to be clearing up a bit.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
I am sorry to hear of the eye infection and do hope it goes completely away real soon. I do understand your reason for not being here but don't feel bad as the one person is no longer here. There will always be the one or two who does something like that, we just do not allow them to change who we are.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
12 Nov 11
Hi HWG, Sure have missed you around here lately! I did know that you were going through a tough time but had no idea just how bad things were. I am so sorry to hear about your little niece! You are and will be in my thoughts and prayers.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Hello sid I have logged in daily but could not bring forth the energy and or words to participate. I suppose my emotions are quite drained for which will not allow me to express my feelings. I have gone through a great deal in life although I have always managed to set my life on track each time. I guess this time around it has been much harder then ever before where I have lost a great deal of hope for months on end. I am re-building my positivity once again and trying as really there is nothing left to loose. I really appreciate your kinds words and prayers.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
13 Nov 11
HI HWG, It's understandable why you feel so drained. You haven't been dealing with just one hard time but many stressful situations all at once. You are a very strong woman and I have no doubt that you will get back on track. Things just have to make a turn for the better for you and very soon! {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
• United States
13 Nov 11
I have an interview tomorrow and am so hoping it all goes well. At last someone has set an interview and although it is no guarantee at least it is getting the ball rolling for me. I have made it a full time responsibility to find work and am so hoping something comes through very soon. Thanks so much for the hugs.
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
12 Nov 11
That's so heartbreaking I feel for you and my condolences to your and your family. It's so sad to lose someone so young but sometimes it is better to let them go especially if living means having to go with all those pain.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Thank you enelym for your kind words. Yes as I kneeled beside her I thanked God for no longer allowing her to be in pain. She fought a long and hard battle as she had 4 surgeries and loads of rounds of chemo and radiation. She was such a very sick but happy little girl. Her smile even while lying in the hospital bed will be remembered always.
3 people like this
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
13 Nov 11
for sure she'll be your & her families angel. Can't stand seeing kids suffering and having to undergo surgeries.
• United States
13 Nov 11
Yes my friend and we all want to remember her wonderful smile and happy days. She will always be above watching over all of us.
@gabs8513 (48716)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 11
Awwwwww no Sweet I am sorry to hear this that is so sad May she rest in peace As for you I wish it was easier for you and I wish I could help You are in my heart and thoughts Sweet Friend and never forget that Love you and big warm hugs your way
3 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
I love you Gabs and Gissi too. Thank you so much my friend for the wonderful words. I have been struggling for two years now and no matter how hard my persistence, it just does not seem to get better. I am greatful to be alive, it is staying afloat that is the task for me right now. I miss out telephone chats. I have several other issues not mentioned here but knowing you sending love and warm hugs gives me comfort. We will talk soon my friend, take care.
2 people like this
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
13 Nov 11
First I was surprised on HWG starting a discussion. You start occasionally only. I read the posting. I am very sorry for the difficulties to which you are put into. The child --of 13 -- had completed her role and had to part away from this world. The amount of agony it caused her and her relatives--something tough to think and write. Amidst such a problem other issues get lesser weightage. That is life. It is so temporary -- happy moments -- problematic moments --people are temporary. May her soul rest in peace.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Nov 11
I have often thought that when a child is taken from us so early it is that we as parents are to learn a valueable lesson. This I learn very early on in my mothering years and have utilized the lesson to the fullest extent. I have been a great mother, something if anything I whole heartedly feel I did right. What remains in my mind though is that why do the children as my niece need to suffer. I am sure that there is a reason and as thesids is recommending down below, I shall return to reading the bible. I have neglected doing so for a long time, although I am very stron in prayer. I have been emotionally weakened now for almost two years, sort of fooling myself into thinking all will be okay. Thank you for the link, I shall visit it and read it carefully.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
14 Nov 11
Thanks for your reply comments. Read Bible. Our scriptures contain explanation for whatever thing is happening in our life. Sometimes they are hard to understand.
@MandaLee (3726)
• United States
12 Nov 11
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. Your niece is not suffering anymore. She is indeed at peace.
2 people like this
@MandaLee (3726)
• United States
13 Nov 11
She is with the Lord now. You will see her again. Until then, she is watching over you from Heaven.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 11
I do believe this as well and am hoping to see her lovely smile some day again. I was sitting at home yesterday smiling and chuckling abou her and I good times.
@AmbiePam (49053)
• United States
13 Nov 11
Oh man, I am so sorry. I can't imagine seeing someone so young go through something so horrible.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Nov 11
We have lost several people in our family including babies too. I am on the one hand glad she no longer is here suffering such a terrible illness as she did for five long years. Even after all the deaths that have occurred withing my own family this one is about the hardest. She underwent so much for he five years to then end up dying. She is no longer in pain and or enduring so much anymore, for that I believe we will grieve in such a way that we will celebrate her freedom of such a painful life.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
14 Nov 11
Yes. Our loved ones should not experience suffering. That is our goal/desire. This has been fulfilled for you now here. We always believe that the time of her stay in this form is over and she will go to another place in a better shape.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
13 Nov 11
I am the same when something goes wrong, everything seems to go wrong. When something breaks, two more things break. When I buy something, then something goes wrong. So I an understand you People who say that you should to be concerned probably had only one thing go wrong, or one thing break, or when they spent too much money for one silly item, then they got the money and nothing broke. But people like us, things ;go wrong very easily. My apologies for your loss. AT least, your niece's pain is now over and she rests with God in heaven.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Nov 11
Same here my friend as when one things goes bad there usually is a cycle of several to follow after. Sadly the good times only last momentarily for me. Yes my niece no longer has to endure all the harsh surgeries and treatment she underwent in her short life. We will miss her but all so agree that she no longer has to endure so much pain in her life. We will miss her dearly and remember the short but sweet moments we have had with her. She will be up above watching over all of us therefore we all will get together from time to time to remember her sweet life.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
14 Nov 11
With me, it is usually financial. And it does not matter if I am being irresonpibl or responsible with my money, if I have to repair something and pay for it, then two other things go wrong and usually in the same month. It also happens when I buy something like furnishings, then there is something I need and usually it is pretty soon. With tragedies, they happen after a family reunion since when my father-in-law married my mother-in-law, the genes in theirc children were not that good. So with every family reunion, I usually wondered who would die this year. So now I am reprehensive of buying things and do not want to feel that way.
@thezone (9451)
• Ireland
13 Nov 11
HGW so sorry to hear that! Like most I am not good with this sort of thing. I have to say if you do anything be there for her Grandmother, she needs the most support! Sometimes life puts things into perspective no matter how harsh they can be. HWG here's some of these ... Take care and just be there for your family when you can.
2 people like this
@bagarad (12133)
• Paso Robles, California
12 Nov 11
I wish there were something I could do to help. It's no wonder you are discouraged. I have been missing you here and wondering if something big was wrong. I'm so sorry so much is not working for you right now and that you are suffering both physical and emotional pain. I'm so glad you came back to tell us. Please don't feel you have to always be positive when you don't really feel that way. It's OK with us if you express how you really feel when you are down. We love you no matter how you feel or what blows life is dealing you. Try reading the Psalms when you feel really down. David was going through a lot of trials when he wrote a lot of them. Psalms 25, 27, and 31 are good for starters. Sometimes memorizing the verses that bring the most comfort is useful, since then you can recall them when the discouragement hits you. I'll be praying for you. Many hugs across cyberspace, my friend. May God make his face to shine upon you and give you peace.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Bagarad Generally I am a very optimistic and hopeful type person but lately my mind is emotionally drained. The burdens I am experiencing are a bit too heavy for me to deal with at the moment. I don't feel as if I could advise and or help anyone when I can't do so for myself. I would like to return back to myself but sadly it is taking a bit longer then I would like. I have sat in silence and prayer many, many times to disway my thoughts of negativity. I will begin with the Psalms my friend and hopefully it can lift my spirits. Thank so much for your lovely words.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35035)
• United States
12 Nov 11
Hi my dear friend. Sorry to hear about your niece but I am sure that she is in a better place. As for your other problems, I will continue to Pray and believe God to bring you out of this situation. They keep on saying that things happen for a reason and you and I both know too well, what reason? (((BIG HUGS))) to you my friend.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Hello Tina! I have thought about you during my away time and hoping things have been going well and or better for you. I have you in my constant daily prayers as I know you have gone through quite a bit. I am still clinging on to a shred of hope and persistenting daily as something must change. Yes I question each and every day, what and how can I do if anything different as the reasons are not spelled out clearly yet. I am just hoping to put this all behind me and hoping that something comes through soon. My niece is certainly above in the Kingdom of Heaven, together with her father and will be watching over all of us.
1 person likes this