Should I give my friend a second chance

United States
November 14, 2011 3:48pm CST
Here is the story. A few months, this friend called me up from Honduras, which is his home country, and he spent all his money God knows what he was doing. He called me through long distance, and he need my help. He wants me to book an online ticket for him, so he can fly back to the States. I didn't hesitate, and bought him the ticket, and he also promised to pay me back that money. Until now, I still not get him paid me back the ticket money. He contacted me again, and explain his financial difficulties, blah blah. Now, he told me that his girlfriend is pregnant in Honduras, and he has go back to take care of her. Now, he wants me to let borrow some money again for his unborn child sake. This time, I know that I shouldn't trust him again, because he still not paid me back that money he borrowed from me. But on the second thought, he probably really need to visit his fiancee, and his baby is due on January. Should I or should I not forgive him? Or I just been a fool again?
4 people like this
19 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
14 Nov 11
Like you already said: blah blah blah. That friend is abusing you. He could have saved himself the trip back to the States and stay with his girlfriend. Don't give him a penny, it's just too easy that way. Let him deal with his own problems and find a solution to it. He will never pay you back, will always find some excuses to make you pay. Ask him to show that pregnant girlfriend first or why he is not working 24/24!
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Nov 11
Maybe you are right, I shouldn't lend him the second time with money ever again. I just don't know if he would pay me back or not. Even though on many occasions that he mention he is in financial difficulty. I just afraid he won't pay me back.
1 person likes this
@Mashnn (4503)
15 Nov 11
Depending on how much money you have, I think you can just give him but not expect him to return. Just give it to him like a donation. By the way, are sure the guy is telling you the truth?
1 person likes this
15 Nov 11
From my part,if i were you,i wouldn't give him an another chance.However, I always give people two chances,maybe just as it is said that the first time and the second time is ok,but there is never a third time.As this incident referenced to the problem of money,Idon't think you should trust him,nobody is a fool,and how could he do things like this,it was him who made his girlfriend have a baby,and from this part,he is not a responsible person at all,you don't need this kind of friend I think...
1 person likes this
@lijoos (346)
• India
15 Nov 11
how long you have been friends? i dont know and i dont think you are close friends... because i never can avoid my best friend in the name of money. if he is your best friend you should help him even if he was cheating..if you can. money will come and go but friends are forever. i dont get upset if my best friend cheat me in the name of money,or other things. why should i? he is my best friend.... i will do whatever i can do for him.without thinking that i will getback. if you help him oncemore in this situation he will be greatfull to you. maybe he is short of money,who ever he can ask money other than the friends. can he ask me? parker i dont know how deep is your friendship with him. if he is your best ,and you can get the money,then just help him. thats all .............."friend in need is a friend indeed"
1 person likes this
@besweet (7227)
• Greece
14 Nov 11
How close friends you are? Do you know if he has already asked for support from his family or from the girl's parents for the baby? I wouldn't give him money again if I was in your situation.. As a good friend you can offer to give him a good advice and be there for him for support. He should appreciate it for being there, but if you borrow him I don't think you'll get your money back.
1 person likes this
@alberello (4755)
• Italy
14 Nov 11
Look, if you want to know how I think, I'm in the way of forgiveness. I believe that your friend really needs to visit his wife because she is pregnant. I would trust once again, by lending money, but with a clear warning: This should be the last loan, until he has returned back to you the sum that you lent.
1 person likes this
@areskya (398)
• Indonesia
14 Nov 11
Oh how bad feeling it is............ For the first, I think he deserve to get second chance cos it still has possibility that he said the truth which means that he really needs your financial help. What about about if there are some problems happen with you and you don't know where and who will help you? Moreover, the only friend who can help you is him whom has been disappointing and don't trust you anymore. It will be hard time for him. So, give him the last chance can be the choice to see whether he has been change and want to give back your money or not, and to make you can trust him again or not. The second one, it also needs to check how strong on your financial right now. If it is good enough for helping him and fulfilling your daily needs for the next years, it is better to help him. Otherwise, if your financial is much enough to help him and fulfill your daily needs for some next years, it is better not to help him. Whatever your choice, it is better to talk with him about what you feel hearth to hearth.
@sk66rc (4261)
• United States
14 Nov 11
I personally don't believe in 2nd chances... That includes myself... If I screw up, I don't expect anyone to trust me again... That being said, in your case, it would depend on what his promises were... If he said he would "eventually" pay you back, then technically he didn't lie... If he promised you a certain time frame &he didn't, even though there might be a good reason, I wouldn't trust him again... And there's no friendship once the trust is broken... Don't get me wrong, I'm no perfect & I've paid heavily before on my mistakes... But those were my mistakes & I can't blame anyone for that... If I'm in a need of help & nobody's willing to help, cold reality of it is, to some degree, I probably have put myself into that situation... Now the problem is mine... Nobody's obligated to help me so I would seek help in anyway I can but I would blame or think I'll of anyone if they refuse... He's in a bind... He seems like he needs help... How did he get into that situation? Why did he fly back to the states alone when his girlfriend was pregnant? A lot of things will affect my decision to weather help him or not...
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
14 Nov 11
In most cases I believe people deserve a second chance but when it comes to friends borrowing money I think maybe not such a good idea as it is said lending money friends can be the beginning of the end of a frienship so after the forst time not being paid back maybe it is a sign that for the sake of the friendship its time to say that seeing as the forst loan was not paid back it is probably not a good idea...I hope you don't lose a friend over this...
@JJ4Ever (4696)
• United States
15 Nov 11
Hi there, without knowing what kind of friends you are prior to this discussion, it's difficult for me to make a completely accurate opinion. So...I can only tell you what I would do if I were you. I would absolutely not lend money to your friend again until he at least paid you back what he said he would. I understand that his girlfriend is pregnant, and that's a pretty legitimate reason for wanting to go back to Honduras. However, you paid for him to come back to America. Why did he come to the US in the first place? It seems like if he knew his girlfriend was pregnant, he would've stayed in Honduras for her rather than going to the States. I don't think money is the real issue here. He blew through his money, and when he had none, he came to you because he knew you would help him. I think if you turn down his request this time, he'll hopefully learn to be a little more responsible with his money, especially now that he has a child on the way. I feel bad for his child and his girlfriend the way he doesn't seem very responsible. True friends don't always tell their friends what they want to hear (or in this case, do what their friends expect them to do). When my friends ask me for advice, I would rather be honest with them than tell them what they wanted to hear just to keep them happy. I do believe in second chances, but I don't think this situation you described is a second chance at all. It seems to me like your friend has asked favors of you many times before. I think he needs to learn a hard lesson before he'll start doing better with his money. I hope he pays you back, but if I were you, I wouldn't expect him to. You basically gave him the flight to America as a gift because with his record, I don't know that paying you back is his priority. It's a really tough situation, and I understand that you want to be a good friend. In this case, I think being a good friend would be to let me him find his own way back to Honduras because I'm confident he'll be able to do so. Please do let me know what you decide. I really hope this situation works itself out. Great discussion!
@Dassodils (2013)
• India
15 Nov 11
Hai friend....I think that you should not help him again...He will cheat you... If you have that much money,Then help him...But please don't hope to get it back... In my experience,We can not believe a person...They will try to cheat us...We can not believe our shadow...They will make me alone in some times...So we can't believe any one in this world..All are selfish in their own matters...I think that he will surely cheat you if you give a chance to him....So please don't believe him... How you can know that if he is lying about his girl friend???So In my opinion.... You should not believe him...After giving money, You will not see that person... So be careful..Think well....
@megamatt (14327)
• United States
15 Nov 11
If they are truly your friends, then they do notice. It is really staggering to see how much they will step up. Or at least give the best effort. As we all know, some people might not have the ability to really step up all that much due to their own circumstances not being the best. Still a few words of encouragement or a slight helping hand every now and then is appreciated. They're assurances that they'll do what they can. I think that it's not something that should be expected but it's just something that happens in a rather organic and natural manner. Friends are going to be something that are going to be there during the clutch. They won't turn away, but they might not be int he best position. Still they will do what they can. In the end, that is what friendship is going to be truly and completely about. It does bring a smile to my face.
@eljayo (1107)
• Philippines
15 Nov 11
Hi! I think if he is indeed your friend you should forgive him but do not tolerate the bad things he has done. Tell him that you did not feel good about what he did last time and check if he really tells the truth. Trust is really hard to give back once broken that is why knowing the truth will help you decide.
@Leocen (178)
• China
15 Nov 11
If you trust him and be sure that he'll give it back someday , give him the second chance. But if you don't, reject him... Problem solved, Ta-da///
• Indonesia
15 Nov 11
for your kindness you should give your friend a change. if you doing good on your friend, in short time your friend will do the same with you. friend will never abandon you if you're not abandon your friend. that's my opinion.
• Philippines
15 Nov 11
Everybody deserves a second chance, though in your case it's a bit different since money is involved. Your friend might not saying the truth, he might making stories so he could borrow some money from you (again). Well one of the best possible solution is lend him money IF he already settled the money he borrowed from you, otherwise he'll just repeat the same reason to borrow money from you over and over again.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
15 Nov 11
Hi King, I would not let money ruin a friendship. Whenever we lend money without some sort of legal documentation for having it paid back then we are taking a huge chance. While I think it is wrong of your friend to not pay you back, I have to say that the blame does partially lie with you. It could be that he really has fallen onto hard times and wants to pay you back but is unable to. Who knows. I would forgive him but still tell him that you need the money back and I would NOT lend him more money until he has paid you back for what he already owes you. If you do lend it a 2nd time then you have no one to blame but you if you never see that money again.
@janevi (889)
• Philippines
15 Nov 11
I think everyone deserves a second chance.For friends, I don't think lending money is a wise thing. In most cases, this is the reason why friendship is ruined unless when you lend again to him, because this would be the second time, you will just treat it as something that could not be returned to you anymore. It's like a help and not expecting something in return. You know his financial status.Lending him will only make him more indebted to you.How can he pay you back when he has not even settled his first debt with you. If you are going to lend him it would your own decision to help but do not expect that he will pay you back . In that way, you will save yourself from stress and heartache.
• United States
15 Nov 11
I have to tell you my story. I had a friend who needed a place to live. I loaned her $700 to get into her place. She never paid me back a dime in one year. she told me story after story and still no money. She could be on her face bleeding and I would only offer to ride her to the hospital. I would never ever loan a dime to anyone who robbed me once. Don't be nobodies fool.