It's just a name

@missybear (11396)
United States
November 16, 2011 7:13am CST
I was talking to 1 of my co-workers the other day and we got on the subject of marriage and divorce. I've been divorced for more that 20 plus years now but I kept my maiden name, my friend thought that was weird and I should have taken back my maiden name. WHY?. It's just a name and it's a big hassle changing all your Drivers License, ID, Social Security Card and all your other stuff that has your name. It's just a name.......RIGHT
5 people like this
16 responses
@GardenGerty (101690)
• United States
16 Nov 11
A lot of people change from their married name back to their maiden name after a divorce because they do not like to be reminded of the other person, or they do not want others to know they were ever associated with the other person. Other than that, I would say it was just a name. Just as when I was widowed, I would not have taken back my maiden name, because of my kids. I am married again, another new name. They are all just names. All of mine are hard to spell the right way, and sometimes hard to pronounce. I just stick to my first name, which, by the way, is not really Gerty.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
Oh shocks, I like Gerty
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (101690)
• United States
17 Nov 11
I have used the name Gerty so much online that I would probably answer to it on the street as well. I used to perform as a Christian clown and I created a character, Garden Gerty. I liked who she came out to be and her sweet nature so I chose to be her on MyLot and just about everywhere else.
@MsTickle (24983)
• Australia
24 Nov 11
That's a lovely story GG, I always wondered where gerty came from.
@airasheila (5458)
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
hi there missybear, indeed. it will be a big mess if you will going to change your surname again. your documents should have also be change if you will going to do this. after all, you are just doing what you believed is right for you.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
You right, so why go through all that hassle if you don't need to...It is only a name
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
It is still better to take life's trouble slowly. In order to avoid the stress that it brings.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
16 Nov 11
Did you mean you kept your married name? I can totally understand. Many people who are divorced keep the name that they received when they got married. I can also see where it would be a hassle to change everything back to your maiden name. If I was in that situation I am not sure what I would do. I guess I would probably keep my name as is as it has been my last name for 39 of my 59 years. Have a great day.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
That's a long time, why bother to change now
• United States
17 Nov 11
Right, thankfully at this time I am not in that situation, but one just never knows. You are right though, more people know me now by my married name than my maiden name, so if that did happen it would be silly to change back to my maiden name. Great topic Missy
@alberello (4755)
• Italy
28 Mar 12
The fact that it is only a last name, we need to see under what point of view we see it. I think in your case even if you should rewrite everything in the documents, it is fair for you to resume your maiden name as a woman. Instill when you were born, that was your last name. I see no reason why your friends have to object on this topic. Then, as I had said this, I spoke only about my opinion. it is a fact that everyone still sees it in his own way.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
28 Mar 12
Every body has an opinion and there is nothing wrong with that, if you choose to take it that is up to yourself
@kingparker (9698)
• United States
28 Mar 12
Hey, I won't pass judgment if that is your choice, and that is your life. I might made one comment to my friend, and if he/she doesn't like it, I would more than likely to keep my mouth shut. That is how is to deal with people. So, I will respect your decision, and your co - workers should do the same. Nonetheless, it is your life.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
28 Mar 12
It is my life and I live it the way I choose to, I listen to advice and of I like it I take it if not I do how I feel to do it
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Right! LOL I'm not divorced, but my parents are... When my parents divorced my mom kept her married name. Oh, she thought about changing it back to her maiden name, but after giving it some thought decided to keep it. I'm not sure why she did as I never did ask. Maybe she was too lazy to change it back. LOL As you pointed out, it is a bit of a process, after all. Or maybe she wanted to have the same last name as my sister and I. We were just kids back then. Maybe she didn't want the hassle that might have came along with having 2 kids. Or maybe, just maybe she figured she deserved her married name after 20 years of marriage. Or maybe it was all of that. Who knows? She did eventually remarry. However, to this day she still uses my maiden name. LOL Happy mylotting!
@missybear (11396)
• United States
15 Mar 12
And maybe she just liked her married name
@MsTickle (24983)
• Australia
24 Nov 11
My maiden name is a hassle to spell, not for me of course but it is for everyone else iot seems so I was happy that my married name was short and suited me. I kept it when we were divorced and the girls and I share the same name to this day. I was going to keep this name when I re-married but when hubby found out I was still using it he went ballistic. He was that type of hubby it turned out and I kicked him out after 8 months. His name is foreign and there are several ways of spelling it. I asked him if I could spell it with the apostrophe, he said no. I asked him if I could spell it as 2 words, he said no, so... I left my name as it was and it is still the same 25 years later. If I had to change my name, I wanted to have a name I was happy with...fair enough. Right???
@missybear (11396)
• United States
24 Nov 11
It's all about what makes you happy
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
Right, missybear, it's just a name, but more importantly, it's my children's name as well. I've been through, going to the DMV, Social Security, Immigrations office, etc,when I was robbed and it was indeed a big hassle. There is nothing wrong with keeping your name, my friend. Even if you've been divorced. Remember, once upon a time, you were together and you've had some good times.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
18 Nov 11
I was very happily married and we stayed in touch for a while after the divorce, so I'm sure he doesn't mind me keeping his name...I'm not so sure about his new wife
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
You mean you kept your ex-hubby's name, right? Yes it is a hell if you have to change everything again. Changing name will not affect any of those unless maybe you decides to get married again.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
No way, that's just more paper work
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
Certainly.If you are not having problems with it then why should you?? It is yours to use anyway.If your ex was not bothered by you using his name then why will your Friend be.. I f ill be in the same situation as yours ,ill also do what you did.. Its a lot of work changing everything here in our country.not only that,ill sure be spending more.so why change..
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
You right, it does cost money too for all your new documents
• United States
16 Nov 11
Is it just that, or maybe your holding on to the relationship and there's something more to it. Does your ex husband mind that you kept his last name? I would say if there's truly no reason for you not changing it besides you don't want all the hassle of going through all of those steps, and your ex does not mind, then you can keep it. The name does represent your marriage with that person so I can see why people are making a big deal of it. If there's nothing much to it anymore and it's not anything your holding on to then I would say keep it. For future relationships that get serious on either your side or his I would think about changing it then.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
I really don't know if he minds or not, we haven't been in touch in over 20 years.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
16 Nov 11
I have some friends that have been divorced and some of them have kept their married names and some of them have changed back. It is a huge hassle to get your name changed back and forth though. I can see why women just decide to keep it. Sometimes people gain certain business reputations where their clients know them as whatever and decide not to change. That goes for women that are getting married too...they decide to keep their maiden names. The women I knew that had their names changed back usually had bad divorces and it was like a final exclamation of being through with the situation...they would get mad if you accidentally used the other name too.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
I can see were a woman wants to keep her name after maarriage if she's know widely by that name. She can keep hers and take her husbands also so she has 2 last names.
@narthan (326)
• India
16 Nov 11
Hi! I agree with you that it's just a name. But what is more annoying is that, sometimes people tend to mistake that we are in a relationship with that person whosoever name comes after yours. If you are OKay with it it's just fine. As long as you don't marry an other person it's perfectly fine :-)
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
I'm not planning on it
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Nov 11
I also keep the same name (my ex) and yes, the hassle of changing names is not easy. But, maybe come a time that I will work on that...let time tell.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
I had my married name for 27 tears now and unless I get married which I won't eber again I'm not changing it either.
@maximax8 (28559)
• United Kingdom
16 Nov 11
I know that a boy will keep his name all his life. However a lady has a maiden name and then a married name. I got married at age 22 years old and the next year my first son was born. I got my husband's name as soon as we got married. We gave our son our surname. Six years later I got divorced from my husband but I kept his surname. I wouldn't want to revert back to my maiden name because most of my documents are in my married name. I ended up having another relationship and had two more children. On their birth certificates my younger son has the surname of his dad and my daughter has my surname which is that of my ex-husband. I wanted to change the surname of my younger son but his dad said no. This different name causes hassle for me with my travels to different countries. I sometimes need permission letters from his dad signed in front of a solicitor or very much more expensive notary public. After that came special stamps at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office. I so wish I had called my younger son my own name. Now he is at school I use my own name instead of his legal name. I am stuck with that surname on my younger sons birth certificate.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
Sounds like a little more complicated for you since your children have different names but it's all good.
• United States
16 Nov 11
You must have kept your ex's name right. I did the same thing because I wanted my daughter and I to have the same last name. I will change it after I marry my man I am with now. I would like to keep this name but i know he would not stand for that. I would not blame him..
@missybear (11396)
• United States
17 Nov 11
I guess I can't blame him, he wants you to have his name. Since I'm never gonna get married again I'm gonna be stuck with my name.