have a good day dear

United States
November 18, 2011 12:17am CST
The other week I helped a customer and at the end of business. She snapped at me and said "and don't call me DEAR!" I was thinking to myself really? I did not know her name and I do call people Dear or Hun quite often in place of Sir or Miss. I don't know if she just rolled out on the wrong side of the bed or if she thought that word was to be between her and her spouse or ??? Do you think sometimes people take things too personally? Or was I wrong to call her "Dear"?
10 people like this
38 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28837)
• United States
18 Nov 11
Probably a bit of both. Personally, I don't really like being called "dear" or "hun" by anyone other than my husband, and most of the time I don't even like it when he does that. But at the same time I understand there are people who just naturally call everyone hun or whatever little pet names they like creating. I have never actually said anything to anyone who has called me a petname, but sometimes it does bother me and I'll just think it to myself. The one that bugged me the most was my last OB/GYN. Obviously, that should be the last person on earth calling you little pet names. Actually she was a midwife, and I was seeing her during my last pregnancy. Not only did she like to call me "hun" all the time, she also liked to hug, apparently. After every appointment she'd give me a little hug, and one time she even pecked me on the cheek. OMG was that ever uncomfortable! In the back of my mind I knew she meant no harm by it, this was just her personality.. but all I kept thinking was the only person who's allowed to look down there and then hug, kiss, or call me hun is my husband!
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (90189)
• Marion, Kansas
18 Nov 11
I have to admit, I have never been hugged by a doctor. You do bring up an important point. It is not okay to touch others if you have not got a close personal relationship. We tried a new casual restaurant in a different town once, and the MANAGER came and stood by our table and put his hands on my shoulders. Number one, that is too personal, and number two, how does he know I do not have shoulder pain or something? A little old lady at the Y yesterday did something to my shoulder, cannot remember what, but it was not appropriate, she should know better, she has been a teacher and then a counselor, and I know her because I have worked in the schools, but she does not know me. She also did not realize that I had just been to the chiropractor for that shoulder being in enough pain to keep me awake the night before!!! I think I just hijacked the original question. Sorry 3snugglebunnies.
2 people like this
@Hatley (157696)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Nov 11
Hi Gardengerty my doctor always shakes hands with me and he calls me dear too,he is maybe fifty to my eighties.but then I have been with him for years. He always when I say thank you doctor says,its my pleasure. I hate for people to touch my shoulder or hug me when I do not know them. friends sure, but people who you go to for medical reasons or in shops do not know me and grabbing my left shoulder makes me protest. I have an artificial shoulder joint and all the typing I do keeps it tender at times. so a hard grab there and I will yell out don't do that.Us older people really do deserve a little more respect. if you do not know us or know our painful places do not grab us, our friends know where to touch us but strangers do not.
• United States
19 Nov 11
GG and Hatley, you both definitely have good points. I think it's more than likely that the younger people just don't realize you have pains everywhere. It's something you don't ever really stop to think about until it happens to you or someone very close to you. You are both aware that others might have bad backs, necks, shoulders etc. because you already have pains there, but for those of us who are not in chronic pain yet, it is not something that would dawn on us, you know. But another thing people need to take into consideration is culteral differences. To us a touch on the shoulder isn't really harmful, but to some culters that could be a sign of disrespect. Each culture is different, and some cultures find even eye contact disrespectful. In one of my classes this year I was taught that you should mimic the body language of who ever you are speaking to (not out right copy to mock them), but if they do not make eye contact, you should not either. If they do not reach out to shake your hand, you should not either. That sort of thing.
1 person likes this
@laniekins (4585)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
She just misinterpret you calling her "Dear", maybe that's their terms of endearment or she is not used to that word. In US and other English country it's very natural for them to tag their families, friends and even those they don't even know but like in the Philippines, we don't use that sweet words, we use Ms./Mrs./Mr. or ate kuya etc.
3 people like this
• United States
18 Nov 11
I was thinking that's what she was thinking that I should of caller her something more proper like you mentioned. So I'm working on just sticking to proper salutations or just telling them if they'd step down to sign there ect, without even saying anything anything else further.
1 person likes this
@laniekins (4585)
• Philippines
22 Nov 11
Yeah, you can just politely call them Ms. or Madaam or Ma'am.
• United States
22 Nov 11
Yes I can. Though sometimes I'm on such a roll with things I don't realize the customer in front of me is not of the gender I called them and I have to apologize for not looking up and realizing it.. I figure with Dear and Hun there's no gender associated with it.
@pergammano (7756)
• Canada
18 Nov 11
Rest assured..you did nothing wrong! As "Ambie" says..it's the stick (too far up her butt)! Sure a lot better than saying; "hey,you" I find it quite comforting when some-one in customer service takes their time to speak pleasantly to me..So YOU just let your light shine...and it will--as half the world is far too grumpy today!
• United States
18 Nov 11
Excellent comment! I will try to let your words of wisdom shine thru when such grumps come into my line. Most I just go eh... whatever. But to take the time to stop me and say they didn't like it was like um ok...
2 people like this
• Canada
18 Nov 11
Don't you worry! The world needs a lot more happiness...and if you can just depart some sunshine in some-one's day...and they still can't even be nice...you've done your part, and you can feel GREAT!!!
2 people like this
• United States
23 Nov 11
Yes indeed we all need a lil more happiness in our lives.
@AmbiePam (45757)
• United States
18 Nov 11
People call me 'dear' or 'hon' all the time when I'm checking out somewhere and I think it's sweet. It just shows they are a kind person. That woman needs to get the stick out of her behind.
3 people like this
• United States
18 Nov 11
See!!!!! I'm not the only one who says that! Nice reply BTW! ;0)
3 people like this
@Hatley (157696)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Nov 11
hi 3snugglebunnies our activity director always calls me beautiful when she sees me and I was amused that I actually really liked that. not that I think I am beautiful but to be called that is sort of fun. a friend here calls me the lady with the beautiful hair. I wear my hair long which most elderly women here do not but so what,its my head and my hair.that is a personal thing.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Nov 11
That's very true most elderly women have short hair and curled. I think your hair from the link to your FB page looks great long. She may also call you beautiful because you are very nice person and sometimes people in those places are not always that way.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
18 Nov 11
Hello there... 'Dear' is a term used, or is supposed to be used, intimately. You helped the customer, you did your duty. But did something really happen that prompted so delicate name for her in your mind?? I work as Customer Care guy, too... I work for an International airlines.. Many times, the travel agents, whom we help with little things, say,'oh, I love you hon..', or I have heard this too,'Oh I will kiss you, if you do that..'... Haha! When we work as Customer Care officer, Professionalism is most important thing and it must be followed... The customer was not as cheerful as you were, so she said that. So never mind that, and carry on with your duties...
3 people like this
• United States
18 Nov 11
I'd been calling people that for years so that was my first experience of someone ever upset over it. Sometimes if someone is smilie I'll call them sunshine because of them being in a smilie mood but I don't mean it in any sort of way other than to be cheerful. SO I am doing my best to just stick with not saying anything like that and just Sir, Miss, Mame but that seems so cold sometimes.
2 people like this
@besweet (7340)
• Greece
19 Nov 11
Being happy and giving nice compliments to people is always good for this kind of jobs. From your experience don't you think that most of the customers enjoy it? As a customer, I would prefer to see someone helpful, kind and polite than a very typical person.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Nov 11
True true! I always hate feeling so scripted as I am required to ask people certain things and even try to persuade them (which I'm not good at usually) to sign up for things. Sometimes people will be like I know what you are going to ask so let's skip your speel and get on with things... I usually just say very good and mention something else about the weather or their purchase.
@wulania (1528)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 11
i think what you didi is good, but may be he or she was at badd modd, bad conditon, even having a problem which disturbing him/her.
3 people like this
• United States
18 Nov 11
I think she was in a bad mood as well as she was really quiet and did not say anything til I told her to have a good day and then said "oh by the way don't call me dear!"
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21182)
• United States
18 Nov 11
I call people sweetie, hun, and sometimes even babe at work all the time. I have never had anyone take offense to it before. But then again where I work we call each other by pet names as well. One of my employees calls me hunny bunny all the time and another was calls me sweetie pie. I get told "I love you" by at least one of my employees every day too along with a hug. Sounds to me like she was either having a bad day or something. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
3 people like this
• United States
18 Nov 11
I was thinking it was a bad day as well. I know I told a co-worker (male) who was picking on us from his station..."Alright hunny bun don't give us commentary if you are holding up your own counter..." (bored to tears and no customers)
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
18 Nov 11
I don't think you were wrong but I do think it is culture clash. I grew up in the Midwest with relatives from the south and from the north Midwest. All my relatives would refer to people as "dear" and my Southern family would use "sweetie", "y'all", "sweetpea" and other names that were not meant to demean but express affection and even mean that they couldn't remember your name among all the cousins and grandchildren running around. The feminist movement has made these names into insults for the past 30-40 years when they are actually a polite way to address someone whose name you don't know and aren't rude enough to demand. I would say you should do as I learned when I lived in the Southwest--the further west you go, the more uptight people are about the little things like this. I would call them ma'am or sir or just say have a good day or enjoy your whatever you bought. Nobody can take offense to that--wait, I remember one woman taking offense at ma'am because it made her sound old! If I was talking with a particularly obnoxious woman I would call her "madam"--deemed honorable in some circles but also the term for a bawdy house manager.
2 people like this
@Hatley (157696)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Nov 11
hi dragon Igew u p in the midwest South Dakota antd there clerks often called me dear so it never bothered me as its just their'custom. also there nobody ever drives past a broke down vehicle as most people know each other, and even if they dont'custom is you do not drive past but stop and help however you can,. towns can be from thirty to sixty miles apart so you just do not bypass anyone who needs help ever. the weather from now til may well be cold and snowing and people who do not know South Dakota can die in the cold so you never bypass anyone,you help them or get them help you do not leave them.
• United States
23 Nov 11
I am in the midwest. And if you want I can throw in some yooper accents too ;0) Yes you are right in winter you don't leave anyone stranded if possible. Though I live in the burbs so the only way a town is 30 min or more appart is further west or north of here. Even if I didn't stop I'd still call 911 and report it just in case the person didn't have a cell phone.
@SIMPLYD (74863)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
Some people can really be overly sensitive, that calling them in an intimate name would freak them. Hence, we should always try to discern the people we are to call intimate names. Better still, let's just call them Miss or Mister. But , i do call the sales girl dear or darling sometimes too. At least, i am sweet to them, so they will serve me nicely too.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Nov 11
Nothing hurts in exercising the same kindness and manners to people as they do to you.
@SIMPLYD (74863)
• Philippines
23 Nov 11
Correct my friend. I believe in the motto "Do unto others what you would like others do unto you."
@carolscash (9503)
• United States
18 Nov 11
I don't like to be called Dear or Hun by anyone either. I think that those words should only be spoke to me by people who know me well. I also do not like for someone to refer to me as "sweetheart". I used to work with someone who would say that everytime he finished a conversation with me and it really made me uncomfortable. I am a person, but I am not your sweetheart, dear, or hun. I know somepeople do that without thinking anything about it, but there are the few of us in the world that really do not like it!
2 people like this
• United States
23 Nov 11
Point well taken. I've only ever called my kids or hubby sweetheart or a small child sweetie.
@ElicBxn (60050)
• United States
18 Nov 11
My roomie does customer service and calls a lot of them "hun" tho not "dear" and maybe 1 in 500 don't like it, and about 1 in a 1000 don't want to be called by their first names even... I just think you ran into a statistic...
2 people like this
• United States
23 Nov 11
That's another way of putting it that this lady is the one that gets bothered. I know I'd had people say they like being called by their first name but, I'm leary of that since I don't know them personally but know their name by needing to see their ID or signature pannel.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20248)
• United States
18 Nov 11
Calling one dear or hun implys a close relationship, it does get my attention, and I feel is somewhat disrespectful. I don't like it, I perfer Mam or my full name. When I am being helped as a customer I wish to be treated like onem with respect not familiarty. That relationship does not qualify as a close enough one to allow dear or hun to be used. However while it does annoy me I don't give it enough importance to upset me.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Nov 11
From my point of view it's just another way to acknowledge someone outside of using Miss or Mr... I don't mean any harm or anything further. If I recognize the person I will say something cute that I recognize them and glad to see them shopping on our store. But I'm glad you wouldn't get upset enough to mention it to someone.
1 person likes this
@devi53 (348)
• India
18 Nov 11
you are right bunnies, i think she is not in a good mood that is why she told you like this. if somebody says "dear" to me i will definitely have a close approach to them. bunnie i also suspect that she thought that word was to be between her and her spouse. to a customer we have to behave pleasantly and tell them have a good day dear it is a good manner. don't worry she don't know the manners.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Nov 11
Thanks for your imput. Other than it being as you said a term between her and her spouse I don't see what the drama was over.
@phillyguy (3008)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
hi dear! maybe that's how her abusive ex-husband call her?? kidding aside there's no reason why she should get angry with you by just calling her dear. Maybe just call women you don't know miss or mam to avoid situation like this to happen again.
@phillyguy (3008)
• Philippines
19 Nov 11
hi hatley I really don't have an idea that older women don't like being called maam because here in the Philippines it is the courteous way of addressing a lady you don't know. Thanks for informing me about that then I will call you lady hatley? is it okay? or can I also call you auntie H? by the way belated happy bday I hope you enjoyed your special day
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 11
It seems everyone has their own personal preference, and it is hard to know what might offend someone and what might not. At my job I am told to use my customer's names, so that way I can avoid calling them names like Maam or Sir if that is something they find offensive. I hate the fact that I am getting to an age where I am being called Maam more often than Miss.
1 person likes this
@phillyguy (3008)
• Philippines
20 Nov 11
hi katsmeow That is one of the good things about mylot because we learn things that we really don't have an idea before. I agree with you that calling a customer by his/her name is better to avoid problems regarding "name preference" but in case you don't know the name of your customer we can't avoid using maam, sir, miss or madam to call someone.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
Maybe it was a bad day for the lady. And calling her Dear is something she hates a stranger calling her. But, I don't see anything wrong with that. It's just better to ignore someone if they started reacting strangely.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
18 Nov 11
I don't see anything wrong with it either.....it's a term of endearment. She could have called her something worse that was not as nice!
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Nov 11
That's what I was thinking that if I had said something rude or disrespectful then fine but I did not feel I was being disrespectful just being friendly.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
18 Nov 11
I don't think there was anything wrong with calling her dear....she did take it too personally...I think alot of things are taken in the wrong way in our world today. I will say one thing that does bother me is if I am eating out with my sister or another female and someone comes up and says...how are you guys? I am not a guy. I know its just a term but they could say.....gals or ladies.....anyway that's old hat I am sure as we have gotten used to many terms of slang.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Nov 11
True true! Once in a while I have found myself calling women, "guy's" like you mentioned or even asking if the ladies were all togeather and then looking better to find a man with the group
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
18 Nov 11
I think some people can be really stupid about those types of things. It's not like you called her sexy, or hot stuff. Dear, Sweetie, Honey, they are endearments, they aren't meant to offend.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 11
I truly did not call her either things you suggested as it indeed would of not applied and you don't pass judgement outloud anyway. Think things but learn not to say them.
@besweet (7340)
• Greece
18 Nov 11
When I was studying abroad, local people were calling each other love! I really liked it and I found it so cute, I would never be offended from an expression like this. The lady was probably angry already, i don't think it was your fault!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 11
I think she was either overly sensitive that day or had something else on her mind that she decided to snap at me.
@peavey (15865)
• United States
18 Nov 11
I don't know about other people, but being called "dear" seems demeaning somehow, as if you felt slightly superior, as if you were invading my space uninvited. I'm sure not everyone feels that way, but when you work with the public, you have to be aware that there are many different attitudes and feelings associated with things like that.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 11
I thought I was safe with calling people that. I don't mean to feel superior and in no way do I, I make minimum wage there's nothing superior about that!
@GardenGerty (90189)
• Marion, Kansas
18 Nov 11
Maybe she thought you were being sarcastic, since she certainly was not acting like a "dear". I do call people hon, sweetie and maybe dear, on occasion, but it is not as professional, I guess as it could be. I would say that she overreacted.
1 person likes this