why can't i say NO

Philippines
November 18, 2011 7:20am CST
over the years i have been in this road that saying no is impossible. everyone just want help and i was here to help them. i did tried many times to say no but every time i do it they would don' want to be turned down. i mean they just force me to do it... they want me to do things that i don't really like. have you been like this? or am i the only stupid person how just can't say NO...
2 people like this
10 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
19 Nov 11
No you are not the only stupid one. Probably you are raised that way. Always being friendly and helpfull and you will be rewarded on day. Or if not rewarded nobody will like you. So that is what you want, to be liked. But the great thing is people don't like you if you will always say: I will do that. If you are always the one who is doing it the first. With that behaviour you will show them that they are not like you, they will look more selfish and lazy. Also they will see you as the idiot who will always be available no matter if you feel sick or tired or are busy. As long as you can't say: NOT now or NO nobody will have respect for you, they will keep treating you as the idiot and never will be really satisfied about what you did (they still keep complaining). So show you have character, show you have a life too, say no or if you can't do that you have to check your schedule at home first and tell them later (next day, in 2 day). Yes I been like that and my life is way better since I am not anymore.
• Netherlands
19 Nov 11
Ps they will always come for help to you as long as you accept that. You made them lazy. If you say no they will complain first or even scold at you. But the great news is you will find out that if you keep saying NO they will find an other idiot to do the job very soon or they can do it theirselves very well also.
• Philippines
19 Nov 11
i remember a common friend told me once my other friend is too lazy and that complain if shes that one to do stuff... and i was the complete opposite of her... so when we talk to her about her complaints she told us that she is not a little puppy that do things what she is told... and that really makes me angry to me and them... now i have it... i'm done!
18 Nov 11
Ok as someone that has been through this I think I can help. Your problems stem from your inability to communicare effectively. The reason that people do not take you seriously is because you do not say things in an authoritative way. I do not know you, but I do know the scenario. I would venture to say that you are the type that does not speak your mind about things that bother you. If you get in the habit of communicating these things, then the confidence that comes from this will enable you to be taken seriously. People that have difficulty saying no (I was one of them) are looking for approval of those they are around. The only person you need to please is you. Once you realize that, saying no will be easy for you as it was for me. No-one will care about you as much as you care about you. If you do not care about yourself, then no-one else will either. Just my take on this, so accept it or deny it, but you really have nothing to lose here.
• Philippines
19 Nov 11
are you telling to stand up for myself? because after a long speech there i think that was the thing that your trying to point out... righ? my be i need to stand up now... it's been years and i feel like a whimp. and i know that it's time to take a freaking stand... thank you by the way...
19 Nov 11
You are entirely welcome and yes I am telling you to stand up for yourself. If people cannot have the respect for you to hear what you have to say then they are not worth having around. There are many people in this world that will take advantage of someone that does not have the confidence to tell people no. No matter what you do in life, just have respect for yourself and pretend that the situation is your daughter. Then ask yourself if you would tell your daughter to allow these things in her life.
@phoenix35 (386)
• Philippines
19 Nov 11
Don't worry, you are not alone. Saying No for me is being mean. Me? I want everyone to be happy but there are times that we simply cannot please all people. So, my advise is trust your instinct. Think of the the probabilities and the drawbacks. Sometimes it is not being mean but doing what is good for everybody especially for yourself.
• Philippines
20 Nov 11
cross fingers girl... i just hope i can make a freaking stand after everything.
@beamer88 (4267)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
That's not being stupid. The pressure overcame you each time, and that's normal. A lot of us succumb to pressure. But eventually you really have to put your foot down and say no. If they're your friends, they shouldn't be forcing you to do stuff you don't like or they'd understand if you aren't able to help. If they don't, they're not really your friends and it's best you distance yourself from them.
• Philippines
19 Nov 11
hey thanks for the kinds words... it helps me to sleep now...
@flapiz (7013)
• Australia
18 Nov 11
I could totally relate to this. Even when I say no it seems like my NO is unheard by others. Even when I'm angry it seems like I'm not. It's a very frustrating feeling. But actually, it has an advantage. The advantage of having less enemies.
• Philippines
19 Nov 11
yes it appears that they can't hear you... but the thing is i end up hating myself in the process.
@kaeirole (669)
• Philippines
19 Nov 11
i'm also into that situation..it's hard for to say to others..but i just recently realized that when i give my one hand to them, they would actually want to ask my both hands..and it's kinda bad because i'm practicing dependence to them..so i promised to myself to practice say no to them..and now, i did say no to my brother..
• India
19 Nov 11
I too have similar experience. Some times I may have to take up the tasks of others even though they are not interesting for me. But, the only advantage I get is that their love and care.
19 Nov 11
yeah,i always meet with this situation,several days ago ,my friends asked me to lend him a large sum of money for buying a bigger house .however you must know how high the Chinese housing price is.meanwhile considering that i have just resolved problems of food and clothing,i decided to say no to her .but i found it was too diffficult to open my mouth when i decided to tell her my decision.finally i changed my decision,and gave her a hand.
@dong88 (796)
• China
19 Nov 11
Hello! You must be hold to say "no",you doesn't like to the person or thing,be sure to listen to your heart and when said "no",be sure to say. So,is really respect youself and will make you more confident. Wish you good luck!
@ckayth (103)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
it's just you being real by saying NO if it it's really a NO. If you don't wanna turn them down at least not yourself too. doing things against your will is also a BIG NO NO in life. so why bother right? Get a head up girl ! Tootles :D