Am I sorry?

@Lore2009 (7389)
United States
November 23, 2011 8:54pm CST
So my therapist says.... I should apologize to all the people I am angry with. What do you think of this concept? Would you be able to APOLOGIZE to the people you are angry with? Have you done something like this? And if so, how did it feel?
5 people like this
20 responses
@preethaanju (3000)
• India
24 Nov 11
I know its difficult but not impossible. Its always very difficult to let go off our negative habits.Mind finds it easy to learn negative things faster than good habits.Before seeking to apologize to to your enemies, learn to forgive people who are you friends now and later shift to your enemies.
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
24 Nov 11
But my therapist says I should apologize to my enemies... is that what it takes to forgive?
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
7 Dec 11
You do know that in every fight, the two (or n number of) parties are at fault. It's not just the other's fault. In whatever you and your enemy fought about, you're both at fault. It doesn't matter if what he did is graver, there will always be a part in the scenario where you were at fault. Whether it be a lapse in judgement or something you overlooked. You're still at fault. Asking for forgiveness from your enemies mean that you have accepted your fault and gotten over your big-headedness on the issue. BTW, what did your therapist say about it. Why did he ask you to apologize, didn't he explain why you should do it?
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
wow, that's tough. It is hard to forgive, but I think your therapist's point here is to let go of the anger. You don't have to forgive and forget instantaneously, but you should start to slowly let go of the anger. Let me share to you what a priest in my community said in one of his homilies (regarding forgiving our enemies 7 times 77) It doesn't mean we have to forgive that number of times. It doesn't happen that way. When you're hurt, you can't forget. You may have forgiven already but it still hurts. What it means is that you forgive now, and when you remember how painful it is, forgive again. Ask God to help you forgive everytime you remember how much it hurts
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
24 Nov 11
So are you saying that by apologizing to my enemies, I will be able to forgive them?
1 person likes this
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
7 Dec 11
No. I'm saying that in order to forgive them, you have to accept whatever it is that you're angry about. Accept it even if you don't understand. When it's painful, pray for the courage to accept again. Everytime you accept, you're already forgiving.
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
I just did that a week ago..I am so angry with my Aunt,my mothers sister, i cried when he yells at me just because i ask her to not burn the wet leaves that falls on their garden.She always burn their waste in our place, they have their own place but they use our place to do so.I'm not angry that she did that in our garden, what makes me angry is that leaves are still wet so it wont burn,it only fills our place with smoke.and my mom that time is sick. In between crying and yelling i said sorry to her.I know she is wrong but she is still my aunt.But in the process my mom got mad at me for saying sorry to my aunt. :-)
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
24 Nov 11
Haha, I don't know if that would be a good enough reason for me to apologize.
@kaeirole (669)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
me, i find it negative..because when we're angry to people, we put something bad in our hearts..saying to sorry to them, even if it's not your fault will somehow lighten the burden feeling you have..
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
24 Nov 11
I guess that's what my therapist is intending... we'll see if I will be strong enough to do it.
@r3jcorp (1384)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
I don't know if I could handle it myself, knowing that you are still angry with that person means you are not open for reconciliation. But from one of my readings, this is what I understand... We should not aim for revenge nor to swear them... In God's time, He will cleanse us and will rise us above from the rest. In His own will, He will renew our name! We never have to tell others that we are RIGHT all along, everything will fall into its proper place... So if that's the right thing to do, we should not be angry on the first place. We should always lay everything in God's Hands and He will do the rest... God Bless you and Be happy always!
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 Nov 11
There is a difference between apologizing to them, and not acting on that anger. I am not going to apologize for my feelings, but if I am angry at someone, I'm not going to go out of my way to make life hard for that person. I use anger as a tool to motivate me into doing something to solve the problem. Never apologize for your emotions. They are there for a reason!
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
24 Nov 11
I can see that... for the actions I made from my anger, I could have hurt people or done some things without explanation. In that sense, I can see a little why I can apologize for that reason. But like you said, I don't want to apologize for my emotions.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
9 Dec 11
Hi Lore, If I really care about the person then yes, I do apolgize. There are always two sides and even if I "think" I'm right, I know that thre is a good chance that something I said or did might have added to the disagreement.If the person is important enough to me then there comes a point where the friendship itself is more important than the battle. I'll reach out and try to work things through with the person. I guess it aall depends on just what caused the rift to begin with.
@EavesJ (95)
• United States
9 Dec 11
I have done wrong and people have done wrong to me. I apologized and felt better, even if those hurt me and didn't apologize. It takes a lot of strength sometimes to say your sorry for something, this only means that you are the bigger person. Food for the heart.
@inertia4 (26298)
• United States
30 Nov 11
I don't think that is a good idea at all. I have never done that and I never will. Why? Because when I am angry at someone, there is always a valid reason. Also, before I get real angry, I give the person a chance to explain themselves. Also, if you're right about being angry, what would you get out of apologizing to someone for? That would be like admitting guilt. I would stay away from that one. What I would do though, would be to talk to the person, not apologize.
@celticeagle (111649)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Nov 11
I think that if you are angry unappropriately and act out your actions aren't helping anyone. I think apology is a very positive action. I have don't something like this. Anger comes from a negative place, lots of time things are said that are hurtful and do not help the situation at all. Apologizing and explaining ones actions is a postive step in resolving issues.
24 Nov 11
hi:) I think your therapist intention is good, because you'll surely felt good after you did that, but saying sorry is not that easy especially if you're angry with that certain person because s/he was the one wronged you.
24 Nov 11
I can apologise for being angry after I have calmed down, during anger I can say "I'm sorry to raise my voice but" or I'm sorry you feel that... this is sneaky it is kind of an apology if you don't listen too closely. I have to let the anger go, chanelling it into sports, baking, a peaceful hobby til I find serenity again helps, the most important thing I feel is to forgive the peron who made you angry and forgive yourself for allowing them to have this power over you.
@airkulet (2705)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
if this will help you as a person then take the advice of your doctor. The release of our anger may help us also release some stress that we experiencing. And also think that anger cannot do good for us nor can give us a dime to manifest all the time
@boyuancy (1709)
• India
24 Nov 11
Therapist for what? I don't think you should apologize to everyone though it may help to ease out the anger. You are not always wrong so I guess always apologizing makes no sense at all.
@bingskee (5238)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
i think it is a process that is not easy to do. apologizing is a process that requires acceptance of one's mistakes or transgressions, and acceptance, too, also that you have wronged a person. it is very probable that one will find weighing the situation and consequences difficult.
@thesids (22455)
• Bhubaneswar, India
24 Nov 11
Hi lore Anger is just a momentary thing that happens and goes. When I was in my teens, I would never care to go back and say sorry if I was upset and showed my anger. As I grew I realized the problems involved with being angry and venting that anger out. Well, the health issues are there with outbursts of anger, that is one reason another main reason is that I realized that venting out anger doesnt heal instead it creates wounds and sours relationships. Today, I rarely find myself angry but in case I do and vent out, I revert back and say sorry. But that doesnt help in fixing up the scars... they remain. I wait for the anger to subside down, and then think about how it must have felt to the other person involved. Sometimes though you have to show the anger and refrain from saying Sorry or Apologising as otherwise things will start to be taken for granted (somewhere like at office or when handling a kid you have to be stern and show the anger though controlled)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
I haven't tried this except for the people i got fight with. Are you carrying a grudge to those people without their knowledge? If so, then approach them and tell them what you feel. I know it's a lot easier said than done. But it will free you from angst and make you feel better and happy. It's like a sting that has been removed. HEALTHY HEART means HEAL THY HEART. :)
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
24 Nov 11
sometimes if i am angry to a person we think something bad on them but when the time comes that my angry fade away i feel sorry for what i think about them before..maybe that is what he want to apologize.
@devi53 (348)
• India
24 Nov 11
A therapist doing like this is not a good practice. Even though he is a man of all feelings i think he was in a bad mood that is why he is angry with people. All of us will angry in certain circumstances, we have to control our angry with respect to their post.Regularly behaving angrily and after that apologize is not good. It is not a good concept.If i were in his position i will surely control my angry. No one could accept this.
@bird123 (10299)
• United States
24 Nov 11
I think it is much more important that you understand just why you choose to be angry. Further, analyze just what are the results of your anger? Do you really accomplish anything?? We should all learn from our choices. Results are the important thing. Of course, if you took action against someone as a result of your anger, you might need to apologize.