"Does anyone not want Mae LIng to play?" Four or five hands went up.

@Hatley (164670)
Garden Grove, California
December 4, 2011 10:09am CST
Hi Mylotters Is it right to hurt someone because a few did not want her to play the piano? I mean she was playing Classical music and sHe did play the chords in tune, but her timing was not yet really perfected. I for one enjoyed her efforts on a cold morning when few were really all that gung ho to down in the dining room for breakfast.Someone talked to the activities director who came over and said some low to Mae Ling Mae ling looked schocked then I noticed she had tears in her eyes. Her playing really was not that bad and compared to the distorted sounds coming from a radip atop the piano she sounded quite goodl. But someone asked for a how of hands to who did not want Mae Ling to play. so the activities director told her she must stop. My point is why hurt som eone who was trying to perfect her playing like that? She looked humiliated why not? I mean five people as much as told her we dislike you playing, you stink.Do we have to treat someone that way? She is a lovely looking woman, with much style in her clothing. She is said to' have some emotional hang ups but my point is to her looking out at 100 people she was not only embarrassed but also humiliated too. I dislike seeing someone hurt like that.To listen to her for a few minutes would not h ave killed anyone. And I venture to say there were few there who could even do as well as she did if they sat down and tried to play the piano. I felt we all played a part in ruining her day by what those few people did. Your take fellow mylotters. She is an attractive Asian woman who is very talented, and very artistic and rather sensitive. would it have hurt those few to have not said anything and let her continue ?play.?
10 people like this
26 responses
@ElicBxn (60835)
• United States
4 Dec 11
there were probably all sorts of reasons for those people to act like that, none of them good reasons and all of them shallow and petty
3 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi ElicBxn yes and they were sort of catty , too as she was not hurting anyone. Even real cats are kinder than those five people'and Yara. As a woman director of activities I had never known her to be that insensitive to the feelings of a resident before. It was uncalled for. mae ling would soon get the timing back and be playing perfectly.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (98255)
• United States
4 Dec 11
Can Mae Ling play Christmas Carols, and some of you join her in a sing along? Those people there should be acting more like a family and less like judges.
3 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi gardengerty I will suggest that to one of the owners instead and see as i am sure she could indeed. yes we are supposed to be ond big family and all care for each other.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Dec 11
That seems completely terrible to me Hatley. How inhuman it is to hurt someone with such a kind spirit of trying to do it for everyone that, as you say, could have barely managed a few notes themselves or even agreed to do at a time which she started with such humility. That to me seems downright rude. After all all hell would not have been let loose on people if they had shown some tolerance, whatever their rituals or rules. Human sensibilities are killed by fellow human beings themselves. It is sad. It is also a reflection of your kindness that you felt for her.
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Dec 11
hi Pushhyarag you would have thought these people the cream of society but really they are just average people with maybe high school and thats all. so how dare they judge her playing? she was not a pianist just someone who had learned to play , had a stroke a nd is coming back and learning. she is very intelligent. She now will not touch the piano at all. And trying to talk to her got me nowhere as she is still angry. they should have shown tolerance and let it go but they did not. I feel sad for her but cannot reach her. I know a lot of its a cultural thing for an Asian but some Asians here will talk to me so I guess they really hurt her deeply.
@mentalward (14697)
• United States
4 Dec 11
You mean that, out of around 100 people, only 4 or 5 hands went up and she was asked to stop playing because of those 4 or 5??? That's insane. If I were involved there in any capacity, I'd have to petition to have whomever it was who asked for that show of hands to be FIRED! If this person wasn't employed there, I'd change that petition to have that person banned from that room or at least have no say in anything like this again. I can't see why Mae Ling wasn't given a time limit to play the piano instead of making her stop altogether. That would be much more fair in my opinion, since it would also give someone else an opportunity to play the piano after Mae Ling's time was up. Personally, I would have let her play until she wanted to stop.
2 people like this
@yoyo1198 (3644)
• United States
4 Dec 11
This should be reported to the administrator and Yara needs to be disiplined. When I worked in homes, the activities director were taught to be discreet and tactful to volunteers. Do you think you can report it, Hatley?
3 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi yoyo I doubt if it would do much good as shes been there so long shes like an icon. but I can talk to her and suggest do not embarrass anyone like that again.I think some others were a bit upset too.
@louievill (18429)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
4 to 5 out of 100 not even near a majority..um...some people might already be forgetting basic democratic principles.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
4 Dec 11
Some people are just born rude, or it sure seems like it. And they are evenly sprinkled throughout the world, so that every group seems to have a few to ruin the time for everyone. What surprises me is the tactless way that your activities director handled this situation. She should have asked which of the complainers wanted piano time to entertain the troups. Assuming that none of them wanted to play, she (the activities director) could have explained that the piano was there for everyone to enjoy and if no one else wanted to play, that Mae Ling was entitled to continue to enjoy it. If some one else DID want to play, surely Mae Ling would have graciously shared the stage. If the complainers didn't want to play, and didn't want to hear Mae Ling play, the director should have reminded them that they could eat in their rooms.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi catdla1 yes it does seem like that.whats so funny about your 'suggestion is that I doubt if the five complaining knew how to play the piano at all. this makes me smile just thinking about it. that is one good suggestion. I think Yara had no idea of the humiliation this caused Mae Ling.I was shocked that she would put that to a vote.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 11
I feel like God don't like ugly. Sooner or later tha repercussions from that ugliness will come back home to roost. Some people are so stuck on themselves. They think they are above everyone else and will go out of their way to make a person feel bad. That's ugliness that goes all the way to the bone.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Dec 11
hi i agree things like that make me feelthese five people will feel it one daywhen it comes back to bite them on the butt and hope it'really does.
1 person likes this
@louievill (18429)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
hi, I was wondering why the question of "would you like her to continue" been allowed to be asked or voted for in the first place? I think it's very rude and offensive when somebody is trying to show her talents even if it is not at all at par with our personal taste or what we perceive to be perfect, why didn't they let those who raise their hands play instead?
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Dec 11
oh how funny louievill as I dont think ha ha they even knew how to play the piano ha ha.I also felt that Yara had no business even asking how many people did not want her to play? it was mean and wrong. Those who dissented looked to me like people who never went beyond high school so were not really into music appreciation at all.
@louievill (18429)
• Philippines
12 Dec 11
yeah, I should know Maam cause my parents spent quite a fortune for me to learn how to play the piano from a very young age, I still know how to play by ear and very lousy when it comes to reading notes, it was just not for me, so I know pretty well how much time and effort one spent to be able to have guts to play in front of a crowd, OMG, I missed my recital cause I just can't memorize my piece, perhaps I'm good at many things except playing the piano
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Dec 11
hi louievill oh I so wanted to learn but my parents refused. she shows she has at one time been very good as she played extremely difficult chords but her timing was not really good. yet we could'have stood to listen without its hurting us.this was'just plain an unkind act., its not like we were an audience having paid a lot for tickets to a concert, we were just ordinary people witout any expertise at all so why hurt someone like that? grrrrr.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
4 Dec 11
Oh people can be so so mean. I can't even imagine the question being asked to begin with. I'd have to admire the courage to get up there and perform in the first place regardless of talent. Did these people not have the option of leaving if they didn't like the music? After raising 4 children and babysitting countless others, I guess my selective hearing has been very fine-tuned. With all the annoying sounds in the world, I have no doubt that hearing an elderly woman playing piano even if off-key would not even come close on my scale of things to bother me and certainly not enough to hurt her feelings over.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi sid that was my feelings., she had the courage to volunteer'and play to the best of her ability.no wrong notes just that it seems she needed to practice more on ti ming, she is not a professional pianist nor was she paib so why make her feell so bad. why humiliater.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
5 Dec 11
Did anyone say anything to the fools that were offending her? I would have had to open my mouth. I hate seeing someone be mean to someone that does absolutely nothing to provoke it. At least she was trying and who knows with more practice maybe she'd get really good. Even if she didn't, so what? Have you ever been to a Kareokee night somewhere or even watched American Idol? Even the ones that do horrible are very entertaining I think. In fact on American Idol, the only time I watch it is at the beginning when everyone is still very amateur. Someone really needs to put those people in their place.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Dec 11
hi sid yes somneone should have but nobody really came forward to help her. i felt too shocked to move as I had never expecgted that fdrom yara as she is usually very sensitive to the needs of people here.I love kareokee nights myself its a lot of fun and everyone really sounds pretty good.
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
4 Dec 11
That is how I feel too when I see someone gets rejected in a contest when the person's talent/skills is not really that awful. Some are just really rude. I think in contests such as that they should give due time for everyone to show what they got. Don't just cut them coz doing it may have a bad effect on the contestant. They might have low self-esteem Although I have not seen how Mae Ling performs, I can feel from your description that she deserves to continue playing and given much time to show her talent. Good day to you Ms. Hatley.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi enelym001 hi I am that way too at contests and see also rans as being treated rude. I think at one time Mae Ling was talented at playing the piano and now through volunteering is trying to recover that. She had evidently had a stroke or some thing similar. but she is a talented artist and seamstress so I am sure at one tim e she was really a great pianst. I think they should have borne with'her as she was not paid, she just volunteered.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
5 Dec 11
Ahah.. so she's just volunteering and still got that cruel treatment Oh they're so rude
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Dec 11
yes shes just a lay person,another resident only she has a graps of classic music and she really was not hurting anyone as it sounded okay to me. that was just uncalled for.
@AmbiePam (48709)
• United States
4 Dec 11
That makes me feel awful. Someone should talk to that activity director and point out it was not hurting anyone for her to play, but it DID hurt someone when he asked if anyone minded if she played. Of course there would be dissenters, there always are. So that person should never have asked the question. I wish I could come through this computer screen and hug that lady and hurt that director. Did you go up and talk to her?
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (48709)
• United States
4 Dec 11
That is what is so sad, she volunteered. This is close to making me cry. I just keep imagining her poor, sad face.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi ambiepam she sits behind me and today at lunch she just looked at the piano with a grim face. I feel she is really angry at us but it was not all of us just five people. it is sad.
1 person likes this
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
5 Dec 11
It would have not hurt the others to listen to her piano playing. How rude. I also feel the activities director was wrong in asking her to stop. The others that did not want to listen to her music could have gotten up and left. I don't know the woman, but feel bad for her.
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Dec 11
hi Marylynn I feel bad for her too and wish she were not so reservede as that kind of puts some people off but she is the ' way she is. she was badly hurt and there was no need for that. I was surprised at Yara as I had always thought she is pretty sensitive to us residents.she is always calling me beautiful or pretty lady and although I know i am not pretty it did make me feel Good too. but that yesterday was uncalled for.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 11
I agree with you. I am sure she has been hurt before and that is why she is so reserved. I would definitely say that your activity director did not handle the situation well at all. It is too bad that the lady had to be hurt in the process. Hope you have a nice day.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
5 Dec 11
I so agree with you. I do not think that anyone should be humiliated but to be shamed and humiliated publicly really takes the cake. I hope that you can somehow salvage her pride and help her. Even by saying that the others have no taste or something. I really feel it for her. I cn remember being humiliated by a teacher when I was five years old and it still hurts a little. Very bad mannered of the people who did this.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Dec 11
hi cynthiann I agree and it was so unkind. she now doers not let anyone g et close to her and I know its because she does not trust bu t just a few people. she is very artistic and has a lot on the ball.but she is really prickly. I tried to talk to here but was rebuffed so left. I think she was really badly hurt. I hate it whenm someone is humiliated in public like that. I know I have had several teachers do that to me and it stays with you for most of your life.
• United States
5 Dec 11
Oh Hatley, is this not the sign of the times? How very sad to hear this. The activities director should not have treated her this way at all, and the question should have NEVER been asked. What is a few minutes out of the day to hear someone play an instrument that is in her heart and she enjoys so much. I also do not like to see someone hurt in that manner, it is very uncalled for. Did she ask this of everyone who was playing? Or was Mae Ling just picked out? Maybe a few of you can get together and go to her room and ask her to play something. It might boost her ego a bit so she is not so humiliated. I think the whole idea of asking people if they want someone to play or not is awful and I would let the director know that it was wrong on her part to do this. Shame on her!
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Dec 11
hi nobody else has the intelligence to really play ,some just fool around for ten minutes then sit. Kashmeresmy cat she has shut us out completely and only socializes with other Asians. I was rebuffed so have let it alone. I think several people did speak to Yara but am not sure. YOU are so right it would not have hurt them at all as she just played for a short while. She now will not play at all so those did get their wish.,shame on them.
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
5 Dec 11
Some people can be so rude! No matter what age they are! How disrepectfaul this was! Older people always complain on how bad younger people act and how disrespectful they can be. Then I hear a story like this! I know,Hatly,you wanted Mae Ling to continue playing but the people who didn't should be ashamed of themselves! Mae Ling was doing no harm and was not playing badly as you said! She should of been able to continue and the people who didn't want her to continue should of been told to leave! Plain and simple!
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Dec 11
hi blue65packer yes they could jolly well h ave left'and not hurt her like that. she is reserved but that did not mean she did not have feelings. she was hurt and angry and I did not blame her. I also' felt Yara handled it all wrong. I know perhaps she felt she had to think of the majoority but most did not say they did not want to hear her and her playing was correct as far as notes, just she could have picked up the tempo but she is I think relearning how to do this that she o nce knew perfectly. I just felt sorry for her and wishded they had left her alone.
• United States
4 Dec 11
Hi Mrs Hatley! You are exactly right. It wouldn't have hurt anyone to sit and listen to her play. You aren't at fault Hatley. It's the ones that wanted her to stop and humiliated her. I feel uf someone is generous enough to play or sing that the nice thing to do is support them. We can literally kill the spirit of a person by the way we talk to them or behave toward them.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi pointlessQuestions I felt the same way as I could see she was angry and humiliated, and hurt. she did not have to play, she wanted to and it would not have hurt them to just listen to] her.one day she will get back her timing. She has had either a stroke or other some such illness thats thrown her off but 'she knows all the notes wo with practice she will get it all back if they just let her play.They should have just shrugged if it was not just what they wanted as they were being played for free of charge by a fellow resident.I was shocked that Yara the activity director would take a vote, that in itself was unkind.the five that voted no where mostly older men and I doubt if any of them knew how to even play chopsticks the most bascic piano piece.i
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (35964)
• Holiday, Florida
4 Dec 11
seems theres no end to peoples meaness these days. you get up and try and be nice to everyone and someone in a bad mood just brings everyone down. as mean as something like that would make me, id probably end up opening my big mouth and make enemies of those mean people myself in defense of her. good thing im not in a place like that. id probably end up with to many enemies. the poor woman. you are just so nice Mrs. Hatley to be concerned.
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi bunnybon she sits right behind me and i did tell her I enjoyed 'her playing but she seemed too angry to really hear me. I know she is reserved but her friends say she is very friendly once you get to know her. She had been known to get a large card and have all of us sign it to send to one of our residents in the hospital.I know how much those cards mean to the recipient with all those names on it when I was forcibly retired I got a retirement card with all the staff's names on it. She had not gone near the piano and i cannot blame her at all.
1 person likes this
@jujunme (2405)
• United States
4 Dec 11
People can be so cruel at times.they weren't thinking of her feelings at all just that they were annoyed at her playing. Instead of the director asking her to stop playing(and by the way,that was so mean of him to ask for a show of hands, which must have embarrassed and hurt her even more)he simply could have told the others there was no harm in her playing for a few minutes more and they should just sit back and not complain.they should all be ashamed of themselves
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi jujunme yes they can and they just never put themseleves in her'place. at sixty probably after recovering from a stroke or something similar she had the nerve to volunter and play they should have left her alone. Our director is an overweight mexican woman named Yara and I was shocked at her a ctions as this was not typical of her at all. I wished she had not asked the group that at all.I would have e xpected her as a womam to realize how she and the others could hurt Mae Ling.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31605)
• United States
4 Dec 11
I'm with Mentalward, fire that miscreant who asked for a vote! How incredibly callous and cruel that was! That person obviously has emotional problems serious enough that they should not be working with the elderly or the sick. Did you say anything to Mae Ling? I hope you told her what dirtbags you are both living with and that they are the minority. Can you encourage her to learn jazz or another genre that would be better liked in a public room? You tell her that your friends here are outraged and she is being sent a lot of virtual hugs!
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
hi dragon I was actually in shock and could not move as I felt Yara should have known better. I had not expected her to put Mae ling on the spot that way.darn she is not hired to play and is not a professions, although I think at one time before her stroke or whatever illness she had, she wqas an excellent player. she needs to perfect her timing more but that would come in a little more time. I did tell Mae Ling that I appreciated her playing.it was all volunteer. I will tell her what you said. thanks.
1 person likes this
@savak03 (6681)
• United States
11 Dec 11
So, five people out of a hundred didn't want her to play? What happened to majority rule?
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Dec 11
hi savak glad to see you here againm, missed the mouse avatar. Ithink that Yara overstepped her bounds in asking for a vote and humiliating and embarrasing Mae Ling. it was rude and wrong. she is not a concert pieanist and she just loved to play. she only played for say t wenty minutes while they were just serv ing the bevarges and quit when our meals were served. You are so right what did happen to the majority rules? needless to say she is now really angry with those who voted against her.
@savak03 (6681)
• United States
12 Dec 11
Yeah, I would be, too. People tell me I have a great voice. They have been telling me this since I was a small child, and I love to sing. Once I was living with this one guy and he told me I couldn't sing. It really hurt my feelings. I quit singing for a long time, actually longer than the relationship lasted. I finally got over it and started singing again. I hope Mae Ling doesn't let this experience stop her from playing the piano. I think someone ought to tell Yara publicly that she overstepped her authority and hurt Mae Ling's feelings. She should apologize to her.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Dec 11
hi savak I did try to talk to her but she just shrugged and said' majority rules but that was not true.only five or six people actually protested. well I am sad and sorry for Yara that she has lost her sensitivity to others pain.
@saundyl (9690)
• Canada
7 Dec 11
Oh that poor lady. I dont think it would have hurt anyone to continue to let her play. Pianos are there for playing if they just sit there they're just a big hunk of useless decoration. The more someone plays...the better they get and if it brings someone joy and doesn't cause anyone pain i dont see why she shouldnt be allowed to. If piano music isnt allowed then why is the radio with some of the junk they have on there?
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Dec 11
hi saundyhl no it would not have hurt a soul and eventually'she would have got her timing back. she never played more than twenty minutes before food was served.NOw she willnot go near the piano so guess those few got what they wanted.they would rather listen to that mixed up garbagy music on the radio instesd.
1 person likes this
@saundyl (9690)
• Canada
13 Dec 11
I find that so sad
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Dec 11
saundryl me too. why are these people here so numb or indifferent to others feelings? have they lost all sensitivity to others pain that they can just sit and let something like that happen? I just do not know anymore about people at all.she did sit down and play the other day for about ten minutes'but there were only about six of us in the room and we were not the ones who had asked that she not play. sad and sad for those of u s who did not realize how much she was hurt.
@telmesh (1793)
4 Dec 11
How glad I was that you posted this conversation. I would guess that there will be not one person here that will find it acceptable to stop the young lady playing. It was a cruel thing to do for 4 or 5 people out of 100.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 11
I am so used to so many people here knmowing I am a resident at Gold Crest retirement center I should have made it clearer where all this'took place. She is not young as she possibly sixty but a very attractive woman. Telmesh I also think it was a cruel thing to do, and very embarrassing thing for her./today'she has not to uched the piano and I do not blame her one bit.
@telmesh (1793)
5 Dec 11
Oh so sorry I misunderstood, I did understand that you are one of our senior members, did not realise it happened at your place of residence. Did the lady concerned normally play or is she new. Perhaps the question should be put another way like, who would like her to play.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
11 Dec 11
Some people are just plain rude. EVen though I get annoyed when I hear something not as pleasing, I wouldn't go to the point as suggest, or volunteer saying I don't want anyone playing anymore. Specially if they are just learning. I hope it didn't discourage Mae Ling to continue playing, and to continue perfecting her timing.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Dec 11
hi bounce no she now will not play at all, as they really hurt her' and she has clammed up even more. I just know her,we are not really friends as she is so standoffish and i think its because of some of the crap about her playing the piano.She is Asian and rather aloof but I think its to protect herself. I just felt so bad for her as I know if I had been in the same situation I would have felt humiliated. Why could not Yara have talked to her a lo ne and maybe suggested she take some lessons then play here. but to call someone out like that in front of all of us was just plain wrong and awful.I would like to be friends with her but I think she does not trust any of us now.