How to get the money back..?

@tamirs (1808)
Philippines
December 5, 2011 9:24am CST
I am now getting trouble in taking my money back.. I have a cousin who ask me to lend her money because she really needs it.They were farming and the plants needs fertilizer to grow.They spend the money allocated for the fertilizer when she got sick.She was pregnant then and they lost the baby.All in all she lend 15thousand (more or less 360 dollars). Its been a year now after they got the money.I ask her for payment but she keeps on telling me that she will pay me at the end of the month.But its been 3 months after i ask her for repayment but she didn't gave at least a thousand. Since she have a small business now,avon,hanes,and beauty products dealer/manager, i asked her to just pay me goods every month.She did not commit but i know i can get at least one thousand a month equivalent of goods. Is it just right if i get goods as repayment just to have the amount she got from me?I don't want her to lose her business but of course i also want repayment for my money.
5 people like this
18 responses
@thesids (22363)
• Bhubaneswar, India
5 Dec 11
Oh dear... That is why I always believe - Never Mix Money and Relations and Friends. Always a messy situation. What has happened has happened. Forget it, learn the lesson and move on. I know I am sounding rude... but dear, you cannot make everyone happy around and that again is a practical lesson I have learned the hard way. If you pester for the money, it will only sour your relationships and nothing else. Hence I request you to forget this and move on. And be careful the next time.
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
Does that mean i should not get anything?even goods?
1 person likes this
@thesids (22363)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Dec 11
No. It doesnt mean that you should not get anything. You should get everything back. If they dont repay, then again popup the question or ask them to repay in installments. But doing all of this (already) is not going the way you want. As there is no written proof you also cannot take the help of the Law at your place. What it means is that In future, never ever, trust any friend or relative with your money. It will be painful to you as knowing you, you would want to help. But then, it will be you who would have to choose between the money or the relation at a later stage. That would be more painful. So better to have the pain now, than to have it at a later date.
@buddha3 (1029)
• India
6 Dec 11
Well, it's easy to say so, thesids! But it's very difficult to deny to friends and relatives when they ask for monetary help. You can easily deny by giving some reasons when it is someone not so close to us but not to relatives and friends!
1 person likes this
@sjvg1976 (18039)
• Delhi, India
5 Dec 11
Hello tamirs, Its not always easy to get back our money i have experienced it and if it is given to a relative/friend then its more difficult to recover. I remember once i lend $1000 (47000 INR) to a friend and he never returned it back till i asked him to return as i always used to hesitate in asking him to return my money but one day being harsh i asked for my money and he said he is not in a position to return.So after around 6 months he started returning my money that too in small installments of $500 dollors/month and it took almost 8~9 months to recover my money.But i got a lesson from that day that not to lend money or borrow money from a friennd/relative. In your case too i would suggest you to recover your money by whatever means she gets agree either by taking some goods from her shop or ask her to fix some small installments for every month.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22363)
• Bhubaneswar, India
5 Dec 11
recover your money by whatever means Something like ICICI Bank
1 person likes this
@sjvg1976 (18039)
• Delhi, India
5 Dec 11
NOT like ICICI bank.. She would have got it much earlier if she would have asked it like ICICI BANK does.*hehehe*
1 person likes this
@thesids (22363)
• Bhubaneswar, India
5 Dec 11
Someone should have mentioned the ICICI bank... I thought let me have that honor Now... she may ask and you explain all the details to her. I know she is really angry and upset with me(that is why she hasnt turned up here until now). @Tamirs: the last sentence above on this one are not for you... please dont read them
1 person likes this
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
5 Dec 11
It is not wrong for you to ask for your money back. Loaning money to family members can definitely cause problems. Also going into business with family members is no good. I know that from experience. I wonder if she just doesn't want to tell you that they are not doing very well in her business. She also could be suffering some sort of depression from loosing the baby, which cause her to just ignore the problem. When ever loaning money from someone you need to get everything, including repayment plan in writing. By getting goods for your payment, you will never get your full amount of money you loaned out back. But, it is a way of getting something back.
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
I can see that the business is doing well this time but of course i know that getting my money back thru her goods will cause a little in her budgeting but i hope i can get anything but surely it wont be like the same amount she got from me..
• United States
6 Dec 11
I agree with you. Did you have any agreement with her when they asked for the money? If you did you might want to remind her of what the agreement was.
1 person likes this
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
That's the sad part Mary,because i trust her so much i didn't think of having her sign anything.. :-(
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (62278)
• India
5 Dec 11
It is always tough when money transactions are present in close relations. This morning a gentleman was mentioning. If he harms a relative, the relative will tell other relative, and that relative will tell still others. Effectively, he would become bad amongst the entire set of relatives, who would also be able to influence a few influential friends. Now, the same thing if a friend gets annoyed, he does not know how to spread the matter except to a few common friends, some of whom may not believe him. So the gist of the matter is - WATCH YOUR STEP. Perhaps you could sit with her and give her very reasonable terms. If she is likely to lose the business then it is better not to take those goods. If she has not yet managed to recoup from her loss, it is better to talk to her and take around $20 to $30 per month. She should not find that much too tough. But you do need a written communication between you two to that effect. So perhaps a chat in email, would trap her into some commitment. Verbal commitment is not valid in most countries.
1 person likes this
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
You are right Vandana, that surely will spread like a water.I bet it will be a news all over our place,That i am blah blah blah ..I know i will be the one big "bad" to their eyes because nobody knows that i lend her money but the two of us.. haist, i should have made her sign at least to a piece of paper but i trust her so dearly.. :-(
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (62278)
• India
7 Dec 11
Sweetie..chat with her, and get her to commit without realizing. That will surely be difficult for her to hide.
@airkulet (2705)
• Philippines
5 Dec 11
yes of course if she can't pay you why not just get some goods at her. That was also the bank was doing, taking all of your properties if you fail to pay your debt. But I am just wander why she can buy all those stuff and can't pay you a little by little, since she is on direct selling and hated also some faulty payers.
1 person likes this
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
I thought about that a 100 times already Airkulet.She started the business a month after she got the money from me..I don't know if they used the money to start for that business.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (78094)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
maybe she indeed used your money for those businesses. However, she should still have to pay you. The least that she could do was at least to little by little return them to you. And i think , getting them through goods will also be viable. What is important is that she would be able to pay you.
1 person likes this
@airasheila (5460)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
hello tamirs, you are one of the great person that thinks not only for your self but also for the welfare of your cousin. as you are not really pushing too hard to get the borrowed money from her. and you are thinking about her business to be affected. perhaps it will be best to talk to her heart to heart. explaining to her that you are also needing the money and willing to divert the money into some goods in order for her to pay for it. hence, you are also willing to convert the payment of her borrowed money into some goods for her to able to repay it sooner. aside from that, pray before you approach her. so God will work for it to happen before you know it, the plan was already accomplished.
1 person likes this
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
I shall do that aira dear.Actually i have talked about that with her last week but she didn't agree nor disagree.Maybe she wants to think some more before she commits anything to me.. Now i need to have the guts to ask her again :-D
1 person likes this
@cassije74 (247)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
hi tamirs! yeah, i understand how you feel right now. Money is not that easy to earned especially nowadays. I cannot blame other people do not lend their money close to their relatives because they are afraid that they will not be able to pay it back or rather they will become abuse the help that they extend to them. I do not understand why there are lot of people got angry when they are asked to pay with the money they are lending. They are only good in borrowing but when it comes to payment they always has the reasons and excuses. There is no point to insist them about their payments,they will just hardened their heart unto it. Yes, you can have that gradual process you mention about goods equal to the amount. Do not do it in bulk, or else she may stop you and evade you in doing it so. Give enough time to make her realize she still have other responsibilities aside from you. Do not fight with her, you will never win !!! Remember, she owe you! therefore if you have an argument your money is already hers. whoah! Enjoy the goods !!!
1 person likes this
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
Right cassije,i will not do it on bulk ,i don't want to ruin her business just to get the payment.Because if she will not have the business anymore she may go with me again to ask for help. :-) And that will repeat the process again and again
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
5 Dec 11
Same old story my dear...you know about it (kamag-anak nga naman) Sad to say but,sometimes it is better to trust a non-blood relation when it comes to money matters. I hope your cousin will understand about it. One thousand a month is not a big deal anymore since she is earning from those deals.(avon etc.)
1 person likes this
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
I think that is reasonable enough right?Maybe a thousand per month will not ruin her business..
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
6 Dec 11
I am really sorry for you. Money does spoil relationhsips;do you know there is a saying to this effect? You can virtually write this off becasue she is in business and money in a business woman's hands is like sugarcane in an elephant's mouth. I can give you a suggestion[one that proved effective in my case long back] Tell her you will collect your money as Rs 100 per day[if it does not suit her you can reduce the denomination--once my husband told a borrower that he would walk to his place and collect the money one rupee per day [] and the strategy proved effective. THe money was returned within a short while. Insist on yur money or you will be saddled with unwanted goods.
1 person likes this
@bb_gabs (205)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
Its really hard to get your money back specially when you lend it to your relatives, if you are a filipino, you know what i mean, we filipino have a strong family ties that sometimes, our relatives use as an advantage to us. Maybe you can ask your relative again for the last time about your money, if she can't repay it on the date she told you that you will receive the payment, maybe you can have the condition on taking the products from her business in payment for the money she lend from you. I think its time for you to get your money back.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
6 Dec 11
Hi Tamirs, Sounds as if your cousin borrowed the money with all the good intent in the world. Then she got sick and then pregnant? Sounds like she ran into a financial issue and that while she wanted to pay you, she just did not have it. Now she has a baby to support. I will tell you that there is not much many if any in selling Avon..if any. If you had asked, I would have told you not to lend any money that you aren't willing to lose in case it isn't repaid. I lent a good amount of money to my brother about 10 years ago. He did intend to pay it back but then he got hurt and missed work...got behind in things. I actually lent him close to 1000.00. I wrote it off after a while. It was my fault for not getting anything in writing. Beyond that, my friendship with my brother is worth far more than that. Now you have to decide...Are you willing to give up your closeness to your cousin in lieu of this money? I ask because there is a good chance that you may never see it again or at least for a long time. I know my brother felt bad because he kept bringing it up. I finally decided enough was enough. I told him that I wrote it off and I really did. I'm sure if he comes into money, he will pay me back. In the meantime, I did not want this to come between us. There is nothing you can really do with your cousin other than to either end your friendship with her or chalk this up to experience and let it go. Only you can decide on that.
1 person likes this
@davaome (1828)
• Philippines
5 Dec 11
This is one of the problems I don't want to happen to me because, talking about money, it's really hard to lend money to family because first, you lend them money because of course, family (relatives), you want to help them out in their time of despair. then when the time comes that you need to collect the money, it's very difficult to get it back, even though you know your relative has money to repay you already but he/she doesn't want to pay yet, and because you don't want to offend them by demanding payment from them, you just let it be, then it will take long months before they will be able to repay you. and when you try to demand from them to pay their debt, maybe they will pay or maybe not, but they will be angry at you for sure for what you did. So, you're already in this kind of situation, I would suggest, you continue with your plan in getting the goods as payment(if your relative agrees). Because that would be the most assured way for you to get paid. very difficult situation you are in friend, hope you will be able to solve your problem. Good luck to you
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
5 Dec 11
This has happened to my mom several times, when relatives keeps asking her for money and promised to give it back but never returned even a single cent. That is why now she has been very careful about who to lend. If one is a good payer then she would even go to the bank (which is far from our house) and get some money to give to the one in need. But if the person was proven to be not paying, she would say she don't have money even when she have it. Try to ask her once more. But if you feel like she really has no intention to pay, then just let it go. Just think that you have helped her once. And that's the last and final help you can give her.
@thesids (22363)
• Bhubaneswar, India
5 Dec 11
and what did praaji do with the amount that went into his share after that robbery And why does he need some more? I see some plans brewing up
1 person likes this
@thesids (22363)
• Bhubaneswar, India
5 Dec 11
ok... understood. Now you want money to hire my Spy agency...
1 person likes this
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
Actually i think its ok for her if i take some goods but i am a bit hesitant when i see the expression in her face,Looks like the face wants to tell me " Go ahead,take all i got and make me the poorest person on the earth again" or like "here you are again" :-( Sunny is right.We will be willing to meet your mom :-D
1 person likes this
@buddha3 (1029)
• India
6 Dec 11
WHY NOT? I don't think she is willing to repay you. And I also don't think she will give the goods. But at least if she agrees to repay you through the goods, you can say yes. You will save on your expenses to some extent and as something is better than nothing, you can go for it.
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
Right buddha, i will save some and i need to make sure that the goods that i will get are worth the money that i should get..
1 person likes this
• India
5 Dec 11
There is one cardinal principle regarding informal lending to relatives or not too close pals: if you do not feel bad about being quite firm with no, just do it and be blissfully unaware of their condition BUT if you feel like sparing some money then lend such amount that even if not repaid, you should consider as bad debt written off. Me & my wife have realized this after a few uncomfortable situations vis-a-vis friends & relatives. It is either relation or transaction. Not both of them that co-exist well. In this particular case, I feel you are justified in pursuing & recovering whatever you may succeed with. After all, other people should not get complacent with money matters. Good Luck.
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
Now from that i really have learned my lesson.I just give something to a relative but never lend them money..
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24991)
• Australia
16 Dec 11
Forget the money or even the goods. When you loan money to close friends or family, unless you have a legal contract, don't expect to get the money back. When people lend money, they do not go into detail about how they plan to repay you because there is no plan to repay you. That's why they borrow from you - because they have no intention of paying you back. With a loan from the bank there are legal documents to sign and they have ways of getting their money...that's why people borrow from friends and family and not from banks. If someone borrows money from you for anything, you automatically know that they do not handle money well. I believe everyone should always have a little something put by for emergencies. Many people are too frivolous with money to do this then when times are hard they sponge off friends and rellos. My motto is...neither a borrower nor a lender be.
• Jamaica
12 Dec 11
I learned very early in life that if I am going to lend money I seriously think about whether I can afford to lose this money or not. If I decide that I cannot afford to lose it, I do not lend it. And it doesn't matter who is asking and why. If some one has to borrow money it stands to reason that they are going to have problems repaying it in full. That is why banks and lending agencies go into so much detail re the persons financial situation before they lend. And some people still default on their loans. There will always be bills to pay, children or other family members to take care of and a host of other things to do that are much more urgent than repaying the loan. The idea is that if you can afford to lend it you can afford to wait because of course there is more where that came from and you are managing without it any way so why the rush to get it back? If someone wants to borrow money there are agencies that lend for specific reasons, e.g the excuse that she gave, to buy fertilizer, farmers have been getting loans from banks for ages for things needed for farming, so why come to you. I think she thought you were just a soft touch and she was right. Tell her that she is to go and get your money from a bank and return it to you and if she doesn't return it by a specific date you will be taking her to court. I will bet that in no time at all you will get your money. Even although she is your cousin, she took advantage of your feelings for her and she no longer deserves your sympathy. just get tough with her and I am sure it will work, she might not like it and will be upset with you but perhaps in time she will understand that you have bills too and the money is yours, not ours.
@Hatley (164759)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Dec 11
hi tamirs try setting up an ex amount each month and make her stick to it. a lot of us have to make payments on bills as we do not have the lump sum at hand.set a figure you both can agree on and mks sure she remembers to pay you first before she runs out of menye.