Mum disowned me.. where do I go from here

December 10, 2011 4:13am CST
I recently discovered that my mum disowned me. I am living oversea and my only mean of communication is through telephone, I called her last october like dozen of times not knowingly she had told everyone that she doesn't want to take my calls.. my last visit to her in June, she was still in talking term with me and parted nicely without any arguement.. then after I ledt.. she told my sisters that I had said something in front of my husband that caused her huge humiliation.. she didn't even give me the chance to talk to her or say sorry if I have to.. I feel sad and angry at the same time..
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15 responses
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
12 Dec 11
I don't know what is happen, my friend. That is why I can't comment anything negative in your part and in your Mother... There might be a reason why your mother acting like that. But remember mother is always a mother that never forget her child even if she felt very upsetting... Don't stop calling your mother. Your also a mother, and you know the feelings...of your mother.
12 Dec 11
I tried to call her, but she wouldn't answer the phone..it's not a good feeling waiting at the other end knowing the person 'your mother' is not willing to talk to you.. I've called her like a dozen or two times..I feel scared to face rejection, it affected my daily life with my family here and also my performance at work..
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
13 Dec 11
You need to pray for your mother's safe and health, my friend. If she is not accept you today or tomorrow. There are many days being left to ask for her forgiveness... Just hope always that God, touch the heart of your mother. If your mother, didn't accept in the whole of her life...better to pray for her good health and everything. That maybe the best to contribute with your mother...It's really hard that our parents disown us. Because when we have sorrows, illnesses our mother is the one we go to say about those pain...
14 Dec 11
I always prayed for my mum and asked God to soften her hearts to accept me and forgive me.. It's hard to ask for forgiveness from her when she is not willing to listen to me or even talk to me.. it's seems that her heart has hardened and no rrom for me.. But I have forgiven her for doing this to me and my own family..
@Mashnn (4503)
10 Dec 11
I don't think your mum can disown you from what you said. I think she just got upset by what you said. You can try to call her and find out how she is doing or even apologize for what you did if it is necessary.
10 Dec 11
I wish she allows me to even talk to her, she acted as if I just murdered someone in the family.. as far as I'm concerned , it was just a casual conversation about the past and she took it as a reason not to ever talk to me again.. now that I'm typing this I realised that what I did was just a speck of dust compared to what others had done to her.. but still I'm the focused of all her anger and resentment.. I feel like the black sheep of the family now..
@Mashnn (4503)
10 Dec 11
Sorry if that the way you fee. I just hope you too find a common ground. I still believe your mum care and love you.
@sarah245 (20)
• Jamaica
19 Dec 11
Let her be if she doesn't want to communicate you cannot force her to.Sometimes when you step away from a situation it will resolve itself.Time heals all wound.It is hurtful because it is your mother but people are people mother or no mother.You cannot spend all your time beating up yourself.
19 Dec 11
Hi Sarah245, I have decided to leave it behind me, it's not that I'm angry with her, you are right she will always be my mother.. it's just sad that she choose not to think of me as her daughter .. I can't feel down like this anymore, I have kids and husband to take care of, it wouldn't be fair for them.. I know in my heart that there will always be this sadness , but I think it's crucial to know what to do now.. it has been two months since I last realised that she decided to disowned me.. the hurt is still there but not as painful as before.. I hope that's a good thing because I don't want to instill anger within..
@francesca5 (1344)
13 Dec 11
sounds like you have a complicated relationship with your mother. you aren't alone there, unfortunately parents often have their own issues, and that can affect how they interact with their children. it sounds right to me that she didn't like the way you were your fathers favourite. but there could be many reasons for this, you and he may have been quite alike, and so got on well, and she may have seen you as being on his side when you should have been on hers. though to me it sounds like what has actually upset her is that what you sad that humiliated her might well have been the truth, and she didn't like it. so where does that leave you, do you want a dishonest relationship with your mother, where you can't say something thats true without her getting upset. my advice is just to leave it for a while, and just accept that she has her own problems that have made her react to you as she has, and its not anything you have done wrong. if you have a family member you still get on with and can keep in contact with, then maintain contact with them, but just leave your mother to have a sulk, as it seems to me that the more you try to fix it the less she will let you fix it. so maintain contact with another family member and let her get over her anger, as she will in the end, and just make sure you know that it wasn't you at fault, but her.
14 Dec 11
Thanks francesca5, being the youngest is almost like a curse in this family, you can't be to loud else they think you are trying to outsmart them or being to quiet they'll think that you know nothing.. my mother always compared me with my other sisters, whenever I achieved something better in live and shared it with her, she would then asked if my other sister could achieved that one too... I felt a bit strange instead of congratulating me, she would wish that my other sister could achieve the same qualification or promotion that I have. She is caring , loving and probably the best mother anyone could ever asked for...but only if she favors you.. in my case.. I have to struggle to achieve that while others can easily obtain her love and affection.. I'm old enough to realised it now..before this I always feel incomplete that something was missing in my life eventhough I am successful in term of academic and also career wise.
@Devilova (5396)
• Indonesia
12 Dec 11
Mother was the greatest people in this world, she are the taugh, she are wisely, she are the patient, she are the everything.Even not all mother are like that, but mostly. When a mother do like what your mother have done. There are couple reason, whethe from you or from your mother.You the only one who know the reason.
12 Dec 11
There are many reasons I guess, for one thing I am not sure why she decided not to talk to her own daughter when she's far away ..
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
11 Dec 11
So you have no idea whatsoever, what she is upset about?
12 Dec 11
Over the a simple conversation about the past, she claimed that I talked about the past infront of my husband and that humiliated her.. I didn't humiliated her but she thought what I said hit her sensitive spot.
@br3ndy (468)
• Indonesia
11 Dec 11
Thats really sad. Maybe you could try to contact your other relatives, like siblings, aunt, or uncle and explain your situation to them. Who knows they could helps you resolving your problems or telling you what exactly the word you said that make her angry like that since you couldn't contacted your mum and ask her directly. I'm really hope you could find a solution for your problem Rana.
12 Dec 11
Thanks br3ndy, the very thing that she hated the most was when I told somebody else what she did to me and what she is doing now to me.. the reason why she didn't want to talk to me because she said I mentioned the thing in the past infront of my husband and she got humiliated by it.. she then decided not to talk to me anymore.. I didn't mean to humiliate her infront of my husband, I was merely talking about the past and how it actually affected me untill today.. she thought I'm doing it to humiliate her.. I have tried to talk to my other siblings and relative but none avail..
@wongchoiyee (7225)
• Malaysia
11 Dec 11
I am sorry to hear that you experienced this situation. Is this the first time she did that to you? or you both always on the bad term? I suggest you to talk it out to your siblings and father so that they know your problems. Good Luck!
12 Dec 11
Hi Wongchoiyee, this is the first time she did it to me.. she has always had this cold treatment towards her other children but they soon patch and everything back to normal, but in my case.. I'm far away from her and the only mean of communication is through telephone which she refuse to pick up.. my other siblings seems to stay quiet about it and doesn't want to interfere except for one, but she took this opportunity to condemn me infront of other siblings in email exchanges. My father passed away 5 years ago, my mum and dad was separated when he passed away. And I was his fav daughter.
@dodo19 (31977)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
10 Dec 11
I can certainly understand how you feel. It's normal to feel the way that you do, after your mom does something like this. I'm really sorry that you're in this situation. It's certainly not a pleasant situation. It's difficult to know what to do, in this sort of situation.
12 Dec 11
It is really unpleasant one especially when you have little kids that I want her to relate with, it seems that she distant herself not only to me but also to my kids and husband.. I just don't really know where to go from here.. should I let it pass.. untill when?
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
10 Dec 11
Hi Rana... I am sorry to hear this... No communication with Mom is a hard thing, even though she is the hardest Mom in the world... I think, if you do anything immediately to establish communication with her, it would be futile.. Something has happened and her mind is biased, rightly or wrongly (it doesn't matter, all matters is that she is biased). So let some time pass.. I am sure you'll come face to face at some point of time.. And her heart will yearn for her son... Let some time go buddy, time heals up things... Good Luck!! Take care..
14 Dec 11
Hi mr _pearl, she is the best mum and generous one too but only to those she likes and love.. I would say that she was a bit calculative when it comes to my welfare, I didn't mind about that because I know God has given me more than what I deserved.. but the thing that strucked me was that she alwasy compared me with her other children, I am the youngest and most definitely the one that needs more of family supports in term of love and understanding, but it seems that being the youngest is almost like a curse to this family.
10 Dec 11
Unlucky on your news mate. I say you go back to where she lives, and explain it to her, if you did do anything ''humiliating'' you should tell her your sorry if you did anything, but can't remember, but if you didn't ask her why she disowned you, and if she would take you back with her rules.
14 Dec 11
I don't know if she ever want to take me back as a daughter, my sister tried to passed the phone to her and she refused to answer it when she knows it was me.. she is a lovely mum..but only to those she favors..
• Philippines
10 Dec 11
I'm sorry to hear that but can you further explain the very reasons why will your mom disown you? I don't think that sending sms is just enough, talk to her personally or on the phone so that you can clear things out. I do hope your relationship will be smooth out and you both will be just fine.
10 Dec 11
Me too, I do hope at least for Christmas she would eventually soften her heart for me.. but I think that will never be the case, she resented me long ago.. could be because of me being immatured or being too educated or simply me being my dad's favourite child, she and my dad was separated . My dad passed away 5 years ago..
@srjac0902 (1170)
• Italy
10 Dec 11
If you have not done anything to her just do not be upset. You are caring you continue to show your love and devotion but do not be trobled for her behaviour. Let some time passby. If cannot force others to love ourselves. But let our love be unconditional. Let us be the fountain of love. Let love constantly flow from the depth of our heart even though this love is like a water that should flow in gutters and get soiled. When we get troubled that means we are bound. Let us be free and let others be free. Only thing that we should take care of is from our deliberate mind, let us not hurt anyone and let us love constantly
10 Dec 11
I thought I was doing that, love her unconditionally.. but it just hurt me when she decided that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore..I know from the past I was never the favourite one, I was my dad's fav but he passed away 5 years ago..
• Philippines
10 Dec 11
It's natural to feel angry and sad becuase you were blindsided. You didn't know exactly what is ahppenidng and why it has happened. I don't know why she disowned you without notice but it must be a pretty good reason for her. If you can, contract your other family members - like siblings and cousins or aunts and uncles. Since you indicate the reason, you can try to conform and get the whole picture and details in disowning you. Try to collect as much as information as you can and seek advice from others on how you can repair the relationship and interact with your mother.
10 Dec 11
I contacted my other siblings only to find out that my mum had told everyone what I had done to hurt her feeling, she said she was humiliated that I said things like she didn't support my wedding infront of my husband.. I was seen as the ungrateful daughter by my sisters and they feel that I have hurt my mum so much that I am now the BIG sinner of the family.. One of sister continue to condemn me in facebook private msgs shared with my other siblings.... I could not stand it anymore and decided to deactivate my facebook account ..
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
10 Dec 11
try to give her a text message that she will surely read..Try to explain in text message and if she give a feedback then call her.
10 Dec 11
She doens't even want to pick up her phone, the last time I called she gets my sister to talk to me and my sister told me that she had left her phone .. I ended up talking to my sister for hours on an expansive long distant calls.. I don't even know what to explain to her, I can't see where I did wrong..