Do you always give the "benefit of doubt" to your partner?

December 13, 2011 9:22pm CST
I was exasperated of my boyfriend for not keeping his promise to call me on the day he as expected to be back home from abroad. I have been questioning him for being so quiet, not replying on my FB messages. My mind had already concocted a lot of undesirable thoughts towards him. After five days of anxious waiting of his whereabouts, he had replied my messages explaining why he was not able to call me. He lost his cellphone in a UK airport and when he arrived in our country he was rushed to the hospital because of nosebleeding due to cold weather.After hearing it, I was thankful I didn't nag him nor quarrel him right away.
12 responses
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
Not, always, but most of the time, yep, i give him the benefit of the doubt. I try not to get mad when things like that happen to me, I become worried when he doesn't call or text me on days that I expected him to. The reasons why he is not able to is because he lost his cellphone(again) or he is doing homework and household chores. I doubt he would be cheating on me though. His forgetfulness is annoying, really annoying at times.
14 Dec 11
hehehe, I can relate to that Aja103654. There are even times that I was about to give up...really give up but something deep inside me would still hold him. Whew! In short, we are just in love with love that sometimes we forget to accept our man's limitations.
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
31 Dec 11
LOL, it's true. We expect too much from the people we love, and when they don't meet those expectations, we get very disappointed and do something stupid.
@Mashnn (4503)
14 Dec 11
Good you were patience enough, otherwise, it would have been very embarrassing to find out what happened yet you have been nagging or talk bad to him. Hope he get well soon.
14 Dec 11
You are right Mashnn.It would be very shameful on my part, arguing on something which is irrelevant. From that experience, my realization is always to listen first on his side. Giving him the benefit of doubt as to why he was not able to contact to contact me right away. You know women, sometimes we do our own way...
@Mashnn (4503)
14 Dec 11
It is a lesson to us that we should always take time before concluding things. Otherwise, we end up feeling embarrassed and ashamed.
@tiina05 (2319)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
hello, Yeah, at least you listened first before you nag him because he has a valid reason. Right?. Sometimes it happened, but you have to be patience because look at what happened to him? You never know about that and the thing in your mind is like he is doing something. But he actually not. Thank God nothing bad happened to him.
14 Dec 11
Thank you tiina05. It really pays to be patient because if i am not...we could have parted ways a long time ago;))
@bb_gabs (205)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
I do always give my partner a "benefit of the doubt" because I trust him. And trust is a key to a long lasting relationship. Sometimes thinking negative thoughts will really break a good relationship. We should always have an ear to listen to our partner.
14 Dec 11
yes bb_gabs. That is another right word or ingredient when anyone is into a relationship.TRUST. No matter what comes around, if there is a mutual trust between partners, love will be sustained and it will always endure through a lot of trials that may come in the relationship.
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
We're kinda have the same feeling when my boyfriend didn't call on the day he was supposed to call. And sometimes it will took a week or more and I was thinking so much. I usually get angry, and I found out he was hospitalized or his parents was hospitalized. I think it's just normal that we feel this way as we don't know what's really happening until we were told what's really happening. Now if my boyfriend don't call I would just not think about it. I just wait til he calls. good thing he was calling me regularly now.
14 Dec 11
I think why women can't stand on failed given promises by their men, is because of insecurity.With the kind of society and environment that we have now, we always feel worried as what could be our partners have been doing or what is happening to him.It can't be avoided that we worry. I think, it is just normal for any woman who truly love her man.
@rencarl (620)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
hello there. being the gentleman, i usually give the benefit of the doubt to my girlfriend but in your case, your boyfriend's reasons on his whereabouts is doubtful. five days is too long and with the technology we have right now, communication is as easy as counting one, two and three. i think you need to uncover more the truth. by the way, my girlfriend is in London and it is funny to think that my girlfriend is going home soon, too.
@taura2p (349)
• Romania
14 Dec 11
I guess we all have all kind of doubts when my boyfriend does not answer the phone. However, most of times, it turns out it's just my imagination. I guess I have a trust issue I cannot solve. It's just so hard for me to trust someone so deeply, and sometimes I suspect people of lying to me.
@davaome (1828)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
My ex and I have a somewhat similar experience before, It was when I didn't send a text message for about a day to her, which is very unusual of me because we would exchange text messages almost everytime that I am available. I was working on domestic passengerships then, and we had an emergency, our galley(kitchen) was on fire and we had to extinguish the fire, it took us about 30 minutes to completely extinguish the fire, and after that we helped the galley department almost everyday while they other's would start repairing the damages, and by the end of the day i was so tired i was only able to text goodnight, and I immediately received a call from her demanding an explanation, and I told her what happen... It was really a rough day, and she even added to the troubles I have, but she then believed me the next day and said she was sorry.
@dodo19 (34007)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
14 Dec 11
I do give my husband the benefit of the doubt, as he does for me, because we trust each other. Trust is one important aspect of any relationship, in my opinion. I don't have any reason not to trust him.
14 Dec 11
I've had those moments where your biting your nails thinking, what is he doing? What could possibly be so important that he can't call? I honestly think five days gives you the right to question his whereabouts. I would of thought something went wrong. It wouldn't be nearly as bad as some that go all crazy on there boyfriends if they don't get a call or text every other hour. You were completely clueless for almost a week! But then again that's part of being in a relationship having trust. You kept your cool and waited patiently and that shows you truly do trust him to deliver on his word. Even though there were problems that held him back from doing so. I guess it comes down to how well you know the person. In my case I didnt and him not calling back for a five days should have been the red flag that he was cheating on me. Then again yours was just an unfortunate happening. I hope he's okay! :)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
It is always not a good thing to jump into conclusions. I also used to think a lot of not good reasons for my husband delay or neglect only to find out valid reasons after several hours or days. Nagging him outright will only result to quarrels on trust, which is never helpful in a relationship. It is good for the both of us to give each other the benefit of the doubt, unless given an in-your-face reason to be mad.
@cripfemme (7715)
• United States
14 Dec 11
I don't always give the benefit of the doubt to anyone. I will give them the benefit of the doubt once or twice, but not a third or fourth time. That just makes you sound stupid. And stupid this woman isn't!