How can she call herself Grandma?

@bnsp09 (258)
United States
December 26, 2011 8:30pm CST
Okay I have an ex husband & ex inlaws. My ex mother in law has not seen the kids since her son threw me out of the house in April of 2009. She calls on the holidays & sends gifts, saying she loves them & misses them and all this crap! She is constantly asking for current pictures of them. I don't think she needs them. She obviously doesn't want to be in their lives since she hasn't come to visit them in over 2 yrs. I also know that if she gets them she could use them to get someone watching my kids & help my ex to kidnap them. I'm not willing to take that chance so no I have not given her current pictures. So she does the lowest thing ever in my opinion! She decides it's a good idea to e-mail my parents and try to play them against me to get pictures of my kids. She told them they should understand because they are grandparents just like her & all this crap! How can you call yourself a grandma when you haven't seen them in over 2 yrs. They don't know you at all they haven't seen her since they were 18 months & 6 months old. and you make no effort to be a part of their life other then to call & send gifts on holidays? Also how do you call yourself a christian when you try to use my family behind my back?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@Trensue (3707)
• United States
30 Dec 11
Wow ~ This one is hard one for me. I don't know what would happen if there was a split in my family with the grandkids. I am their step grandma anyway. I see them all the time, but I don't know if I would be allowed to if they split. I know you are not impressed with her son, but is there some reason she should not have pictures of the kids? She is a grandmother, maybe not a good one, but still technically a grandma. I don't know if I would want to come visit with all the anger. I am not saying that you are wrong. I am just wondering why you wouldn't want to encourage a relationship. I think the more people who love the kids the better. It has me worried about what things would be like in my family if I didn't get to see the boys. I would send them presents at Christmas.
@bnsp09 (258)
• United States
31 Dec 11
The thing is I never said she could not come here to see the kids. The other thing is my mom had her ex's family do that & when she sent them the pictures he came kidnapped her kids & took them to Mexico! She had to wait 7 days for the police to get them back to her. I will never take that chance. Right now they could not spot them in a crowd if they wanted to! I don't have sole custody of them. He could come & take them from me at any time & there's nothing I can do b/c i don't have $3,000 laying around to give a lawyer to get sole custody. I'm worried about the well being of my kids you know?
@Trensue (3707)
• United States
31 Dec 11
It sounds very complicated and yes, your job as a Mom is to make the best decision for the kids. I hope if your ex mother in law turns out to be genuine some day she will get to know the kids. If she is not, then I pray you keep them safe. I am not sure who got kidnapped. Your mom had her kids kidnapped? That has got to be tough.
@bnsp09 (258)
• United States
3 Jan 12
Yes. My brother & sister were kidnapped when they were little. So I'm terrified that it could happen to mine as we are in pretty much the same situation as she was. Thanks me too!
@ShyBear88 (16740)
• United States
27 Dec 11
I haven't seen my grandparents I years we live states Away as I was growing up but that doesn't mean they were t my grandparents and that they didn't love me or want me in there life. My parents don't even see my own child that often but I know they love her. She is relate to your children then she is grandmother regardless of how you feel about her. It's really up to you if you want her to have contact with your kids or not.
@bnsp09 (258)
• United States
27 Dec 11
I understand what you are saying & in some cases I agree with you. They always had the money to come see us until we separated then all of a sudden they claim they can't afford it. No they don't want to be bothered with the confrontation of seeing me. That's not loving your grand kids. If you want to see them make it happen. I have never stopped her from calling or coming to see them. I don't think calling on holidays makes you a grandma & I never will. regardless of how I feel about her. My man's dad is the same way calls on holidays & that's not a dad! You can not convince me that it is! If money is an issue & they make an effort all year long to be in touch then I understand. If health is an issue I also understand but that's not what this is.
@ShyBear88 (16740)
• United States
27 Dec 11
A lot of people are on tight buffets these days money can change with in months to a year. I know my family can't afford a lot of visits through out the year. A 9 hour drive does get expensive. My nephew lives with my parents and he is a handful since hens autistic. So most of my parets time is spend on his since his parents don't know what they are doing as patents and don't even try. Sonc emu daugter was born almost a year ago they have seen her my little one the most. 4 times once we saw then for thanksgiving and they took my daughter with them to see my grandparents with my nephew. My husbands mom has 4 kids at home another grand baby on the way that she needs to help my husband sister raise since she is on her own. One of my husband grandparents house a house here and other grand kids in town so they come back ever few months and helps out. My husband other grandparents live in the same state as our parents. My husbands dad and step mo Hate kids and they both have there own. I dont think he is dad or grandpa because well he doesnt try like the others do he doesn't think my daughter is family when they ask us to try to come out for family things. That is his lose on knowing a very wonderful little kid.
@bnsp09 (258)
• United States
27 Dec 11
That's what I'm saying there are some reasons I can except & be okay with. All of those but the husbands dad & step mom hating kids & the grandpa that doesn't try are all understandable. But she is just like the one that doesn't try. She only thinks it's good to try on the holidays & to me that is not enough to call you grandma! She can call, e-mail & send stuff on other days then the holidays & she doesn't do that either. I wasn't saying that your family wasn't a grandma just that this woman isn't!
@cutepenguin (6460)
• Canada
28 Dec 11
This sounds like a very frustrating situation! I have relatives that I don't want to give my son's photo to. Maybe you can do what I do, which is just give them older pictures. That would at least stop the whining. I can't believe she only calls at the holidays. At least she sends gifts so the kids won't wonder why she doesn't send them anything, but they won't pay much attention to someone they never actually see.
@bnsp09 (258)
• United States
30 Dec 11
They honestly don't even know her or who she is. The last time they saw her they were 18 months old & six months old. They have no clue. They have not seen their biological father since they were 19 months & 7 months old, by their choice. It sucks, but they have two sets of grandparents & a daddy that loves them more then anything in the world! They also have tow great grandmothers still alive so they don't even realize she's not there. That's why I wish she'd either be there 100% or not at all because when I say gifts from gma Fran they are like who's that? and it starts a round of questions & just more confusion! They had enough tramua when he threw us out I don't want them to have to relive it when they decide to walk in & out. you know?
@Hatley (130153)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Dec 11
hi bnsp oh my if you feel she is going to try to help your ex take your children from you I would really keep her from their lives. Since she has not visited them it appears she is not all that caring. I take it your divorce was 'not amiable at all? Ithink you are right,its pretty underhanded to try to use your parents in order to get pictures of you children.Does she live close or far away? I think in view of things and your worries , I would relocate to a different place where she will not know about.I take you do have full custody of your children so there should be no problems unless the x or the mother in law causes them?
@bounce58 (17555)
• Canada
30 Dec 11
Some people would just like to be 'family' if it's convenient for them. I think she wants to be grandma during holidays, but never really want to be around when there is actual work involved in raising kids. Yes you can't deny that she is a biological grandma, but I hope that when your kids are grown up they would also realize how much (or how less) she was around.