Year END with Tears
By mmgonzales
@mmgonzales (882)
Philippines
December 31, 2011 11:15pm CST
As for 2011, i had my year end with tears on my eyes. Because of the pain of choosing between my child and my sibling which i think is not an option for this year. My younger sis and her 2 child(2 1/2 yr old son and newly born daughter) come home to me year 2010 with a hopeless scenario. My brother in law don't want to work and so my sis and her child suffer a lot. Which is result of coming and staying at my place which is my in-laws property(my husbands parents). My sis was totally depressed and don't know what to do, she also don't have work and trying to find one up to this point building her self esteem. On the other side my nephew is lacking attention in the house.Because he is not the star anymore, before he is the center of attention at their house when the daughter of sis is not there. When they came home to my place my nephew is looking for love and affection and attention since my child was also in the house. By that he does make him recognized by others, he is not ordinary because he pull some attention, whenever there are visitors he was the one trying to be in-front. He was asking too many questions to the visitors and trying himself to be center of everything again.
A news came to my hubby 3 or 4 days before new years eve and at the news was taken negatively by my partner. Thinking his son was taken advantage and had a fear that my own child become a person like my nephew. I keep on telling to my husband that my nephew is just a small child and still needs somebody who will teach him more. But despite of that his emotions eat him and telling many things to me and even asking to choose between my child over my sister family. All tears flow to my eyes. I don't know what to do. I love to help my sis but i love also my child. And don't want to have conflict with my husband. What to do? I am a mother and a wife and an eldest sister. Hard to choose.
3 people like this
11 responses
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
1 Jan 12
I can understand you dilemma. You want to help your sister. You think you may get bad name from your husband's family. You may be thinking that your sister will become a permanent problem for you and you may be pulled down in economy.
this sort of feeling does come in the mind of a person in your position. I have experienced them in 1990 when my nephews were dependent on me to some extent. I use to behave badly. Now both of them are well placed and are able to take care of their families and others also.
Life is a cycle of ups and downs. Those who are on top will come down and vice versa.
Have hopes problems will get sorted out soon and proceed ahead. Happy new year
1 person likes this
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
1 Jan 12
hi ravi, thanks you understand that. Im just starting family life that's why my attachment to my parents and siblings were so deep. Before i was the one help by my relatives and since i started to worked i returned favor. until now that i have cousin to whom i support for his education. Plus my sister and her 2 kids. In one way or another i know this is just a test for me to become stronger for better..
happy new year..
1 person likes this
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
1 Jan 12
yes. As I told earlier my nephews are well placed. One is in USA and another one in Bangalore -- doing well. Satisfaction we get in these people rising up in life is something that cannot be bought.
Help, Help, reduce your wants. I wish your sister's husband also gets a job and their problems sorted out nicely. 
1 person likes this
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
2 Jan 12
Im hoping for all the best ravi, things will work out in a great way. To help someone mostly of my dear ones was instill to my heart by my grandparents. Things will go well in due time. As for now i will just help them and not thinking of the things which will create me an angry feelings. Be the best that i could be for them and for my family... All my wants was already reduce. because i needed to support them and pay out for the things they made. Too many headache ravi and i know this will strengthen me...
1 person likes this
@jaihobalodiji1 (949)
• India
1 Jan 12
choosing between loved one is always difficult and when one side ih mother "the teacher " and other side husband "the life" them surely the decision cannnot be easy.
1 person likes this
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
2 Jan 12
i cannot understand the teacher and the life. actually my sis is a registered teacher and his husband is not a life for me. He don't actually make things right for the life of his child that's why he don't have any life to give. he is selfish that's all i know. i really see some vendors here in our place, they make things and even sacrifice their things for their family but my brother in law know nothing but to sleep and wait for the sunset. I am sad because of that. I wish i have the power over him to change and push him where he should go. but sadly i have nothing..
1 person likes this
@jaihobalodiji1 (949)
• India
3 Jan 12
we have always taught that mother we all are having is the best teacher in life and for a girl after marriage husband is her entire life. so i have gave that comment relating mother, teacher, husband, life.
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
1 Jan 12
All of you together are a family, and it sounds like you need to sit down and discuss the problem as a family. Families can change. Children can be corrected. For children, separation from a parent and a change for a child as young as your nephew is very difficult. Part of his problem is pretty typical for a child his age. He is still very young. This situation does happen when an older child has to compete with a younger child for attention. When you have more than one child in a household, your own, or some other child, they frequently are sibling rivals. It is life and something all families with children have to deal with.
What does your husband think your sister should do with her children? What does he think she should do in order to take care of the problem? Sounds like this is a decision that all of you need to make and talk about. He has been very good to your sister, and what do you think all of you would do if he wasn't? He is your husband and the primary provider for everything for all of you, he deserves consideration and a happy home life.
1 person likes this
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
2 Jan 12
You are right with that, we need a happy home life. All in all we are together and he is (my hubby) really understand the situation. Maybe he just burned out or something or maybe push by something which i do not know. I will still talk to him and working things out if that might not be possible to settle in a very nice way. Or else i dont have a choice but to voice it out to my sister. He still dont know what we are talking into. I am just letting her to compose herself and be the best on her current situation.
@whengcat (1457)
• Philippines
1 Jan 12
I know how you feel one way or the other because I also live with an in-law(mother) and in their house. So whenever my siblings and their family wants to go and spend some time with us, I'm a little bit hesitant. It's not that I don't want to be with them but it's the thought that the house is not mine. So as much as I love to accommodate them, I can't and I tried my best to let them understand and thank God they do. I would always tell them that when I acquired a house that I can really call my own, they will always be welcome to stay no matter what.
1 person likes this
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
2 Jan 12
For that i live with my in-laws house, but i stay there and my kids with my sister now. My father in law lives in their house in the province. I also want to have on my own and make things better as for me. I want also to have my own..
1 person likes this
@eunique317 (347)
• Philippines
2 Jan 12
You have to choose your own family, that's for sure. They are your priority now that you are married. Your sister has to understand that when it comes down to this you have no choice but to choose your family. You can still help her out though by talking to your sister and brother-in-law about the situation. Convincing your brother-in-law to take any form of job can be difficult but it is worth the try. They cannot depend on you all your life. There will come a time when they have to stand on their own as a family. Give them a time limit or deadline if you can. Talk to your husband as well that you will be helping out until that time period and he ask him to bear with that for a while.
1 person likes this
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
2 Jan 12
I already make point and let them know where i stand but sadly my brother in law don't have any idea in his mind of what to do. and he moved on with his mother in a far far island where he had milkfish beside him. As for my sister after gaving birth to her daughter that man really push her to work for them. please tell me what thing i will wait for such kind of man..i do feel angry with him.
but then i don't want to make him rule my day...time limit was already finish...as for my husband he extend his hand again and willing to help as long as i assure that i will be the one disciplined my nephew..
but then i don't want to make him rule my day...time limit was already finish...as for my husband he extend his hand again and willing to help as long as i assure that i will be the one disciplined my nephew..
@sabado_dc (1001)
• Philippines
1 Jan 12
You are in a tough situation but try this at least for the mean time.
Whenever you or any other member from your in-laws house, when accepting a visitor/s, ask your sister to please play her kids in their room or even outside the house, they could have a little walk or a little stroll at the nearby spot or any amusement near your place. In this way, your nephew who is a very hyperactive, will at least put or taken away from the presence of your visitors which we do not also know what the visitors may think for a mischievous kid like him who always want to be the center of everything. At least if your husband noticed that you are doing everything in order for him not to get upset, he may change his mind later on giving your sister enough time to booster her self-esteem. Subsequently, she will find a job that will suit her. You know I am also the eldest amongst 8 siblings and it is very hard to balance priorities. To be honest, I could not even swallow a single bite without letting my siblings taste or eat first before me.
1 person likes this
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
2 Jan 12
That's the thing sabado, i really don't want that my sister is suffering while i do have a lot of things. She is a kind of person that is very submissive even during our teenager life. What she really wants she doesn't fight to get it. While me and the youngest are fighter and do whatever it will take for us to accomplished things. i'll do that way also sending away my nephew but that was the case that happened already and without me knowing due to some news from my hubbies relative it was misinterpreted without further explanation from me. Now we already talk and make decisions already..
@bird123 (10632)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Talk with your husband. Explain that family is important. It would be the same if it's your sister or his sister. Stand firm on this issue. The economy is tight, however don't give up. If you ask enough people, somebody will hire you. It might not be exactly what one wants but sometimes the interaction will lead to more open doors.
1 person likes this
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
1 Jan 12
hi bird, to me it is very easy to have a job. I am experience in my profession and doing good to my specialization. But sis is different, i count my days of working while she has no experience at all. She is registered teacher and most of the time she applied for a position something happen to her that causes her heart to break. and make her feel not good.and depressed.
Thanks for your word. it adds up to things which makes me feel good and inspired.
@befrindwithme26 (5805)
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
Oh,,sorry,hows going now.?I think you have to work that well since you are mother.
i know sometimes there is family problems and misunderstanding.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
1 Jan 12
It's really tough to be in the middle of this issue. You are a very good sister to her welcoming her to the house where you're staying. Your sister's having a rough life at the present and she needs you so much. You've given her the help she needed. But I can also understand your husband. Well, you all are living in his parent's home. There might also be some conflict with your mom-in-law in the future if your sister will still be staying there with her son. Your hubby is just concern with your baby - 'though there is nothing wrong since they're cousins. The problem I am only seeing here is that it's hard to keep another family in the same house. I guess you can ask your sister to go to your parents house or if you have other siblings.
1 person likes this
@jaihobalodiji1 (949)
• India
1 Jan 12
choosing between the loved one is always a difficult task one is having. and when it comes to the choosing between siblings and own child, you are in disarray which side will be to choose. and hoping you will surely come up with the least loss methods, as loosing the lovedone gives lots of grief.
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