Which girl would you leave ?

@ronnyb (6125)
Jamaica
January 3, 2012 8:07am CST
Preface : All your life you have wanted a child you could see yourself being a father ,playing with your child ,tucking him in to bed ,sending him /her off to college and being a proud father on their wedding day.And as soon as you were concious you made a decision to be good father and NEVER be your dead beat dad who had children indiscriminately with many women. Now fast forward ten years and you impregnated a your ex -girlfriend and you werent aware of that until you started a new relationship .The ex girlfriend was so malicious that she didnt want to tell you about the child because she wants to keep you out of the child's life.The new girlfriend though is everything you would want in a woman but the relationship is in its early stages. What would you do ? Would you go back to the ex girlfriend in an effort to keep the long standing promise you made to yourself to keep the family under one roof OR would you stay with the new girl ?
2 people like this
12 responses
@saundyl (9698)
• Canada
3 Jan 12
I think that for the sake of the child the mothers feelings on this ahve to be considered too. If you guys broke up because you couldnt or didnt agree on things then getting back together might not provide a stable happy environment for the baby. I have to ask Why is it that she didnt want to tell you about the child and why she wanted to keep you out of the childs life? Are you sure the child is yours? Theres alot to consider....
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
Thank you so much for your response . I agree with you that if there is any means by which reconciliation is possible by putting aside personal feelings ,then that should be explored for the childs sake .In this case who knows what goes through a woman who would o such a thing but I have noticed women preferring to keep men at bay and instead stay alone with their child
1 person likes this
@saundyl (9698)
• Canada
3 Jan 12
Its something that probably would need to be discussed. (I'm very big on communication) I myself if i ended up in such a situation would be hoping the father would want to be involved in the child's life. I however would not force the father to marry me for the baby....too many people do that and everyone ends up very unhappy.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
Yes marriage for the sake of the child would proabably be unwise but some steps need to be taken to ensure that the child gets the participation of his /her father
1 person likes this
3 Jan 12
I think it's more painful for a child to grow up without a father than for a young girl to be without a lover.She can find another love while a child has only one father.What do you think?I think it's your chance to show you can be better than your daddy.Choose family.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
Sound reasons ...Thank you for your response
3 Jan 12
I believe you can be a good father.Your ex has no moral right to take that chance from you.
@00fear (3203)
• United States
3 Jan 12
In my point of view (especially since my parents were in this situation), I would try and work things out with the ex and try to make the relationship between us stay because of the kid. My grandma had a talk like this to my dad when he wanted to divorce my mom. She mentioned that what could happen to my brothers and me as we grow older and the consequences it may cause. Kids who grow up not knowing their dads, are chances to go into bad ways. My cousin had a dad who left him and his sisters and my cousin joined a gang, where they shot and killed him. My grandma explained this to my dad and look at where they are, they worked things out, they are doing well. I know it always happens but what are the chances....will it be good to risk it, especially if its the child who will be the one doing bad things?
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
Ok Thanks for your advice.I understand where you are coming from and how personal this issue is for you .I grew up like a child who was born to an ex because my father basically abondonned me,well he abondonned all of his kids .
• Philippines
4 Jan 12
Don't live a life under emotional blackmail. You'll be sharing that with your child in a dysfunctional house. File for visitation rights, as the father. The new girl seems nice and would make a good partner at home and a potential mother (if the relationship evolves to a deeper emotional level). Never play the role of the martyr.
@Renhard (3480)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
Well I have always said that I want a family under one roof as well but in this case it really depends. A new girl may be all now but by the next year she is one of the worst. Didn't you already said the ex was bad by the way? Is her ways something you can live with? Or is she only behaving that way after the break up. see it like this. If that ex can really get along with and it can work out and you can see the rest of your life with that person, sharing bills, cooking food, sending your child college, caring for your child in the perfect way. if you can see that kind of relationship between your ex girl and you, then why the heck. You should definitely go back to her. I know the new girl will be really disappointed though. If your ex made a mistake you cant live with or you just cant spend your entire life with her. Then stick with this new girl, who knows. This new girl may turn out to be the best relationship ever but then on the other hand the opposite is also possible. I guess I would really have to be in the situation personal to make the right choice. I would have to know the girls hands down. Every bit of them and the type of relationship you have with both of them. Is your pass experience with your ex girl when everything was going GOOD better than this new relationship? Is it the same? Or maybe is it even worst? Those are some things I really feel you need to look on to find the answer. It will be really difficult for someone else to answer that question. Somethings you need to answer on your own, but I hope you get the point of what I would do if I was in the situation. I would have to compare the relationship between both and see which one out weigh the other. it still doesn't make sense I am with a girl that is my baby's mother, and it is one of the worst relationship ever if you get what i mean. Some people stay in a relationship for fun. but when something serious comes along the partner cant work it out and stuff. I need a girl that really knows how to be in a serious relationship through think and thin. Sorry for the long response, I kinda got carried away. CHEERS
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
Good answer and very detailed analysis .I dont mind the length ,sometimes to answer the question accurately calls for a fleshingout of the details and that you have done .The relationship I am talking about a situation where the relationship with my ex was so bad it ended in break up however I would be considering a reunion based on the need to be around the child
@Renhard (3480)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
I think when a child reach in the equation it makes it more lean to the baby's mother side. But to give you an example. My father went through a similar situation, not all that similar but a bit. He live a bit under the average life, only have finance to life on but not really to enjoy life. He had the choice to pick between my mother (the new girl) or his ex. And he did choose my mother. This is not a must but when he was with that ex his life was restricted and i felt if he continued it would have remained that way. When he was with my mother, my mother was working a bit more than him when they just met. My mother lived the average life and my mother brought him into that average life. After he started to work harder and due to an advice and tips from my mother he reached into a better job but still was working less than my mom. He then in that same job got a raised and stuff and started working a bit more than my mother. My mother quit her job to take care of me, and as my father tried harder he reach over the average and was able to more than sustain our lives without my mother working. I feel the better choice then for my father was the choice he made. TO choose the new one. But don't let that encourage any of the choices at all.
@SIMPLYD (74777)
• Philippines
4 Jan 12
Try to reconnect with your ex-girlfriend about the child. You can gauge for yourself if she wants you back in her life or not, or if she still love you. Knowing that, you can make a decision, who to choose between the two girls. But it is important that your love for the girl is there.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
4 Jan 12
Yes it is important for me to be there for teh child but love for the ex is important for a life together.Thank you for your answer
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
3 Jan 12
Well, first of all the first thing that popped in my head is, are you sure that you are the father. Did you do a paternity test and all. If you are the father, I say no matter what, be with the one that you love and never be with someone who you don't love, even if they have your child. I say a red flag is especially when your ex didn't tell you that you were a father and why is she keeping it from you. Fight for your rights to be in the childs life, if the baby is yours. My next bit of advice is if you do not know that the child is yours then go through the steps in finding out whether or not the baby is yours. Because you just don't want to go based of what your ex is telling you. Because some girls can be malicious. Then once again if you are the father, then follow your heart be with the one you love and fight for your rights.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
Thanks for your response .Knowing the paternity should be the first step to follow .Thanks for your response and some women can be very malicious and that is a warning that she and relationship with her should set off warning bells because who knows what a woman like that should do
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
3 Jan 12
I sure would try to work things out w/her if possible. That baby will need both his parents if possible but if the girl doesn't want the relationship i would have it stipulated that i was the dad & would have full parental rights w/the baby.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
Yes for the child sake it would have been good to work things out but sometimes its so difficult with certain personalities .Thank you for your response Antique
@surfer222 (1715)
• Indonesia
3 Jan 12
For me, i would choose the current gf than an ex-gf. It need both side to agree if they want to become a family. the ex-gf clearly don't want you to be a part of her life/family so don't bother. You can get shot by your ex or their family if you try to be involved.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
I hope I dont get shot but thanks for your response
• Indonesia
3 Jan 12
It was difficult situation, never easy to make decision. But I think, keep promise are better and showing the responsibility to ex girlfriend. Of course it will hurt and can not acceptable for the new girlfriend
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
3 Jan 12
Good premise on which to make a decision on especially considering the circumstances
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
4 Jan 12
Hi Ronny, I'd vote for staying with the new girlfriend. As you said, the EX is malicious and most importantly, she is an EX. She clearly did not want the father in the child's life which tells me she has a complete different set of values than the father. If the father were to somehow convince her to take him back then I think it would be a miserable life. Sure the child would be raised in the same home as both parents if the relationship lasted but it would be a home without love. The father is better off, sticking with his new girlfriend and still being a big part of the child's life. He can still be a great dad and he'll be a much happier one too which is all for the best of the child.
@kingparker (9698)
• United States
4 Jan 12
That is a pretty tough decision to make. I would say why not do both. I mean not to keep the relationship with 2 girls. Keep your promises as a good father, and pay visit to your baby child every week, or take your responsibility. On the other hand, keep your current girlfriend informed that your past relationship, and about this child. Hopefully, she will understand this. Be honest about everything, and try not to pull any tricks to get lucky. That will be my suggestion and advice.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
3 Jan 12
Ideally it would be best to make certian the first child didnt get concieved. Anyway your story starts out with a ex and a child. So from there i would say get back with the ex. If your continue with the new gf it would be the next step to following in your absent fathers footsteps. Even if the new gf is very well liked you still do not know each other that well. Your ex has your child already. You already know each other and for better or worse the child is already there. Keeping your family under one roof would be best.