i think his mom wont like me

Philippines
January 6, 2012 12:04am CST
my bf said i should do this and do that for his mom wont like me if his mom would find out that i am not the type of girl she wanted for his son... what should i do... esp we have different religion... for me it really doesnt matter anyway but sometimes i am too tired and sad for i cannot let people see the real me... i am trying to pretend to be someone else... do u think its fair? we are already 28 years old and i know that parents do matter to us but we cannot teach someone whom to love... my parents are ok with my bf since my dad said im too old and i should know the right from wrong... and love is always like that we cant love a perfect person anyway for nobody is perfect... and we already reach our first anniversary i havent met his mom yet! what will i do.. will i change for him?? sometimes it hurts me..
2 people like this
8 responses
@vexxus (708)
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
You were already at the very right age, even if his mom won't like the way you are there's nothing she can do about it anymore, I do believe that once her mother saw you and will know who you are, she'll accept you no matter what, and since you really love your boyfriend his mother's heart will be touched and give her blessing to you.
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
i told my bf that no one can judge me because they dont know how ive gone through and all i know is that i love him and promised him not to hurt him... well i think you're right.. i dont have to be afraid of showing myself.. im not hurting anyone else... anyway thank u so much!
@vexxus (708)
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
That's good to know, no mother wants their children to be hurt (though he's not a kid anymore}. Just show how much you love him and your mother in law will accept you. Good Luck.
• Russian Federation
6 Jan 12
hello there. It's not fair. You should be who you really are. I think that if you love each other there won't be any problems with his mom. Nobody is perfect and she must try to get it. she must accept you the way you are. and people became more silly i think they only see the appearance. they don't see what it is inside. it hurts. i am sure that you are a very good peron so you shouldn't care about waht his mom will say. Be yourself and evrything will be ok. best wishes to you. :) have a nice day!!
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
thank u... it made me feel better now.. at least... hehehe nice advice..
• Russian Federation
6 Jan 12
you are welcome:) I am glad to help you.
@bonbon664 (3470)
• Canada
6 Jan 12
You and your boyfriend are grown adults, and as long as you're happy, that's all that matters. If his mother doesn't like you, that's her problem, not yours. Don't pretend to be anything other than what you are. You can't change his mother, so, don't try. Just be gracious, and civil, and in time she will see you're a good person.
• United States
11 May 12
I agree with you. It's important for them as a couple to be happy. And she needs to be herself. She can't change his mother and his mother shouldn't try to change her. Being civil is important as well. As they will both be apart of each other's lives since they have an important person that they share her boyfriend.
@tiina05 (2319)
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
Hello, You dont have to change who you are and you dont have to pretend it is either she accept it or not. Yeah, you should know whats right and wrong. Did you try to open it to him? And tell him that you are not actaully someone he is asking for and besides you felt hurt about it. So, you have to do something. Tell to himthatbyou are not perfect if his mom wont like you at all then you have nothing to do with it. His mom is not what you will marrieed at all. Right? It happened to me and my boyfriend but all i do is tO open to him. And now he realize that i am correct.
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
yah i did told him... and he never commented about it.. maybe he's thinking... i hope so... thank you for the advice... at least i feel better right now coz there still people who understand and not judgemental at all...
@jordq7 (576)
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
Hi there eylinn2002!! I think its very unfair when someone tells you what you should be and how you should act.Although I know that respect for parents should always be put into mind they should not dictate who their sons/daughters should love.If you pretend to be someone you are not don't you think your fooling yourself.You can't stay too long in this kind of situation.
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
yah i think it is... coz i was brought up by my parents that if u love its your own choice cause no one can teach u whom to love as long as it is not hurting you... thats y i really want to clear this thing with my bf... thank u for the advice...
@dilrajj57 (1759)
• Pakistan
22 Feb 12
Hi eylinn2002, You look one of the best to me as you giving to other good and one took suggestion for their like. Now you have post your discussion for yourself for achievement comments from others my lot, pray that you self faced with good for the matter as you that right for you. I know you have a good happy family and some others wants only that happiness. Now i dont know that what the age of your boyfriend as your age mentioned in profile is 28. that not to more and good age for relation. Now i self like 2nd merry marriage for self due to some some wife reason that she is sick and heart patient many time she faced to heart attack and unable to home work and any other. Now i am about 42 age, but i want someone for relation for me upto 55. But still i have could not got any one. For your if you want that your boyfriend and that is good then you make relation with him. you said that there are different religions among you. I he possible and dosnt matter for religion then you can decide with him for relation. But you should also careful for your life.
@squallming (1776)
• Malaysia
10 Jan 12
I believe that couples in a relationship should have been the one to have full authority on the relationship/ However, parents generally become some kind of gatekeeper which we have to pass their expectation in order to proceed with the relationship. This is really troublesome indeed but there is no other way to go around it. What I can say is that most of us would have to pretend or package ourselves so that the parents of our partner will like us. This is very common and we have to accept it. For instance, you can't expect yourself to be drunk in front of your future parents in law even though you like to be drunk. I myself felt awkward all the time when I'm with my girlfriend's parents and I try hard not to make mistake which can affect their perception towards me. I don't like it but that's what I have to do.
@Dominique25 (9475)
• United States
6 Jan 12
I think it is important for you to be who you are. She needs to see the real you now anyway. You will only end up being yourself in the long run and then her feelings toward you might be really bad. But if you are honest and straight forward from the start then there shouldn't be any hard or wrong feelings. We each have to learn to respect one another. And you both are adults.