I don't think Adrain sees what he is doing to me.

United States
January 7, 2012 5:31pm CST
I don't know if this will become a problem or not. I am tired and will speak to him as soon as he gets in the house. He has my car keys and I have the spare to his. I drive his car and he drives mine. Last night he left in his car taking my car key with him. He went home and slept all day. I said,to him at 1pm that I needed the key so I could go out side. he got her at 5:30pm When he came he was here for about 20 minutes and then he said,I will be back. I said which car am I driving he said anyone you want. Then he turned around and said,where are you going. I said to my friends house. he said for what and looked at the clock. It was now 6pm. He talked for a few more minutes and left with both keys. Now,that is why I am pissed. He does not realize how he gets when I want to go out. If It is anywhere taking care of business he is like go ahead. But,let it be a friend he has a problem. Now,I know it is partly m fault because I just stay inside to keep from arguing. But,I am tired of it and would like something to happen so he knows what I am feeling. He left here and went with his friends and has no problem with me sitting here all alone. Kay is gone,he is gone,and he does not see what I be saying to him. I am going to let him read this and hope he see what pain i am in. I love the man to pieces but,I need a freaking life.
4 people like this
12 responses
• United States
7 Jan 12
You need to nip this in the bud. He goes off with his friends and does whatever he wants but you don’t get to go out with your friends? Why? I’ll tell you why! He is afraid you will cheat on him… who knows what he is doing when he is out with his friends. You are NOT married to him, and you STILL have your rights to do what you want to. He knows what he is doing. If he took both keys, he was making sure you can’t go out. Only you can stop this. There is no sense in having a car if you never get to go anywhere with it. Him buying you that car should not have strings to it that he can tell you when and where you can drive it.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
I don't want to fight or argue with him and I would really not want us to break up. But,this is going to cause something to happen because it is not right that he is alwas out all the time with his friends while I am home cooking and cleaning. LIke now he said he will be right back it is after 7 and trust me he will not be right back. I am going to say something when he comes in for sure.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
I hope you don't put up with it. This sounds so much like a control issue to me. I know he has done stuff before and you will overlook it... I know he does a lot for you... but he is really not treating you right if he is controlling you this way.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
I will have a talk with him once more about this. I left him in the past over this and he changed. I know I like to stay in the house but when I want to go out I feel it should be ok. I am home all month long. The girlfriend I wanted to go see I have not seen in over 4 months. to be honest I have not seen any of my friends in months. I go with him everywhere. I will talk to him later when he gets in. The neigborhood is dangerous and I can't take the train and walk across town..
2 people like this
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
8 Jan 12
That sounds like a control freak....someone who likes to call the shots...make sure you are safe and sound so he is comfortable....but he is allowed to go with his friends? I don't think so!
3 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
I always make sure he is just fine. fed and clothes clean and everything and stay right in the house....
2 people like this
@Hatley (164465)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 12
gifts you already sound like someone whose been controlled listen to y ourself fine fed clothes clean stay right in the house? why' are you now not ever going out,because he had pro blems with his ex? this does not make sense, you do not have to be a prisoner in your own house, you have a right to go out like anyone else, he goes out, but you have to stay in prison to satisfy him, no no no real love does not make prisoners of each other this is all wrong. you are an adult , you are free, he cannot control youo unless you do like you just said stay in the house, this is wrong, he is wrong You are not his x ,he has to get over this, you cannot do it for him. he has to see you are not his ex if he does not your relationship is doomed as you are going to hate him and eventually explode. stop this now. sit him down , make him see what he is doing to you. his former life is no excuse to make you a prisoner im your own home. If he loves you really loves you he will want you to be happy, and you just told us you are in tears.he cannot do tghis to you umless you let him,
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
8 Jan 12
I totally agree....anyone who tries to control you like this will make your life a living h*ll!
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
7 Jan 12
I'm sort of confused here. If he left in his car and had the spare to your keys, why did you just not take your own car using your keys? I know you aren't comfortable with driving your car, but he is not making you stay at home. You had transportation to go see your friends.
3 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
He has my car key and I have his spare key and he took his car. I never had my car key..
2 people like this
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
8 Jan 12
That makes zero sense. If it it your car, you should have a key. You should each have a key to each others cars. I can barely drive my husbands car (its a standard), but I still have a key
3 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
He was driving mine and I was driving his. Because I am use to his and not mine. But,after all this I am going to drive my own car and he can drive his. he did say just last night I believe that he had to make a key for himself. I am staying in tonight but I want my key.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
8 Jan 12
O agree with Pointless, you need to "nip this" now...You have been in relationships before to know that something like this is a precursor to something worse, as in "Control Freak" It sounds like he doesn't want you to have any freedom outside the home and that isn't right..
• United States
8 Jan 12
I know without a shadow of a doubt he is much happier with me inside and he even said he would like me to go out. But,when ever I try to go out there is always something said. Like it is too late,dangerous or what is out there where you need to be out at night. if he had his way I would never go anywhere without him.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
Oh gifts, it is one thing to be cautious, but another to be paranoid..I am sure you know the area enough to not stop and hang out in the bad part of town...
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
I have to walk thrugh it to get to m friend. But,never would I stand and hang out there. To be honest I only want to go in the day light. When I lived there I was terrified to go anywhere. I go see my mother,sister and sister in law in the day time. But,adrian lives on my mothers block and that is the main bad spot. I don't even want to stay there because of it.
2 people like this
• Ireland
8 Jan 12
Hi giftsandbagscom, Sorry if I come across as blunt or harsh (I really don't mean to) but you say you're afraid that you and Adrian will break up if you bring this up with him......but this is what will happen somewhere down the line if you keep putting your needs, and more importantly your rights, secondary to his. You are an individual, you're not joined at the hip (even if you were married) and therefore he has no right to basically keep you prisoner in your own home. How dare he! I speak from personal experience, putting your own needs (which are humane and reasonable, I might add) behind any man spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R......anyone can only take that sort of crap for whatever length of time they're prepared to until they explode and have had enough. I've been there, stuck it out for 12 years and wasn't thought any the better for it. Seriously, you count too. If he can't or refuses to see that then maybe you would be better off without him. IrishGal77 :)
• United States
8 Jan 12
He has real reasons for being sort bad when it comes to trusting if that is th way to say it. His ex left all the time and cheated on him and e never got over it.. With me he should know better because he should see I love him too much to do anything like that too him. Now he bought me a car for Christmas and his friends are telling him e was wrong and that I may go out and cheat on him. He said,I will go out to a party and meet a guy. I told him I could meet someone in the supermarket. I am already about to explode I have to fight these darn tears and it is hard. I can't tell you how much this man means to me. I would rather stay in the house than to lose him. But,what will that solve if it just makes me hate him.
2 people like this
• Ireland
8 Jan 12
I empathize that he has trusting issues or lack thereof but those are his issues.....you can be as understanding as you like till the cows come home but that does not mean you have to sacrifice the smallest of things like being able to go out in your car and see your friend. Yes you love Adrian and going to see your friend is not a measurement or a lack of it for that matter of your love for him. What he is doing will only lead to you resenting him which won't be fair on either of you. Seriously, if you accept this who knows where it will lead. Perhaps next you won't be able to go to the shop because he fears you'll cheat on him. He can't be with you 24/7 (but doesn't need to be either) to ensure that you don't cheat on him but please, FOR YOU, don't let him do this to you. He has to deal with his insecurities but not by punishing you because from what I can see that is what he is doing. Look after yourself. IrishGal77 :)
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
I told him already that there is not a chance that another man could have me. He knows in his heart that i won't cheat on him. I think he just needs something else to know it for sure. I can't say it like I mean it. I just know right now I am hurt and I feel like it would be best to be alone. I don't want that b any means and would just abut die if he tried to leave. But,I am not doing good right now. I want to get on the train and go. Tat would boil his skin because they are always shooting ut where I have to walk to get to my friend. So,I am going to just stay here and chill. Thanks guys..
2 people like this
@Nadinest1 (2040)
• Canada
8 Jan 12
...and to add to your post....you need girlfriends...friends who are girls. I mean really, what do we talk about with our girlfriends....kids, makeup, tv shows, clothing, makeup etc and etc....all of these things are boring to men. Adrian must realize and not be jealous of the time you want to spend with your friends. You seem to be 'home-body' anyway....I am sure you will not spend all of your time out of the house. I hope he reads this and it helps your situation.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
I am a homebody and he knows this. That is why when I want to go out i feel i should. I am going to m friends today and just hope she is at home. I am addicted to mylotting and to take me away from the computer you know It is something i really want.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
8 Jan 12
I know what you mean. I need a life too. My husband and I do everything together but something always takes time up when it comes to me actually living and loving life.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
That is the same with me I am doing all the house work,,cooking and just being here for all his needs. I want out sometimes too.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
8 Jan 12
I don't want to cause any problems between you and him because you say you love him and you might. The fact that he gets to go out and you don't because of a past failed relationship that has him scared is a little off-setting for me. In my experience and of course I am not saying this is like my experience, but every time I wanted to go out if my partner got like that then i was most likely not going to be going out. I would always wonder why because it wasn't fair and they said they were just worried about me. So I believed it. I mean why not believe it. Of course they said they were just insecure and worried I might stray, only for me to find out when they went out they strayed. Then it was basically they didn't want us to accidentally cross paths while they were out. I would say just to make sure it gets done when his car is fixed and all. Go with him to get the key for your car. That way he can't say 'oh I forgot' or anything like that.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 12
bI have been through this before myself. I also know there were signs he was cheating that i just ignore. I am not thinking this way at all. This man is always bringing me where he be at and I always ask to go home. I will be getting the key and driving my own car soon. It is so big and I feel like I will not manage it.
@Hatley (164465)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 12
hi gifts This sounds odd from a man that I felt really l,oved you yet he does not want you to see friends? look this not just something to gloss over. Has he ever pushed you, shoved you or lost his temper and shook you? I cannot believe I am even asking these questions but this is t he action of a controlling man. You are not even yet married t o him. He has no rights at all to prevent you from going any where you wish. You are not his slave. this is wrong/ do have a talk with him as this is how battering men start out with being jealous, keeping their girlfriend or wife from going out. Maybe he does not even realize he is doing this but you cannot let him kept you from having friends and going out whenever you wish. He might love you but he does not own you like a possession. you need to get this worked out. Ddont marry him until you have an understanding you h ave a life too and are not his possession or trophy. Tell us what happened as I for one a m worried for you. hugs hatley.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 12
We talked shortly after I posted this. He forgot he left with the key and he called to see what time i was leaving..I had then asked his how was I to get there and then he realized he took both keys so he said,he would be right here. My friend goes to be early so I was not going that time of night. I am going today to her house and spend a few hours with her.
@Hatley (164465)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 12
hi gifts that sounds better, take care, big cities mean big problems in some areas here we have a neqrby town called Santa Ana that is taken over by young Mexican gangs and anywhere at night is really dangerous as these guys do drive by shootings of other gang members and if you happen to be walking along after dark you chance being hit by bullets meant for another gang member. so I just stay the heck away from the town anyway.so go see your friend and hopefully 'Adrian will relax and not worry that you will do like his ex. hugs from hatley.take care we all worry a bout you.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
12 Jan 12
Well, it is my belief that when you are in a relationship and when you both have cars, you should have a key to his car and he should have have a key to your car. This helps if he accidentally takes the wrong car because it ensures that you are not stranded. However, even more important than that, it ensures that there is someone else that has a key to your car if you should happen to do something stupid like I would do and lock your keys in the car.
@celticeagle (120600)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Jan 12
Good idea to have him read this. I would make sure that you have a spare key to both of the cars and don't loan either out. I would put them somewhere that you will always have them with you- like in your purse or something.( Not with your normal keys) It sounds like he is being alittle controlling and I would nip that in the bud. You have ALL the same rights as he does.
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
8 Jan 12
Well, since I have already read the answer to this that you talked with him, I will say that I am really glad that you spoke to him and that he didn't get mad. He should not be mad if and when you go out and he has no right to take your keys and not let you drive your car. I do not like men who try to control their girlfriends or wives and I would not let someone do that to me. I know that I have let my husband stop me from doing something in the past, but I would not do that now.