Learning to stand up for myself
January 9, 2012 9:21pm CST
I wish I've learned this years ago, I would've saved myself a lot of crap - or perhaps I would've gotten over the hassles much earlier in life. I really truly want to learn to like myself, and to stand up for myself and not let people walk all over me. But there's a catch - I have to let go of certain people in my life because if I don't I'll be always walking on egg shells around them and quite frankly that's not the kind of relationships I want or even more importantly, not the kind of relationships that I can handle in my fragile emotional state. Now, I can just leave them alone, but keep the door open for them to come to reconcile as long as they can respect me, or close the door altogether. Stuff like this is so hard, and I've shut people out of my life who were just friends, but turned around and really mistreated me, but foster family members are different to a certain degree, but for my own sanity, I can't be witnessing all this foolishness on facebook and these silent treatments and not have it negatively reflect on my own family - hubby and 2 kids. I know I mentioned this a few times before, but the question I really need to ask you guys is this - how did you start to learn to stand up for your own self? Was it easy or really hard to do? Did it take a lot of courage even though it meant losing people that were close to you at an earlier point in life? How did you deal with this afterwards? Like a relief? Anyway, just hoping for answers, trying to sort out my mind.
10 Jan 12
Dear friend, You have to move on and stop specting things you won´t get from any person, be them friends, family, anyone. A friend once told me that if someone hurt me, I´d have to kill him/her. He did not mean it in real, but as a figure of speech. I would have to learn not to care, not to expect a love and caring I would never get. I have learned that up to a certain degree and funny enough, when you stop begging, they worry and get nearer. Then you can be nice and polite, but don´t fall again on the same pattern. There are always people that care for you.
10 Jan 12
Letting go has always been hard for me but this time I'm ready to do it. But there's certain people that I won't let back into my life but that's only because I need to protect myself, and i think I have a right to protect myself, right? Learning not to care, that's a hard one there, but a good point.
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
10 Jan 12
You really should be developing tactics problems all by yourself, because in everyday life one cannot but encounter different kinds of situations. It is your reaction to these sudden impulses that matters much.Handle things wisely and prudently. You would not then feel the gravity of problems that come your side.
14 Jan 12
This is never easy. I’m not sure I have all the skills it takes to interact with some people. Some get the upper hand on me and I am at their mercy. The ones that are close or know us the best know how to push all the right buttons and get their way. I’ve tried everything even to the point of thinking what ever they want within reason of course I will give to them. Still it is not enough. It is like they are not satisfied until they see some kind of reaction from us that makes them say, “see, something is wrong with this person, it is not me.” That is where I thought I need to draw the line. So I came up with this basic rule for myself. I’ll share it. I think you already know it but here goes anyway. We can not change people. Accept people as they are. We have to understand people but we don’t have to accept their bad behavior if it is unacceptable. We need to react. That is where what we do counts. We need not be perfect but do the you need to be you and the best you can be. Anger never works very well so now we learn to look for reactions like ignorance, making a simple suggestion or voicing a concern and finally going down the road in our own way. Hope it helps.
10 Jan 12
to stand on our own starts on learning to love yourself, learning to respect yourself and assessing your strength and weakness. it takes a lot of painstaking events in one's life or even others lives to make us a realize who we are and defining what we really want, and by always remembering that God is always with our side, then there is nothing that we cannot accomplish. Be good and feel good, think good and do good, and well enough you can more than stand on your own..
10 Jan 12
At 27 nearing 28 and still my father meddles with my lovelife until such time that I am at a point when I cannot decide on anything without having to consider what he thinks. I know I should have detached myself a bit from family for them to feel that I can handle my own affairs but some circumstances just forbid me. I'm on the process of weaning out from that and trying to be more independent. It takes a lot of time, trial and error, my friend. Don't lose faith.
10 Jan 12
I still have problems to stand up for myself but I've made some progress compared to what it was. It all started when a social worker told me I am a guy with a lot of potential with one big problem: I accepted to be used as a doormat and the only thing I would do is either get very mad, which I got out off pretty soon because people would regard me as dangerous or would tell me it was my own fault I got 'run over' or I accepted it and let the bad feelings almost suffocate me to the point I thought of ways to end my life. So then professionals started talking with me about this and they did some role playing with me and explained a lot so that I'd know how to deal with such situations in a manner that would actually work. To improve my self esteem and self confidence I bought the book Instant Confidence by English hypnotist and NLP practician Paul McKenna like two weeks ago. I do the exercises pretty ireggularly but in combination with the 'mind programming CD' that comes with it already seems to help a little bit. Now I also have a 'mentor' who helps me with all things in life. So when I skip school she asks me about the reason and then we talk about it. Or when I feel down she tries to have me talk about it. Heh me and talking about my feelings is not a good combination I tell you. :) If there's any financial trouble she tries fixing things for me. She also made very lenient arrangements with my creditors so I need not to worry about my expenses too much. :) I don't know if there are any facilities in your area that can help you regarding this problem but if there is make use of it. A professional might be able to tell you what can be done about it for your situation. I wish you all the best Masihi. I believe it's amazing you're so open about your problems!